


In Ten Day's Time

by MoukaYuki



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: A little bit of fluff, Attempt at Humor, Camp Nanowrimo, Canon-Typical Violence, Cell being a sarcastic dick, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Goku being confused as hell, Interspecies Relationship(s), POV Alternating, Romance, canon scenes from different POVs, good intentions gone awry, hilarious/horrible misunderstandings, lots of swearing, or as my husband calls it 'insectoid fetish porn', retelling of season 6, some drama, threats of suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2015-10-30
Packaged: 2018-03-22 07:51:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 128,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3721036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoukaYuki/pseuds/MoukaYuki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three years ago, Yuki stumbled upon a strange insectoid creature with humanlike intelligence - a creature she quickly befriended. Now he's returned, and has evolved into something much more sinister.</p><p>He's a murderous monster! Kind of hot, Yuki admits... but still murderous!</p><p>With a kill count in the thousands! ...millions, maybe? Yuki wasn't quite sure.</p><p>Oh, and he also wants to exterminate the human race and destroy the universe. ...Yuki is still trying to figure out the reasoning behind this one.</p><p>And that's not even mentioning the fact that he's holding some tournament in ten days to decide the fate of the world! Yuki can't help but roll her eyes at this. I mean, if you're going to kill us all, just DO IT. Don't dick around about it and drag it out. Geez...</p><p>Will she attempt to contact him? Will he be able to stand her for more than five minutes without vaporizing her?! OH GOD WHAT IF THEY KISS AND THIS BECOMES A ROMANCE FIC?! (Fun fact: They will.) FIND OUT NEXT TIME, ON DRAGON BALL Z!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cell and the Bad Kitty

From his hiding place within the small cave, he glanced around at his outside surroundings nervously. Nothing but tall pine trees and underbrush, lit only by the stars. No sign of the big cat that had chased him across the forest. Granted, it could be laying in wait behind a log somewhere, as big cats are apt to do… No sounds but the slight breeze and the crickets chirruping, and no movement. You would assume it was safe to come back out, but Cell wasn’t stupid. He knew damn well that cat was prowling around out there somewhere, just waiting to have him for dinner. And just what the hell was he supposed to do? He _just_ came out of the egg he’d cocooned himself in when he entered the time machine, and he had not yet grown enough to even bury himself in the ground, much less defend himself from a forest predator.

Wouldn’t that just be _wonderful_? In his own timeline, he’d killed a few thousand people, as well as a Super Saiyan by the name of Trunks, whose time machine he’d pilfered. And now he’d spent all that energy traveling to this past timeline in pursuit of the androids he would need to reach his perfect form… DEVOLVING himself just to fit into the machine for the trip here, and now it would take him three years to reach the level he’d been at only hours earlier! All of this… ALL OF IT… only to be eaten by a cat before he could even set his plan into motion.

This was all just going _swimmingly_. He rolled his eyes and sighed, backing further into the cave. There was nothing he could do at the moment but wait until the dawn, when hopefully the cat would have given up on his hunt and gone to bed. He curled up in the back of the cave and closed his eyes. When he achieved his perfect form, this godforsaken forest would be the first thing he’d destroy.

A few hours after Cell had gone to sleep, on the outer edge of the forest, a young woman stepped out of her home with a basket in hand. She gazed up at the sky and smiled. The light of dawn was just bright enough to see clearly, and the current lack of sun made the air and ground around her feel nice and cool. A perfect spring morning. Now all she needed were some chives and she’d have the perfect breakfast to go along with it. Fortunately, these woods flanking her house were filled to the brim with them. Unfortunately… they were much further in. But she’d gotten used to this area over the last few months, and had a good knowledge of its danger. This was definitely the most optimal time of day to venture out there. So that was that then! Armed with a basket, a few knives, and the determination to properly season her breakfast, she set out into the trees to go foraging.

As the light grew brighter, Cell also began to venture out into the forest from the cave he’d been shielding himself in. It had been hours! There was no way that cat would still be out here wandering around. He was rather certain of it, but proceeded with caution anyway. Slowly he poked his head out of the entrance and looked around. The only movement around him came from squirrels and other little critters. Good. He took a few more steps out, testing the waters. Still nothing. That was all the assurance he needed to continue on with his plan. Scurrying through the underbrush, he headed toward what he assumed would be the edge of the forest. There were probably farmlands surrounding this place, and he needed a safe spot to hole up in until his strength grew enough to dig underground. An old abandoned barn would be perfect. A cave being stalked by a cat was not.

He froze as he heard a rustling right behind him, a sound that was quickly replaced by a low growl. The cat jumped in front of him so fast he didn’t have time to react before it pinned him in place.

“Are… are you kidding me?! Did you really have nothing better to do than sit out here all night?!” He shot the creature an outraged look and growled right back. “If you knew who I was, you wouldn’t dare have the courage to so much as _touch_ me!”

Not that his angry protests even mattered to the cat, who just wanted a free meal. It opened its mouth, revealing long, sharp teeth, and moved in closer. Cell closed his eyes and braced himself, incredibly annoyed that this would be his sad, unsatisfying end.

“ _BAD KITTY!_ Get away from that!”

His eyes shot open as he heard the sudden voice shouting from behind him, just in time to a see a knife come flying over his head and bury itself into the right eye of the beast. Yowling in pain, it released Cell from its grip and backed away.

“I’ve got more where that came from!”

The cat gave up on Cell and stumbled off, leaving a bloody trail in its wake. Well, that was a relief. But now he’d have to deal with whoever this human was behind him, and humans were much more unpredictable than any cat. He originally wanted to avoid them at all costs, and now he owed his life to one. _Pathetic._

The leaves rustled as the human walked closer to him. “Well… you’re interesting! I wonder what you are?”

He turned around to face his new threat. Standing before him was a pale-skinned woman, probably in her early 20s, who didn’t really seem like much of a threat at all. She was quite average in stature, with long bluish-white hair that flowed down to just above her knees. A delighted smile spread across her lightly freckled face and her dark blue eyes sparkled with curiosity. Nothing that indicated any sort of danger. Though it would be nice if she’d just _leave_. He frowned and continued staring at her.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were frowning at me.” She grinned and moved in closer, only about two feet away from him now, and crouched down to get a better look. “Let’s see… not an insect. You’ve only got four legs. I mean, you’re segmented, and that is most definitely an exoskeleton! Some kind of strange arthropod…”

She honestly had no idea what she was looking at here. This creature seemed to be some insect-reptile hybrid. It was pretty big, with the top of the creature at knee-height, and its length was four feet easy. It was covered with a greenish brown exoskeleton and had two small wings on either side of its body. Not old enough to be flying age yet, apparently. The four legs were strange, in that they didn’t quite match up with the insectoid theme that the rest of its body had going on. Instead, they looked much more reptilian - they had outer joints, but the feet reminded her of a lizard’s, and they had the beginnings of claws starting to form. But what really caught her interest were the eyes. Its head was triangular shaped, like a praying mantis, but its eyes were lower and on the front of its face. They were light red with cat-like pupils, and it was so strange… she _swore_ she could see some kind of intelligence and emotion radiating from them.

“Man, I could easily write my final thesis on you someday and get it published in academic journals!”

Cell inwardly sighed. This woman was not going away and now she intended to _study him._ He’d assumed she would get bored and leave if he just stood still and didn’t say anything, but now a change of strategy was in order.

He put on the most menacing face he could muster… as menacing as he could look in this small form anyway, and began to speak. “Do you wish to die, human? If you value your life, I would recommend getting as far away from me as possible, as fast as possible.”

“…OH MY GOD!” She jumped up in surprise and staggered backwards. “Did… did you just TALK?!”

“Are you deaf, girl?”

“N-no…” She stuttered. Was this a dream? A really weird dream? Here she was, talking to a _bug_. Well, scientifically speaking, not a bug. But yes, she was talking to a friggin BUG.

“Ah, now you look afraid.” Cell smiled maliciously. “So you realize it would be in your best interest to leave.”

“Not really?” This was only speculation, and she hoped her instincts were right, but Mr. Talking Bug looked about as dangerous as an infant in this current form. “You don’t really have any way of attacking me, I mean, your claws aren’t really grown in yet and your exoskeleton looks very soft. Plus your wings are underdeveloped. I bet you’re a newborn, huh? I wonder what your parents look like…”

“I am NOT a ‘newborn’, I am merely devolved. And I am also quite busy, so go back to whatever you were doing and I will continue on my way.” He continued his trek towards the edge of the forest and hoped she would get the hint. Unfortunately, _she didn’t_ , and instead she ran up to walk alongside him.

“Hey, come ooooon. Let me walk with you for a while! Tell me about yourself, where are you from? What are you? Do you have a name? A family? Where are you headed in such a hurry? What did you mean by devol-“

“ENOUGH!” Cell stopped in his tracks and glared at her. “I do not have the time nor energy to sit here and play twenty questions with you!”

She frowned and crossed her arms. “Hey, I saved your life. You would’ve been eaten by that forest cat! You could at least satisfy my curiosity, you know. You owe me that, at least.”

He considered this for a moment. After all, she _was_ right. As much as he hated to admit it, he’d be dead right now if not for this human. Too bad for her that she didn’t realize just WHO it was she had saved, and what that would mean for her species. Heh. “…I am Cell.”

“What?”

“You asked my name. I am called Cell.”

“Oh…” She pondered asking him how he was given such an odd name, but thought better of it. He seemed to be losing what little patience he originally had for her. “My name is Yuki. Yuki Mouka Miyamoto.”

“Well, Yuki Mouka Miyamoto… because you did save my life, I’ll let you ask me a question then. ONE question. Then I will continue my way, and you will turn around and go back your way. Is that acceptable to you?”

“Yeah, I guess…” What could she possibly ask him that would give her the most information about him? Probably asking him what he was would be the best way to go, but if she asked him where he was heading, she might be able to find him again later. Decisions, decisions…

Yuki sighed and looked up at the sky. The sun was much higher now, and the ground was starting to heat up. Soon the bigger predators, the dinosaurs, would be out and about, and they were much more fearsome than any cat or wolf. And yet, here was Cell, completely defenseless against them but willing to trek through these woods to get to some important place…

Her mind was made up! That would be her question. “Okay Cell. You’re out here in this forest, filled with all kinds of things that could easily eat you. You are obviously not stupid, so you must _know_ that. And in that case, you’d need to have a damn good reason for putting yourself in danger like this. So what is it? What is so important that you would be out here in the woods where you clearly don’t belong? You seem to be in a really big hurry to get somewhere important.”

Cell smiled. “A good question.”

“So you’ll answer me then?”

“I am out here because this is where the time machine I stole happened to land. That’s a long story, I’m sure you realize, but I don’t have the time to delve into that. I emerged from an egg in said machine, having had to devolve myself to this form to fit inside. You see, the machine was too small to accommodate my larger, more evolved form.”

Instead of being satisfied, Yuki’s curiosity piqued even further. _A time machine?!_ Was this guy some kind of evolved bug from the future? Did the cockroaches really inherit the earth after some nuclear attack? Cell was a futuristic evolved cockroach! Maybe… but she only got one question. Ugh…

“Well, Miss Miyamoto, are you satisfied with my answer then?”

No way, there was more and she had to get it out of him somehow. “Well… no, you didn’t answer my whole question.”

“Oh?”

“You could be hiding somewhere, but you’re wandering around out here. I said you looked like you were in a hurry get somewhere important and you didn’t tell me anything about that.”

He sighed. “That’s because you answered your own question. I am looking for a safe place to hide. To reach my previous form, I must hibernate underground for three years. As you can see, I’m currently not grown enough nor strong enough to bury myself yet. I still require another week, perhaps two. As to where I am headed in such a hurry, that would be the edge of the forest. I’m assuming this forest empties out into farmlands, correct? All I need to do is seek refuge in an abandoned barn until I grow. I’m sure you understand that these caves dotting the landscape hardly provide safe refuge.”

That was it! That was her opportunity! Yuki stifled a giggle. She definitely had something he wanted now.

“And just what, pray tell, is so funny?”

“Why didn’t you just ask me?”

“Ask you what?”

Yuki rolled her eyes. “How to get out of the forest… you’re right about the farmlands, by the way. There’s also an old barn near here that probably hasn’t been used in decades. I can take you there if you want.”

“How about you just point me in the proper direction, then?”

“Nope, I get to come along with you.”

Cell was miffed. So much so, that even Yuki could see it on his face. “That was _not_ the deal. You ask one question and then you go on your way, THAT was the deal.”

“Yeah, that was the deal to make me leave. That had nothing to do with helping you get out of the woods and find a shelter. You gave me an offer to leave, now I’m giving you a counteroffer.”

She certainly had Cell backed into a corner, and he didn’t like it one bit. As he weighed his options, the distant roar of a dinosaur out on the hunt told him his final decision. “Fine, I’ll go with you. But my original deal still stands. You don’t get to ask me _any more questions._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the fanfiction I'm writing for Camp NaNoWriMo this year! I set a goal of 30k words, but judging from all the bits of scenes I've written so far, it's going to wind up being much more.
> 
> Current warnings/triggers for the future of this story: Gratuitous amounts of cursing and perversion, a few fleeting moments of suicidal thoughts, and a couple weird smutty lemon-chapters.
> 
> So anyway. Chapter one! It seems Yuki's run across poor Cell in his little larval form! Will she get any more information out of him? Will she just lead him to the barn and leave him be? (You know damn well she won't.) Or will they become bestest buddies and watch The Princess Bride together?! WHO KNOWS?! BUT YOU'LL KNOW, IF YOU STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT EPISODE OF DRAGON BALL Z! (insert rockin' riff here)


	2. Conversations on the Trail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter:
> 
> Cell was miffed. So much so, that even Yuki could see it on his face. “That was _not_ the deal. You ask one question and then you go on your way, THAT was the deal.”
> 
> “Yeah, that was the deal to make me leave. That had nothing to do with helping you get out of the woods and find a shelter. You gave me an offer to leave, now I’m giving you a counteroffer.”
> 
> She certainly had Cell backed into a corner, and he didn’t like it one bit. As he weighed his options, the distant roar of a dinosaur out on the hunt told him his final decision. “Fine, I’ll go with you. But my original deal still stands. You don’t get to ask me _any more questions._ ”

Yuki picked up her basket and began to head off through the woods, with Cell keeping the pace alongside her. As difficult as it was, Yuki held up to her end of the bargain. No more questions… though she desperately wanted to ask. ESPECIALLY about the damn time machine. But… he didn’t say that she couldn’t _talk_ to him, only that questions weren’t allowed. So maybe if she worded her questions as statements, she could get some more information out of him!

“You know, you were going in the opposite direction. If you kept going that way, you would’ve wound up further in the forest, and it stretches on for ten or so miles that way.” She smiled down at him as she swatted some branches out of her way. The trees and undergrowth were getting thicker now, and she had to push through bushes and move around thorny vines. Cell didn’t seem to have a problem with it though. Arthropods and their exoskeletons… lucky bastard. “I know it seems strange, but this place gets thicker near the edges. There’s a lot of open area out in the middle. The dinosaurs like to congregate there.”

Cell frowned. So even without the cat, he would’ve blindly walked to his death… if this girl hadn’t come along, anyway. “I suppose I owe you an apology then.”

“Oh?” Yuki raised an eyebrow.

“Yes. And, I say this _grudgingly_ , I am grateful for your assistance.”

“Awwww.” She grinned as she navigated around a particularly large bramble of vines. “And here I thought you hated me and wanted me to leave.”

“I severely dislike you, as I do all humans. But I know when a situation would be advantageous to me, and I’m not going to pass it up out of stubbornness.”

“For now, I’m just going to ignore the fact that you basically admitted you were taking advantage of me.” Yuki sighed and pushed past one last group of bushes to step out onto a flattened path. “Here we are!”

Cell looked to the left, then to the right. They were now standing on some kind of hiking path with no end in sight in either direction. He looked up at her with narrowed eyes. “This is not farmland.”

“Wow, _observant_!”

“No need to be sarcastic.” He shot her a disapproving look.

“Well, no need to be impatient!” She shot him one right back. “It’s about two miles south of here. This hiking trail ends there. All I meant was that it was smooth sailing from here.” She marched down the path now, as easily as Cell had moved through the thicket. Now that she didn’t have to concentrate on where she was stepping, she could try to get some more information out of him.

“So, you say this barn _probably_ hasn’t been used in decades. How sure are you of that?”

Poor guy, he was definitely wary around humans. She wondered what had happened to him to make him that way. Or maybe he was just born like that? “I’m about 99.9% sure it hasn’t been used.”

“I suppose those are good enough odds.”

“Yeah…” Now was her chance. She had to be careful though. He knew what direction to go in to get out of here, so she had no leverage against him anymore. “I can’t believe you have a time machine, that’s so cool.”

“Yes, ‘cool’.”

She inwardly pouted. That didn’t work at all! Maybe if she were more specific? “I wonder what the future is like. But you already know. You probably know all the disasters and stuff that happen, so I bet you could save the world if you wanted.”

“Or destroy it.” He grinned, but only for a second.

“Oh, haha, very funny.” She rolled her eyes.

“Yes, it is.” But he knew in his current form that he could say no more about it without putting his life in danger. She would just have to wait three years to see how ‘funny’ it really was.

Yuki contemplated her next move. Just chatting with him wasn’t working. He would just continue to answer in little two or three word statements. He was a very blunt little bug-guy though, so maybe he would appreciate her being blunt as well. “Tell me about the future.”

“The deal was no questions. Or did you forget?”

“It wasn’t a question, it was a _statement_.”

“Questions worded as statements are questions. Trying to get around the agreement by attempting to be clever is NOT going to work.”

“Hey!” Yuki gave him her most off putting scowl. “I don’t remember there being any fine print in that agreement that included statements! How about YOU don’t try to ‘get around the agreement by attempting to be clever’?”

Cell walked along next to her in silence for a few minutes. It was long enough for Yuki to wonder if she should just throw in the towel and let him go, forever wondering with regret about the weird talking bug from the future. After the silence stretched out to be nearly unbearable for her, Cell finally spoke up. “It’s not YOUR future.”

Yuki’s eyes went wide with surprise. “What?”

“It’s not possible to travel to the past or future along the same timeline. When you attempt to do so, you enter into a completely separate timeline, which may or may not have an entirely different future than the one I came from. The mere fact that I’ve travelled here will put your timeline on a different course completely.”

She pondered his answer as they continued toward Cell’s destination. “Well… I hope that’s true. I don’t want to be killed by a nuclear explosion while all the roaches inherit the earth…”

His rigid expression faltered into confusion for a moment. “I don’t… are you making some sort of reference? I have a working knowledge of classical literature, but pop culture was not something I was given any information on.”

“Ah… no, it’s not really a reference? People say that if nuclear war were to ever happen, the only creatures that could survive the radiation would be cockroaches. I mean, that’s not actually _true_. Lots of arthropods could survive radiation. Lots of insects… ants, scorpions, roaches… the crustaceans would flourish, too. And…” She paused. “Err, sorry I’m veering off.”

“You are quite strange. Are you under the assumption that I’m some kind of insect that survived a future war?”

“You’re not?”

“Well… there was a war of sorts. I would say it was more of a massacre than a fair war.” He shot her that quick grin again, that unsettling look of glee whenever he mentioned something horrible. It was starting to get a little disconcerting to Yuki.

“So I was right then?”

“No. I am not a _giant radioactive cockroach_ , and am rather offended by your assumption. I am a bio-android, born in the genetic laboratory of Dr. Gero, and I was designed to be the greatest weapon ever created.” His expression didn’t change, but anyone near him could easily tell from the way he carried himself that he was beaming with pride at the moment.

Yuki hadn’t been expecting _that_. First of all, she had no idea what a bio-android even was, and how that would differ from a regular android. Secondly, how the hell was he a ‘weapon’ when he couldn’t even fend off a forest cat? She stared straight ahead at the path in front of her, wondering what to say next. She’d already offended him, so she had to be careful and not make any assumptions…

“Do you have no response to that? You’re such a curious human, I assumed you’d be brimming with questions at that.”

“Well, I mean, I want to ask you something, but it’s going to sound kinda… douchebaggy? And you already said I offended you, so… you know…”

“If you don’t ask, you’re going to spend the rest of our trek scrutinizing my every move, trying to ‘figure me out’.”

“I totally won’t!”

Cell glared at her icily. “You were doing it the entire time before we stepped out onto the path. It was aggravating, and the ONLY reason I’m currently answering your questions is because questions are less annoying than the looks you were giving me.”

She continued to gaze at the path ahead of her, trying hard to hide how dejected she was starting to feel. Cell might have been an interesting creature to study, but he was also a massive dick, and Yuki was beginning to regret helping him. “Some great weapon you are… can’t even fend off a cat without the help of an ‘annoying human’…” She muttered under her breath.

“What was that now?” He stopped in his tracks. His words were low and threatening, and even though he couldn’t hurt her, it was still a bit unnerving.

She shifted her gaze to him, anger clearly visible on her face. “You heard me!”

“And what, exactly, would motivate you to say THAT? And right after saying you didn’t want to offend me.”

“You know what?” She bit her lip in a desperate attempt to keep the stinging tears in her eyes from flowing out. “I’ve been nothing but nice to you! Saving your life, helping you find a damn shelter, trying not to say the wrong things and upset you… and all you do is act like a dick! What the hell is your problem?!”

Cell stared up at her, with an emotionless look that made his face impossible to read. He had to consider the situation carefully. This would be the only human in the world who knew where he would be hiding… defenseless. The smartest thing to do would be _not angering her_ right now. Plus she was on the verge of _crying_. That had not been his intention. Of course, none of it would matter in a few years, but right now…

They continued staring at each other. Cell knew that if he waited any longer, she would most likely burst into tears, and that would be a situation he wasn’t sure how to handle. “I apologize. Again.”

Yuki blinked. “…really? Just like that?”

“Yes. I didn’t realize that I was being so… caustic. I may dislike humans, but I prefer to be polite.”

“Oh. Well, okay. Thanks. I, uh… I didn’t know you didn’t realize. I guess I should’ve said something earlier.” Yuki blushed, a little embarrassed. “You don’t have much experience talking to people, right? I mean, with your attitude toward humans and all.”

“I suppose not.” Cell turned back to his destination and continued forward. Yuki fell in next to him. “I don’t have ‘experience’, no. I am, however, well-versed in conversational techniques.”

“Did your creator teach you lots of things before you came to this timeline?”

“My creator was dead by the time I matured enough to leave my incubation chamber. I was connected to a computer for many years, and it told me everything I needed to know. So yes, you could say I’m skilled in many different areas.”

“Yeah, earlier you said you had a working knowledge of classical literature. I thought that was a bit weird. I can’t imagine you quoting Shakespeare or- OH!” Yuki pointed in the distance in front of her. “There it is!” The path ended ahead and they could see the bright light of the sun streaming over the trailhead, as well as the patchwork patterns of dozens of crop fields stretched out before them.

Yuki smiled and ran off toward the opening. Cell scurried to keep up with her. As they emerged from the forest, he was pleased to see that he had been right. There were barns littered all across the landscape. Most of them were well-kept and obviously in use, but there were a few that seemed to be in disrepair. His gaze left the scenery and fell upon Yuki, who seemed to be enjoying the warmth of the sun and the breeze blowing through her hair. She had been an unexpected aid in his endeavor. Perhaps when he reached his final form, he would make sure to wait until the very end to kill her. It would be the polite thing to do.

“Hey Cell, it’s over this way!” She beckoned to him and ran off to the right, staying close to the tree line.

He growled. Again he had to scurry to keep up with her. Why did she have to keep _running_? Surely she could see that he didn’t have the legs for this sort of thing. He pondered telling her to slow down, but was pulled out of his thoughts when he ran straight into Yuki, bumping against her legs. She’d paused, dead in her tracks, and was currently looking over a burnt pile of debris. “What’s wrong?”

“Well…” Yuki frowned and bit her lip. Cell wasn’t going to be too happy about this. She wasn’t too happy about this either. Overall, it was just a big, unhappy… thing. It had been the perfect spot for him, and she’d been so adamant at helping him. And even after all that, she completely failed.

“What? What is it?” Cell asked impatiently.

“Heh, well, um. This is the barn.” Well, it WAS the barn. Now it was nothing but a pile of blackened wood. Somewhere between the last time she’d been out this way, which was only a _month_ ago, and today, the place had caught fire and was reduced to rubble. …Definitely not a good predicament.

Cell looked at Yuki, and then toward the ‘barn’. He continued moving his gaze between the two, wondering how he was going to word his next statement without making her cry again. She already appeared to be on the brink of tears. “Yuki.”

“…yeah?” She shifted her stance uncomfortably.

“No offense to you, but perhaps you should reevaluate your definition of the word ‘barn’.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Cell has grudgingly opened up to Yuki, but she does not yet know his future plans! You know, THOSE future plans... And horror of horrors, the barn has BURNT DOWN! Will Cell and Yuki find a new shelter, or will poor Cell wind up settling on another cave? Maybe they'll both frolic through the cornfields and discuss their hopes and dreams, because that would be SWELL. (No, not really.) Things couldn't possibly get any worse for this little guy, OR COULD THEY? FIND OUT NEXT TIME, ON DRAGON BALL Z!


	3. The Unlikely "Superhero"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter:
> 
> “Heh, well, um. This is the barn.” Well, it WAS the barn. Now it was nothing but a pile of blackened wood. Somewhere between the last time she’d been out this way, which was only a _month_ ago, and today, the place had caught fire and was reduced to rubble. …Definitely not a good predicament.
> 
> Cell looked at Yuki, and then toward the ‘barn’. He continued moving his gaze between the two, wondering how he was going to word his next statement without making her cry again. She already appeared to be on the brink of tears. “Yuki.”
> 
> “…yeah?” She shifted her stance uncomfortably.
> 
> “No offense to you, but perhaps you should reevaluate your definition of the word ‘barn’.”

So seeing how the proposed shelter had somehow burned to the ground, the barn plan was out. Yuki needed some kind of plan B… she should’ve known better than to put all her eggs in one basket like that. But she couldn’t give up! This little bug-guy was the only one of his kind! There was no way in hell she was going to sit back and let some predator eat him before she could see him evolve. The entomologist in her just wouldn’t allow it. She had to think… plan B… maybe she could consult with Cell? He was still throwing sarcastic quips at her, so he couldn’t be _too_ upset…

“YUKI!” He snapped at her, pulling her from her thoughts. “You appear to be lost in thought when there is nothing to think about. We merely move on to the next barn.”

“There aren’t any others, I mean, at least not within a five mile radius or so.”

Cell turned from her and surveyed the land in front of them. There were at _least_ a dozen barns no more than a mile away from their current position. He wasn’t sure what sort of game Yuki was playing, but it was rather annoying. “So not only are you deaf and forgetful, but you’re also blind? In that case, I can find my way from here on my own.”

“…Are you REALLY going to go back to being a dick again?! Are you kidding me?!” She grabbed her basket and threw it as hard as she could at him, hitting him right in the face and leaving him looking a little stunned. _Instant gratification._

The basket landed in front of him, and he blinked at it in shock. This woman just smacked him in the face with a BASKET! How insulting. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?!”

“Yeah, I hit a douchebag in the face with a hand basket.” She crossed her arms defiantly and stuck her tongue out at him.

“Why, you insolent little-”

“Go!” Yuki interrupted whatever insult he was about to throw at her, and pointed off into the distance with a look of pure outrage. “GO! Just get away from me! I’m tired of your crap!” It was afternoon now, and she’d spent her entire morning helping this creature. And how many times had he apologized to her for being a dick? Twice? Three times?

“Fine. But don’t expect me to do the polite thing and spare your life in the future.” He narrowed his eyes at her and then turned away as he headed out to the heart of the farmlands alone.

“Oh, because I’m just SO scared of you, what with you being the _greatest weapon ever_ and all!” She shouted after him.

Cell said nothing, either because he was too far away to hear, or because he didn’t want to dignify that with a response. It was most likely the latter. Yuki sat down on the grass next to the pile of burnt wood, sulking, watching as Cell’s form grew smaller and smaller. After about a minute, he passed into a tall wheat field and she lost sight of him. A downcast sigh escaped her lips. So in the end, they wound up going their separate ways after all… Would he be okay? She knew this area much better than he did, having come out here multiple times for the field studies she was doing for college. She _also_ knew for a fact that there was not a single unused barn anywhere near here - even the most decrepit looking ones were still in use to some degree. Not that Cell knew that. No, he just ASSUMED shit and then acted like an ass about it. Maybe he deserved to be shot by some farmer, ending his life as a ‘great weapon’ as nothing more than a strange medical oddity on the late night news…

…or eaten by some roaming dinosaur…

…or captured and put on display at some circus…

…or killed with photos of his corpse all over the covers of supermarket tabloids…

Yuki growled and placed her hands over her head. He was NOT going to be okay, and she damn well knew it. She also knew that even though she disliked him at the moment, the thought of being responsible for his death, or _anyone’s_ death for that matter, wasn’t something she would handle very well. Plus she would never find out why he even came to this timeline and why the hell he thought he was some kind of weapon. So it was settled then. She’d have to go after him. _Wonderful._

Cell emerged from the other side of the wheat field, looking up at the old building in front of him. It was clearly in a state of disrepair, and perfect for his objective. The roof looked as though it would cave in any minute, not that it would be something that bothered him. If anything it would hide him even better. He grinned and poked his head through the door… only to be greeted by a sight that made him frown. New farming equipment and a few bags of fertilizer. This place was definitely in use. No matter, he would just move on to the next one. Suddenly, the sound of someone running in his direction through the wheat made him pause. An angry farmer? Perhaps carrying a gun? He wondered over what his next move should be as the footsteps grew closer and closer, and decided that bluffing would be the best way to go. Trying to act threatening may not have worked on Yuki, but she seemed to have a greater knowledge of biology than an average farmer…

“Cell! I found you!” Yuki emerged from the field, and stopped in front of Cell, out of breath and looking a bit disheveled. “I gotta tell you something! …lemme catch my breath…”

He scoffed. “Well, I must say, I didn’t think I’d see YOU again. Whatever happened to being, how did you put it, _‘tired of my crap’_?”

“Okay, yes, I really am seriously tired of your crap. But I can’t let you die out here. Because first of all, I am way too nice to willingly let any intelligent being walk to their death. And secondly, I am way too curious to let you die before I get to see your evolved form. And THIRD, you still haven’t told me about the whole ‘greatest weapon’ thing.”

“Oh? You want to see my evolved form?” Cell narrowed his eyes and chuckled. “Curiosity killed the cat, you know.”

“No, YUKI kills the cat. You run away crying from the cat like a big defenseless baby.”

“I will not stand here and be insulted.”

“You started insulting me first! I just retaliate! …look, anyway…” Yuki shook her head and sighed. “Let me guess, you pushed open that door and found a nice shiny tractor and some fertilizer, right?”

“…yes. So you’ve been here.”

“I’ve been _all over_ here. That’s what I was trying to tell you before you went and started assuming shit! I’ve been around all the buildings in about, oh, maybe a five or so mile radius of here.”

“Why didn’t you just SAY that instead of letting me walk all the way over here?!”

“I TRIED! I told you that you wouldn’t find a place to hole up in anywhere near here, and you just called me stupid!”

He looked off into the distance and frowned. “I suppose I did make assumptions.”

“Yeah you did…” Yuki smiled, a look of confidence on her face, and crossed her arms. “Don’t doubt Yuki Mouka Miyamoto! For in the few months she’s lived here, she has traversed far into the woods and through the farmlands! Collecting live specimens and writing reports!”

“…I see. And just what does ‘Yuki Mouka Miyamoto’ have in mind then?”

“Well, I guess you stay at my place. But only if you stop being a dick and only if you tell me more about yourself.”

Cell gaped at her, wide-eyed. Surely she couldn’t be serious! Staying in a human habitation in a community of humans was nowhere near safe! He might as well take his chances in the caves.

Yuki shifted slightly. “You don’t seem to keen on that.”

“I find it hard to believe that staying among humans is safe in any way whatsoever, nor am I to be some sort of ‘live specimen’ for you to collect.”

“See, you’re assuming again!”

“There is no assumption in _truth._ ”

Yuki looked up at the sky, wondering how to word her next statement. The sun was hidden now, covered by the dark clouds that signaled rain ahead. The last thing she wanted was to trek back home through a wet, muddy forest. They couldn’t really waste any more time arguing back and forth. “It’s not _humans_ , just human. Singular. My boyfriend and I sorta have this long-distance thing going on. I live alone, and I only have a few ‘study buddies’, but we don’t really meet outside the college. After all, I haven’t lived here very long. Plus I live pretty far into the woods. I mean, there’s a dirt road that heads out to the main highway, but the highway is about a mile from the house. I’m not a hermit or anything, it’s just this land is pretty cheap and my money situation isn’t the best…”

Cell seemed to be considering her offer. But she didn’t think he had much of a choice at this point.

“Suppose I were to stay with you. Would you bother me unbearably?”

“Nope!”

“So you would leave me be?”

“Yep!”

“No ‘studying’ me or any of that?”

“Nope! Like I would keep you as a specimen anyway.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m an entomology major, insects only. I don’t deal in all those _lesser arthropods._ ” That was a lie, of course. She dealt with other arthropods all the time, but she didn’t want him to feel uneasy or anything like that.

A lesser arthropod? He let the insult slide for now. It couldn’t hurt to at least take a look at Yuki’s home and decide for himself. After all, it would be much easier than walking out five more miles for another abandoned building that may or may not exist. So it was either Yuki or the caves. Though the caves were starting to feel a bit more inviting now… “Fine.”

“Seriously, fine?!” A big, goofy grin spread across Yuki’s face. “Let’s get going then before it starts to rain!” She took off back towards the forest.

There she went, _running_ again. Cell immediately regretted his decision, but scurried after her anyway.

During the hike back, Cell was a bit more ‘chatty’. Not because he was so eager to satisfy her annoying curiosity, but because simple logic told him that the more information he gave her, the less likely she was to bother him later. So they walked along, and he told her of the Saiyans and the other fighters that shaped his DNA, of the two androids he came to this timeline to search for, of Dr. Gero and the Red Ribbon Army… even of the ‘war’ in the future. Of course, he spoke only of the two androids, conveniently leaving out any involvement he himself had in the chaos. By the time they’d reached Yuki’s place, Cell had made himself out to be a pretty decent guy. Not that he _lied_ or anything, he merely omitted certain truths.

Cell surveyed the area. Yuki’s home was rather unspectacular. She hadn’t been lying, though. It was sitting in the middle of a grassy clearing, with forest surrounding it on all sides, save for a single dirt path leading up to a rickety blue car that may or may not have still worked. The house itself wasn’t very big. A single dome, with what was most likely a storage shed behind it.

“It’s a one-bedroom capsule house. I know it’s not much, but umm… at least I can move it around easy!” She smiled uncomfortably. “College students suffer for their art you know, but it’s not as bad as a dorm.”

“It’s suitable.” He waited for her to unlock the door, but instead she stared down at him with a strange look on her face that he couldn’t quite place. “…what is it this time?”

“Nothing. I mean, I’m just trying to figure everything you said out.”

“What do I need to clarify?”

“Okay, well… so these Saiyan guys are this alien warrior race that go around taking planets and selling them, right? And there’s two of them here, these Goku and Vegeta guys? So are they going to try to take the earth? Is that what’s happening here? I mean, you said Goku already took out an entire army.”

“Vegeta has tried it once before.”

“ _Seriously?!_ ”

Cell inwardly smiled. He was getting pretty good at this selective truth thing, it was actually a bit fun. “Yes.”

“But… you’re going to kill them, right?!”

“I will destroy them both, yes.”

“…okay. Well, what about the two androids?”

“What about them?”

“You said in the future they wake up and go around killing everyone, and you came here to the past to find them and take them out. You’re going to get them before they start their… um… ‘rampage’, right?”

“Yes, I will absorb them both.”

A grin spread across Yuki’s face. “I get it! No wonder you’re going to be some kind of weapon! Dr. Gero created you to take out the evil androids he made! And to save the world from the Saiyans! Oh man, that is so cool, you’re a superhero!”

Cell grinned as well. “I’ll take out both the Saiyans and the androids.”

“In that case, I’ll be extra vigilant to make sure nothing happens to you! You’re totally safe and Yuki-protected!” Satisfied with his explanations, she opened the door and lead him inside.

He took a few steps into the house and looked around. It was… quite a sight. Directly in front of him was the living room, with only a TV, a couch, and a desk. The walls were adorned with dozens of glass boxes, each with random insects mounted inside. Mostly butterflies.

“I shudder to wonder what your first thought was when you saw me.”

Yuki noticed him staring at the walls. “Oh don’t worry, I don’t think they make a glass box big enough to mount _you_ in, plus I’d need some heavy duty nails to get you up on the wall there.” Cell shot her a dismayed look, and she laughed and rolled her eyes. “I’m _joking_ , geez.”

He looked off to the left. A small kitchen and a dining room, with a small table and three chairs. Nothing down here he could use in any way whatsoever. “What is upstairs?”

“Bedroom, bathroom, closets.”

“Promising.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Promising?”

He said nothing as he slowly climbed up the stairs and turned the corner. A bedroom and a bathroom, one closet in the hallway and another in the bedroom. The one in the bedroom was most likely used often, but the other… “What is this closet used for?”

Yuki climbed up the stairs after him. “Oh, uh… storage really. I’ve got some Christmas decorations in there, and some camping supplies. There’s some extra room in there though.” She opened up the door, revealing a few boxes with some shiny garland hanging from them, and a tent and sleeping bag rolled up in the corner.

Cell stepped inside. There was a rather sizable area in the center that was perfect. He curled up on the carpet and glared up at Yuki. “Close the door.”

She blinked at him and frowned. “…just like that? Just close the door and come back in a week or so?”

“Yes. Why are you frowning? Are you going to cry again? This was the promise, if I recall correctly. I gave you information, you leave me be.”

She frowned wider. “I am NOT going to cry! Don’t be an ass about that, I’d just met a _giant talking BUG_ , my emotions were all over the place!”

“Trying to save face, are you? How sad for you. And stop calling me a _bug_. I am a bio-android.”

“Okay, ‘bio-android’. But you’re still supposed to be some kind of magnificent superhero, so _act like it_. Superheroes are always gentlemen to the women who look after them. Look at Superman and Lois Lane! She keeps his identity a secret, and he’s not a dick. Win-win.”

Cell narrowed his eyes at her. “I told you I don’t understand these pop culture references.”

“Fine, whatever. What do bio-androids eat then? Should I bring you food or something?”

“I don’t eat. Close the door and I will call for you in a week or so. Or if you don’t want me to call for you, I can just rip through your door. It’s your choice. See? I am a gentleman.”

“You’re lucky the world needs you, or I’d kick your ass.” She stuck her tongue out at him and slammed the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GEEZ CELL. What a sneaky, manipulative, little guy! Yuki's now under the impression that she's harboring some kind of superhero, playing some role in saving the planet! And Cell is now... hidden in a closet full of Christmas decorations. Hmmmm... but will he STAY in the closet? Maybe he'll get bored and come out to watch TV with Yuki? Maybe they'll MST3K some movies together?! Maybe, MAYBE, the author will stop writing chapters about pre-hibernation Cell and get on with the story? (Why, he's so cute and little...) YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT EPISODE OF DRAGON BALL Z!


	4. The Locusts of Abaddon!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter:
> 
> “Okay, ‘bio-android’. But you’re still supposed to be some kind of magnificent superhero, so act like it. Superheroes are always gentlemen to the women who look after them. Look at Superman and Lois Lane! She keeps his identity a secret, and he’s not a dick. Win-win.”
> 
> Cell narrowed his eyes at her. “I told you I don’t understand these pop culture references.”
> 
> “Fine, whatever. What do bio-androids eat then? Should I bring you food or something?”
> 
> “I don’t eat. Close the door and I will call for you in a week or so. Or if you don’t want me to call for you, I can just rip through your door. It’s your choice. See? I am a gentleman.”
> 
> “You’re lucky the world needs you, or I’d kick your ass.” She stuck her tongue out at him and slammed the door.

The next two days went by pretty smoothly, and Yuki went back to her regular habits, trying her hardest to ignore the fact that she had a ‘future superhero’ in her closet. After all, she _promised_ to leave him alone, even though that promise was incredibly hard to keep and tugged at her thoughts constantly. She occupied her time watching TV, playing video games, wandering out into the woods in the morning… but now it was day three, her first day back from spring break, and she was actually looking forward to her classes. They would be a welcome distraction from… well… _everything_.

That afternoon she sat at the table before class, tapping her pen impatiently against it, waiting for the professor to arrive. This was her last class of the day, Plant-Insect Interactions class, and her thoughts were _still_ wandering off to the ‘current events in Yuki’s home life’ area of her brain. Next to her sat Akiko, her one and only friend. If she could even call her that, anyway. More like mismatched study buddies. Akiko currently had her face buried in some ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ book and looked pretty gloomy. Yuki laughed to herself, her friend must have gotten one of the bad endings.

Akiko put down the book and looked over at her. “Hey. What do you think of my new hairstyle?”

Her hair was currently cut into a bob, and dyed jet black with a few bright red stripes running through it. Yuki frowned. “It’s… um… unique?”

The black-bobbed girl shook her head. “You don’t have any taste at all. I call it the ‘box elder bug’ look.”

“Well, if that’s what you were going for, you definitely nailed it.”

“Soooo… why the perturbed face?”

Yuki raised an eyebrow. Did she really look perturbed? And who used the word perturbed nowadays, anyway? “I’m not perturbed.”

“Yeah, you are. You’re thinking about something. Tell me.”

“It’s nothing, I swear! It’s just… private stuff. So it’d be rude to keep asking about it.”

“I’m choosing my own adventure, and I’m picking the route where I try to learn Yuki’s secret.”

Akiko stared at her with a deadpan expression, an expression she always wore regardless of whether she was happy or upset. It kind of freaked Yuki out. Not for the fact that it was a BAD expression, but because it made it impossible to tell what the other was feeling and whether they were being sarcastic or not. But… Akiko _was_ a senior, whereas she was only a freshman. Even though she was specializing in paleontology, she definitely knew more than Yuki, so maybe it wouldn’t be too weird to ask? Maybe asked as a hypothetical, anyway.

“Hey Akiko, can I ask you a question?”

“Shoot.”

“What do you think about, um, genetically altered bugs that could possibly be used as weapons?”

“Wow, that was the most random question I think I’ve ever gotten.”

“Well, you asked what I was thinking about! Maybe I think about random things, okay? So what do you think?”

“Weaponized bugs, huh? Well, they genetically modify mosquitos to produce offspring that die off before they can mature. It’s a weapon against Dengue Fever.”

“Okay, but I mean actual _weapons_. Like weapons you use in a war.”

“Ummm… the military makes robot bugs that sneak behind enemy lines to spy on the bad guys. Or good guys. Whatever.”

“What about real, biological bugs?”

“…I don’t think that exists. But who knows? That sort of thing isn’t really _my_ thing. If you wanted to get mythological though, there’s weaponized locusts in the bible in Revelation.”

“Like how? Are they superheroes?” That’s just what Yuki needed. Some weird end times scenario.

“I’ll humor you, sure.” Akiko pulled out her phone and did a little searching. “Okay, um… weaponized locust. Long story short, it has what looks like a crown on its head, and a human face? A breastplate that is like iron, and a tail like a scorpion that has the power to torment people. So yeah, there’s that.”

Yuki sighed. “That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“What were you expecting?”

“I don’t know. A good guy bug that would save the world from horrible evil?”

“That is the stupidest thing I’VE ever heard.”

“Okay, look. I saw this movie last night, right? _Hypothetically speaking_ , could there be a two foot tall bug?”

Akiko’s deadpan expression became even more deadpan, if that were even possible. “No? And quit watching shitty old sci-fi movies. Maybe back in prehistoric times, sure, but as the oxygen in the atmosphere decreases, so does the size of any insect. They’ll never get bigger over time, only smaller.”

“Oh, well that’s just _great_.”

“…you are the weirdest person.”

The professor came in and the rest of the day went by without a hitch. Yuki spent most of the day off in her own thoughts, wondering about that Dr. Gero guy. If it was biologically impossible, how was he even able to make Cell? And why did he make the evil androids and then have a change of heart? Cell said he had to ‘devolve’ to fit into that time machine, so how much bigger was he going to get? Once he left the closet, she’d have to remember to ask him what his next form looked like. But damn, all those questions were just eating away at her mind…

Later that evening, Yuki threw open the door to her home and plopped down on the couch with a sigh. It wasn’t that she didn’t LIKE college, but she just had lots of things going on in her mind at the moment, and it felt impossible to pay attention. She was on the edge of that breaking point where she’d just rip open the closet door and yell something like _‘Tell me what your evolved form looks like, damnit!’_ Probably not the best idea. The best idea was just sitting there on the couch while she watched her shows.

But before she could even lift the remote, a loud noise rang from upstairs. Her laptop! It was a call, most likely from Haru. Now that was something that would keep her occupied. She grinned and ran up the stairs, and fell down on the bed with the open laptop. It was indeed Haru, smiling back at her on the screen.

“Yuki! I was gonna call earlier, but I remembered it was the end of spring break for you guys.”

“Yep yep, back to the grind… I didn’t really get anything done during the break so I have a lot of stuff to catch up on.”

“Well that sucks. How’s things going? I mean, other than that.”

Yuki looked down at the keyboard, debating whether or not she should tell him about the crazier goings on… No, definitely not. It’s not like he’d believe her anyway. Plus Cell’s identity was supposed to be a secret right now. “Things are going pretty good, you know, life as usual. Oh, I stabbed a forest cat in the eye the other day!”

“…seriously?!”

“Yeah!” She beamed with pride.

“Jesus, Yuki, you seriously need to stop wandering around in the woods.”

As Yuki and Haru spoke to each other about their day, Cell lay in the closet and stared at the wall. He was bored now. _Unbearably_ bored. And it had only been three days. He found himself seeking amusement in the inane ramblings of Yuki. _How pathetic._ She seemed to spend a fair amount of time speaking to a male named Haru and a female named Akiko. There were also the strange things she watched on the television that made him frown in confusion. One show in particular annoyed him, and she watched it often. It was, from what he could tell, a show about humans yelling at nothing. The entire show consisted of these men having one-sided conversations with _the air_. He wouldn’t mind leaving the closet and just… observing things. Yes, at the very least it would be amusing.

Meanwhile, Yuki continued chatting away with Haru. “…I don’t know, how much do you think a laptop like that would even cost?”

“It can’t be too m-“ Haru paused, and a look of horror spread across his face.

Yuki frowned. “Haru? Are you okay?!” Something terrifying was happening… was he getting robbed?!

“WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!”

“What? WHAT?!”

“IT’S _BEHIND YOU_!”

Yuki’s eyes went wide. This was how scary movies started! She slowly turned around, shaking. It was probably a ghost! Or a demon! Or Satan! Or… it was Cell, standing there looking annoyed. Her expression turned to one of relief, until she realized Haru was freaking out behind her.

She spun back towards the laptop and laughed nervously. “Oh, that’s just my… pet cat!”

Haru stared at her incredulously. “C-cat?!”

“Yeah…” What a stupid thing to say! A cat? She had to come up with something quick. “It’s, uh… for a cat costume contest! Didn’t I tell you?!”

“…no…”

“Yeah, see, I guess I just got so into making the costume I forgot to tell you! …I, uh, spent like a month working on it, doesn’t it look realistic?! He’s supposed to be a bug!”

Haru looked shaken, but a bit less freaked out. “…I didn’t realize you could make costumes…”

“Oh yeah! I’m super good at it! I just don’t have a lot of occasions to make costumes for! …hold on a second!”

Yuki jumped off the bed and ran over to Cell, quickly pushing him out of the room and closing the door behind them. “Are you nuts?!” She spoke in a low voice.

Cell hissed at her. “I am not a pet! And do not push me!”

“Well, maybe if you didn’t jump onto my webcam like that, I wouldn’t need to make up excuses!”

“Yes, I noticed your mate is a _gullible idiot_.”

“You told me you were trying to keep yourself a secret, and then you jump in front of a camera! Who’s the idiot now?!”

“How was I to know you were broadcasting?” He scoffed.

“Just… wait right here.” She ran back into the room and rushed to the laptop. “Haru! Look, I have to go! The cat is totally freaking out over the costume and I have to get it off of him!”

Haru frowned, but nodded. “Okay… I’ll talk to you later…”

Yuki ended the call and went back out into the hallway. “Cell? Are you done already? It’s only been three days.” She had hoped he’d stick around longer, but…

“Do I look ‘done’ to you?” He swiped at her leg. Not even a red mark. “If I were ‘done’, you would no longer have a leg.”

“Awww, how cute. That tickled!” She giggled.

Cell narrowed his eyes and shot her a glare that practically radiated displeasure. “Oh yes, so _hilarious._ ”

Yuki pondered what she should say to him. Was asking him why he left the closet even a good idea? What if it was for some embarrassing reason, like he was afraid of the dark or something? In that case, if she asked him, he’d probably go back into the closet out of sheer stubbornness. It seemed like talking to him was like playing a really weird game of chess. But instead of getting a piece taken away when you make a wrong move, you just piss the opponent off… and the one who walks away in irritation first is the winner. Or maybe the loser? Being polite would probably be the best way to go.

“Sooo, Cell, would you like to come downstairs?”

“…fine.”

Yuki bounded down the stairs with Cell following after her, and sat down on the couch, trying hard not to break out into a huge grin. She watched him intently, wondering what he was going to do next. And what he did next was… well… a bit of a shocker. He jumped up onto the couch and lay on the other side, staring at her with a cross look.

“You wish to ask me questions, don’t you?”

She blinked. “Y-yes?” That was weird of him… there was no way in hell he’d come out of that closet just to willingly answer all her questions. He had to want something in return.

“And I wish to ask you questions.”

“What kind of questions?” So he _did_ want something. She was interested to see where this was going.

“Humans are so… incredibly unpredictable. But there is a method to their madness, and I want to understand what it is. What motivates them, terrifies them… I would most likely learn these things myself as I evolve, but I would not pass up an opportunity to get a ‘sneak peek’, if you will.”

Yuki cocked her head to the side curiously. “You want to know how people think? Does your mind evolve as your body evolves?”

“Yes and yes.” Cell smiled. It was not a happy smile, but one of those unsettling smiles that freaked Yuki out a bit. “Wouldn’t you want to get an early psychological edge over your opponents?”

“Ah! So I’d be helping you get inside the heads of the bad guys? Well… I do know a little bit about heroes and villains, I mean, I really love the Marvel movies at least. You know, Loki. Ultron… all those guys.”

“I told you many times I don’t know your pop culture references, but I’m assuming that means you have some experience in what I’m asking you.”

“A little? I mean, are we doing the Hannibal and Clarice thing here? WAIT, sorry… pop culture reference… are we doing the thing where you ask me a question and I get to ask one in return?”

“Yes.” Cell was starting to look a little impatient.

“All right, me first.” Yuki was about to ask him the big question, the one about his evolved form, but she suddenly had a thought right as she opened her mouth and something completely unrelated came out. “How the hell did you get out of the closet? You can’t turn the door knob.”

He frowned. What an embarrassing question… he had not expected that. He had expected more inane superhero questions. “I… made a lasso. Out of garland.”

Yuki burst out laughing and fell back onto the arm of the couch. “Are you kidding me?! That’s the most hilarious mental image I’ve ever had! That is so cute! I mean, I can just see you with a little string of garland hanging from your mouth, you’d be tugging on it with that pissed off look on your face. Oh my _GOD_.”

“Oh yes, so _cute._ So _hilarious._ Now tell me. What would you say terrifies humans, deep down? What would you say causes fear? I don’t mean phobias, of course, these weak things that humans fear yet don’t even cause harm. Nor things that don’t exist. But where does the feeling itself come from?”

She felt a shiver run down her back. That was a crazy terrifying question, but she could sorta see where he was going with it. After all, a hero needs to know how the villain is freaking people out… right? But it was still a hard question to answer. “Well… maybe… suspense? Like someone knows it’s coming, so the fear gets worse and worse until whatever it is finally happens. I mean, those are always the scariest horror movies to me. You’re all _‘Oh my god, the monster’s gonna eat them! When’s it gonna happen?!’_ and then it finally happens and you just FLIP OUT! But if it happened at the beginning right away, it wouldn’t be scary, really.”

“The expectation and wait of the inevitable… I must say, that’s an interesting answer.” Cell grinned. Poor Yuki… ‘The monster’s gonna eat them!’ indeed. She had no idea how consistently she stood on the brink of the truth, yet never bothered to jump from the edge. It almost made him feel bad. _Almost._ But she did make a good point. There had been no suspense in his old timeline, just constant monotony as he moved from victim to victim. Some ‘expectation’ might shake things up.

“My turn! Now this is the BIG question, okay? What’s your next form look like? The one you had before you said you devolved yourself to fit in the time machine? I HAVE to know!”

“I look as though I can strike fear into the hearts of my enemies.”

“…That’s not what I meant and you know it. I mean physically. How tall are you? What’s your distinguishing features? Do you still have that exoskeleton? Maybe you look like a giant wasp… or something?”

“I would say that form is around eight feet tall. I do have what _you_ call an exoskeleton. I call it biological armor. I have a tail, and my wings are much bigger. And I am also more humanoid, in that I have two legs and two arms rather than the four legs I have now. Is that a suitable description for you?”

Yuki stared at him like a deer in the headlights. “Eight feet tall?! And you look like a person but with an exoskeleton?! How… what?!”

“You seem shocked.”

“Umm, well, I just kind of thought you’d look like a giant bug. Like a huge wasp, or one of those big praying mantids that stomp through towns in sci-fi movies.”

“Sorry to disappoint.” Cell tsked. A giant bug? How many times had he told her not to refer to him as a _bug_?

“So you-“ Yuki paused, remembering the weird biblical locusts. “Wait, hey, does your tail have a stinger on it? And can you use it to torment people?”

He narrowed his eyes. Torment people? Had she realized his true intentions? He’d have to be more careful. “It does have a stinger, and I’m sure it would hurt if I used it. But I would only use it when I needed to.”

She gasped. “Do you have a human face? And a breastplate like iron?!”

“I… what? I’m not sure wh-“

“ _And a CROWN?!_ ”

Cell stared at her in confusion. He was guessing this was another pop culture reference and she was attempting to compare him to some television monster, but… _oh_. Now he understood. No, this was not pop culture, this fell under literature. He sighed. “Do you think I’m a biblical creature from Revelation?”

“No? Yes? Maybe?”

“Well, I would say that my armor is much stronger than iron, but I neither wear a crown nor have a human face. My face is very similar to the one I have now. Does that put your mind at ease?”

“…yes.” Yuki grinned.

“Now tell me, what motivates the weak? What would they fight for? What would… cause them to take on someone they have no hope of winning against?”

“Hmmm…” She looked up at the ceiling and thought about it. The crack up there had gotten a little bigger since she last inspected it. Right underneath the bathroom too… it’d be just her luck that the entire thing would collapse while she was taking a bath or something. “Do you mean like why would a really weak villain do things even though he knows the good guy will beat the crap out of him?”

“Something like that, yes.”

“Well, it’s usually pride, isn’t it? If someone’s really proud of their strength, and you were stronger, they’d probably attack anyway if you pushed their buttons enough. And most villains are egotistical right? So even though they like to manipulate people, it’s really easy for the hero to manipulate them. And the hero ALWAYS does. He’ll say something like ‘Oh, you won’t tell me your evil plan? I guess because you don’t think you’ll beat me and get away with it! You’re just weaksauce!” …something like that. Then the villain tells him everything and the hero stops his evil plan. That’s how it works in the movies, anyway.”

“I see.”

“You think you can manipulate those Saiyan guys? Is that what’s going on?”

“Oh, they are easily manipulated. I’d imagine they’d try to stop me before I reached my final form.”

Yuki laughed. “Just mess with their minds! They’re some prideful warrior race, right? Tell them how amazingly strong your final form is and just like, mock them for being too afraid to face you at your strongest. That’s textbook action movie logic there.”

“You and I think a lot alike.”

And there it was again, that creepy ass grin of his. Yuki wondered if maybe it wasn’t meant to be creepy, maybe it was just a happy grin? After all, he didn’t really have a human face, so it was kinda hard to tell with him. “…last question. And last question for you, too! Your questions make me feel like I’m sitting in a philosophy class or something. It’s freaking me out. Okay, why do you need to hibernate for three whole years? I’m kind of in the dark about, um… the physiology of eight foot arthropods.”

“Just how long do you think it takes to grow six more feet? You humans spend decades doing it! ‘Three whole years’ is rather efficient. I go underground. I gather energy from the earth around me. I grow. _This is not a difficult concept._ ”

“So… you’re… a cicada! Isn’t that cute? You know… when I was little, I used to go outside with my brother and we’d use nets to try to catch the biggest cicada. I always won. Now I have you, so I’m pretty much the world champion at cicada catching now.”

Cell looked away and said nothing. There was no way in hell he would justify that with a response.

Yuki rolled her eyes. There he went, getting all offended over the littlest stuff again. Time to change the subject. “What’s your last question? Last one, so it better be a doozy!”

He stared at the blank screen of the television. He had no more questions save for a rather frivolous one. He weighed the pros and cons of asking her. On one hand, it bothered him to not understand the things going on around him. It was _unbearable._ But on the other hand, Yuki obviously understood it, and would most likely laugh at him for asking. The pros seemed to be winning out.

“Come on, Cell. Ask!” She watched him curiously as he stared at the television. He must’ve been trying to come up with a really good question.

“…tell me about the men who yell at nothing.”

“What?” Yuki frowned at him, her brow furrowed. He was looking at the television, so maybe he was talking about some show? Or was this some kind of massively weird philosophical statement?

“You know what I mean.” He spoke with an irritated tone. “The men who have one-sided conversations with the air!”

“I really don’t know what you mean… maybe I do? Is it some show on TV? What do they say?”

“They ask questions. Silly questions, one right after another so that even if they were speaking to another human, there wouldn’t be enough time to answer. Things like ‘Why are you still in this hospital?’ and ‘Why are you hurting these people?’. Why?!”

Yuki tried _so hard_ not to laugh, really she did. Cell looked so pissed off about the ‘yelling men’, but as the smile spread across her face, she couldn’t handle it and fell over laughing. Cell just scowled at her, obviously annoyed that she reacted exactly how he thought she would.

“Oh my god, _are you talking about ghost hunting shows?!_ That’s hilarious! They’re not talking to air, they’re talking to ghosts, you nitwit.”

“Ghosts don’t exist. I was right in my assumption that they were talking to nothing. Who is the ‘nitwit’, now?”

“Hey, they catch things sometimes!”

“They do no such thing.”

She sighed and picked up the remote, picking an episode at random out of her queue. “Here watch this.”

“I don’t need to _watch it_. It sounds incredibly boring.”

“Well, you got nothing better to do, so watch! They’ll totally catch stuff, you’ll see. I gotta call someone, enjoy your show.” She stood up, stuck her tongue out at him, and left the room. As she headed up the stairs to the bedroom, she could hear him hissing at her in annoyance. It was fine though. _She’d make him a believer._ But for now she needed to call Akiko. Now that Yuki had an estimated size of Cell’s next form, she could be more specific to Akiko than ‘weaponized bug’. Picking up the phone, she dialed in Akiko’s number and waited for her to answer.

“Hello?”

“Akiko! Quick, tell me everything you know about eight foot arthropods. Go!”

“…are you really calling me up at nine pm to ask me about another crappy sci-fi movie you’re watching? Really?”

Yuki sighed. “Come on, humor me! I may or may not have a giant eight foot arthropod. Hypothetically, I mean.”

“Well, you could technically have one. They exist.”

“ _I knew it!_ There had to be something, after all, they get pretty huge in the oceans at least. What do you know about it?”

“Okay, did you time travel back 400 million years ago and snag Jaekelopterus?”

“…no?”

“So no sea scorpions then, huh? That’s too bad. So you must have time travelled back only 300 million years ago to bring back Arthropleura?”

“…no?”

“So no giant millipedes either then, huh? _Then you don’t have an eight foot arthropod._ Lay off the shrooms. Good night.”

And with that, Akiko hung up. Well, that went swimmingly. She didn’t have to be so sarcastic about it, geez. She and Cell would probably get along pretty well… Yuki sighed and looked over at the clock. It was almost ten and she wasn’t even ready for bed yet, she’d been too excited over Cell leaving the closet to pay attention. Now he was down there watching ghost hunting shows. Well, either that, or she’d go down there to find the television broken on the floor with Cell glaring and hissing at it. Probably the latter.

She headed back downstairs to find the television still intact and still hunting ghosts, but Cell sat there giving her the most venomous look she’d ever seen. “ _I hate this._ ”

“All right, all right…” She switched off the DVR and left it on the world news channel. “Have this. I’m guessing the events going on in the world probably hold your interest more than ‘men yelling at air’. But I need to get some sleep.” As she headed up the stairs, she said good night to him. And surprisingly enough, he said good night back.

The rest of the week went by smoothly. Cell had pretty much claimed the far end of the couch as his new area. If he had to choose between it and a closet floor, well… simple logic gave him _that_ answer. He’d told Yuki that he just wanted rest and silence. She’d been polite enough to comply, so there wasn’t much chatting between them after that day. He mostly spent his time quiet on the couch, occasionally glancing over at whatever Yuki was watching with interest. Sometimes he’d make a condescending remark or two at the television, but mostly Yuki left him be. So he was mildly content.

The final day came, the day Cell decided to leave. It was raining as Yuki hopped out of her car and ran for the front door. She let out a frustrated sigh as she fumbled with her keys, trying to get out of the rain as quickly as she could. It had been another long day at college and she just wanted to take a nice warm bath and relax… but when she opened the door, Cell stood there before her, looking miffed. It wasn’t a sight she’d been expecting and almost fell over as she jumped back in surprise.

“It took you long enough.”

“…I was in class? Were you there waiting for me to come home?”

“I didn’t want to destroy your door. It would be impolite. Nor did I want to resort to the… lasso.” He frowned. “It would be demeaning.”

“Oh, okay. Well, the door is open now?”

“Goodbye then.” Cell walked past her and left the porch, heading out towards the forest.

Yuki froze. Was he just leaving? Just like that? “H-hey, wait!”

Cell was halfway across the yard now, but he paused and turned around. “What?”

She ran out into the yard and over to him, and stood there in the rain, staring at him like a dummy. “You’re leaving? You’re done? The three year thing?”

He narrowed his eyes and, lifting up his claws, swiped at the nearest tree with incredible speed. It split apart and fell to the ground with a loud crash. “Yes, I am ‘done’.”

“Wow. Okay.” She shifted uncomfortably and looked down at him with eyes that were as miserable as the rain. “I’ll miss you. I mean, we’re sort of… friends. Acquaintances? TV watching buddies? Something like that.”

“Oh…you’ll miss me now, but you’ll _hate_ me later.” Cell grinned wickedly, turned back around, and headed out into the woods.

Yuki frowned. What was that? He must’ve thought she was going to hate him because he’d look different… poor guy. That wasn’t the case at all! “Cell, I won’t hate you! I promise!” She called after him. “I don’t care what you look like or what you become, seriously!”

He disappeared among the trees, and that was the last Yuki saw of him for the next three years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My favorite scene during the 'ten day wait' on the show was when they showed Cell standing on the arena, bitching to himself about how bored he was. I don't know why, but I fell over laughing at that, so yes, I had to put an overly-bored Cell in here somewhere ;) I also like the idea of Cell's mind evolving with his body, after all, he seems much more refined in his final form than all the others. So mini-Cell here must be, I guess, uncomfortably confused and in the dark about a lot of things.
> 
> Anyway. This is technically two chapters, but I wrote it all at once and didn't feel like separating it, so... sorry it was long. I meant to only do one more chapter, but... and this is going to sound HORRIBLE of me... I was having too much fun throwing Yuki deeper and deeper into her delusion. She looks to science, and then to fantasy to explain her current situation, but the more vivid her mental image of the future is, the more massive her breakdown will be when it falls apart. Plus... I doubt there's any way she'd confront a murderous Cell unless she was either broken to the point of not giving a fuck, or snapped into some crazy rage. Maybe both? I have no idea yet.
> 
> Halfway into this she's just so deep in her delusion that Cell could probably just come out and tell her his plan, and she'd just twist it into something positive. Sorry, Yuki :( Will there be rage? Will there be depression? Will there be men having one-sided conversations with the air?! Imperfect Cell's reign of terror begins, NEXT TIME, ON DRAGON BALL Z!


	5. Through the Window

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter:
> 
> “Wow. Okay.” She shifted uncomfortably and looked down at him with eyes that were as miserable as the rain. “I’ll miss you. I mean, we’re sort of… friends. Acquaintances? TV watching buddies? Something like that.”
> 
> “Oh…you’ll miss me now, but you’ll hate me later.” Cell grinned wickedly, turned back around, and headed out into the woods.
> 
> Yuki frowned. What was that? He must’ve thought she was going to hate him because he’d look different… poor guy. That wasn’t the case at all! “Cell, I won’t hate you! I promise!” She called after him. “I don’t care what you look like or what you become, seriously!”
> 
> He disappeared among the trees, and that was the last Yuki saw of him for the next three years.

Those three years passed by at an unbearably sluggish speed for Yuki. Her strange TV watching buddy slowly took his place in the very back of her mind as life continued to take her along for its ups and downs. But still he stayed there. She would have written him off as a hallucination a long time ago, but… that silly garland lasso still hung on her closet door. It served as a reminder that soon something horrible would walk the planet. That soon there would be a hero to save everyone from it. It was a comforting thought, but she still couldn’t help the unsettled feeling in the pit of her stomach as the days counted down. In those three years, two things never changed. Yuki still lived there in her capsule house in the middle of the woods with an old blue jalopy that may or may not have worked, and she still waited with hope and fear for the future.

The three years finally ended. In the spring of the fourth year, in the early morning when the stars were still out and the sun wasn’t even a glow on the horizon, the future caught up with her.

It was still dark out when Cell emerged from the ground and broke free from his shell, but he could see as clearly as the day. He looked over his new form. Well… old form. His arms, his tail… exactly how it had been before the time machine. He laughed softly. “So here we are, back to stage one. Now where to first? _Decisions, decisions…_ ” The nearest city? Or perhaps the horrible farmlands that had denied him refuge? He took to the sky, high above the forest, and surveyed the area. Two miles to the west lay the vast farmlands. Fifteen miles to the east, the bright lights of a metropolis beckoned to him. _Gingertown._ Thousands upon thousands of people in a radius of only a few miles. Oh, cities were so convenient… He knew the name, as Yuki had gone to college there and spoke of it a few times.

His eyes widened and a smile spread across his face as he turned to the south. Not even a mile away sat the place that had given him shelter. He would take HER first. Lucky girl, what a great honor it would be for her to be the first to contribute to his perfect form…

Unaware of the current situation, Yuki lay sleeping in her bed. Had she been awake and looking out the window, she would’ve backed away in terror at what stood before her. The strange humanoid creature, Cell, emerged from the forest, moving slowly across her yard with the same wicked grin he’d given Yuki when they parted ways. If she’d seen him then, there would be only fear in her eyes before the realization settled in as to who he was, because he was indeed an intimidating sight.

“What do we have here…?” He looked through the window, his tail whipping back and forth in anticipation. There was the living room. It hadn’t changed much. But it was night, and she was most likely sleeping.

He jumped into the air and hovered outside her bedroom window. Which was wide open. He placed his hands on the windowsill and leaned inside. There she was, sprawled out and snoring away, her light blue hair mussed up haphazardly all over the bed. Quite a messy sleeper apparently. The headrest of her bed was right underneath the window. He smiled and spoke in a whisper. “Silly girl, you should know better than to leave your window open. You’re making yourself open and vulnerable to the creatures of the night.”

Looking around, he noticed that this room hadn’t changed much either. Still bugs on walls and posters of her superheroes. Though now she did have a television in her bedroom as well… turned on and playing one of those idiotic ghost shows. Bugs, superheroes, and ghost hunting. _Idiot._ Then he noticed IT in the hallway and his eyes narrowed in disgust. That ludicrous garland lasso! It was still hanging on the closet door! Why?! Was she mocking him, or was she just a sentimental fool? He growled, annoyed, and shot his tail through the window. The long stinger hovered right above Yuki’s neck. And still she slept, completely oblivious.

But then… he hesitated. It might have been a great honor to be the first, but years ago he’d promised to himself to save her until the end. He was not a _liar_. On the contrary, he had nothing to lie about. What did he care to hide from humanity? They were all going to die anyway. But to kill the one who had kept him from being killed… well, that just grated on the strange moral code he kept to. She would not die by his hands, but as a side effect of the destruction of the planet. After all, what better way to express his gratitude than by allowing her to bear witness to his full power?

So that was that, then. He scowled and his tail slithered back out of the window. He’d wasted his time coming here and got nothing out of it, when he could’ve been halfway through Gingertown’s population by now! But… he shifted his gaze to the television and a devilish smirk appeared on his face. _Maybe he could get some fun out of this after all._ Eyes wide, still smirking, he slowly stretched his arm out until his hand lingered right over Yuki. Then, with a shout, he quickly brought his hand down onto her face, covering her eyes.

“BOO! I’M A GHOST!”

He pulled back and was up on the roof before she could even react. Before she could even open her eyes to see what or who had grabbed her face. A second later, Cell heard the high-pitched shriek that sent the early morning birds flying off in terror from the surrounding trees.

“WHAT WAS THAT OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!” …followed by the sound of the bedroom window slamming.

He listened as Yuki ran down the stairs, most likely headed for the front door to see what had attacked her. _How bold of her._ Before she could even get onto the porch, Cell was already airborne, his laughter echoing through the starlit sky. That WAS fun. And now… onward to the next destination.

After a few stops here and there for some more fun… though that fun had been a bit more _deadly_ , he landed quietly in Gingertown’s city square. The sun was just casting it’s first light, and the streets were mostly deserted. But in a few minutes they would be full of humans running in panic. He smiled mischievously as the few who were wandering in the square paused and looked at him with disbelief. He casually strolled up to the nearest one.

“Hello.”

The man shook and backed up a few steps, unsure of what was about to happen. “H-h-hello…”

In a flash, Cell had the man on the ground, crushing him beneath his foot, his tail poised. “Unfortunately, you don’t get the honor of being my first meal. You see, I had a few snacks on the way over.”

Then, screams of pain slowly faded away as the man was dissolved into nothingness by Cell’s terrible sting. The horror before them sent the rest of the people dashing away in fear. In those early morning hours, Cell’s reign of terror had begun, and it wouldn’t be long before the rest of the world knew it.

Later that morning, back at her clearing the middle of the forest, Yuki sat under the shade of a tree sipping her coffee. She yawned. After the awful night she had, all she wanted to do was sit down and relax. A whole lot of _nothing_. Last night, she had a nightmare where something grabbed her face and screamed, and it felt so real that she woke up terrified, running down the stairs like an idiot. Even though it was just a dream, or so she thought, it still left her feeling rattled. After a few more sips, her cell phone rang. Before she could even say hello, the voice of her friend Akiko interrupted her.

“So what do you think? Aliens or the Rapture?”

“Uhhh… what?” Yuki raised an eyebrow. “I… guess I’d prefer the Rapture? It’d probably be a less painful way to die?”

“Huh? I’m talking about Gingertown.”

“What about Gingertown?”

“…wow. Ten miles away from Gingertown and you haven’t even seen the news. It’s a state of emergency, you know.”

A strange fear gripped her. State of emergency? Akiko didn’t seem very bothered by whatever was going on, so it couldn’t be THAT bad. But… she never sounded very emotional in the first place. “What emergency? Should I be evacuating?!”

“Who knows? I’m not breaking the news to you, you should go turn on the TV. It’s probably on every station by now.”

“O… okay!” Yuki hung up and ran inside, switching on the TV. A camera was panning across an area of Gingertown she knew well, but… there were no people. It was always a busy area, had they all evacuated? The strange thing was, there were clothes laying all over the streets. Were there a bunch of naked people running around? What kind of emergency was _that_? Puzzled, she sat down on the couch, her eyes fixed on the screen.

The camera settled on the news reporter. “I’ve just arrived here in Gingertown, where over 15,000 residents have suddenly vanished. We have just made a new discovery. There are many sets of clothing here! It appears as if the people inside them simply melted away. As you can see from the outlay of the clothing and the presence of the rifles, it appears they were fighting against something…”

The reporter paused and turned around as a scream ripped through the air, followed by the sound of gunfire. Yuki’s breath hitched in her throat. _What the hell was going on?_

“…what’s this? We heard a scream just a moment ago! Gunfire! We’re hearing gunfire! It appears as if the investigative team or the police in this direction are agitated!” Suddenly, the gunfire stopped as quickly as it started. “…it’s become quiet once again. We’re going to move in as close as we can to see-“

He stopped, and his eyed widened as he took a step back. There was nothing but fear on his face. Yuki jumped off the couch. “Show it! What is it?! What’s he looking at?!” But instead of finding out what weird thing freaked them out so badly, the camera cut to static.

“What’s happening…?” She frowned and fell back down onto the couch and looked up at the ceiling. Something was destroying Gingertown, probably killing people… a feeling of dread washed over her. Would she be next? Would whatever it was move out into the surrounding areas? The image on the TV returned and Yuki’s eyes shot right to it. Instead of a man reporting updates, the camera was on the ground, sideways, and more screams were heard in the background, along with some sort of… mechanical sound? Maybe slow footsteps? Whatever it was, it sounded strange, and she couldn’t place it at all. Whatever it was, it was the thing causing all this. The screams died down, and the news cut back to the main station, where another man sat at the table looking panicked.

“We have received no further reports from the scene. In all likelihood, our own staff members have become victims of this same incident.”

Yuki continued to sit in front of the TV all morning, waiting for some kind of update. It was nearing noon now but there was nothing more reported. And there she was, too afraid to leave the house, too afraid to do anything but sit there watching helplessly. She sighed. Cell should’ve woken up by now. He should’ve been out there saving their lives! What the hell was taking him so long? What about the two androids, and the Saiyans? …and that’s when it hit her. That horrible mechanical sound earlier…

“Oh my god, _the androids!_ It’s the androids!”

The realization slowly sunk in, and she found herself unable to breathe. She knew what was doing this. She was the _only one in the world_ who knew what was going on, and all she could do was sit in her house in fear. The androids were here, and Cell was nowhere to be found. Was it only a coincidence that they appeared so close to her home? So close to wherever Cell was sleeping? What if they dug him up and killed him already?! And what if… what if last night wasn’t a dream at all, and they had tried to take her as well? Somehow she escaped. Suddenly a new development came onto the screen.

The man at the table appeared again. “We’ve received reports that currently the armed forces at Metro West have at length commenced an emergency mobilization toward Gingertown. In consideration of the safety of the neighboring districts, it is hoped this will allow area citizens some peace of mind.” A woman off-screen handed the man a piece of paper. “…this information just in. We have images of one of the tank divisions as they head toward the scene.”

Yuki watched in anticipation as a group of tanks rolled through the remains of Gingertown. They stopped and aimed their cannons up into the air.

And that’s when she saw it.

The camera panned upwards and zoomed in as much as it could. It was a bit blurry, but Yuki could make out that form clear as day. _It looked like Cell._ Well, like how Cell described his next form to look like. Her heart sank in her chest. So it WAS the androids, then. It only made sense that Dr. Gero would’ve made all his creations look similar. But where was the other one…?

The leader of the army held up at loudspeaker and shouted to the android. “Hey! You up there! You are completely surrounded! Surrender yourself, without any useless resistance!”

Yuki stared in disbelief as the android _shot a laser beam out of its eyes_ and blew up one of the tanks, without even moving a muscle. The army started yelling, shooting all they could at it, bombarding it with missiles. But then the unthinkable happened. The android held out its hand and the missiles stopped in midair, falling back down onto the tanks and destroying the entire army.

She continued to sit there, numb. Her stare was off in the direction of some random spot on the carpet. She could tell them what was attacking them, but nobody would believe her. After all, who would take seriously her story about powerful androids, aliens, and heroic bug men? Nobody, that’s who.

Later that afternoon, that horrible being struck Nickytown, 80 miles away from Gingertown. Or perhaps it was android number two? Not that it mattered at this point. More people continued to die, leaving only their clothes behind.

Two days later, on the third day of their rampage, they were still hitting city after city. The media didn’t understand how they were moving so fast. They didn’t yet understand that there were TWO of them. But Yuki knew. And as those days passed, her emotions shifted back and forth between hopeless depression and anger at Cell for not being here to help. Amateur photos and videos slowly made their way to the news, and Yuki learned more and more about the androids. They were _dissolving people_. With their _tails_. It was enough to make her sick.

On the morning of the fourth day, their kill count numbered in the hundreds of thousands. Some stations estimated half a million now. And when noon came around… it stopped. Just as quickly as it had started. A wave of relief came over Yuki after an hour or so of death-free news reports. But how? Where did they go?

She smiled. _Cell must have woken up. Cell killed the androids and saved them all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god, I should just rename this story 'Horrible Misunderstandings', seriously. Poor Yuki, first Cell was a superhero, and now he's a pair of evil androids. Anyway. some of my favorite parts of the Imperfect Cell saga are when he's just messing around with people's minds, so... here is Imperfect Cell messing around with someone's mind :P BOO!
> 
> Oh also, the dialogue of the media coverage comes from the English subtitles of the Japanese version of DBZ. Actual dialogue from the show I'll put in this story will probably be a mix of all the different versions, depending on what suits the scene best.
> 
> Things certainly feel a bit better for the moment, but Yuki is in for a real TREAT when Cell goes on TV to announce his tournament. How will she react to the truth?! WHO KNOWS?! The author sure doesn't, for the author is just winging it at this point. Where will it wing to next?! Yuki learns the truth about her precious superhero, next time ON DRAGON BALL Z!


	6. Day One - Waiting for Superman?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter:
> 
> On the morning of the fourth day, their kill count numbered in the hundreds of thousands. Some stations estimated half a million now. And when noon came around… it stopped. Just as quickly as it had started. A wave of relief came over Yuki after an hour or so of death-free news reports. But how? Where did they go?
> 
> She smiled. Cell must have woken up. Cell killed the androids and saved them all.

The rest of the day went by without much of anything worthwhile happening… unfortunately. There had been a freak earthquake during the early evening hours, but the epicenter had been far enough away to only cause a weak rumble once it reached Yuki’s house. She frowned, sprawled out on the couch, waiting for… something. _Anything._ There was no sign of Cell anywhere! She’d expected him to show his face on TV, announcing to the world that they were all safe now and that he’d defeated the murderous androids. Or… you know, at least stop by and say hello to her. She did SAVE him, after all. It was the polite thing for him to do. He’d taken out the androids, maybe he was off fighting those Saiyan guys?

Regardless, it was pretty late at night, and she had to get at least SOME sleep. Who knew what the next day would bring? She trudged up the stairs, changed into night clothes, and fell onto the bed with a sigh. And in her dreams that night, she was no longer some boring loser stuck out in the middle of the woods. She was the _awesome motorcycle-riding sidekick of the greatest hero the world would ever know._

The next morning, Yuki woke up early and switched on the TV… still nothing… and went into the kitchen to cook breakfast just as the phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Yuki. So honestly, did you have anything to do with that?” So it was Akiko. Pretty early in the morning for her, too.

“Do with what?”

“The thing that attacked the cities. Did you know about it in advance?”

Yuki’s eyed widened. “W-why would you say that?”

“Come on. I remember a while back ago, you calling me over and over at all hours of the night to ask about ‘eight-foot arthropods’ and ‘weaponized bugs’. And then suddenly there’s some… eight foot bug thing shooting lasers out of its eyes? I can put two and two together. Was it an experiment gone wrong? …you’re not some mad scientist, are you? You don’t seem the type, but you might have a secret lair out there in the woods.”

“I’m not, I swear! I just-” She bit her lip. Should she say something to Akiko? Would she even believe a word of it? …actually, she probably would, she was a bit weird. But Cell was still quiet on the incident, so maybe he didn’t want anyone to know? The strong, mysterious type hiding in the background, humble enough to keep his heroic acts to himself, silently watching over the earth with a smile in his fortress of solitude… Those were always the charming, romantic types. A light blush spread across her face. Maybe he’d be cute? Was that even an option? Maybe he’d look nothing like that weird creature that had attacked earlier? No… he told her what he’d look like, and also he was anything BUT humble. _Boo._ So maybe it was okay to tell Akiko a little bit.

“Hey. Yuki. HEY. Just what?”

“Oh! Um, sorry. I’m cooking breakfast and… stuff. Look, if I tell you something, will you promise not to tell a soul? I mean, it’s not like they’d believe you anyway, but still.”

“I knew it.” Akiko’s voice sounded slightly excited, something that caught Yuki off-guard seeing as how she usually never sounded anything.

“There’s this guy named Cell, right? He’s sort of this… genetically altered being that looks kind of like a big bug. There’s also this crazy scientist who made these two androids, they were the ones attacking the cities. I guess he had a change of heart because after that he made Cell, who’s supposed to be the good guy taking out the evil androids. So Cell killed them and that’s why they stopped attacking suddenly.”

“Wait, what. Are you serious? Are you fucking with me?”

“No!” Yuki sighed. How frustrating. The one person she thought would believe her was currently NOT believing her. “Listen, I met him a few years ago before he ‘evolved’ or whatever. He told me about the androids coming and he said he’d kill them. I thought he’d do it before they attacked, but it’s not like anyone would believe me anyway.”

“So… a genetically engineered good guy bug named ‘Cell’, and two bad guy bugs that happened to be androids, were locked in a war over the fate of the earth over the last few days.”

“Yes! Yes exactly!”

There was silence on the other end of the line for a full half minute before Akiko finally spoke up. “ _…I thought I told you to lay off the shrooms._ You have the weirdest trips.”

“I don’t do…“ Before Yuki could finish her sentence, Akiko had hung up. “…shrooms. UGH.” She slammed the phone down and turned her attention back to her breakfast. Which was completely burnt now. Great, just great. Today was already looking like it’d be a wonderful day. And as she sat down with a huff at the dining room table, settling on a bowl of cereal, her day was about to get _even better_.

She was in the middle of drowning her frustrations in a spoonful of marshmallows when she was suddenly jolted out of place by a shrill scream followed by an explosion coming from the TV. What the hell was going on THIS time?! She jumped up and made a mad dash for the living room, tripping over her own feet and landing face first in front of the TV. _That figured._ Another great start to the day. But… then she looked up.

_And there he was._

He didn’t look anything like he’d described to her all those years ago, but there was no mistaking it. The delighted looking winged man smiling down at her from the TV couldn’t possibly be anyone other than… “C… Cell…?” Wide eyed, she pushed herself up into a seated position, too shaky from excitement to stand up and take a place on the couch. So this was it. She wasn’t crazy! It hadn’t been some weird dream!

Cell continued smiling, and spoke in a calm, collected tone. “Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. As it happens, I have brought _wonderful_ news to you ladies and gentlemen, as you enjoy living your lives in peace. News that will allow you to live out your days with even more _fun_ , and even more _thrills._ ”

Yuki stifled a giggle. No modesty at all, just like before… now here he was, bragging about his good deeds.

“My name is Cell. Ladies and gentlemen, I’m certain you are all well aware of the incidents where many people have been wiped out by a monster every day…”

He was grinning now, eager to throw out whatever boasts he wanted to reveal. He seemed very polite about it though, and he was rather nice looking. Yuki smiled. Maybe they could get together for coffee later?

But then his grin turned into something chillingly sinister. “ _…I am that monster_ , having evolved and transformed! For contributing so much life energy to me then, I thank you. You may be at ease, I no longer have the need for such life energy.”

Yuki froze and stared at the screen, unable to blink, unable to breathe… that was a joke, right? He was joking. Of course he was! He was always so sarcastic back then, it only made sense. Of course it did! “ _YES, IT DID!_ ” She stood up, her face radiating with an unsettling mix of terror and delight, and started to laugh. Silently at first. Painfully. And as Cell continued on, revealing his tournament and the details of it, her laughter shot up into a crescendo - a disjointed, disturbing, shaky laughter that sent a chill down her own spine.

And just as quickly as it had started, her laughter stopped. Cell was shooting the camera that sinister look again. “…in the event that all representative warriors are defeated by me, _I have decided to kill every last person in the world._ I will gaze upon the looks of terror on your faces, acting thoroughly, sparing not a single one of you! And with that, I would like many of you who are sure of your strength to come participate…”

Yuki watched in horror as he placed his hand on the wall behind him and shot out a burst of energy, blowing out the wall… and the entire city line behind the wall… before finally crashing into a mountain some fifty miles in the distance. After the dust cleared… _the mountain was gone._ “…if you don’t want things to end up like this, that is.”

And with a deceptively kind smile, he spoke one last time. “And so, I will be looking forward to this.” He gave a quick wave and took off through the destroyed wall, disappearing into the sky towards god knows where.

As the screen went to static, Yuki continued to stand there silently, and the quiet dread snaking around her body kept her held firmly in place. Ten minutes later, when the screen cut back to the news, she continued to stand. And stare. Blank. The images on the news sped by her at an overwhelming pace, each one stabbing her right in the heart. Traffic jams, everyone crying, people screaming in terror as they trampled over each other in their attempts to leave the cities. All hell had broken loose. It was the apocalypse, and the ‘weaponized locust’ had been unleashed. Did… did that make her the Whore of Babylon? That was the only woman she knew of in Revelation…

The media began it’s replays of Cell’s doomsday broadcast, and Yuki finally broke free of the dread and switched off the TV. She silently walked over to the dining room and sat down.

“…my cereal is warm.”

She poked at it with her spoon, and started to shake uncontrollably.

“…I killed millions of people.”

The spoon dropped to the floor, and her head dropped onto the table.

“…I’m going to kill billions of people. I’m going to kill the world.”

She stared at the patterns in the wood of her dining table… this was the part where she was supposed to be doubled over in a sobbing, pathetic mess, but instead she just sat there. Numb.

“Cell lied to me.”

He did. _Cell lied to her._ He’d fabricated everything and left her anxiously waiting for some superman for THREE YEARS. And that was it, then. All this time, she thought she had something to look forward to, but there was NOTHING to look forward to but lies and delusions. There were no such things as superheroes, there were only evil bug men. And evil androids. And evil Saiyans. That is, if the androids and Saiyans were even real. They were probably lies, too. 

And that’s when it hit her. She was more upset over the fact that _Cell turned out to be a bad guy_ than she was over the fact that she was about to indirectly kill everyone on the planet. And even then, she wasn’t all that upset over him either. She was trying so hard to cry and it just wasn’t happening… did that make her just as horrible as he was? She’d fucked everything up, the world would most likely be better off without her at this point. The phone rang. Probably Akiko. Yuki had let slip Cell’s name before anyone even knew it, so she was probably calling to freak out on her. “Sorry Akiko… maybe next time.”

Again, she looked down at the bowl.

“It’s never going to be cold again. It’s ruined forever.” And with that, she stood up and started to walk towards the front door. But as she reached for the handle, she paused, and glanced up the stairs at that garland lasso hanging from the closet door. Would it hold her weight if she jumped off the rafters with it around her neck? …probably not.

A long sigh escaped her as she slammed the front door behind her and sat down on the edge of the porch, staring off into the distance. So Cell had been the bad guy this whole time, and she’d fallen for his lies, hook line and sinker. And now what? Now a bunch of cities had been _destroyed_ because she’s been stupid enough to fall for one of the oldest villain tricks in the book. Looking back on it now, she should’ve picked up on it, with the way he always looked so… _giddy_ when he spoke about destruction and war. But Yuki had always dismissed it as his ‘normal look’ even though all her instincts had said ‘No fucking way.’ And for some awful reason, she didn’t feel anything at all. No sadness. No anger. No nothing. …well, maybe a little guilty for not feeling anything, but when it came to Cell, nothing. It was like he took all her dreams and future plans, ripped them out of her chest violently, and then stomped on them over and over while laughing his head off. Now she just had this big black hole, and instead of some kind of negative emotion filling it up, it just stayed there empty. Maybe her mind just hadn’t caught up with the situation yet? She sighed again and looked up at the sky. A beautiful, clear, happy sky just beaming down on her. Too bad it didn’t realize that in a little over a week, the atmosphere would probably get destroyed and it wouldn’t exist anymore. It just sat up there in happy obliviousness, just like Yuki had the past three years.

She looked back down as a little roach skittered across the porch and stopped a few feet away from her. “You’re lucky, maybe you’ll survive the end of the world. You and all your friends. Then Cell would be your leader, I guess. The cockroach king.” A little smile spread across her face, but never reached her eyes. “…he always hated me calling him a bug. Maybe I should find him, march right up to him, and call him a big mutant bug. Right to his face. I mean, he blew up that mountain on TV with only his hand, so he’d probably grind me to dust, but who cares? Look what I did. I don’t even deserve to live at this point, I might as well die at the hands of the murderer I set free. It’d be poetic… Maybe I’ll slap him, too. _Fuck that guy_. At least make him really offended and go out with a bang… it’s not like it even matters anymore, right? It’s either that, or just… I don’t know, jump off a bridge? God, I just don’t want to be around when he destroys everything. This can’t be happening, this is some nightmare, I just want to _wake up_.”

With a frown, she leaned back against the porch railing, scoffing at the little bug next to her. “Why am I even talking to you? You’re a fucking _roach_ I am so done making friends with you guys, the last one I talked to turned out to be some weapon of mass destruction, you know. You’re probably Cell’s _cousin_ or something, get out of here.”

She nudged it with her foot and it went skittering off somewhere, leaving her alone to her thoughts. Still, she felt absolutely nothing but guilt and a strong desire to possibly not be alive anymore at the moment. The situation still hadn’t caught up with her mind, and it most likely never would at this point. She was just a shitty person that didn’t care about the fact that millions of people just died. And Cell was probably hanging out at his new arena, looking all smug, laughing about the girl who was stupid enough to fall for his bullshit. Androids, Saiyans… yes, he _definitely_ made all that crap up. He probably got off on messing with people’s heads or something, that bastard.

Suddenly, the epiphany hit her, and she jumped to her feet. _Cell was probably hanging out at his new arena, and he said exactly where it was_. Her eyes widened with surprise… and a bit of terror. She knew where he was. There was no more musing over what she _could_ do if she ever found Cell. Now only two choices remained - sit here and realize she was too much of a coward to act on it, or… go there and try to upset him, possibly sacrificing her life to pay him back for mentally screwing with her. She didn’t want to be a coward, nor did she really care whether she lived or died at this point, so… choice two looked pretty good.

“Well. Hm. Okay then…” She took a deep breath and turned back to her front door, her hands balled into tight fists. “I can fight, too.”

“…maybe…” And with that, she marched back into the house to ‘prepare’. Maybe one last pizza? It’d probably be the tastiest pizza she’d ever eat. And… one last re-watch of her favorite movie? It’d probably be the most vivid re-watch she would ever experience, after all. To her, it seemed like this must be how prisoners felt on their last day before getting the needle. _Except her needle was a villainous superbug._

Out at the newly placed arena, it was mid-afternoon and Cell was in high spirits. Goku and his little friends were all aware of his challenge by now, and in nine days… He chuckled quietly and looked up at the sky. In nine days, he could finally test out the powers of his perfect form to their fullest, and the entire world would bear witness to it. Hopefully there would be some challenge for him, it would be quite disappointing if Goku failed to meet his expectations. But if their strength continued to increase as dramatically as it did in the past few days, well…

His thoughts trailed off at the sound of an engine traveling in his direction, and he turned his gaze towards the single road leading up to the tournament stage. It was an old blue car, barely hanging on by a thread. A car that he immediately recognized.

“Oh? Well, now…” His eyes danced with mischief as he watched his visitor drive closer. _So the entertainment had finally arrived._ How interesting that she had the nerve to show up after all… most likely filled with some delusional, optimistic hope that she could ‘change his ways’. So ready and willing to get her hopes dashed all over again, was she? She was in for quite a rude awakening.

When she pulled up to the very edge of the stage, Cell’s eyes were already locked firmly on her car. She looked him over curiously through the window, debating whether she should even get out or not. He was… intimidating as hell. Just standing up there with his arms crossed, those giant black wings of his spread out on either side of him… and he was giving her this look that just screamed _‘Oh please hurry up and get out of that car, I’m just so excited to brutally murder you!’_ And honestly, even though she didn’t much care if she lived or died at this point, the thought of him squeezing the life out of her before she even got the chance to do anything… well, that’s not what she’d come here for.

She took a deep breath and opened the door. Cautiously. Slowly… and after a bit of hesitation, Yuki finally stepped out onto the grass and looked up at him, dead in the eyes. Maybe if she just waited for him to speak first, she wouldn’t provoke him enough to toss her into the cliffside right away. And then when he finally said something, she could throw out some insult that would make him… well, who was she kidding? She wasn’t in any mood for that… right now she really just wanted to know why. Then, maybe then, it would upset her enough to make her really get in his face.

He kept his gaze fixed down on her, waiting for her to give her opening statement. She seemed to be thinking. Tackling some moral dilemma, most likely. Surely, she must have come here with something she wanted to say or do, or else she wouldn’t have shown up at all. Or maybe… she’d come here with no plan at all. At that, he scoffed to himself. He wasn’t sure if he’d mark that under bravery, or foolishness. Perhaps both.

The two continued to stare at each other in silence, no sounds or movement around them but the breeze. After a few minutes, Cell’s smirk dropped into a frown. _So she wanted him to speak first?_ What a pity. And here he’d been, trying to be polite…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, oh wow. This was probably the hardest chapter to write, and it still didn't come out so good. I am... amazingly bad at writing anything serious. No matter what I write, it always comes out sounding light-hearted. _I am dreading the Cell vs. Gohan scenes._ It'll wind up sounding like nothing more than a little hissy fit between toddlers. With this chapter, the only thing that kinda freaked me out was Yuki's weirdass sudden laughter. I just wanted her to stand there, I have no idea why she started up on that shit. It reminds me of those creepy girls on Higurashi or something.
> 
> Let's see... Cell's doomsday broadcast comes from the English subtitles of the Japanese version. THE BEST VERSION. I love how he throws out all that nice polite crap like he's about to tell you that you won a million bucks and then... BAM! You get massively fucked and he flies away laughing. In the English version, he's just so... hammy. Like, constantly. And especially during the broadcast. NO FUN.
> 
> Anyway, Yuki's broken down a bit, but not really! She must be stronger than she seems, either that or she just fails at emotions in general? Now here she stands before Cell on Day One leading up to the tournament, their glorious re-meeting! ...or a 'slightly entertaining turn of events', as Cell would put it. Who will speak up first? Will they argue? Will there be witty quips and sarcastic insults?! CAN YUKI'S CAR HANDLE THE DRIVE BACK?! Maybe Cell should just fly her dumb ass back home once he gets bored. Goku enters the fray as well, next time ON DRAGON BALL Z! (rockin' guitar riff!)


	7. Day One - The Girl Who Survived

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter:
> 
> He kept his gaze fixed down on her, waiting for her to give her opening statement. She seemed to be thinking. Tackling some moral dilemma, most likely. Surely, she must have come here with something she wanted to say or do, or else she wouldn’t have shown up at all. Or maybe… she’d come here with no plan at all. At that, he scoffed to himself. He wasn’t sure if he’d mark that under bravery, or foolishness. Perhaps both.
> 
> The two continued to stare at each other in silence, no sounds or movement around them but the breeze. After a few minutes, Cell’s smirk dropped into a frown. _So she wanted him to speak first?_ What a pity. And here he’d been, trying to be polite…

“ _Well._ ” Cell’s voice cut through the silence that had settled in around them like a knife. “Look what the cat dragged in.”

As soon as it left his mouth, the perfect insult hit her. Anything cat-related, she could do. Deadly forest cats, pet cats in costumes… all of it irritated him back then. That’s what she wanted, right? To insult the hell out of him as soon as he spoke? But before she could open her mouth, the insult left her. She stared at him, speechless, unable to even move. Everything that happened was starting to seep into her mind, little by little. Standing before her was the man who’d lied to her, the one she’d been waiting for in vain. All of the shit that had happened to her over the last three years while he’d been gone, and now that shit was still going strong. And as soon as he spoke, it all hit her. _It was all real._ Everyone was going to be dead soon. She was going to be dead in a few minutes… probably. She felt all her anger melt away and get replaced by a horrible depression, one that no longer even cared to piss him off. One that just wanted him to lift up his hand and blast her away, just like he did to that mountain.

Cell continued to frown, a bit surprised by her silence. No silly quip about forest cats then? And he’d purposely walked right into that one, too. Pity. “So what are you doing here? Not many of you humans would dare to confront me, and even less of you would live to talk about it.”

Yuki still found herself unable to move, unable to tear her eyes away. But she wondered why he’d say that… did he not remember her? Maybe his memories were wiped clean when he evolved? So even more of a reason for him to just kill her, it’s not like there was any ‘reminiscing’ going on in his mind or anything. And even though it was the most difficult thing she’d ever done, she replied to him, in barely a whisper. “…so you don’t remember me then.”

“Oh, I remember you… Miss Yuki Mouka Miyamoto.” He made sure to put emphasis on her name, dragging it out.

…no response. He cocked his head to the side curiously. This fun little confrontation was something he’d been looking forward to - an entertaining little back and forth as an animated Yuki tried in vain to get him to change his ways and become the ‘superhero’ she so desperately wanted. Most likely followed by a bout of ‘extreme pouting’ once she realized she’d never get her way. But instead there was nothing but a depressed little woman with dead eyes standing at the edge of his arena. Staring at him in silence. But then a devious smile spread across his face. _Perhaps he could fix that._

“The girl who survived! Now why would you willingly come wandering into my clutches after I was gracious enough to let you go the first time?”

Yuki sighed, but there was still no hint of emotion on her face. “What’s that supposed to mean? When did you let me go?”

“Oh, that’s right…” Cell’s eyes widened and his smile grew bigger. “ _You were asleep._ ” And three… two… one…

Immediately the dead look on her face vanished and was replaced by one of confusion and dismay. “Wh… what the hell are you talking about? Were you sneaking around my house at night… oh my god, that was YOU at the window!”

“I don’t know what you mean. It must have been a _ghost_.”

Yuki felt all the depression twist up into anger. She felt completely violated. This guy had TOYED with her! Messed with her head! She didn’t care WHO he was, that was a horrible thing to do to anyone. “You dick! It almost gave me a heart attack! Why the fuck would you even do that?!”

Cell laughed to himself. Despite their unpredictability, humans could be so hilariously easy to read sometimes. “Now, I don’t think that matters right now, does it? What should matter most to you is the fact that you’ve so _boldly_ walked up to certain death. There are only three types of people that would do such a thing. The blind, the stupid, and those who have nothing left to live for. Tell me Yuki, which one are you? You are obviously not blind, and as much as you like to play the part, you are not stupid, so…”

“Fuck you!”

“You expected to get a superhero and instead you got the extinction of your species. I’d imagine that’s enough to drive any compassionate human over the edge. How did you feel when you discovered the truth?” Cell grinned. Yuki was obviously not suicidal, that didn’t seem to fit her personality, but it would most likely bother her to be assumed as such.

“You want to know how I feel? You _really_ want to know how I feel?! Because I’ll fucking tell you!” She jumped up onto the stage in a fearless fury and marched right up to him, sticking her pointer finger right in his face. “I didn’t feel ANYTHING! I wasn’t angry, I wasn’t depressed, I just felt fucking nothing! So I’m sorry to disappoint you by not feeding your psychotic need to mess with people’s heads! If I feel anything, _I feel pissed the fuck off at the way you’re talking to me!_ ”

Cell paused, blinking at her in astonishment. Explosive anger? Not the emotion he’d expected to pull out of someone like her. It wasn’t exactly the ‘back and forth’ he’d been ready for… but it would do. It might wind up entertaining after all. “Don’t expect me to speak to you respectfully if you cannot be respectful yourself. You’ve barged in on my little abode here and didn’t bother to call first.“ He lightly swatted her hand away from his face. “ _How impolite._ ”

“Fuck you. Fuck you and your smart ass sarcastic bullshit!”

Yuki shot him the most venomous glare she possibly could. That asshole couldn’t possibly handle a Yuki stare-down. Men always turned away in fear at an angry glare from a lady, it was ingrained in their DNA! She’d show him how pissed off she really was. …but Cell didn’t budge. He narrowed his eyes and returned her glare with one of his own. An even more venomous one that seemed to suggest he was on the verge of torturing her before tossing her off into orbit. But Yuki endured it… for about 30 seconds. Then she shuddered and looked off to the side… well that was a bust. Apparently the adrenaline rush that had been fueling her bravery earlier must’ve faded away or something.

Cell was absolutely delighted at this turn of events. He’d not been expecting this at all. No, he expected her to pout and possibly call him a ‘meanie’, then maybe go brood in her car. Instead she was just… catty and full of rage, slinging obscenities all over the place, getting right in his face… apparently she’d evolved in the last few years as well. “How about we try this again? Let’s be civil. How are you, my dear? It’s been too long since we last spoke.”

She sighed and rolled her eyes. _Civil._ Yeah, okay. “Are you seriously asking how I’m doing, like you even care? Fine. I’ll tell you how the last three years have been for me. I had a… hospital related thing that cost me a boatload, which totally took out all my savings and forced me to go on a sabbatical from college… a sabbatical that I’m still on, so my only friend graduated without me. I waited around for a cute little bug that promised me he was a superhero but turned out to be a _genocidal maniac_. My mom AND my brother died. Oh, and remember Haru, my boyfriend that believed you were a cat? He cheated on me like two years ago. OH THAT’S RIGHT, of course you remember him! You went out of your way to KILL HIM, I noticed.”

“So he was no longer your mate. Pity.”

“What is THAT supposed to mean? What the hell is wrong with you?! He lived so far away from any of those cities you hit! You literally had to go out of your way to fly _over five hundred miles_ into the countryside to kill him, and then fly all the way back! What the hell even IS that?!”

Cell laughed. “But he was no longer your mate, and he treated you horribly. So really in the end I did a good deed. I suppose I am a superhero after all.”

“BULL. SHIT. There is no possible way you could’ve known about that breakup! It’s like you woke up from your three year hibernation and your first thought was _‘Hey, how can I be the biggest dick to Yuki possible?’_ And don’t you dare tell me otherwise!”

“He believed I was a cat. I was offended. I was not going to let him get away with insulting me, I’m sure you understand.” With a dismissive wave of his hand, Cell set his gaze off into the distance, like he was completely disinterested in the current topic.

“I can’t believe you actually killed my ex because he believed me when I said you were a cat! It’s like you just want any reason you can find to kill people!”

“I’ve never needed a reason before to kill someone, and I certainly don’t need one now. There are no two-foot-tall pet cats. _I do not abide stupidity._ ”

“Fine, okay, whatever. He insulted you, _boo hoo._ How many times have I insulted you today? Why don’t you kill me? I’m still standing here!” She spread her arms out wide, inviting him to just blast her into oblivion.

Cell thought about it for a moment. He could kill her, he supposed. This was a bit fun, but… he could see it growing tiresome after a while. But she still had saved his life, as embarrassing as that situation had been. To take her out now would just be ungratefully indecent. Besides, if she started getting tiring, he could easily chase her away. Let her live out her remaining days pursuing her ‘bucket list’ or similar.

“…it wouldn’t be very proper to kill the one who kept me from being killed, now would it? I’d rather not lower myself to something so barbaric. Besides, don’t you want to see the end of the world? I’m sure it will be a spectacular sight, that is, before the heat of a dying planet incinerates you. The last human alive before the end…” He looked up at the sky, mulling over the idea. “Consider it a show of gratitude.”

Yuki stared at him, gaping. Was he serious? Did he really consider that _gratitude?!_ He either knew absolutely nothing about human emotions, or he was just being a dick again. “Are you insane?! …and stupid?! I don’t want to survive until the end! I don’t even want to survive the beginning!”

He frowned at her. “Here I am, giving you my guarantee that I won’t KILL YOU right now, and you’re going to be ungrateful about it? What a pity. I, however, am not ungrateful, nor am I a liar. I am a man of my word. To be otherwise would be dishonorable, I suppose.”

“So you don’t lie, but you kill? That’s not ‘dishonorable’? That’s a twisted set of morals you have, plus you do lie! You told me you were a superhero!”

“I said no such thing. _You inferred it._ I told you I would take out the androids and the Saiyans. I took out the androids, and at the tournament I will take out the Saiyans. See? I’m true to my word.”

The condescending smirk he had on his face after saying that made Yuki want to slap him silly, but then she realized something… “Okay fine, so you promised not to kill me, so I can wander all around your stage here and annoy the fuck out of you, and you won’t do jack shit? Is that what you’re saying?”

Cell’s eyes narrowed and the smirk on his face immediately fell into an expression of displeasure. “I would treat lightly, every promise has it’s loophole. Now… why are you so adamant about seeing how far my patience goes? Are you suicidal? Perhaps you really do feel you have nothing left to live for. Tell me, Yuki, is it because you think you’re indirectly responsible for the death of millions? Or…” He moved closer to her, right next to her ear, and whispered. “…is it because your life is so in shambles that all you had to look forward to was _me_?”

Yuki pulled away from him and took a step back. “You know what? FUCK YOU! At least I’ve got my good health, you ass! Try pushing my buttons one more fucking time, I DARE you.”

That condescending smirk returned to Cell’s face. “You know what they say, good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.”

“ _THAT’S IT!_ ” Without a second thought, Yuki did something she’d wanted to do in the first place but never thought she’d have the courage to pull of. She slapped him as hard as she could in the face.

…and then reeled back in pain, clutching onto her hand. What the hell was that? It was like slapping a concrete wall! He didn’t move. He didn’t even flinch. He just stood there, smirking, while Yuki nursed her burning hand.

“Don’t hurt yourself, now.”

“You know what? How about you just kill me? I don’t want your stupid promise. I mean, I got to slap you in the face, so even though I’m on the road to hell, at least it’ll be paved now, right?”

Cell scoffed. “Now what fun would it be to kill someone who’s already dead?”

Yuki’s breath hitched in her throat, and she slid to the ground, trembling. She was already dead. He thought it was _funny_ that she wanted to die. He was torturing her. How could someone treat anyone that way? Why was he doing this? She stared down at the ground, letting her mind fall blank in an effort not to cry. She wouldn’t cry in front of this guy, no way. And so she stared at the stone tiles, feeling emptier than she had been when she first discovered the truth…

Cell furrowed his brow and frowned. What on earth was this? He’d meant she’d be dead in a few days anyway, so it would be pointless to kill her now. But she seemed to be taking it in some other way. He remained silent and attempted to analyze the situation. This wasn’t exactly what he’d call a ‘back and forth’ at the moment. If anything, he’d call it… what was the phrase? Kicking a puppy? Hm. Maybe she just had a death wish? …and that’s when the realization hit him. _She really was suicidal._ All those pleas for him to kill her weren’t bluffs at all, she really meant it. All those jokes he’d made about it, she probably assumed he knew and was torturing her. Egging her on. As though he would do anything that _pathetic_. He sighed, frustrated.

“You were testing my patience, so I suppose I wound up testing yours. But I went too far, I apologize.” He smiled and bowed before her, attempting to be polite as possible.

Yuki continued to stare at the ground, but she replied. “…you are a horrible person. Even if you weren’t a murderer, I can already tell just from the way you talk that you’re rotten and evil inside.”

“That is quite an extreme way of saying you hate someone.”

“You know… right before you left I promised I wouldn’t hate you no matter what you became. And I don’t hate you. _I pity you._ I pity you because none of this is even your fault. It’s that… Dr. Gero guy. He made you the way you are, and he was psychotic enough to make you have to _eat people_ to gain strength, and then he made some computer to pound all his evil shit into your head. It’s his fault all these people are dead. It’s not mine… even though I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop blaming myself, and it’s not yours, even though you were the one doing the killing. I guess I’m an idiot, but I still see you as the strange guy sitting on my couch wondering why ghost hunters yell at the air, getting all miffed at my ‘pop culture references’, and opening doors with garland lassos…” Yuki smiled sadly at the ground.

Cell scoffed. He expected her to turn her depression back to anger and throw out another ‘fuck you’, not just _give up_ and start babbling worthless sympathies. His polite attitude turned into one of annoyance. The most likely scenario was that she’d come out here with no real plan and was now cycling through different stages of grief uncontrollably.

“Yuki…” He gazed down at her and smiled. “I think I understand now. You may be right, after all, I would rather not live life based on Dr. Gero’s propaganda. Perhaps I can find something else to do.”

Yuki’s eyes lit up, and she got back up on her feet. Was he serious? Maybe? “You… you totally have free will, you can do whatever you want, you know!”

“I suppose…” He chuckled and shook his head. “Just kidding, sorry. Your planet is still in peril.”

She sighed. That figured. “You’re a horrible asshole, you know. But… I guess the fact that I can’t hate you after everything that’s happened just proves that I’m a horrible person too. Life just isn’t fair, you know? You should’ve been a superhero, and I should’ve been… I don’t know, your awesome sidekick or something.”

“Oh? Is this the part where I’m supposed to realize the error of my ways and feel remorse?” Cell laughed. “My dear, life doesn’t do ‘fair’, not then, not now, not ever. There was never truly what ‘should be’, there is only what is, and that’s it. Life doesn’t care for fair, like me it is merciless. The concept of what ‘should have been’ is something you humans invented to torture yourselves with.”

Yuki paused and thought about what he said. It sounded kind of… kind, but not really? If that made any sense. “I can’t tell if you’re trying to comfort me, or if you’re just being blunt.”

“Well, I wouldn’t call it _comforting_ , but I am attempting to be nice at the moment. Considering your current unpredictable moods. But I am most definitely blunt.” Cell watched as Yuki started to smile. Probably mistaking his attempts to be considerate as some sparkling ray of hope for humanity.

“Hey, you don’t have to destroy the world, you can still be a hero. I mean you’ve got that huge ego, I’m sure you’d like everyone adoring you, right? It’s not too late, you could go back on TV and say you were just joking and that you were the guy who killed the one destroying the cities, or… or something. I really would be your sidekick! Like… um… Bugman and Insectagirl!”

And there was that old oblivious Yuki he once knew. There was that delusional plea he’d been expecting since the beginning. Granted, he’d expected it AT the beginning, but good enough. He laughed. Yuki was back to her normal self there, he almost felt bad for having to deny her. _Almost._ “Oh no, this world will still burn, but you are quite entertaining though… now if you’d like to cheer me on as I raze the population, then by all means be my sidekick, ‘Insectagirl’.”

Yuki’s smile dropped just as quickly as it had come. “…I hope those Saiyan guys you’re after kick your ass.”

“If they do, then you will have been witness to the single most unlikely event to ever happen.” Cell paused. “…speaking of Saiyans.”

Yuki tilted her head in confusion. “What?” …but then she saw him. Standing behind Cell was a strange man with blonde hair and blue-green eyes. She jumped back slightly. How the heck did he get there? She never even saw him coming! But Cell was completely calm, as though he’d been expecting him.

Without even turning around, he addressed the man behind him. “Son Goku, huh?”

“Yeah. That’s right.”

Yuki watched the man curiously. So that was Goku. She remembered Cell talking about him once. He was one of the Saiyans. Him and… Vegga? Vetga? She couldn’t remember the name of the other one.

Cell smiled. “What do you think? This is the ring of the Cell Games, which will determine the fate of the world nine days from now. Do you like it?”

“It’s an awfully puny ring to determine any fate.” Goku smirked. That had been quite a burn.

Cell’s face twisted into an angry glare, and he turned around to face his opponent. Yuki watched them stare at each other… a stare-down way more intense than the one she tried to initiate with Cell. She felt kind of embarrassed about it now… Suddenly her hair began to stand on end and she felt static shocks running through her body. The air had grown electric, and as she looked up at the sky, what had just been a sunny day was now dark with storm clouds, swirling high above, with the ring as the eye of the storm. She gasped and got low to the ground. What the hell was happening? And Cell and Goku were still there _staring_ at each other! Soon dust and small rocks began lifting off the ground from a sudden updraft, not enough to lift up Yuki, but enough to be incredibly terrifying. Were they causing this? Were they causing this just by STARING at each other? Was this some kind of Saiyan power? “S-scary…”

Goku spoke up first. “So you’ve finally turned into it, huh? That’s your perfect form, then?”

“That is correct.”

“I’ll be sure to come for the matches. So until then, don’t you kill even a single person! Got that?”

Cell smirked, but said nothing. Yuki wasn’t sure if that meant he agreed, or if he was silently telling Goku to go fuck himself.

“…including that one.” Suddenly Goku turned his gaze to Yuki and held out his hand. “Come on, I’ll take you back into town.”

Yuki stayed there low on the ground, stammering. What the hell was she supposed to say to him? “Uhhh… um… w-well…” But then Cell spoke up for her.

“Now Goku, I don’t believe I agreed to that.”

Goku blinked, confused, still looking at Yuki. “Is he holding you here? Wh-“

“ _IF_ I were you, I would leave now. Don’t you have some training to do? After all, I was kind enough to give you ten whole days. Her… _unfortunate circumstances_ are none of your concern.”

“I-“ Goku paused, and looked at Cell, then back to Yuki with a thoughtful expression on his face, then finally back to Cell. “… it looks like it will be a good match.”

Yuki watched in amazement as Goku _teleported_ away. Or maybe he moved so fast it looked like he teleported. Maybe it was another Saiyan thing? As soon as he disappeared, the sky cleared up and Yuki stood back on her feet. Cell was staring at the spot where Goku had just been standing.

“…it seems this will be an even more enjoyable event than I thought.” He mused to himself.

“H…hey!” Yuki huffed and walked around to face Cell. “Why didn’t you tell him I was here of my own free will?! He gave me a really weird look! Now he’s probably going to worry about me, seeing as how he’s the HERO of the story and all!”

“I don’t believe our personal affairs are any of his business, now are they?”

“Yeah, _‘personal affairs’_. Is that what you call mentally abusing and taking advantage of somebody?”

Cell looked amused. “My dear, when you came here, you were teetering on the brink of suicide. Now your mood has been elevated to a state of only mild annoyance. If anything, I _helped_ you mentally. You should be grateful.”

“Boy, you seem to think you’ve done a lot of things I should be ‘grateful’ for.” She rolled her eyes at him. “Whatever. I have things to do, but I’ll be back tomorrow! I’m going to pay you back for everything you put me through.”

“Oh, I don’t think it would be a good idea to return. I don’t think your emotional health can take much more of a hit.” Cell smirked as she turned around and walked towards the edge of the stage.

“Fuck you, we’ll see who breaks first.” As she neared her car, she threw both her hands high in the air, flipping off the asshole behind her, then got in the car and drove away.

Cell frowned as he watched her driving away down the single road out from the arena. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Break _him_? Had she lost her mind? She was no longer that carefree girl full of optimism, blinded by her own delusions. Apparently she didn’t realize that _she had already broken._ She’d come here wanting to DIE, after all. So she wanted to die… He smiled and held up his hand, aiming it straight at her car. If his aim was to blow up her car, that wouldn’t necessarily be killing her directly, after all. He’d be blowing up her car and her death would just be an _unfortunate side effect_. As the energy in his hand began to glow… he changed his mind. Did she have anything planned? Or was she just making things up as she went along? Either way, he’d never get to see what fun things she had in store, and how dreadfully boring would that be? His eyes glimmered in amusement as she drove out of sight. Once again, she could wear the prestigious title of ‘The girl who survived’. And she had better appreciate it.

Now back at home, Yuki fell down onto the couch. She’d lied to him - she didn’t have things to do, she just wanted to get away from him. She was tired, mentally exhausted… not suicidal anymore, so Cell had been right about that. But that fucker was going to WISH she was suicidal once she got done annoying the crap out of him. She failed today because she didn’t know what she was getting into, but now maybe she could come up with a plan. So he’d been trying to fuck with her mind, and he sure as hell seemed to enjoy it. Like he got off on it or something.

“What am I supposed to do…?” She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. “God, now I HAVE to go back tomorrow or that ass is going to stand there with that stupid smirk and get all smug over how I just… wussed out and ran away…”

No way in hell. She had to go back. He knew exactly how to push her buttons, but how could she push his? When had he been the most emotional during their little ‘reunion’? He did get a little annoyed when she threatened to take advantage of his promise not to kill her. Hell, he didn’t even do it when she broke down and ASKED him to. That was something she could use, right? It had to be a pride thing. Maybe… if she purposely went out of her way to annoy him to the point of _wanting_ her dead… Best case scenario: He’d see it as some ‘game’ and wouldn’t be able to kill her because he’d see it as ‘losing’. Worst case scenario: He flips his shit and murders her anyway. But did the worst case scenario really matter? At least that way, she could say she went out fighting. And how many other people could say that at the end of the world?

Later that evening, Yuki stood on her porch, looking up at the sky. She tried to really formulate some plan in her head, but ‘out-annoy Cell’ was all she had. She was eventually snapped out of her thoughts by a shooting star. How amazing, she’d never seen one while it was still light outside! So many wishes flew through her mind, but before she could pick one, another meteor went flying past… then another and another. Soon there were hundreds shooting through the sky, and Yuki watched them in awe. _So many wishes._ And it was beautiful. …Cell was probably ignoring it. With those weird energy blasts and stuff that he had, he could probably make beautiful things if he wasn’t such an asshat. Use his powers for good instead of evil, all that kind of thing…

Too bad he could never appreciate a light show like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> …the irony being, of course, that Cell was actually the one who caused said meteor shower. I think his exact words were “Perhaps those miserable humans would appreciate a light show.”
> 
> Anyway. Cell is a rather complex guy to figure out. And to write! Ugh. One moment he’s semi-polite, and another moment he’s making sarcastic comments and _throwing cars at people_. He seems to just teeter between attempting to be mannerly and attempting to mess with everyone’s heads. I guess it depends on his mood.
> 
> I want to say “Poor Yuki!” here, but all I can think is “Poor Cell!” I mean, he was just trying for a little light-hearted back and forth, _but he misread Yuki completely._ He made the wrong assumption about her depression and had no idea she was actually suicidal. It was… a very cringe-y thing to write. _I just wanted to slap him in the face_. He must’ve been very put out to find that his little quips had almost pushed her to suicide? That’s definitely not his preferred way of killing someone. Just not his “schtick”, as they say.
> 
> And Goku what the hell are you doing? Jesus. I know I had to write him in there since he does show up to size up Cell on the first day, but man he gave up on Yuki pretty quick. I guess he’s formulatin’ something.
> 
> As Day One comes to a close, Yuki’s come out unscathed (albeit a bit pissed off) Will she come up with an actual plan for tomorrow? Will she answer the damn phone and talk to Akiko? WHO THE HELL KNOWS?! All I know is I’m going to find a way to destroy that shitty car of hers on Day Two. Come watch the fireworks, next time ON DRAGON BALL Z!


	8. Day Two - A 'Eugoogly' for a Shitty Car

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter:
> 
> Later that evening, Yuki stood on her porch, looking up at the sky. She tried to really formulate some plan in her head, but ‘out-annoy Cell’ was all she had. She was eventually snapped out of her thoughts by a shooting star. How amazing, she’d never seen one while it was still light outside! So many wishes flew through her mind, but before she could pick one, another meteor went flying past… then another and another. Soon there were hundreds shooting through the sky, and Yuki watched them in awe. So many wishes. And it was beautiful. …Cell was probably ignoring it. With those weird energy blasts and stuff that he had, he could probably make beautiful things if he wasn’t such an asshat. Use his powers for good instead of evil, all that kind of thing…
> 
> Too bad he could never appreciate a light show like that.

Yuki woke up the next day feeling like absolute shit. It was day two, one day closer to the end. Last night, she didn’t have any of her recurring dreams about being a sidekick and having fun. No, all there was were horrible nightmares that woke her up every few hours or so, nightmares about a terrible asshole that she had to go face for the second day in a row…

She sighed and pulled herself out of bed, took a shower, got dressed, ate breakfast… all of it just felt automatic and numb. No humming while cooking breakfast, no singing in the shower. None of her usual routine. Instead she just cycled through emptiness and anger.

Later that morning, when she’d woken up enough to be at least semi-alert, she flipped on the TV and plopped down on the couch. Maybe there’d been some new developments since yesterday? Had Cell killed any more people, or was he really going to go along with what Goku said? She wasn't sure exactly what was going on, but there on the news was a live feed of Cell just standing there at the arena, completely ignoring the camera. Nobody was dying at the moment, so maybe he really was going along with what Goku said. _Good._ A strange reporter in an incredibly stupid set of ‘armor’ walked towards the stage, trembling in fear, talking about how he was risking his life to bring everyone an exclusive interview. Phft, like Cell would even bother answering his questions… He held a shaking microphone up to Cell’s face and began to ask him questions suggesting that he thought Cell was some kind of alien. But the ‘alien’ just stood there with his eyes closed, ignoring the guy. Yuki fell back laughing, which was probably a horrible thing to do, but that poor guy was failing so bad and it was just _so hilariously cringey._ But then… Cell opened his eyes, and with an annoyed look on his face, set his gaze on the camera and finally spoke up. “You are annoying scum, and you’re in my way.” and with that, he moved just a single finger and pointed it at the camera… and then the feed cut to static.

Yuki stopped laughing and sighed. So… apparently that had escalated from funny to tragic pretty quickly. Hopefully they were still alive. As she pondered the fate of the armored man, the phone rang. Her eyes snapped immediately to the phone and a feeling of nervousness welled up in her stomach. _It would totally be Akiko._ And this time she had to answer it, she couldn’t just ignore it forever. She was going to yell at her and call her stupid and maybe threaten to turn her over to the authorities! Or… or something.

She took a deep breath and picked up the phone. “H-hello?”

“Oh. My. _God._ ”

“I’m so sorry, please don’t hate me!”

“Wait, what?” Akiko sounded a bit confused.

“You… don’t sound mad.”

“Uh, not really? I mean, if some giant bug told me he was a superhero and asked for my help, I wouldn’t blindly believe him. But that seems to be your… thing. Nothing you can really do about it now.”

Oh my god, _Akiko wasn’t mad at her._ “But, it’s my fault all this stuff is happening!”

“Not really, that guy totally played you for a fool.”

“Aren’t you pissed? Aren’t you freaked out?!”

“Nah, he’ll get taken out pretty quick.”

“ _He blew up a mountain_ , you saw it! Everyone saw it!”

“So? You know what else can blow up a mountain? A nuke.”

“True, but…”

“But nothing. That guy is going to shit his pants once the military resorts to nuclear warfare, and you know it.”

“Well…” Yuki mulled over the idea. She hadn’t thought about that. Could Cell stand up to a nuclear bomb? Even if he could, he’d die from the radiation, right? When she went out there, she could ask him, but he might not tell her. If he couldn’t, he sure as hell wouldn’t tell her because he’d know she’d run to the army with that information. _And she totally would._ She’d like to see the look of terror on HIS face, since he was so eager to look at the terrified faces of everyone else. KARMA, BITCH.

“There is no ‘well…’ Nukes might not kill a roach from a distance, but they do if you drop one directly on it.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“So, tell me the story. How did he get from giant weird-looking arthropod to something that looks at least vaguely human?”

“I don’t know.” It was true, Yuki had no clue. It was probably something she should’ve at least asked him the day before, but she was so busy yelling at him that she never even thought of it. She should've asked him while he was being ‘kind of nice’ towards the end.

“Oh. Well… hey, I bet he lured you in with his charms, didn’t he? I know you have those _weird fetishes_. Your xenomorph fanfiction and all that.”

Yuki frowned. If she could’ve seen Akiko’s face, it probably would’ve had a big shit-eating grin on it. “First of all, xenomorphs are _reptilian_. Cell is _insectoid_. Learn your sci-fi. Secondly… um, secondly, don’t make fun of me!”

“All right, all right. Geez.”

“But don’t worry, I’m going to find out how he evolved like that.”

“How? _…wait, you’re not going to…_ Are you going to?! Am I misinterpreting what you’re-“

Yuki slammed down the phone, a determined look on her face. She had not meant to say that to Akiko! But whatever! Today, she would get that guy good, and it would be awesome!

But then she hesitated. It was still pretty early in the day. Would more reporters be hanging around out there, or did Cell scare them all away? Maybe she should wait until the evening, at least. If they were hanging around there, and Cell brought up the fact that she’d helped him, it’d be all over the news and she’d wind up being some kind of pariah. Outcast by her fellow humans and probably shot to death at the grocery store. And with that, she waited until the early evening, thinking about all the things she could say to him. And all the horrible things he’d probably say to her. Last time, he told her that it wouldn’t be a good idea to return. But you know she _damn well was._

Cell stood on the arena, looking out over the sunset. The day was almost over, and Yuki had never shown up. How unfortunate… and he’d so been looking forward to whatever _thing_ it was she had in store. He chuckled to himself. If she had anything in store at all, that is. She certainly had no plan the day before, though she claimed she did. And she most certainly didn’t have one now. But watching her squirm as she tried in vain to come up with a plan on the fly was rather fun in and of itself.

But as the evening continued on, he once again saw the dilapidated old car come rolling down the road. A bit faster this time. Yuki probably had grown a bit more bold now that she was secure in the fact that he was gracious enough not to kill her.

And Yuki was indeed more bold. As she drew closer to the arena, she actually found herself _excited_ about the confrontation. She was going to get some valuable information out of him… maybe. And she was going to enact her plan… some kind of plan. She wasn’t sure what. All in all, she had no idea about anything, but there was no way in hell she’d let him know that. Her car came to a halt at the edge of the stage and, with an amazing amount of conviction, she flew out of the driver side door and marched onto the stage right up to Cell. Cell looked surprised. _Good._

“Ah, ‘Insectagirl’ has returned, has she?”

She wasn’t playing his game this time. She had information to get out of him. “Can you stand up to a nuclear bomb?”

“I’m guessing this question was eating at you all day for you to come up here and ask without even saying hello first.” He narrowed his eyes. “So very rude of you, my dear.”

Yuki rolled her eyes. “Fine. _Hello._ ”

“That’s better. Now tell me, why do you want to know this? Does your military plan to drop one on me?”

“Maaaaybe. Maybe not. Does it matter? Should it matter? It’s just a simple question. Unless you’re afraid to answer it. Are you afraid to answer it?” She shot him a sly look, hoping to goad him on.

Cell let out an annoyed sigh. This woman was clearly underestimating his power. He’d have to show her a little taste of it later, after all, he didn’t need her prancing around the arena thinking he was _weak._. “I’ll be kind enough to give you some advice, free of charge. Feel free to take this information back to your military, if you desire. If you took the strongest weapon your military has, and multiplied it by a thousand, it _might_ be enough to tickle me. So if making me _giggle_ is your intention, then fine. Drop a thousand nuclear warheads on me.”

“Oh, fuck you. Quit over exaggerating, it’s not funny.” …actually, Yuki found it a little funny. The mental image of Cell getting ticklish and giggling was pretty damn hilarious. “So what would you do then if they did drop a nuke, huh?”

“I would be incredibly put-out. I’d rather not have my arena destroyed. Or irradiated. But no matter, I could easily just deposit it elsewhere before it blew up.”

“Whatever, as if you could move that… fast?” Before she could finish her sentence, he was gone. Completely vanished. Did he teleport like Goku had? Where the hell did he teleport off to? Leaving her mid-sentence, what a friggin dick.

“Are you looking for me?”

Yuki spun around to face the voice behind her. _There he was._ Standing there smirking. What the fuck.

“What’s wrong? Did you not see me run around you?”

“…of course I did!”

“Right.”

Cell was giving her a horribly condescending grin now. If she didn’t already know it would hurt her like hell, she would’ve slapped it off his face. Time to change the subject. “Tell me everything. You know you want to.”

He cocked his head to the side curiously. “Everything about what?”

“You know, your grand adventure. All the stuff you did from when you woke up to when you became… this.” She gestured towards him.

Cell scoffed. “Yes, I’ll get _right on that._ ”

“Come on, you’d deny a request from a lady? A lady who’s eight days away from dying? Please? It’s a win-win. Come on.”

“And just how is that a win-win?”

“Because I get to sate my curiosity, and you get to brag about your exploits.”

He shot her a strange look. Yuki was being much more… good-natured today. He’d been expecting more of the obscenities, especially given how angrily she’d marched up to him earlier. She had reverted back to that inquisitive girl he’d expected at the beginning. Though it was most likely due to her attempts at pulling information out of him. How incredibly unpredictable. _Kind of fun._ Perhaps he should just humor her request and give her the story that would blow her silly superhero movies out of the water.

“Wellll…? Yes? No? Maybe? Come on, I’m trying to be nice.”

“Whether you’re nice or not is of no concern to me, but fine.”

Yuki’s eyes went wide. Was he serious? She’d expected it to be harder than that to get anything out of him. “Fine? Really?”

“Yes, _fine_. Don’t make me repeat myself, I might wind up rescinding my offer.”

“So is it gonna blow my mind?”

“Oh yes, you’re in for a real _treat_.” Cell grinned.

And so Yuki stood there as Cell told her the story of the fight to reach his ultimate power. He told her of the androids he hunted down and absorbed, and of the various Saiyans that tried and failed to stop him. He spoke of regeneration, energy blasts big enough to take out the planet, and multiple mentions of the word ‘perfection’. And Yuki listened, completely enthralled. It was just like a movie, but real. Those kinds of things _really happened_. And Cell was right, it DID blow her mind.

“…and that’s how I achieved the perfect form you now see before you. Is that enough to sate your curiosity?”

The story was over. It had been pretty long, and what had just been late evening was now night. He’d been going at it for about an hour or so, and halfway through she wound up sitting down on the ground when her legs got tired. _But god damn, it was interesting._ And now that he’d finished, she still sat there, mulling over everything he’d told her. Cell was looking down at her expectantly, waiting for her to say something. She’d been trying to be nice, but now she was kind of _pissed_ over the whole thing. Cell kicked everyone’s ass, and he was probably going to do it again at the tournament. Those other guys didn’t seem to stand much of a chance… well, if Cell was being truthful anyway. He could’ve been exaggerating and leaving out the bad parts. Though he did tell her about that embarrassing thing with Vegeta blowing half his friggin body off, so…

She finally stood up and glared at him. “So… everything you told me back then was the truth. You just left out the parts about how you were the fucking VILLAIN. And that Vegeta guy can go fuck himself for letting you get this far.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I’ll be sure to kill him, too. So, _’Insectagirl’_ , would you like to sit on the sidelines and belittle him as I blast him into a thousand pieces?”

“Insectagirl is only for heroes! Ultron doesn’t get a damn sidekick, so fuck you.”

Cell chuckled to himself. So it was back to this again. “As much as I appreciate your constant propositions to ‘fuck me’, I’m afraid I must decline. After all, it would be impolite to take advantage of an emotionally torn female.”

She crossed her arms and gave him the most venomous expression she could. “You are just the _worst kind of person._ ”

“Maybe later, when you’re feeling better.” He smiled wickedly.

And now he was going to MESS with her again. She’d tried to be nice, she’d tried to quell her damn anger so he’d actually TALK to her, but there was no way in hell she was going to stand there and exchange childish perverted insults with this guy. She didn’t even care about messing with him back at this point. “I am SO DONE.”

“Done with what?”

“This conversation! And your stupid sarcastic crap! I don’t know what the hell I was thinking coming back out here, thinking I could ‘out-annoy’ you to the point of you breaking down or something. I don’t know. God, I just _can’t even_ right now!” It wasn’t just an overly dramatic show, she was really done, and she was going home, and she sure as hell would never come back out here again. With a huff, she stormed off the arena and headed for her car.

“You can’t what?”

She paused. “What?”

“You said you ‘can’t even’. You can’t even what?”

She sighed. “It’s a turn of phrase! I don’t know! Now _goodbye_. Hopefully the next time I see you will be at your funeral. People will be throwing tomatoes at your damn casket.”

Cell narrowed his eyes at her as she stormed away. So she was never coming back then? She seemed rather adamant about that. He’d been having a good time, and now she was just going to leave. Well, that wasn’t going to happen. “Oh, I don’t think so.”

Yuki growled and turned around to face him one last time. “Well I fucking _DO_ thi-“

She was interrupted as Cell held out his arm. The glow forming around his hand shone brightly through the night, outshining even the moon… and _Yuki knew exactly what he was about to do._ Before she could protest, the beam of energy shot out and landed a direct hit on her car, shattering it into a dozen pieces that were now many yards away from where it had just been sitting. Some of which were also on fire.

“But my dear, I’m having _so much fun._ Do you know how bored I get just standing around out here?”

The expression on his face was one of victory, and Yuki stood there, stunned. Her eyes went from him, to the fragments of her car, and then back to him. _Did he seriously just do that? Was she imagining things? No… he totally fucking DID do that._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awww NO HE DID-ANT. In all honesty, he probably did that car a favor, cause damn.
> 
> And yes, Yuki does totally write xenomorph fanfiction. Everyone's got at least one weird little preoccupation, right? But man, I have read some of that stuff, and it is _crazy._ ~~Crazy awesome.~~ So that makes me laugh and I so very much want to do something with that again in a later chapter. I have no idea what though.
> 
> So anyway, I'm trying to form a concept of what kind of 'mate' Cell would be (I'm guessing mate would be his preferred nomenclature). I'd like to imagine that he'd be pretty damn over-protective. And with his determined pursuit to be perfect in every way, he'd probably want to be at least halfway decent to his ladyfriend? He'd most likely see it as a matter of pride not to fail hardcore at any kind of relationship. PERFECTION! Ha. I don't know, I'm still trying to flesh things out.
> 
> SO YUKI IS STRANDED AT THE ARENA! ...or is she? Maybe she is, maybe she's not. But regardless, Yuki's car is now pushing daisies, and Cell seems to be treating her as some messed up form of entertainment! Will Yuki give up and spend the night there? Maybe she'll have a fun sleepover with Cell and they'll have pillow fights and paint each other's nails?! Yuki's defiance reaches insane new heights, next time on DRAGON BALL Z!


	9. Day Two - Yuki vs "Sweetie Pie"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter:
> 
> She was interrupted as Cell held out his arm. The glow forming around his hand shone brightly through the night, outshining even the moon… and _Yuki knew exactly what he was about to do._ Before she could protest, the beam of energy shot out and landed a direct hit on her car, shattering it into a dozen pieces that were now many yards away from where it had just been sitting. Some of which were also on fire.
> 
> “But my dear, I’m having _so much fun_. Do you know how bored I get just standing around out here?”
> 
> The expression on his face was one of victory, and Yuki stood there, stunned. Her eyes went from him, to the fragments of her car, and then back to him. _Did he seriously just do that? Was she imagining things? No… he totally fucking DID do that._

Yuki watched in shock as the flames burning on part of the car spread into the gas tank, exploding out in a massive fireball that caused a heated wind to blow past her face. It immediately died back down to a gasoline fire, and she stood there. Growing more and more pissed off. Her precious car… _gone._ It may not have been the greatest, but it had never steered her wrong. Plus it had taken her YEARS to finally afford that damn car, only to have it taken away by Cell and his childish hissy fit. ‘Entomology major on sabbatical’ was not a well-paying field, so another car was not in her near future. Plus her insurance probably didn’t cover fire damage caused by bio-androids.

She spun around and faced Cell, and froze. He was still standing there with his arm outstretched, throwing her a sinister little half-smile. The light from the flames illuminated him in an eerie red, and the glowing ashes and smoke danced on the wind between them. And a horrible thought crossed Yuki’s mind… _that was it, that was what the end of the world would look like._ And it was terrifying as hell.

But… no way. It wasn’t the end of the world yet. There was no way in hell she was going to bend over and take this like a wuss. Fuck that guy and fuck his stupid little power trip… she growled and, spurred on by her loss of transportation, stormed back onto the arena and right up to Cell, stopping mere inches from his face. “If you didn’t want me to leave, you could’ve just said _’Oh Yuki, I enjoy your company SO much, please stay so we can have a sleepover and make friendship bracelets!’_ …instead of, you know, DESTROYING MY CAR!”

He narrowed his eyes and frowned at her. “I would watch your tone with me, girl. Who is it that you think you’re talking to?”

“I _thought_ I was talking to Cell. You know, tall green dude, ego the size of a planet, can’t properly enunciate his feelings without _blowing stuff up_ …” Her eyes met his, both of them attempting to stare daggers at the other. Both of them failing since neither one was even remotely afraid.

“The only reason you’ve stayed alive up to this point - REGARDLESS of whatever silly promise I made to you - is because if I crushed your head like a melon, which by the way I would _love_ to do, I’d get blood all over my shiny new tournament arena.”

Yuki tsked and took a step back. That was a bullshit bluff and she knew it. “All right, FINE.” She spun around and, teetering on the fine line between bravery and stupidity, walked right off the arena.

“Well, here I am! Off your precious arena! Now what?”

Cell looked at her in surprise, feeling a bit affronted. He had not been expecting that. “Are you honestly trying to call _me_ out on a bluff? You would be _foolish_ enough to take that chance?”

Yuki considered it for a moment. Was she ‘foolish’ enough? If Cell had wanted to kill her, he would’ve done it the day before. Instead he just destroyed her car to keep her from leaving. She decided to attempt to push him a bit further… after all, he did deserve it.

“You know what, Cell? I’ve never seen someone hold their head so high while talking OUT OF THEIR ASS!” She punctuated her amazing insult with the fiercest glare she could muster.

Cell said nothing. Not for trying, of course. He was… rather stunned and taken aback that she continued to have the bravado to speak to him in such a manner, and he wasn’t sure how he wanted to proceed given the current situation. Even though earlier he found himself enjoying her strange unpredictability, now it was _insulting and incredibly offensive._ Now he had to choose whether to allow it, thus giving Yuki the green light to keep going… or to do what he would do to anyone else who would dare insult him, killing her but allowing her to declare herself the victor in her silly little game of ‘Try to rile up Cell in ten days or less’. Letting a weak little human win against him, or letting a weak little human walk all over him… decisions, decisions. He returned her glare with one of his own, an icy hostile look that would send a chill down her spine regardless of how close she stood to that gasoline fire. It made Yuki visibly uncomfortable, but she appeared to want to continue with the stare-down anyway.

It seemed to Yuki that no matter how pissed off she looked at Cell, he always had some angry face of equal or greater value waiting to use as a rebuttal. Maybe some day one of them would achieve a Magnum-level look of outrage that could stop a shuriken in midair… she snickered to herself at the thought. She could say that to break the silence between them, but decided against it since Cell would neither appreciate nor understand a Zoolander reference.

“Hey, why aren’t you saying anything?! I know you have some witty retort all lined up for me! Or at least some threat to blow my head off!” She tapped her foot impatiently.

But he didn’t. He had no ‘witty retort’, and when he thought about it, he really had no desire to kill or hurt her. He _could_ hurt her, he supposed, but there was always the possibility of accidentally killing her. Humans were so weak and fragile, after all… but either choice - to give in and allow her her victory, or to ignore her and let her continue this insanity - well… there was literally nothing he could do but threaten her, and he suddenly found himself in quite an _unsettling predicament._

“What’s the matter, cat got your tongue?” She watched curiously as he continued to stand there and stare at her… if she didn’t know better, she’d say he looked a little bit alarmed. Suddenly the realization hit her and a grin spread across her face. “…wait, you can’t hurt me, can you? So not only can you not kill me, but you can’t hurt me either? Awww, how sweet, I didn’t realize you _cared_ so much.”

In a flash, Cell was looming over her with a look of absolute rage on his face, and he shot out his arm and grabbed her by the neck… she frantically tried to pull away from him but found it impossible to break free from his grip. And as he stood before her, his eyes narrow and brimming with an anger she never even knew _existed_ , she found herself - for the first time that day - feeling incredibly fucking terrified. Then he pulled her up close enough to lean in and whisper into her ear.

“You fool, I never promised not to hurt you. Belittle me _one more time_ , and I will personally find out how many of your bones I can break before I get BORED.”

…and that’s when it happened. A sudden wave of defiance rushed over her, though it could’ve just as easily been idiocy disguised as defiance. She grinned at him and responded in the most sickeningly sarcastic voice she possibly could. “Aww sweetie pie, I bet the answer is zero, right? Am I right? Do I win a kiss?”

“WHY YOU INSOLENT LITTLE…” He froze. No, she was trying to mess with his head. He would not let some weak little human dictate what he would or would not do. He was not so weak-willed that he would allow her that victory. Cell scowled and tossed her to the ground, before returning back to his silent statuesque position in the center of the stage. And with that, he had made his choice.

“Ow…” Yuki pouted. She’d landed on the ground and her tailbone hurt, but… Cell hadn’t flipped his shit and broken all her bones. And that’s when she realized that, even though it was a dangerous gamble, she’d been right. He couldn’t bring himself to hurt her. “Hey, you know, y-“

“ _Leave._ ” He interrupted her, speaking in a tense, controlled tone. “Right now. Before I change my mind.”

“You destroyed my car! Which you destroyed, by the way, because you wanted me to stay!”

“And?” He looked at her over his shoulder.

“So you’d just expect me to walk, huh? Is forcing me to walk home supposed to be some kind of punishment for messing with you? Wow, you’re a real gentleman, aren’t you? Well…” She pulled out her capsule case from her pocket, which was now minus a car. “You think with a car like that, I wouldn’t have some kind of last resort backup?” She took out a capsule and threw out a little half-rusted electric scooter… that may or may not have had the battery power to get home. It wasn’t much, but it was all she had at the moment.

“I’ll see you later, sweetie pie!” She hopped on the old scooter and took off, once again holding out her middle finger as she rode past him… at 20 miles an hour. Not very intimidating, she guessed. “I’m not finished with you yet!”

“For your sake, I would suggest _not coming back_.” He yelled after her.

Yuki smiled as she rode along, down the single road and out onto the highway. It was probably the first genuine smile she’d had since Cell revealed his true self to her on TV. Earlier she was regretting even going out there, but in the end she really started to get into his head… and she was just curious enough to find out where that would lead. So he got BORED out there by himself? Well, maybe she could help him with that!

They say curiosity killed the cat, but no. _Yuki killed the damn cat._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEAD GAEMS! Yuki almost got into his head near the end there. ...almost. Enjoy it now Yuki, because it's the furthest you're going to get in there for a good long while.
> 
> I was THIS CLOSE to leaving her stranded out there, but then Yuki poked my brain and said “Don’t do it I have such a GREAT IDEA!”… to which I said “Is it your stupid ‘out-annoy Cell’ thing again?” and she was like “No, this is good I swear it!” Then she told me her idea and I said “Wow, that is an interesting idea. Okay.” ...and so I bestowed upon her a single rusty electric scooter. And gave it a top speed of 20 mph just because I was pissed that she ruined my plot. (which is why this wound up being a short chapter)
> 
> So, day three. There is so much shit happening on day three that I had to push the Royal Defense Force intervention - which originally happens that day - to day four. So yeah, FUN FUN.
> 
> Day Two is over and Yuki finally has an idea! But will Cell even allow her to act on it? The third day looms, and Yuki might be about to get a little taste of Cell's power! (and no, that's not a sexual euphemism... _not yet anyway._ ) Perhaps they'll begin to see things eye to eye... maybe they'll share some Miller Lights and watch a game together?! IT'S MILLER TIME! ...not really, so what time is it? Find out next time ON DRAGON BALL Z!


	10. Day Three - The 24/7 Yuki Channel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter:
> 
> “For your sake, I would suggest _not coming back_.” He yelled after her.
> 
> Yuki smiled as she rode along, down the single road and out onto the highway. It was probably the first genuine smile she’d had since Cell revealed his true self to her on TV. Earlier she was regretting even going out there, but in the end she really started to get into his head… and she was just curious enough to find out where that would lead. So he got BORED out there by himself? Well, maybe she could help him with that!
> 
> They say curiosity killed the cat, but no. _Yuki killed the damn cat._

The next morning, Yuki stood out in her yard, looking up at the sky with a smile. She was in a _really great mood._ Today promised to be a fun day, that is, if Cell was actually going to go along with her little… idea. He might just get angry and destroy more of her possessions, but she took a gamble yesterday and she didn’t mind taking one today either. She turned around and looked towards her house… well, _the barren house-shaped spot where it once stood._ Right now it was within its capsule, currently tucked away safe in her case. And with that last look, she hopped onto her scooter and took off. Towards adventure! …possibly.

Meanwhile, Cell stood out on his arena, looking up at the sky with a frown. He was still incredibly irritated from the day before, and he knew damn well that miserable woman would be back again with some new attempt to annoy him. But he wasn’t annoyed, and he would not BE annoyed, just… _slightly bothered._ Though at times, slightly entertained, depending on whatever mood she happened to be in. All in all, it was an incredibly volatile situation.

The whirring of a little scooter in the distance caught his attention, and his frown grew. So she was coming back. And so early in the morning, too. Apparently his little chokehold didn’t deter her at all. What a pity.

Yuki stopped at the edge of the stage and jumped off the scooter with a big smile on her face. “Morning, Cell! Did you get a good night’s sleep? …do you sleep? …a good night’s ‘meditation’ then, I guess.”

He tilted his head curiously, immediately suspicious. She seemed to be in an unusually good mood considering the circumstances of the last few days. A bit strange, but… interesting enough for him not to chase her away, he supposed.

“Not gonna say good morning back? That’s pretty rude, I mean, you got mad at me yesterday for not saying hello. But that’s okay! So… you destroyed my car, tried to strangle me, and threatened to break my bones, but I’m still not afraid of you. And look!” She pulled out her capsule case and held it up proudly. “ _I brought my house along with me this time!_ Since you wanted me to stay here sooooooo badly, I decided to give you your wish! Constant Yuki, all the time! Fun, fun, fun.” Then she narrowed her eyes. “…unless you can’t handle it, that is. I’m sure you’re not so weak that you’d let some ‘silly little human’ get under your skin, right?”

Cell chuckled to himself. Now that _was_ interesting. “Not afraid of me? Willfully walking towards your death is not fearlessness. _It’s idiocy._ And I know exactly what you’re attempting to do here, but I assure you that you’ll be sorely disappointed.”

“I don’t care!” She put on the biggest grin she possibly could, tossed out her house, and stood there proudly with her arms open wide. “Welcome to the 24/7 Yuki Channel!”

He scoffed at her. “Well, I do hope it’s better than the usual garbage you watch.”

“…I do not watch garbage, you just have no taste!”

“Oh? Will you be hunting ghosts on this 24/7 Yuki Channel?”

“Probably not. I’ve got my hands full with this big bug monster I found.”

“I see. Well, have fun with that, my dear.” And with that, he turned around and began to ignore her, waiting to see how the situation would eventually play out.

“I will. So, great plan or what?”

No response from Cell. Not even an acknowledging gesture.

“What, no opinion either way?”

Again, no response.

“Fine, give me the cold shoulder then. I need to fix breakfast anyway.” She opened the door and paused, turning back towards him. “Want me to make you anything? I’m fresh out of _human meat_ , but I do have bacon.”

Cell looked at her over his shoulder and smiled. “No thank you, you know I prefer my food alive and screaming in terror.”

“…yeah, okay. Well, I’m fresh out of that, too. So nothing for you then? Cool.” She gave him a thumbs up and headed inside.

Yuki popped a Glenn Miller album on her record player and set about cooking breakfast, humming along happily. So Cell didn’t really react the way she’d been expecting, but that was okay. She’d honestly thought he’d be irritated, but instead he really looked… fascinated? But that would change, she had the whole day with him after all. But there was a dilemma there. If she bothered him too much, he wouldn’t talk to her. Which she really wanted to do, and honestly she shouldn’t care whether or not they were on ‘speaking terms’ because, after all, _fuck that guy._ But… she was still curious. Yesterday he’d told her his story, and she knew there was more. What did he do out here all day? What other powers did he have? He had lots of weird parts, and what the hell were they all for? As much as she tried to suppress her regular curious nature, it was really starting to bubble up over the edge… To piss him off, or to begin some kind of field study on him… would it be possible to do both?

With a sigh, she plopped down at the dining table with a plate of bacon and eggs. She hadn’t really thought of much to do past ‘set up the house at the arena’, and she couldn’t just keep standing out there yelling at him. After all, the 24/7 Yuki Channel couldn’t just have ONE show. It was a channel, it needed variety! She got up and looked out the window. Cell was still standing there where she left him. If she went out there now, he’d probably just continue his little cold shoulder bullshit… it was probably better for her to wait a bit and let him ruminate over the _wonderfully awesome_ situation she was putting him in. Maybe she’d just watch TV for a while…

Cell _was_ ruminating, but not on his current Yuki predicament. At first, he’d been listening with interest as she moved about her kitchen, humming along to something or other. He assumed that her good mood was merely sarcastic overplay, but listening to her… she seemed to truly be happy for some puzzling reason. A reason that he suspected she would reveal to him later in the day. But for now, his attention was elsewhere. Goku’s ki had not fluctuated much since he showed his face at the arena the other day, instead it remained low and steady. It didn’t appear that he was training at all, in fact, it felt as though he was _relaxing._ How incredibly disappointing. Was he not taking this seriously? If that were the case, Goku was severely underestimating his power, and that would wind up being his downfall…

As Cell pondered over the current state of his opponents, Yuki was sprawled out on the couch, watching a tennis match. It was getting to be late afternoon now, maybe Cell was done mulling over all the mind-blowing horrors she was going to bestow on him? She grinned. _Maybe he just accepted his fate._ As she sat watching the match, she wondered if Cell would be any good at sports. He had great aim! He hit that damn mountain from 50 miles away without even turning to look, after all. He’d be good at them, but he probably would think sports were annoying. …and that’s when a glorious idea hit her. It was time for _sports_ on the 24/7 Yuki Channel!

Cell’s attention switched back to Yuki as she propped open the front door and sat down on a lawn chair, placing a large basket of tennis balls next to her. The sounds of her music floated out the door, breaking the silence.

He turned to face her and frowned. “Do you really need to play that noise?”

“It’s not _noise_ , it’s Sway. It’s a song by Dean Martin. He has the voice of an angel, so fuck off.” She leaned back in her chair, pulled a tennis ball out of the basket, and began tossing it up and down.

“Since I’m sure you’re just waiting for me to ask, I will oblige you. What, may I ask, are you intending to do with the tennis balls?”

“Next on the 24/7 Yuki Channel - sports!” She smiled and continued to toss the ball up and down. “You know, I was in the tennis club during college. I wasn’t very good at it though, but whatever.”

He shot her an arrogant smirk. “Not a surprise. You aren’t very good at a lot of things.”

“Aaaand there’s the smartass comeback! That’s the signal I was waiting for to begin!” She hurled the ball at Cell, and made a little _pew_ noise as it flew through the air, whizzing over his head and landing somewhere in the distance.

Cell’s eyes followed the ball as it zipped past him. “Hm. No wonder you failed at tennis. You don’t seem to have very good aim.”

“That’s cool, I’ve got a whole basket here and all the free time in the world!”

He gave her a disapproving look and once again moved to face away from her. So that was her plan then. To once again try to pull some negative reaction out of him. It was a valiant effort, but she needed to do much more than that to bother _him._ Tennis balls… _honestly._ She was just grasping at straws now.

Yuki laughed and picked up another one, throwing it at her target with a little ‘pew’. And another. And another… _pew pew pew!_

As the minutes ticked past, Cell continued to stand there, trying his hardest not to spin around and blast her head off. He prided himself on his patience, but now he was slowly starting to lose said patience. He growled to himself as ball after ball flew past him. _Never hitting him._ Yuki had horrible aim, and this was driving him mad. But he couldn’t just chase her off, that was exactly what she was attempting to get him to do. Show some sort of weakness… he would not let her win at her silly little plan to push him over the edge. No, like he’d said to her earlier - he would leave her sorely disappointed.

He sighed and turned back around, looking her in the eyes with the most calm expression he could muster. “Tell me Yuki, are you having fun playing one-sided catch with me?”

“You know, I once had an orchid mantis that would catch things. Do you know what an orchid mantis is? They’re really pretty.”

“I know more than you could ever even _fathom._ ”

“…a simple yes or no would’ve worked too, you dick. ANYWAY. I would throw a cricket and she’d catch it midair.”

“And I’m not a bug.” He narrowed his eyes. “Why are you continuing this charade? You’ve yet to even HIT me, and I’m sure by now you realize that I’m not horribly bothered by this.”

“If anyone else was throwing tennis balls at you, I’d bet you’d kill them. …pew!” With that, she threw another.

Cell frowned as the ball flew through the air five feet away from him. “Yes. But if anyone else was throwing tennis balls at a stationary target, I’m sure they’d be able to HIT it.”

“Maybe I just want you to give in and play a game with me, did you ever think of that? …pew!” Yuki tossed another and it sailed high above Cell’s head.

“Trying to annoy someone, and trying to play a cooperative game with them are on opposite sides of the interaction spectrum, my dear.”

“You know…” She stopped her onslaught. There were only three balls left now. “Have you thought that maybe I was just _lying?_ ”

“Lying about what?”

“Maybe I’ve got a plan within a plan. You know, Planception!” From the look Cell gave her, he did not understand the reference. Obviously. She sighed. “Have you thought that maybe I didn’t come out here to annoy you at all?”

Not annoy him? He furrowed his brow in confusion. What else would tossing an entire basket of balls at someone be, if not annoying? “…explain yourself.”

“Maybe I just lied about the whole game of trying to annoy you so you wouldn’t attack me. Because your pride wouldn’t let you give in, right?” She smiled slyly. “Maybe I just made that up because I was curious and wanted to _study you_. Without having to worry about you kicking me in the face and chasing me away and stuff.”

Cell froze, wide-eyed. Had she really tried to play him for a fool like that? All this time he assumed she’d been struggling along with no real plan of action at all… had he underestimated her? _Surely she wasn’t that cunning._

Yuki burst out laughing at Cell’s alarmed expression. “Oh my god, that was a joke! I mean… I guess I’m curious about you, but really I gotta say that after the shit you put me through, my main priority is just to piss you off. I won’t lie, I DID think about it though. You might be a douchebag, but you’re a weird and interesting douchebag.”

He gazed off into the distance, lost in thought. So… that may not have been her plan, but she’d still thought it up. If she wanted, she could just as easily played him for a fool this whole time, and _he would never even have realized it._ Maybe she really was a little more cunning than he originally thought. Interesting… “It looks like the 24/7 Yuki Channel is a bit more entertaining than I thought.” He smiled at her with clearly noticeable delight.

“Oh yeah? I’ve got something entertaining for you. I _did_ lie to you about ONE thing, can you guess what it is?” She picked up another ball and tossed it up and down, waiting for an answer. Cell looked incredibly happy at the moment for some reason, it was actually kind of cute. She almost felt bad for trying to piss him off… _almost._

He mulled over the question, thinking back to everything she’d said the past few days. Many of the things she said could’ve been lies, but… “I believe I have the answer.”

“Okay, shoot.”

“As I headed out into the forest, I recall you screaming desperately after me. Your exact words were, if I remember correctly - and I ALWAYS remember correctly - _’Cell, I won’t hate you! I promise! I don’t care what you look like or what you become, seriously!’_ So there is your lie. You obviously care quite a lot over what I became.”

“True… but it wasn’t a lie when I SAID it. Plus I meant I wouldn’t HATE you no matter what, and I already told you I don’t friggin hate you. We had that conversation already, so quit twisting my damn words around.”

“In that case, I give up. What did you lie to me about?”

“I have _really fucking great aim._ Pew!” She threw the ball and it bounced off Cell’s face and rolled across the arena. …but he said nothing. He just stood there staring at her. She wasn’t sure if that meant he was pissed or if he just didn’t care. Now she only had two more left, so she had to make them count. “Hey, Cell?”

He sighed. “ _…what?_ ”

“Don’t move an inch, okay? I’m going for a bullseye! If you move that means you’re scared and I’m gonna call you a wuss.” She grinned wickedly and aimed for… whatever that black thing was where his dick should’ve been. Hell, maybe it WAS his dick for all she knew, but she sure as fuck wasn’t going to ask him THAT. With all the strength she could muster, she hurled it right at him… missing by a few inches. _Damn._

Cell gazed up at the sky, frowning, as a slightly pissed off woman _threw tennis balls at his genitalia._ How the hell had he gotten to this point? And _why_ was he still allowing it to remain at this point? Perhaps she was right… perhaps his pride was keeping him from ‘giving in’. He would merely have to remind her just who it was she was dealing with. He smiled and looked straight at her as he grabbed her last tennis ball right before it hit.

“Seriously? SERIOUSLY?! That one was right on target! I told you not to move or I’d call you a wuss. _WUSS._ ”

He tossed the ball up and down. “Would you like to see how good MY aim is?”

“Uh… I…” She looked around nervously. “N-no?”

“ _Too bad._ ”

Yuki sat there frozen as Cell, with a casual flick of his wrist, sent the ball flying past her head so quickly she never even saw it coming. All she felt was a slight wind millimeters from her face, followed by a terrifying BOOM. She jumped out of her chair and looked behind her just in time to see the ball crash into a huge boulder, smashing both the ball and the boulder into dozens of pieces that exploded out into the area around them.

She turned back around to face Cell, her expression like a deer caught in the headlights. “I… wha… Was that a sonic boom? _Did that ball just break the sound barrier?!_ ”

“You seem surprised.”

“Yes! Really? Really, Sherlock?!”

He crossed his arms, shaking his head. “I’m disappointed in you. I’ve told you the story of my rise to perfection, and yet you’re _surprised_ that I can break the sound barrier? I believe it’s time I remind you just who it is you’re dealing with.”

Yuki tsked. “What are you gonna do, throw ME faster than the speed of sound?”

Cell walked up to her, stopping inches away from her face. “How would you like to bear witness to a small taste of my power?”

“Uhhh…”

“You should feel honored that I would even offer. So I’m assuming the answer is yes.” Before she could respond, he lifted her up and placed her over his shoulder.

“Hey! HEY! Don’t sling me over your shoulder like a bag of potatoes! What the hell?!” She struggled against his grip, but wound up just giving in. What was she gonna do, after all? Beat the crap out of him? “Okay, look, if you’re going to take me somewhere, I can WALK. I have LEGS. I can-“

In a flash, Cell had taken to the air, flying upwards at an impossible speed. The sudden movement knocked the breath out of her, and soon she was screaming. Her light blue hair streamed out in front of her like the tail of a comet as the ground grew incredibly small. _Incredibly quickly._ She held on to him as tightly as she could, feeling absolutely fucking terrified. No matter how much she screamed, Cell didn’t give her any response. It felt like he was completely ignoring her. Soon he seemed to reach whatever altitude he was aiming for and Yuki found herself cruising along with him at a more level, even pace. After a few minutes, she slowly started to calm down and looked around. They were pretty damn high, high enough where she could see clouds beneath them, and the green patchwork of the landscape below. Off in the far distance in front of them were the Cephian Mountains, the thousand-mile mountain range that cut through the country. All in all, it was a very beautiful sight.

She looked over at Cell. So he could fly like this, whenever he wanted. _Lucky bastard._ He could at least have the decency to hold her like an actual lady and not like a damn potato sack. And what the hell did he mean by a taste of his power? Why was he taking her up here? “Hey… Cell?”

“So are you done screaming and flailing about then?”

“Uh, yeah. Thanks for the warning by the way. A simple _’Hey Yuki, I’m about to take off like a damn bullet. Maybe you should brace yourself.’_ would’ve sufficed, you dick.”

“Enjoy the view. Look, I’m even taking the scenic route. Not many humans would ever get the chance to fly without utilizing some kind of technology. But fine, be ungrateful.”

“I’m not ungrateful! Okay, it’s a really pretty view, seriously. I’m kind of friggin amazed up here and all, but now I’m kind of _wondering_ … does a ‘small taste of your power’ involve throwing me into the earth’s core at a million miles an hour?”

“Oh yes, because dropping you from a high altitude would be a wonderful display of my powers.”

“Can you answer questions without an obscene amount of sarcasm?”

“It depends. Can you ask questions without an obscene amount of stupidity?”

“Well, I thought you didn’t _’abide stupidity’_.”

“Quiet. We’re here.” Cell came to a stop and hovered, looking out over his surroundings. They were now at the base of the Cephian Mountains. This seemed to be a good spot…

Yuki watched curiously as Cell looked around. What was he planning? She gazed down beneath them, and _there it was._ The very foot of the mountain range. She could look far into the distance and see it stretch for hundreds of miles… such a beautiful, breathtaking sight. It brought a little smile to her face remembering all the times she’d travelled out here to enjoy the hike. If she wasn’t currently slung over Cell’s shoulder, she’d probably be in the mood to enjoy it more… maybe bargain with him to take her down there, that kind of thing.

“All right. Soon, you should have no need to question my power ever again.” He pulled her off his shoulder and held her out in front of him.

“W-whoa! WHOA! HEY!” Was he going to drop her?! Was he fucking KIDDING?! She grabbed onto his arms for dear life, praying he wasn’t about to do what she thought he was about to do.

Cell rolled his eyes and sighed. “I realize it must be difficult for you to keep your hands off my body, considering all the lovely _pillow talk_ you seem to enjoy throwing out at me, but… quit clinging so I can let go of you.”

“How the hell can you make a perverted joke while you’re trying to KILL ME?! What the fuck is WRONG WITH YOU?! _Don’t you dare drop me!_ If you drop me, I _swear to fucking god_ I’ll come back as a ghost! You think it’s all men yelling at air, but let’s see you say that when I start haunting your ass!”

“I’m not going to kill you. I told you I am a man of my word. Now…” He smiled and his eyes danced with mischief. “Allow me to let go.”

“Yeah, because falling from a friggin _cruising altitude_ isn’t going to kill me. Fuck off.” She tightened her grip.

Cell tsked. “And once again you doubt my power.” He spoke to her in a too-sweet tone, feigning rejection. “Why must you always break my heart like this?”

“Well MAYBE if your heart wasn’t hollow and made of ice, it’d be less apt to break. Asshole.”

“Fine, we’ll do this my way.” He pried her off him and tossed her into the sky before she had time to react.

Yuki closed her eyes and screamed. _This was it, this was the end._ But… there was nothing. No wind flying through her hair? It certainly didn’t feel like falling. Nervously, she opened one eye. Cell was hovering before her with his arms crossed, looking irritated. She opened the other eye and looked down… _She was floating in the air._ All she could do was hover there in amazement, with the phrase ‘Oh my god I’m floating!’ running through her mind over and over.

“Is that all it takes to impress you?”

She broke out of her captivation and stared at him incredulously. “I didn’t… um… telekinesis, huh?”

“Only one of my many talents. But I digress. That isn’t the reason I brought you here.”

“Telekinesis isn’t a big display of your powers? I’d say that’s a pretty damn big display.”

“Oh no, this is _much more fun._ ” He looked down over the mountains with a devilish grin.

“Fine.” Yuki rolled her eyes and scoffed at him. “I’ll go along with your attempt at overcompensation. Lay it on me, big boy.”

Cell laughed - an arrogant, ringing laugh that echoed through the air - and focused his attention downwards. “KAAA…”

Yuki watched curiously as he brought his hands over to one side. What did he have planned?

“MEEE…”

The air around them started to feel tingly like a static charge, just like it had when Cell and Goku had that stare-down. He was looking right at the mountain range. Was he going to blow up another mountain?

“HAAA…”

A ball of light began to form in his hand, just like the one that blew up her car. She rolled her eyes. He was totally going to blow up another mountain. She’d already seen him do that. Plus she liked hiking in those mountains… so that was one less mountain for her to enjoy. _What an ass._

“MEEE…”

The light was getting brighter now, and the air more charged. She felt a wind begin to swirl around them. Why the hell was he shouting random syllables? Was he attempting to be dramatic? It wasn’t working.

“HAAA!”

And with that last shout, Cell threw his arms forward, firing off a massive beam of light that had to be easily the size of a building. It shot out towards the earth at insane speeds, whipping up a strong wind and parting the clouds below them as it hurled forward. Yuki gasped and placed her arm over her face, desperately attempting to shield herself from what felt like hurricane-force winds. _What the hell was that thing?!_ She watched in horror as it barreled toward the mountains. As soon as it hit its intended target, a huge blinding light shot out that made her cover her eyes, and she felt the shockwave fly through her body like the loudest damn subwoofer she’d ever felt. It sounded as though the very planet itself was creaking and breaking apart…

“You can open your eyes now, my dear.”

Yuki blinked, and looked over at Cell. He was watching her with a smug little half-smile, obviously pleased with himself. She looked down, but… whatever he’d done had stirred up a huge dust cloud that looked like it stretched the length of the whole range. At least, the few hundred miles of it she could see, anyway. She stared at him in shock. “What did you… what was that?! That… that was the car-destroying beam times A MILLION! _What the actual fuck!_ ”

“That ‘car-destroying beam times a million’ is called a Kamehameha wave. It’s quite an amazing attack, isn’t it?”

It was _incredibly mind-blowingly amazing_ , but she wasn’t about to let him know that. Instead, she frowned and crossed her arms. “But I don’t see how conjuring up a huge dust storm is any kind of attack, unless you’re trying to make your opponent sneeze or something.”

Cell chuckled. So she was going to be like _that_ , was she? In a few moments that disparaging attitude of hers was going to drop fairly quickly. He gazed out over the landscape, his smile growing wider as the dust began to settle.

Yuki’s eyes widened, and she began to stammer incoherently as the ground cleared… it became painfully apparent what Cell had actually did. He didn’t just blow up one mountain, _he destroyed all the mountains in the entire hundred mile area._ With one movement of his arms. _With one single fucking attack and some stupid syllables_ , he dug a deep gash in the earth.

“And don’t assume the wreckage is confined to this area, either.” He smiled and narrowed his eyes. “I made sure to take out the whole range.”

He watched her curiously, scrutinizing her. She remained silent, but it was quite obvious that his little display had achieved its intended effect. “I’m guessing from your expression that you’re thoroughly impressed.”

She continued staring at the destruction, unable to bring herself to even look at him. “How… but… that’s over a thousand miles…”

“ _I know._ ”

She finally ripped her eyes away from the carnage and let them settle upon him. And he looked… completely different. Not that he’d changed in any way, but he just seemed _less human._ And in that moment, she couldn’t see a single trace of the little Cell she once knew. No, all she saw was sheer unimaginable evil. And, to be completely honest, she was fucking terrified. Was this how the citizens of Gingertown felt as they looked up at him? “…what _are_ you?”

“I told you, I am the perfect weapon.”

Yuki looked off into the distance, down the massive scar on the earth stretching thousands of miles. It was early evening now, and the low sun caused the long valley Cell had created to become draped in shadow. Before it, she felt small. And weak. And for the first time, she felt _completely stupid_ for trying to mess with this guy. She was nothing more than a speck of dust compared to him, what hope did she have against some kind of destructive god that could take out a mountain range without breaking a sweat? Why was he even wasting time with her?

Cell cocked his head to the side. Her reaction now seemed more frightened than impressed. “You look rather terrified. Are you afraid of me now? Considering how that was only a _mote_ of my strength, I can’t imagine how you’d react to seeing me fight with my full abilities. In which case, you may want to leave your television off on the day of the tournament. Here, I’ll even tell you the ending so you won’t feel the need to watch - _I win and take out the planet._ ” He laughed. “But I promise I’ll come back home and say goodbye to you before I do. How about that?”

Yuki’s attention snapped back to Cell as soon as he started back up with that snooty sarcasm of his. “H-hey! I’m not afraid! Your little ego trips don’t scare me, you ass! I’m just… shocked, is all.”

“Ah, so you _are_ impressed.”

“Shocked and impressed aren’t the same thing! Besides… why are you wasting time with me, huh? I mean, you’ve OBVIOUSLY got bigger things on your plate.”

“Oh, I see. You’re put-out because you feel as though you’re too weak to spend time with someone as powerful as me. Is that it?”

“Don’t misinterpret me! And I sure as hell don’t!” …in all honesty, she really did. Though she wouldn’t have phrased it like THAT. Maybe more like how put-out she felt that he was acting like some evil kid with a magnifying glass hovering over an ant. _More like that._

“You say you don’t, but your eyes say yes. So perhaps now that you realize the extent of my powers, you’ll treat me with _proper respect._ ” He flew in closer to her, only a few inches away now. “Now wouldn’t that make our time together more… enjoyable?”

“So you let me hang around because you get some kind of power trip from it. Gee, thanks.” …and of course Yuki couldn’t back away from him since she was floating in place at the mercy of his telekinesis at the moment. So she was stuck there with Cell all up in her personal space. Figured.

“I let you ‘hang around’ because you amuse me, which I thought I’ve already made apparent. Besides…” Cell grinned wickedly and gave her a quick pat on the head. “You’re my little sidekick. Right, _’Insectagirl’?_ ”

Yuki growled and swatted his hand away. “I told you villains don’t get a sidekick, asshole!”

“Then what would you say villains get?”

“I don’t know…” She shrugged. “Evil henchmen or something.”

“Oh, well, I suppose I have my own evil henchman then.”

“ _HELL. NO._ ”

Cell’s eyes danced with amusement. “The villainous Insectagirl!”

“God damnit, I said-“ But Yuki’s words were cut short as he threw her back over his shoulder and took off, cutting through the evening sky towards the arena.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with this, I break 30k words, yay! I originally planned out the story to only BE 30k words, but man was I wrong. You know, the pre-hibernation cute baby Cell thing was supposed to be only one paragraph? But then I was just like... _ugh he's so adorable_ , plus I wanted to sorta flesh out Yuki's 'old' personality so her little break after discovering the truth would be more pronounced. I guess.
> 
> So, anyway! Tennis balls and aerial destruction! Fun, fun! I think I have a stupid sense of humor, but the mental image of Yuki sitting in that lawn chair... throwing balls at a slightly annoyed Cell... with Dean Martin wailing in the background... _oh my god._ At least they seem to be a little more friendly to each other :) And I think Cell must have some weird subconscious thing going on, because he just _cannot stop making little pervy jokes._ Hee.
> 
> Yuki's set up shop at the arena, and Cell seems okay with that... for now. As the evening of the third day turns to night, what lovely things await our little odd couple under the stars? Perhaps they'll strike a truce! Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling - on the next episode of DRAGON BALL Z!


	11. Day Three - Yuki in the Sky With Diamonds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter:
> 
> Yuki growled and swatted his hand away. “I told you villains don’t get a sidekick, asshole!”
> 
> “Then what would you say villains get?”
> 
> “I don’t know…” She shrugged. “Evil henchmen or something.”
> 
> “Oh, well, I suppose I have my own evil henchman then.”
> 
> “ _HELL. NO._ ”
> 
> Cell’s eyes danced with amusement. “The villainous Insectagirl!”
> 
> “God damnit, I said-“ But Yuki’s words were cut short as he threw her back over his shoulder and took off, cutting through the evening sky towards the arena.

After they’d landed safely back in front of Yuki’s house, she stormed off in a huff, slamming the door in Cell’s face. Now he stood out on the arena, looking up at the night sky at nothing in particular, again trying to analyze the current situation. So his little Kamehameha seemed to rattle her up a bit, but it remained to be seen if she would start _treating him with respect._ If not, he would merely have to drop her off at another location… sans electric scooter, of course. He chuckled to himself at the thought, and looked back towards her home. The lights were still on, and he could hear her shuffling around in the kitchen making dinner.

But then what? Would she come back out to him and start yelling again? Toss around a few more obscenities? Throw more tennis balls? He sighed. He’d enjoyed having her around at first… it was a wonderful break in the monotony that he originally thought would compromise the bulk of this ten day waiting period, but he did not want _this._ This new attitude of hers, however amusing it might’ve been at times, was incredibly unbefitting of her, and if he could only find a way to quell her anger… Earlier, she’d told him that even though she really wanted to _annoy_ him, she was also undeniably curious about him as well. Or as she put it so eloquently - ‘a douchebag, but a weird and interesting douchebag.’ So all he needed to do was somehow make her overwhelming curiosity a priority over her little vendetta. _That should be easy enough._ She was angry, but she was still Yuki, after all.

He was pulled away from his contemplations by a very expected visitor appearing before him. A visitor who looked incredibly upset and stressed out. _It looked like Goku wouldn’t be relaxing anymore._ He smiled. “Goku. I was wondering when you would again grace my arena with your presence. I’m guessing you came to sing praises about my… _geological modifications._ ”

Goku frowned, his hands balled into tight fists. “Why? Why did you do it?”

“I don’t believe that my affairs are any of your business.”

“So we can’t expect you to stop the senseless death for the next week then. Do you expect us to sit idly by and wait for your tournament while you kill innocent people?”

Cell sighed. “Then maybe you shouldn’t be _sitting idle_ in the first place. Why give you ten days if you’re not planning to use them? But… no worries. I have no plans to _’kill innocent people’_ , there are more pressing matters on my mind at the moment.”

“Then why?!”

“Let’s just say a certain someone wasn’t giving me proper respect and needed to be taught a lesson.”

Goku’s eyes immediately shot to the little house on the edge of the arena. “That woman… she’s still here? Who is she and why are you terrorizing her?!”

Cell chuckled quietly. “You came asking why, and I’ve told you why. Now I suggest you leave. You’ve overstayed your welcome.”

Goku said nothing. But his narrow eyes and gritted teeth told Cell everything he needed to know.

“All right Goku, fine. If it makes you _feel better_ , then I’ll give you my word that I won’t go out and cause any ‘senseless death’. Now if I were you, I would return home and prepare for the fight.”

Goku turned back to look at the little house, then looked back to Cell. He still looked angry, but Cell could also see a bit of confusion in his eyes. And with that, Goku placed his fingers against his forehead and vanished. He stood there, staring at the now-empty spot on the arena, and smirked. _What a fun little side-effect of Yuki’s stay._

With that out of the way, he turned his thoughts back to the matter at hand - how to go about sparking that curious nature of Yuki’s. Perhaps some kind of peace offering? Maybe… 

Just then, Yuki gingerly opened the front door and looked around before stepping up onto the arena. She’d just finished dinner and she thought she heard voices coming from outside… was Cell talking to himself? “Hey, you!”

“My name is not ‘you’, it’s Cell.” He watched curiously as Yuki walked around the stage, looking off in various directions. “Can I help you find something?”

“I thought I heard you talking to someone out here… or to yourself, maybe.”

“Goku stopped by for a chat.”

Yuki ran up to him with surprise written all over her face. “Goku?! Oh my god, did he see my house there? Damn it, he probably thinks I’m a bad guy now! _Just fucking great,_ now the good guys think I’m a friggin evil henchman.”

“Oh, I doubt Goku knows anything about you. He seemed a bit confused… I’d say he probably doesn’t know what to think.”

“Well, next time he pops in for a cup of tea, maybe tell me he’s HERE! So I can explain shit to him.” She narrowed her eyes. “ _Please?_ ”

“I’ve already told you that our personal affairs are none of his business.”

“You ass. I bet you WANT him to think I’m a bad guy, don’t you? I guess it’s not just me, you love messing with _everyone_ , don’t you? UGH!” She threw up her arms in defeat and stomped back over to her door, falling down into the lawn chair with a sigh.

Cell gazed at her, frowning. This was exactly the sort of thing he was getting tired of. He could never predict what would shine through those blue eyes of hers as she walked out that door. Anger, depression, hope, fear, curiosity… All this time she was trying so hard to upset him with her little tricks, but what upset him the most was the thing she _didn’t even realize she was doing_. If he’d wanted chaos, he would’ve built his arena closer to the city. These ten days were meant to be a nice little respite before the storm, and right now they were anything but. He was loathe to admit that he didn’t want her to leave, but he enjoyed having her around… _when she was being enjoyable, that is._

Yuki watched as he walked towards her, stopping a few feet away. And as he stood there before her, she was a little surprised to see that there wasn’t a single hint of annoyance or anger on his face. No condescending smirk or arrogant glare. None of that usual stuff. He actually looked kind of, well… _weary._ What the hell was wrong with him? Had Goku rattled him up somehow? She shifted nervously in her seat, not sure what to expect.

After a moment of silence, Cell finally spoke up. “So, Yuki. Whatever happened to that curious, optimistic girl lost in dreams of Supermen and Lois Lanes?”

“Oh, she’s still around. She just doesn’t come out around people-eating douchebags. And I thought you didn’t understand pop culture references.”

“I picked a few things up here and there as I went from city to city.”

“What’d you do, go have a ‘meal’ at a comic book convention?”

Cell smiled. “And here I thought you’d be proud of me for getting one of your references.”

She didn’t reply. She just sat there gazing off at things that weren’t Cell. So he was trying to be ‘nice’ again… but this time it seemed a little different, especially with that weird look on his face a few moments earlier. On one hand, she really wanted to know what was going on in his head, but on the other… if she asked, he probably had some sarcastic quip up his sleeve to shut her down. _Decisions…_ But then he sighed and crossed his arms, leaning against the wall right next to her. And with that, her decision was made. “Okay, seriously, what the hell?”

“I can’t kill you because you saved me, and I am considerate enough to spare you for that… and yet regardless of the risk you seem _adamant_ about staying here. You’re not an idiot, so I’m sure you’ve realized by now that I’ve grown rather accustomed to your presence, but I’m getting _incredibly tired_ of you taking advantage of that fact. As I’m sure you’ve grown tired of the condescending way I treat you in return. So wouldn’t it be in our best interests to _stop annoying each other?_ ”

“You? Considerate? Ha.”

“It’s one of my many charms.”

“One of many, huh? And what are the others?”

He shot her a sly half-smile. “Oh, don’t ask me to list them, I’d be standing out here all night.”

“…you’re probably going to stand out here all night anyway.”

“True. …now I am offering you truce. What is your answer?”

Yuki sighed. She had no idea what to say in this situation. It’s like he was trying to call some kind of cease-fire between the two of them… and the more she thought about it, the nicer it seemed. But at the same time, _it went against everything she was trying to do in the first place._ It would be nice if they stopped bitching at each other long enough for her to maybe just TALK to him. After all, if he died next week and all the information she had on him was just his backstory, she’d probably regret it… well, it couldn’t hurt to hear him out, anyway. “So why do you want a truce? You seemed to LIKE arguing with me. I thought you were getting off on fucking with my head.”

“Do I need a reason?”

Yuki looked up at him curiously. What the hell kind of response was that? What, was he embarrassed over the reason or something? He didn’t like her being rude and annoying, but he liked having her around… what did that even mean? Was he…? She looked up at him, wide-eyed with surprise. “Oh my god, you MISS the old me, don’t you?”

Cell gave no response, just a frown. So that was it then. He was being _nostalgic_. …maybe. Did that mean that maybe he wasn’t a complete dick after all? She jumped out of her chair with a big grin on her face. “You liked hanging out on the couch with me watching stupid shows, didn’t you?!”

The disgusted look Cell threw at her suggested otherwise. “Don’t flatter yourself. Do you want a truce or not? If not, I will merely pick up your house and deposit it elsewhere.”

“Ugh… I don’t know. You know that goes against the whole reason I came out here. But what are you offering?”

“Excuse me?”

“You said you came with an offering of truce, what are you offering?”

Cell blinked, confused. “Are you deaf? I’m offering TRUCE.”

“You’re supposed to do something to prove you’re being genuine, idiot! That’s what countries do when they reach peace agreements anyway.” She stood before him, hands on her hips.

He pulled himself up off the wall and took a step toward her. “I don’t think that’s how it works among _people_ , but… fine.” He looked at the ground, tapping his finger against his chin as he thought about it. What would be a customary truce offering…? His mind raced through everything he knew about human culture, before finally landing on something suitable. “Tell me, Yuki… what are your favorite colors?”

Yuki tilted her head to the side curiously, one eyebrow raised. That was an odd question. “My favorite colors?”

“Yes. Preferably three.”

“My favorite colors, huh? I guess… blue, purple, and pink maybe? Why?”

Cell smiled and placed his hands out before him, right next to Yuki, and suddenly a swirling ball of light appeared in between them. It was different than the ones she’d seen before… the ones that had destroyed her car and the mountain range. This one seemed more calm, like it wasn’t about to blow something up. She watched as the light broke off into three smaller spheres, each one slowly beginning to take one of the colors she’d picked out. Soon they were both bathed in a swirling glow of blue, pink, and purple, and Yuki watched in awe as the colors continued to spin.

He looked up, observing her expressions. She seemed calm and happy at the moment, and her eyes were dancing with color… it fit her much better than the negative things that had been dancing in them earlier. So she was amazed by this, was she? He laughed to himself. This was only the beginning! He watched as she hesitantly reached out and placed her hand near them… “It’s not a destructive type of ki. Rather tame, actually.”

Yuki took a deep breath and placed her hand out into the swirling lights… and sighed in relief. It felt a little staticy and warm, like those plasma globes in museums that make your hair stand on end. She smiled. So Cell really _could_ use his powers to make beautiful things. Who knew? But before she could say anything to him, he shot off into the sky, the glowing spheres of light following behind him. She watched after him in confusion as he went higher and higher, until both he and the lights were completely out of sight. Where the hell was he going? She placed her hand against her forehead and squinted her eyes, scanning the skies in an attempt to find him, but… nothing. But just before she sat back down, something amazing froze her in place. Before her eyes, the dark night sky erupted into color.

_Cell had created an aurora._

It had come forth out of nowhere, and in seconds it chased away the darkness, replacing it with the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen. The soft cool hues of the spheres now laced the skies, bathing not only her in color, but everything surrounding her. It was a fire blazing across the stars, and it took her breath away.

“I take it you’ve accepted my peace offering, then.”

Yuki spun around to see Cell, standing behind her with a smile on his face. And she remembered just yesterday, he stood before her as the light from her poor car’s flames danced off his body… it had been one of the most terrifying, hopeless sights she’d ever witnessed. But now he stood there smiling - even though it was a smug, victorious smile - and the light from the aurora danced off his body… it wasn’t terrifying at all. It actually made her a little… _happy._ Maybe she would accept his peace offering. If he could think up and put together something this beautiful, there must be something nice there worth looking for underneath all that sarcastic douchebaggery he was so good at, right?

“This is… amazing…”

Cell chuckled. “Of course it is. It was made by ME, after all.”

Yuki laughed and ran over to him with a huge grin on her face. “I’ll ignore the arrogant remark and just go ahead and say that I definitely accept your offering.”

He stood there and watched her as she enjoyed the aurora. So there was dream-filled and carefree Yuki again. All this time and headache, and all it took was a truce offering and a light trick to pull her out of her little shell of ill disposition. He would’ve never predicted that… _and that was the sort of unpredictability that he liked._ After all, if she was happy, then they could co-exist and he would be left in peace. As she’d said the day before while trying to pull a backstory out of him - it was a win-win.

“Hey Cell… what made you think of an aurora?” She looked at him quizzically.

“Well.” He crossed his arms and looked up at the sky. “The Sami once believed that the aurora had a calming effect on people, and that when one appeared it was the most advantageous time to settle conflicts. Though, on the other hand…” His eyes settled back onto her. “They also feared them, as they believed that if you whistled beneath an aurora, it would take you away into the sky with it.”

“How do you know that kind of thing?”

“I spent 24 years being fed information from a computer. I know many things.”

“That seems kind of weird, doesn’t it? I mean, why would you _fear_ flying with an aurora? I think it’d be beautiful.”

“The reasoning was that you would never return.”

“…oh. Yeah, I guess that would suck.”

Cell grinned, eyes wide with mischief. “Why don’t you whistle and see what happens?”

She gaped at him in disbelief. “HELL NO. I’ll do it and you’ll do something assholeish like toss me up into the air at a million miles an hour. I’m not stupid.”

“Tsk. It’s only been three days, _but you know me so well._ Come now, where’s that fearlessness of yours?”

“I am NOT afraid!” She bit her lip and shifted slightly, looking back up at the skies in an attempt to ignore him.

“Well, _that_ is an interesting response. Perhaps I should dig a little deeper…”

“No! Ugh… I can’t whistle okay?” She crossed her arms in a huff. “So don’t think I’m afraid of your little threat, because I totally am NOT.”

Cell’s laugh rang through the air. “Well! Maybe you should _try._ ”

“Fine, I’ll call your little bluff.” Yuki sighed and pursed her lips together in an attempt to whistle… and succeeded in making a strange little wheezing sound.

“An incredibly pathetic attempt, but the aurora gives you an A for effort.”

He held out his arm and suddenly Yuki was floating a few feet off the ground. _Damnit he hadn’t been bluffing!_ She closed her eyes tight and braced herself for the inevitable slingshot into the air, but… then she found herself flying upwards at a quick steady pace, but nowhere near the terrifying breakneck speed Cell had subjected her to earlier. This was definitely more the speed you’d expect in one of those fun flying dreams. Her eyes shot towards all the scenery around her, amazed, as she continued upwards. The ground slowly grew smaller and the aurora slowly grew closer… and as the cool wind blew through her hair, she spread out her arms, threw her head back, and laughed. A roller coaster with no restraints - who on earth could ever claim to have experienced anything like this? And what would happen when she reached the top? _Who cared?!_ Right now, she enjoyed the wind against her face, the colors of the aurora dancing around her, and the adrenaline rush… What did she have to fear? Cell had promised not to kill her, and even though it was probably a horrible idea, she did at least trust him.

“You look like you’re having fun.”

Yuki’s eyes fell on the man flying beside her. “This is amazing! Can we do some loops and stuff?! _Oh my god I want to do some loops and stuff._ ”

“But you whistled. The aurora’s dragging you into it now.”

She hesitated. “You can’t enter an aurora. It’s an atmospheric phenomenon, I’d die from the lack of oxygen.”

“It’s not exactly a normal aurora, now is it?” Cell shot forward towards the dancing lights, with Yuki flying along beside him.

“Faster than a speeding bullet! More powerful than a locomotive! Able to leap tall buildings at a single bound!” She threw her arms out in front of her in full Superman pose and looked over at Cell with cheesy grin. “Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s-“

“ _Insectagirl?_ ” He interrupted her.

“-SUPERMAN. And how the hell did you know exactly when to interrupt me?”

“I told you, I picked up a few things here and there.”

“Well, I would _appreciate it_ if you didn’t sully Superman’s awesome opening st-“ Her voice immediately left her and she found herself surrounded by color. Not just the lights she’d seen dancing around her on the ground, but… she had no other phrase to describe it but _pure color_. It was like being inside of a shining cut diamond when it hit the light at just the right angle. Each color swirled around her in ribbons, occasionally touching her as they passed, leaving that small feeling of static to race across her skin.

They came to a stop somewhere in the middle of the aurora, and Cell turned to face her. “So, you wish to _‘do some loops and stuff’_. I’ll humor you.”

“LOOPS AND STUFF HELL YES!”

He rolled his eyes and took off with her, and for the next ten minutes she found herself looping, flying upside down, backwards, twists and turns, strange yet terrifying maneuvers she’d never even experienced on a roller coaster… all the while Cell would stay close nearby and, even though the thought should’ve mortified her, she found herself feeling like the last few days had been some horrible nightmare. That Cell wasn’t a villain at all. It had all been a nightmare and now she was awake and lost in flight with a _friggin superhero_.

And of course, thinking that meant she’d go and jinx it with her next question.

“Hey Cell!”

“Yes?” They both came to a stop, hovering.

“Can I have control of my flying? I mean, is that possible?”

He frowned and furrowed his brow, weighing his options. He could say no. But… _this was just too good a situation to pass up._ Plus he could learn an interesting thing or two about her. If she got TOO angry, it couldn’t be all that difficult to patch things up later, with their current truce in place. And with that, he decided. “I can. Are you sure you want to? I’ll give you fair warning - it’s a bit daunting.”

“Daunting? Ha! I throw caution to the wind! I’m hanging out with you, aren’t I?”

“True.”

“Come _oooon_. Lay that flying goodness on me, big boy.” She winked. “Show me your true powers.”

“Oh? Well, since you asked so nicely…” He moved in a little closer, until they were almost touching. With a devious smile, he reached out his arm and grazed his fingers softly across her cheek. “I suppose I can _show you a good time._ ”

Yuki blushed, wide-eyed. “W-wha…”

“ _Have fun._ ” He waved to her as she began to plummet towards the earth.

She screamed as she felt the serene feeling of the hovering immediately pull away from her, causing her to free fall down out of the aurora. There was a sudden movement out of the corner of her eye, and she looked to see Cell, floating down nonchalantly alongside her with his arms crossed. “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!”

He laughed. “I thought you wanted control over your flying. You seem to be failing at it.”

“Seriously?! _SERIOUSLY?!_ ” She flung out her arms and made a futile attempt to grab on to him, but he just smirked and moved a few inches out of reach.

“…the ground is coming up on us pretty quickly. You should hurry up and get that flying of yours under control.”

Yuki stopped screaming and braced herself. No reason to be scared, right? He wouldn’t let her hit the ground, not after the whole truce and all… _right?!_ She just had to pretend she was skydiving or something. She did it once a long time ago. Back then she’d been terrified, looking down out of the plane, wondering if her parachute would fail and she’d die. But she got over it pretty quickly once she jumped. It was all about mental toughness and keeping your panic in check, and then it became fun. _She would make this fun._ With a deep breath, she spread out her arms and let herself free fall with no restraints. And now, with the wind whipping past her hair and the aurora dancing in the sky above her and on the ground below… it really _was_ fun. Cell was looking at her curiously, scrutinizing her every move. Probably trying to figure out if she was going to flip out and beg him to save her. What a dick, he really DID get off on messing with people’s heads.

She put on the bravest face she could muster and shot him a big grin. “Hey you’re right, the ground IS coming up on us pretty quickly, huh?”

Cell frowned and gazed off to the side, like he was deep in thought, like the world wasn’t racing up on them at terminal velocity.

“I wonder what the media is saying about me at the moment.”

Yuki growled, pushing her hair back out of her face. The media. Of _COURSE_ that’s what he should be thinking of while he had her damn life in his hands. Sure, why not? “Quit being a smartass! You can watch my TV, all right?! Christ!”

“Thank you. That’s very kind. Though… I don’t know what that has to do with your current predicament.” He smiled, feigning delight, as they continued to fall. So Yuki seemed to be enjoying herself at the moment, most likely holding on to his promise not to kill her… but how far would she fall before the panic began to set in? Before she faltered and assumed that his promise was an empty delusion as well? She may have gotten a bit more bold and resilient after her fantasies fell apart, but he was quite interested to find out if she’d hold on to her hopes until the very end… just like her hopes for some ‘superhero’. The ground was moving ever closer now, soon he’d find out just which route she’d take. Time to test her mettle. _How fun._

Yuki’s eyes left the colorful sight below and settled on Cell. What was he planning? They were hitting that point now where it was either now or never for parachute deployment, so… “Look, I’m not going to freak out, okay?! I know you’re just ITCHING to watch me scream and flail about, but I’m not stupid! I know you’re going to be stopping me in a few seconds anyway, so just GIVE IT UP!”

“What’s the matter? Flying is quite simple. Just… pretend you’re a bird.” He gave her a condescending shrug.

“Oh, I’ve got two birds right here that know how to fly, you piece of crap!” She defiantly threw up both her middle fingers in his face as she fell closer to the point of no return.

Cell’s arrogant laugh rang through the air beside her as the ground filled up her sight. She tried her hardest to stay calm but… there was no way she could stop now. But _he promised._ But… there was the ground, and she could make out all the tiles on the tournament arena now. _But he fucking promised!_ Only a few seconds left, and he was still there grinning. No way. No way. NO FUCKING WAY. And in that last second, she looked over at him with the saddest face imaginable and whimpered. “ _Why?_ ”

Just then, there was a sudden burst of wind and what felt like something quickly shoving her from behind, and… she was somehow sitting on the arena, feeling dazed. She was alive? She ran her fingers over the smooth stone of the ground, making sure it was real and not just some pre-death hallucination. Everything felt so… weird. How was she alive? How the hell had he pulled her back at the last second without gravity squishing her like a bug? What about the laws of physics?! Not that he really obeyed those laws anyway, but still. Now Cell had landed and was standing over her, looking down on her with that pompous smirk of his.

“So you held out to the very end. I’m quite impressed. Now… wasn’t that euphoric?”

“Y-you… NO! And I’m not some science experiment, you asshat.” She frowned and looked out over the arena. She’d never been so happy to be sitting on the ground in her life.

“Hm, I thought you humans loved these kinds of things. You know, carnival rides, skydiving, etcetera. It’s not as though you were in any danger, I was beside you the entire time. But that’s fine. Just be _ungrateful_ then.” He gave her a dismissive wave of his hand and crossed his arms, looking off in some random direction like she wasn’t even worth his time.

“Hey!” She pushed herself up off the ground in a huff and jumped right into his line of sight, both hands placed squarely on her hips. “Don’t twist the situation around to fit your way! You know damn well what you were doing! You were trying to make me THINK I was in danger just for kicks! You think just because you were floating down with me the whole time that I’m going to somehow magically be perfectly fine with it?!”

“I promised not to kill you, so yes, you should have been perfectly fine with it. And you held on to that promise until the _last second_ , didn’t you? That’s a lot of trust to give to someone you call a villain. I must say, _I’m honored._ ” Cell tsked. “Besides, eagles do it. It looked like it would be fun.”

“Ea… what?! Eagles do that as a MATING RITUAL, you twit! Don’t tell me you don’t know that, you’re just trying to mess with my head again!”

“Perhaps you shouldn’t allow yourself to be so easily messed with, then.” He shot her a grin and then turned around, walking back out towards the middle of the arena while he continued to speak. “Twit, asshat, piece of crap… as much as I _love_ all your little terms of endearment, I’d prefer if you just called me Cell.”

“Don’t walk away from me!” She pursed her lips. That figured. Of COURSE he’d been messing with her, he’d been messing with her since she’d come out here. And now there he went, off to the center of the stage, back to that default _off_ position of his… Yuki laughed to herself at that phrase. That whole center stage, arms crossed, head down, perfectly still meditative crap… that was his ‘default off position’. That’s definitely what she’d call it from now on.

“You know…” He turned back around. “I _may_ take advantage of your television offer tomorrow.”

“Are you KIDDING me?! First you blow up a mountain range, a mountain range that I spent lots of time at, by the way… then you drop me into a friggin _eagle mating ritual_ and treat me like a science experiment, and now you think you can go relax and watch my TV? I’ll show YOU a mating ritual! Praying mantids do it!”

“Is that so?” Cell cocked his head to the side, his eyes dancing with mischief. He reached his hand out to her. “Well, come over here then. Try to bite my head off. That would be quite a sight to behold.”

Yuki sighed in irritation and piled on the sarcasm. “Just so you know, I would love to, but I’m on _such_ a tight schedule here. Lots of big stuff going on! So sorry.” It was late, and all she wanted was a bath and a TV remote. In all honesty, she would’ve easily given up her right leg to have the power to bite his damn head off right now. She stepped off the stage and trudged up to her front door, so ready to just fall into a nice hot bath… oh, it would be _so glorious_. But just as she grabbed the door handle, Cell spoke up. That figured. Of course he’d want to get the last word in.

“My dear, if you tried, the only thing you would succeed in doing is nipping at my neck until you got tired… which I believe is some sort of human mating ritual anyway, is that correct?”

She gripped the handle tight, gritting her teeth. She wouldn’t do it. She would NOT do it. No way was she going to justify that with a response. Though every fiber of her being told her to run over and punch Cell in the face as hard as she could, she somehow managed to step inside the house and slam the door shut. _That pompous asshole._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah damnit Cell, I knew he was going to ruin this magical night somehow. _Here's a truce now I'm going to drop you out of the sky._ Hopefully it doesn't ruin their truce. Because I need the damn truce to stay in place.
> 
> Anyway, I've started also uploading this on ffnet so maybe you'll also see me over there? I have no idea what I'm going to do once things start getting into porn-level territory, since ffnet is pretty bitchy about that rule. I'll just wing it, whatever.
> 
> So Yuki's finally "annoyed" Cell - unbeknownst to her - and he's currently attempting to swing the situation closer to his favor! And why does he even CARE if she stays or not? Is it really nostalgia? Or is it something else? Day Four is coming, the Royal Defense Force is attacking, and Yuki gets a crash course in 'Bio-Android Anatomy 101', next time ON DRAGON BALL Z!


	12. Day Four - An Army of None

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter:
> 
> “My dear, if you tried, the only thing you would succeed in doing is nipping at my neck until you got tired… which I believe is some sort of human mating ritual anyway, is that correct?”
> 
> She gripped the handle tight, gritting her teeth. She wouldn’t do it. She would NOT do it. No way was she going to justify that with a response. Though every fiber of her being told her to run over and punch Cell in the face as hard as she could, she somehow managed to step inside the house and slam the door shut. _That pompous asshole._

Yuki woke up the next day with a smile on her face. There’d been no nightmares this time like there had been the last few nights, only dreams of an aurora-covered sky. As she changed out of her pajamas and headed into the kitchen, she recounted the events from the previous night… it hadn’t ended - or began - on the best of notes, but overall it was an experience that most people would never even _dream_ of having. And Cell had gone out of his way to strike up a peace offering and give it to her. But why?

She mulled over possible reasons over a plate of waffles. Was he really just being nostalgic? Did he really miss the ‘old Yuki’? She threw those questions out there, but he’d just frowned and shot her an unamused look… so who knew what his real reasoning was? If she had actually succeeded in her quest to annoy the crap out of him, why didn’t he just send her packing? So… he _wanted_ her around, and he _wanted_ her to be ‘old Yuki’. But that’s all she knew at this point. Everything else was just speculation, really.

But now they had a truce. “Oh… that’s right!” Her eyes widened and she dropped her fork. _They had a truce!_ Which meant there would be no annoying each other, which meant she could ask him questions! Instead of sitting there at the table musing over questions in her mind, she could go out there and just ASK STUFF.

She jumped up with a smile and peered out the window. Cell was standing out there in his default off position, and _there were so many things she wanted to figure out!_ Maybe she’d find his weakness? Maybe she’d save the world? And as her smile grew bigger, the ‘old Yuki’ that Cell had so wistfully referred to came bubbling up to the surface. She threw open the front door… and paused.

There at her feet lay a capsule. “What’s this?” She bent down and picked it up, looking it over inquisitively. Cell must’ve put it there. It was a plain capsule with no numbers or other markings on it to designate what it was. Her eyes shot to Cell, but he was facing away from her and off in his own little world.

Feeling a little bit uneasy, she tossed it forward, praying it wasn’t a bunch of human skulls or a giant dead whale or some other weird thing meant to pull a reaction out of her… and then her jaw dropped.

It was her car.

Well, not _her_ car, but it was the same color and model, only it was in MUCH better shape than the old one. She ran her hand over the hood, smiling. Her poor old car had been reborn! “I… I can’t believe it! _It’s my car!_ Cell, are you serious right now?!”

Cell smirked to himself. So Yuki liked his ‘present’. Hopefully that would rekindle their recent truce after he’d let his curiosity get the better of him and wound up dropping her out of the sky… He turned around to face her. “I’m assuming from your expression that you’re satisfied with the gift.”

“Oh my god! _Oh my god_ I can’t believe you went and got me this! This is amazing! It’s the same model and everything! It’s even the same shade of blue, which isn’t even a factory option color, I had it repainted!”

“When I set out to do something, I do it well.”

“My car! _Old Blue is back!_ I loved that car!” Without a second thought, Yuki sprung up onto the stage with a big grin on her face and threw her arms around him. “Thank you so much!”

Cell froze, wide-eyed. She was going to _hug him?_ He looked down in shock at the happy little woman whose face was currently buried in his chest. How very _gutsy_ of her… he couldn’t deny being a little impressed by her fearlessness. He chuckled and patted her on the head. “You never fail to surprise, do you? Now, as much as I enjoy you showing me your little leech impression, may I remind you that _I’m the one who destroyed your car in the first place?_ ”

Yuki’s smile dropped and she stepped away from him. “That’s right, you did… I take back that hug then, you dick! You might’ve gotten me a new car, but that just makes us EVEN as far as I’m concerned.”

“Considering the disrepair your original car was in, I’d say that puts me out ahead actually.”

“Well…” She looked off to the side, tapping her finger against her chin. He was being pretty nice this morning… in her excitement she’d accidentally hugged him without thinking and he didn’t toss her into the upper reaches of the atmosphere, so she’d definitely call that being ‘pretty nice’ for him. Now was the opportune time to learn more about him, so arguing about the car was right out. After all, she’d already learned a little just by hugging him… he was warm so he had to be warm-blooded, and that armor of his was most definitely an exoskeleton from what she felt. Honestly she should’ve figured that out when she was slung over his shoulder the other day, but it’s hard to pay attention to details when you’re wondering if you’re about to _die_ … Still morning and she’d already learned two things! She was on a roll. “Look, I came out here with a plan. But thank you for the car, I guess.”

“A plan?”

“Yep! You wanted curious little Yuki back, well, _you got her_.” She grinned. “I’m going to figure you out today. Field study!”

“Figure me out, hm? I admire your optimism, but I doubt you have this little field study of yours well planned out.”

Yuki slowly walked around him, looking him up and down. Why did he still have a stinger if he didn’t need to absorb people anymore? There seemed to be a difference in material between the black areas of his exoskeleton and the green areas… the former looked like it added reinforced protection to his more vulnerable areas. The top of his head, his shins… and whatever those things were on the sides of his head probably amplified sounds by a crazy amount.

Cell smirked, his eyes following Yuki as she walked circles around him. “Admiring my perfect form, are you?”

“Admiring, huh? _Maybe_ I’m just captivated by your ‘uniqueness’ or something, how about that? That’s probably the nicest way to put it.”

“I suppose that’s fair. I find myself captivated by your… pulchritude.”

“What?” Yuki stopped walking and raised her eyebrow. She didn’t know what the hell ‘pulchritude’ was, but judging from that sly little half-smile on his face, it was probably something mean. “Are you trying to insult me with some unknown antiquated word so I won’t know what you’re saying? You are, aren’t you?”

“Who knows?” He shrugged.

“…don’t think I won’t look that word up later!”

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll forget.”

Yuki moved closer to him and boldly took his hand in hers, bringing it closer to eye level. Black fingernails, sharpened to a point. “…neat.”

He frowned and jerked his hand away quickly. “ _…neat?_ How about you make your little observations without grabbing at me? Does that sound fair?”

“I like your manicure. Your nails are nice.”

Cell lifted up his hand, and his ‘nails’ shot forward into long black talons about six inches in length. Yuki gasped. “Oh my god, you’re like Wolverine! That’s amazing!”

“Another superhero, I’m assuming. But yes, it is ‘amazing’.”

“So why are your nails black?”

“Because they are made of the same material as my wings.”

Yuki sighed. Cell wasn’t being very cooperative with her efforts to figure him out. “So… speaking of wings, you don’t really use your wings here to fly, I noticed. They didn’t move much when we were up in the air. What are they for then?”

“Aerodynamics, mostly.” 

“They give you a really intimidating silhouette, you know.”

“That’s very kind of you.”

She rolled her eyes. “So how strong are your wings?” She moved behind him and ran her hand lightly over one. It felt a bit like… resin. Obviously it wasn’t, but it had that same feeling. They seemed pretty tough, though.

“Don’t do that.” He growled and lifted his wing up slightly, pushing her away from him. She was being very ‘hands on’ today. It was perplexing and not something he wanted to try to figure out right now. But… this was what he wanted, after all, right? Yuki back to her old self? Maybe he should’ve been careful about what he wished for… _or at least more specific._

“They seem pretty strong. How are the joints? If you put your wings out horizontal, could I sit on them?”

“I thought we had a truce. Remember? We don’t annoy each other?”

“I’m not trying to annoy you, I’m just curious, geez.”

“Regardless, you are not SITTING on my wings.”

“Whoa, fun police over here!” She threw up her hands. “No fun allowed!”

“You’re here with me, the man who will soon be responsible for the extinction of your species, waiting patiently for the end of the world. I wouldn’t think you’d find that ‘fun’.”

“Isn’t that the best time to have fun? Knowing you’re going to die, so wanting to make the best out of the time you have left?”

“…as long as it doesn’t involve bothering me, have all the fun you want.” Before he could say anything else, Yuki lifted up her head and stood up on her toes as high as she could, moving in closer with a huge grin spread across her face. Their noses were nearly touching. He blinked, wide-eyed, wondering if it would be better to stay still or back away. What the hell was she doing? _What the hell kind of ‘field study’ was this?!_ It called to mind the moment he’d first met her… she’d followed him curiously, and no matter which route he took - to stay still or to walk away - she still pursued him relentlessly.

“You have pink eyes.”

Cell said nothing. He continued to stand still, watching her movements carefully.

“And your tongue is purple. So are your cheeks.”

“…is that a problem?”

“No, it’s cute!” She pulled away just as quickly as she’d moved in.

“And as I’ve said numerous times in the distant past, _I am not cute._ ”

“Purple and pink are more on the cute end of the color spectrum than terrifying.”

“Let’s change the subject, shall we?”

Yuki sighed. He was getting really annoyed… a change of subject was probably a good idea. Maybe give him a compliment? “You know, you smell like a vegetable garden. Cucumbers and potting soil! It’s kinda nice. Gardens are very comforting, you should take that as a compliment!”

“I comfort you? Are you studying me, or are you _flirting_ with me? I’m quite honestly at a loss.” He frowned.

She pursed her lips. Now what was she supposed to say? This was starting to get a little weird. She couldn’t tell if he was joking, or if he really thought she would flirt with him. _Like she would flirt with the guy who destroyed her car and a million or so people._ How full of yourself can you get? Geez.

“…you smell like plumeria.”

“Really, you can tell that? I use plumeria body lotion… can you just identify flowers by smell?”

“I can identify many things by smell. By sight. By sound. Another one of my many talents.”

“Phft, well, you know you plant plumeria flowers in soil and then they grow.” She smiled. That was a good metaphor. Very nice and poetic. …but instead of making a comment, Cell stood there staring at her incredulously. He opened his mouth like he was about to say something, but then closed it. _Wonderful_ , now what’d she say wrong? “Why are you staring at me like that?!”

“Was that some sort of sexual euphemism?”

“N-no! Christ!” Her face flushed bright red. Now things really WERE getting weird… she hadn’t thought any of this out very well. He was right, she didn’t have it well planned out at all. And now Cell probably thought she had some weird _thing_ for him. Awesome, _yay._ “I-it was supposed to be… I don’t know, symbolic! Like I’m here spending time with you, but I’ll grow stronger and come out a better person because of it… or something…”

“Well, you’re not very good at coming up with proper metaphors, now are you? Perhaps you should just stick to obscenities. A failed attempt at symbolism can lead to… strange misunderstandings.” He grinned wickedly.

“You asshole.”

“ _There you go._ ”

“All right, well, anyway… this field study is over. I need to regroup and come up with actual questions that you’re not going to make perverted jokes about.”

“So it’s my turn, then?”

“Your… turn? What?” She took a step back. There was that gleam in his eyes again, the same one she’d seen right before he dropped her out of the sky.

With one fluid motion, he placed his hands on her waist and lifted her up into the air. “An interesting specimen! _I wonder what I can learn?_ ”

“H-hey! PUT ME DOWN! What, is this some kind of payback?!” She struggled against his grip.

“Oh? What’s wrong? Don’t you want to be studied?” He dropped her roughly. “Don’t you want someone to poke and prod at your body while asking silly, mundane questions?”

“W-well… no… but-” Before she could finish her sentence, Cell reached out and poked her on the forehead with one finger.

“Don’t poke me! Now you’re just being-“ Another poke.

“HEY I’M SERIOUS! YOU’D BET-“

_Poke._

“STOP TH-“

_Poke._

“OKAY! Fine!” She angrily swatted his hand away. “I get it! Geez.”

He smiled. “You don’t like that?”

“No, I don’t!”

“Why not?”

“Because!” She placed her hands on her hips. “It’s rude!”

“See? Now you’re getting it.”

“But-“

“Is it rude, or is it not rude? It’s either one or the other. Don’t skate around your answer like an indecisive fool.”

“Okay, it’s _rude!_ Geez, sorry. Maybe if you just answered my questions I wouldn’t have to figure it out for myself.”

“Ah, so should I start asking you personal questions about _your_ anatomy? Wouldn’t that also be considered _rude?_ ”

“…FINE. In that case, I’m going to sit around and try to imagine what all your parts are for. Maybe I’ll get it all wrong and make weird assumptions! Would you like that?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” He smirked and poked her forehead again. “Would you like me to sit around and imagine things involving _your_ parts?”

“I get it already! God, it’s hopeless talking to you!”

“So why do you keep doing it?”

“I don’t know.” She frowned. Why DID she keep doing it? That was the million dollar question… He was being a little bit of a dick right now, but it wasn’t so bad. It was kind of fun, actually. Maybe she was just a masochist? That had to be it. Plus after that aurora… there had to be a _nice guy_ in there somewhere. Maybe a nice guy who didn’t want to destroy the world? …maybe? She sighed. Probably not. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t try, right? After all, if he could be nice to her, he could be nice to other people, right? “I guess in a weird, twisted way, I still kind of like you. You can act like a dick all you want, but you made that aurora for me, so I’m sure there’s something nice underneath all that douchebaggery that’s worth looking for. So yeah, I’m going to hold to our truce, try not to bug the shit out of you, and consider you a _friend_ for the time being. How about that?”

Cell cocked his head to the side curiously. A friend? What a strange answer. And a delusional hope that he’d change his ways… if he hadn’t thought Yuki was back to her normal self before, he certainly did now. “I… _tolerate_ your existence. And I suppose I’m less bothered by your happiness than I am by your angry slinging of obscenities. But only slightly.”

“Boy, for someone who claims to ‘tolerate’ me, you put on a _spectacular_ act of hatred.”

“Oh I just naturally look angry, but I promise you _I’m jumping for joy inside_.”

“So not only are you sarcastic, but you also have resting bitch face?”

“I don’t know what that is.”

Yuki grinned and stifled a laugh. “…never mind.”

Cell narrowed his eyes at her in annoyance. From the way she was trying her hardest not to laugh, it seemed to be some sort of massive insult. He made a note to look into that later.

After their little back-and-forth, Yuki headed back inside to ‘regroup’, leaving Cell alone with his thoughts. So… he tolerated her existence. That had probably not been the best thing to say. She’d most likely try to take advantage of that, just as she had everything else in her strange little quest to both study him and rile him up. But as he was loathe to admit to her earlier, her presence was something he’d grown accustomed to. She was always around, but… Suddenly his train of thought halted and he turned to look over at the house with wide eyes. _She was always around._ The week he’d spent with her back then, the four days now so far… _that had been a large part of his waking life._ Nearly half of his time awake had been in the presence of Yuki. The other half being the few days it had taken to reach his perfect form, and the time spent unsuccessfully hunting down the androids in his old timeline. So that was it. She’d been, and continued to be, a constant yet bothersome companion to him. How inconvenient. _That_ was a weakness, and that was something that could prove to be troublesome. But what to do…? He turned away from the house and settled his eyes on something in the far distance. Something that was not yet close enough for any human to see, but he could see it clear as day, headed right for his arena. _How delightful._

Yuki was sitting at her desk fiddling around with her laptop when she heard the knock on her door. Cell was knocking? That was strange. Usually he waited for her to come out there. She stood up and shuffled over to the door, opening it just a crack to look out at him with an inquisitive expression. “What is it? And what’s that noise?”

“If I were you, I’d pack up your house and move elsewhere.”

“Oh, I don’t think so, we had a truce remember? I thought you were a ‘man of your word’. I’m not going anywhere! So there.”

“All right.” He shrugged. “But I don’t think _they_ will be as understanding as I.”

“…they?”

Cell moved to the side and, without a word, pointed out into the distance at the giant army heading their way.

Yuki gulped. Tanks and jets and missile launchers and soldiers… the Royal Defense Force. “Right. _They._ Of course.” That was all the convincing she needed. She stumbled out of the house in a panic and quickly capsuled it. “What do I do? What do I do?!”

“Why, you sit back and watch the fireworks, of course.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?! They’re going to kill me! Haven’t you ever heard of the concept of ‘friendly fire’?!”

“Well… I unfortunately promised not to kill you myself, but wouldn’t it be convenient if they did it for me?”

“W-what?” Yuki’s heart sank in her chest. Was he serious? So that’s all this was, some tense promise he made that he actually hated being forced to stick to. She thought they were getting along now… maybe there wasn’t anything nice in him after all.

Cell threw back his head and laughed. “Such a dejected expression! I can almost feel the distress and abandonment radiating from you.” He quickly lifted her up and scanned the landscape, searching for a suitable place to put her. “It was a _joke_ , of course. I would never abandon my evil henchman.”

She frowned, but… at least he was holding her like an actual lady and not like a damn potato sack this time. She closed her eyes and clung tightly to his neck, bracing herself for the inevitable slingshot upwards.

“Now there’s a nice spot.” And with that, he shot into the sky and landed lightly on a high cliff a short distance from the arena. “From here you can watch all the fun.”

He dropped her onto the ground. She was a bit dazed from the sudden takeoff, but nothing worse for the wear. Looking down from the cliff, she could see the arena, as well as the massive army headed straight for it. And as she watched Cell fly back off towards his ring, she knew it was an army that had no hope of even scratching the surface of him, much less defeat him. Why the hell would they do this? They had to have seen what he was capable of! Why would they run off to their deaths like that? _She didn't want anyone else to die._ Knowing full well what was about to happen, she felt the tears begin to well up in her eyes. She watched as the army surrounded him on a nearby cliff, and she watched as they bombarded him with every weapon they had… only for them to reel back in horror to discover he still lived. And she watched, in fear and desperation, as he held out his hand. In one sweeping motion, the entire army was annihilated. They never stood a chance. The world’s military, wiped out in less than a second. _Gone._

Before she had the chance to fully process it, Cell had returned, picking her up and bringing her back down to the arena. They both stood, eyes locked on each other tensely, as the wreckage in the background threw up billows of smoke… and probably the ashes of incinerated soldiers. It made her sick. “…why? Why would you kill them? You weren’t supposed to kill anyone else yet…”

“No, I wasn’t supposed to go around slaughtering the ‘innocent’. There was nothing mentioned about defending my arena.” He crossed his arms over his chest and gave her a little half-smile.

“I… I…” She could feel her stomach tying itself in knots, her hands balled into tight, shaking fists… her head was pounding as she struggled to keep herself from breaking down into sobs right in front of him. “I… _I HATE YOU!_ ”

Cell gaped at her, stunned, taken aback by her sudden outburst. “Wh-“

“ _I HATE YOU!_ ” She attempted to shove him backwards, unsuccessfully, and ran off the stage, throwing her house out from its capsule and slamming the door as she bolted inside.

She fell down face first onto the couch and cried into a pillow. _Cell was a murderer_ , and she always knew it… but she’d never had to witness it firsthand like that. He’d killed so many people, and somehow her mind just wrote it all off as a side note. It was never something she had to witness, it was never something that seemed real and tangible… but now it was. He killed that entire army. He killed all those people in those cities… and a new thought hit her that make her sick to her stomach. _Who knows how many people died when he destroyed that mountain range?_ All because he was trying to show off and get some reaction out of her… and when he did, all she could think about was the fact that he was being childish by treating her like an ant under a magnifying glass, and then slightly annoyed that he called her an evil henchman. _She didn’t even take a second to think about the loss of human life._

“What the hell is wrong with me?!”

She was pulled away from her grief when she heard the voice of the Monarch coming from the TV. He looked so incredibly sad, just like her. Just like everyone else. “Everyone throughout the world, this is your Monarch. As you have witnessed from that earlier broadcast, the combined forces of our military were dealt a destructive blow by Cell. …I am accountable for everything. I am terribly sorry. There was nothing else that we could have done. To be completely honest, there is nothing we CAN do…”

Yuki sat up and sighed. “No, I’m accountable for everything… I’m sorry…”

“…however, please do not panic! A savior, such as the young boy who defeated Piccolo Daimao so long ago, may yet appear again.”

She perked up. Piccolo? Cell had mentioned him… someone who defeated Piccolo? Did the Monarch mean one of the Saiyans? Maybe Goku? He was right… maybe Goku could save them all from this whole mess that SHE caused. Because she sure as hell couldn’t. But if the Monarch knew about it, maybe there was some information out there she could find as well? She walked over to her desk and sat down, intending to do a few searches for Piccolo Daimao. But as she sat there in front of the search engine, a little thought crossed her mind. _Cell’s stupid outdated insult._ The one he thought she’d forget about. Well, she’d show him!

“Let’s see… pulchritude… ‘Great physical beauty and appeal’?” She pursed her lips. So he hadn’t insulted her at all, he was just complimenting her and didn’t want her to know. Either that, or he was being a sarcastic dick again. She growled and rubbed her temples. _What a confusing guy._ …maybe she should go back out and make some comment about it? And also ask about Piccolo, since he probably knew more than anything she could find online?

With a huff, she stood up and wiped away her tears, replacing them with a look of determination, and headed back outside.

Cell frowned as he heard her walking toward him. His original plan was to merely ignore her for the rest of the day in hopes that she would calm down. After all, he didn’t want to stretch thin the truce that was already on the verge of destabilizing, and he’d rather she didn’t _hate_ him. But listening to her lamentations towards the little speech she’d been watching on the television… _she even looked up pulchritude._ He supposed she didn’t yet realize he could hear her in there, even though earlier she’d commented on how exceptional his hearing must be. He turned around, scrutinizing her, as she cleared her throat.

“Piccolo Daimao. Who defeated him? Was it Goku?”

“…yes. It was.” Just then, he felt a large ki overhead and looked up. Goku was flying past, probably upset over the damage. Considering what had happened yesterday, he was most likely a bit more on guard than normal. But he’d given the Saiyan his word _only that he would stay away from innocent people._ There was no deal on defending his ring, and Goku knew it. “You know, that guy.” He pointed up.

“Wha… OH MY GOD!” Her eyes widened and she placed her hand over her mouth. “OH SHIT! He saw us down here talking to each other!”

“And?”

“He’ll think we’re on friendly terms or something! Oh my god, if he didn’t think I was a bad guy before, he definitely does now… I can’t believe this is happening…”

“Taking into consideration all of his observations so far, I’m inclined to agree with you this time.”

“Well, I hope you’re happy!” She growled, both her hands placed squarely on her hips. “By the way, I looked up pulchritude! You didn’t think I’d remember, but I did!”

“Oh?” He grinned.

“Saying sweet things to someone doesn’t work if they don’t realize you’re being sweet.”

“Hm.”

“Two can play at that game, you know.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “What if _I said_ I’m feeling some kind of Beatrice and Benedick vibe coming from you? See, now you’re confused by my reference, see how it feels?!”

Cell threw back his head and laughed. “Beatrice and Benedick, is that so?”

“Yeah, it’s from a movie called ‘Much Ado About Nothing’. Oh _noooo_ , pop culture! Your one weakness!”

“My dear, that’s a _Shakespeare play_.” He smiled slyly. “And I’m quite well aware of it.”

She froze. His eyes were locked firmly on her, and there was that little gleam again. That movie was adapted from a damn Shakespeare play. She hadn’t realized that. “…well, it was a JOKE anyway.”

“I’m sure it was.”

If any time was the best time to make an exit, right now was that time. “I’m _out._ ” She spun around and marched back to her front door, trying to hold on to some semblance of pride. Cell probably thought she was an idiot for not knowing that was Shakespeare… how embarrassing. On the other hand, she just accused him of having a Beatrice and Benedick vibe, so HE should be the one feeling embarrassed!

Cell yelled after her, in a voice that just screamed delight. “ _’Thou and I are too wise to woo peaceably’!_ ”

“ _SHUT THE HELL UP!_ ” Gritting her teeth, she threw open the door and slammed it shut before that smirking asshole could say anything else. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sure he yanked that car from a dead guy in one of the cities he emptied. Yuki’d be appalled if she knew that, though. And for those not familiar with Beatrice and Benedick, they’re just typical enemies-turned-lovers. But their constant sarcastic bickering is hilarious.
> 
> In the show, Day Four marks the end of the Ten Day canon. Seriously, after like noon on day four, the narrator just says something like “Day four comes to an end AND NOW HERE’S THE CELL GAMES!” _…fine, more freedom for me then._ And now that I've successfully riled up Goku from his relaxation, I can do more stuff with him :3
> 
> So Day Four begins, bringing with it a failed attempt at a ‘field study’… _didn’t retain too much information from your college days there, did you Yuki?_ Now what fun things are in store for our stubborn lovebirds? Maybe they’ll break out the Trivial Pursuit? Read some of Yuki’s erotic xenomorph fanfiction? MOAR HUGS?! Yuki gets more information on Cell’s anatomy than she bargained for, and the ‘TV-watchin buddies’ reconvene on the couch, next time ON DRAGON BALL Z!


	13. Day Four - Why? Because Aliens!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter:
> 
> If any time was the best time to make an exit, right now was that time. “I’m _out_.” She spun around and marched back to her front door, trying to hold on to some semblance of pride. Cell probably thought she was an idiot for not knowing that was Shakespeare… how embarrassing. On the other hand, she just accused him of having a Beatrice and Benedick vibe, so HE should be the one feeling embarrassed!
> 
> Cell yelled after her, in a voice that just screamed delight. “ _’Thou and I are too wise to woo peaceably’_!”
> 
> “ _SHUT THE HELL UP!_ ” Gritting her teeth, she threw open the door and slammed it shut before that smirking asshole could say anything else.

Yuki spent the rest of the day inside, much to Cell’s dismay. Though… probably a good thing if all she wanted to do was ask him asinine questions about his anatomy. After the Shakespeare quip, she’d gone inside and, from what Cell could hear, spent the next six hours sitting on the couch watching television. Some revolting show filled with unfounded claims of aliens building the pyramids… _she would rot her mind with that trivial nonsense._ She could most definitely stand to watch a Shakespeare play or two. Then she’d had the gall to say he gave off a ‘Beatrice and Benedick vibe’… He tsked. She may have been slightly attractive, but she was giving herself a little too much credit with that one.

Now she’d just finished a shower, and was currently downstairs listening to more music. Heading to bed soon, most likely. He looked up at the starry sky and smiled, remembering how he’d holed himself up in her closet back then, able to only seek amusement in the strange things he’d heard her doing. He wouldn’t say he was _nostalgic_ , but… it did wind up being an enjoyable time at least. HIs gaze shifted to her house. The last time he’d been inside was back during that time… maybe it would be interesting to go in and have a look around? And if she wasn’t done ‘questioning’ him, he would merely turn around and leave.

Meanwhile back in her living room, Yuki stood in front of her record player smiling, wrapped in a towel, letting her hair air-dry. The lovely sounds of Frank Sinatra floated around her. Her plan was to just ignore Cell for a while, maybe then he’d chill out and let her ask her questions without being a snide little dick about it. _But her plan for tonight…_ She closed her eyes and swayed along to the music. Tonight she was going to finish getting ready and watch this new Ancient Aliens special about Cell. What would they say about him? Would they assume he was some kind of alien being that visited earth in the distant past? Maybe as the inspiration for the destructive gods of old? _But she knew the truth._ And it was going to be hilarious! She grinned and held up her brush like a microphone, singing along.

_”Flyyyyyy me to the moon and let me plaaayyyyy among the stars! Let me see what spring is like on… Jupiter and Maaaaars! In other w-“_

“I could fly you to the moon, but I don’t think your weak little body could survive the lack of oxygen, much less the vacuum of space.”

She gasped and spun around, clutching at her towel defensively. “OH MY GOD! EXCUSE YOU!”

“…also I don’t believe you’d find much fun on Jupiter in the spring. Unless you were still suicidal. Are you?”

Cell was standing there near the doorway, staring at her. What the hell?! Didn’t he know what _knocking_ was?! “Yes, please _just walk right in!_ And quit looking at me! Do you like what you see or something?!” Now he was tapping his chin, looking up at the ceiling like he had to _think about it._ That weirdo.

“Your singing leaves much to be desired, but your choice of clothing leaves nothing to be desired. So all in all, I’d say my overall level of desire is stuck in neutral at the moment.” He smiled.

“You know, if you keep TALKING TO ME LIKE THAT, I’m going to start thinking that maybe you’re not joking at all, and then you’ll just be a big pervert in my eyes! How would you like that?!” She lobbed the microphone/hairbrush at him and it bounced off his head, landing on the carpet.

“Oh, Yuki…” He placed his hand over his chest. “I’m not sure if my heart could take that.”

“Uh-huh, _right._ ” She sighed and rolled her eyes. So apparently he was just going to keep standing there. “Don’t you know how to knock? I could’ve been naked in here!”

“One is not usually naked in their living room. With the front door unlocked. You wearing clothes would have been a safe assumption.”

“Well, you don’t KNOW that, I could’ve totally been naked!”

“…fine then, I apologize. I didn’t realize you hadn’t changed yet. Satisfied?”

“Thank you. Some of us have to shower every now and then. We can’t all be blessed with cucumber-scented exoskeletons.” She paused, and looked him over curiously. “…how does that even work, anyway? I mean, do you need to bathe? Or do you clean yourself using some kind of sonic wave like they do for hospital equipment?”

Cell leaned against the back of the couch, arms crossed. So there it was… it hadn’t taken her long at all to start up with the silly questions about his anatomy. “It’s not an exoskeleton, my dear. It’s _biological armor_.”

“That’s the same thing! That is LITERALLY the definition of an exoskeleton!”

“Oh, I think not.”

“Okay, let’s look it up then!” She stomped over to her laptop and typed it in. “The definition of an exoskeleton - _an external skeleton that supports and protects an animal’s body._ See?!”

Cell seemed completely unfazed. “It’s biological armor.”

Yuki sighed. “I thought we were having a truce here now…”

“I’m not arguing, I’m stating a fact.” He shrugged and held out his arm. “Besides, if I have an exoskeleton, what would you say is supporting my fingers here?”

“Fine, I guess you have an exoskeleton AND an endoskeleton. Like a turtle. You’re a mutant ninja turtle, congratulations.”

“I thought you were majoring in a subset of biology. You’re incredibly bad at identifying species, _no wonder you quit._ ”

Towel be damned, she marched right up to him, grabbed his arm before he pulled it away, and gave him the most venomous look she possibly could. Having to drop out of college was a sore spot for her, and she wasn’t about to stand by and let him poke at that spot. “Okay, asshole, is your ‘biological armor’ going to protect you in five seconds when I kick you where it hurts?!”

He pulled his arm from her ‘grip’ and crossed them back over his chest. Kick him where it hurts? Did she _honestly_ think…? He paused. _Well now_ … So she wanted to continuously irritate him with anatomical questions? The phrase ‘Fight fire with fire’ came to mind. It was a very lewd idea, but it would most certainly deter her from asking anything else about him without giving her questions more serious thought.

“No kick of of yours is ever going to hurt, though I’m assuming you’re referring to _genitalia_. Since mine happen to be sheathed, yes, I would be protected. …not that it would hurt regardless of that fact, of course. But like I’ve said before, if you want to hurt me, you’re always welcome to try.” He shot her the most polite, genuine smile he could.

Yuki took two steps back, staring at him like a deer caught in headlights. “…excuse me?! _EXCUSE ME?!_ ”

“Are you honestly THAT surprised that your kick wouldn’t hurt me?”

“Oh my god, that’s not what I freaked out over and you know it!”

Yuki’s expected reaction had Cell smiling with delight only in his mind, but on the outside he continued to hold together his perfect poker face. “Oh? What’s wrong? Earlier you were so curious about my anatomy.”

“I never asked about your… your weird… retracting… SERIOUSLY!” In all honesty, the old biology student in her was curious as hell, but the lady in her was _weirded the hell out._

“You know, most mammals do. It seems humans are the ones in the minority which, in my opinion, makes you the ‘weird’ ones.”

She sighed and rubbed her temples. Definite headache coming on. She had no idea at this point if he was being serious or toying with her. He LOOKED like he was being serious, but sometimes it was hard to tell with him… And now here she was, pulled into some kind of fucked up discussion about the physiology of penises. “First of all, you’re an arthropod, so don’t go calling yourself a mammal because that’s a completely different class of animal! And secondly, most animals have all kinds of things about their damn dicks that any normal person would consider weird! Okay, sheaths yeah, also knotting, and als-“

“I don’t think that’s very ‘weird’, either.” He shrugged.

Yuki froze, her mouth hanging open in shock. He… didn’t really seem to be messing with her at all. He looked genuinely perplexed over how unsettled she was. But that didn’t make the conversation any less disturbing. “…okay. You know what? _Retractable knotting dicks_ are my cue to exit this conversation, get ready, and just go to bed. GOOD NIGHT.”

Cell kept his eyes locked on her as she trudged up the stairs. “You don’t seem very tired. Or are you just going upstairs to be stubborn?”

She sighed and spun around. “Maybe, I don’t know! Is there anything else you think I need to know?! Maybe the length of your cock or what kinds of things get your rocks off?! Are you going to share that with the class as well?!”

“Would you like me to? I didn’t realize we were far enough along in our relationship for _that sort of talk._ ” He smirked.

Yuki turned back towards the top of the stairs and bit her lip. She didn’t want to go to bed… she wanted to watch that damn Ancient Aliens special and there was no way in hell she was going to miss it. No way was she going to let his perverted teasing get to her. He only kept doing it because he realized it was the quickest way to get under her skin. “…whatever. I’m not going to stand here in a bath towel and talk about penises with you. I’m going to dry my hair and put on some clothes, and then I’m going to come back downstairs and watch the Ancient Aliens special they just made about YOU. And if you’re still in here when I come down, we’re going to sit on the couch and play a game called _’See how long Cell can go without making a smartass comment about Giorgio Tsoukalos’_. If you lose, you leave. It’ll be fun, like old times.”

With one last narrow-eyed glare and a proud display of her middle fingers, she disappeared around the corner, slamming the bathroom door shut. Cell couldn’t help but throw his head back and laugh. It was so easy to get under her skin, especially when she believed that _he was completely oblivious to what he was doing._ Fun. Not that it would be wise to push her too far or she’d descend to that point of alternating between explosive anger and depression, and that was… hm. No. ‘Happy Yuki that just so happened to be riled up at the moment’ was much more entertaining to deal with. At least now the field study would be over.

He glanced over at the television to see some weakling struggling along in an attempt to pull four buses. An announcer off-screen yelled out in amazement. “Oh! Satan is pulling along four buses all by himself! What monstrous strength!”

Cell shook his head and chuckled as the man continued, locked in some sort of ‘intense battle’ with a stack of phone books. If not for the Saiyans, impudent fools like this would be the most humanity had to offer. How sad for them. It was a wonder Yuki could remain so optimistic living among all of that _trash._

Satan turned to face the camera. “Miserable Cell, you’re going to regret this! You will share the same fate as this bus!” And with that, he slammed his fist right through the side of the bus.

The announcer from before marveled in amazement once again. “Oh, as we might have expected of Mister Satan! Satan is indeed our one star of hope! He will definitely give Cell an out-and-out thrashing!”

Cell’s amusement fell into irritation as the crowd cheered the man on. _They still doubted his powers._ After all this, and they truly believe someone as weak as that could give him a ‘thrashing’. Watching that drivel was getting to be too annoying… and Yuki was still in the bathroom, combing out her hair. Perhaps he’d have a look around, for old time’s sake? He walked over to her desk and flipped through her giant box of albums nonchalantly. They were all quite old. Not a fan of newer music, apparently. His eyes settled onto a framed photo and he picked it up. Yuki smiled out at him, her long blue hair wild and dirty as if she’d just spent the day wandering the forest. She was standing next to a woman with black hair who didn’t seem to be showing any sort of expression at all - probably the infamous ‘Akiko’. They both had Giant Wetas on their heads. He gently placed the frame back down and headed upstairs.

_…that garland lasso was still on the closet door._

He scowled and reached out to grab it, but… no. Probably not the best of ideas. It would be wise to find out why she kept it there in the first place, but it would be rude to mess up her belongings while being a guest in her home. He tsked and pulled back his hand, continuing into the bedroom. The last time he’d entered through that door, she’d successfully convinced her mate that _Cell was a cat in a costume._ The thought made him cringe. What a sad, pathetic man. Yuki could do _much_ better. The walls downstairs had been adorned with mounted insects, but up here there were framed posters starring all of her superheroes. One in particular caught his eye and he walked closer to it… a man with long claws jutting out of his hands. He must be the Wolverine that Yuki had referred to earlier. His gaze fell onto an open notebook on her nightstand. Probably a diary? He wasn’t so low that he would sneak through her personal thoughts, but… a few sentences caught his eye and he realized it wasn’t a diary at all. Looking it over curiously, it appeared to be literature she was writing. So she was a writer? Interesting. Were her works published? He picked it up, amused, and started skimming the page.

“Let’s see…” _She lay before it, unafraid, as the creature approached her. Its claws clinked on the hard floor as it came closer, and the moonlight reflected off its exoskeleton, showing off its fearsome silhouette. It was intimidating, yes, but now its tail was swishing back and forth in anticipation and the expectancy in its movements made it seem less so. She…_

“HEY!” Yuki’s sharp voice cut through the air. “What do you think you’re doing?!”

“Reading your story. I didn’t realize you were a writer.” _…she finally understood everything that they had been warning her about. So it was true, it wanted to take her. The xenomorph purred softly and ran its tail slowly over her naked body, as she…_ “Hm. Well. I wouldn’t really call it a classic, but I’m sure this is only a first draft.” He furrowed his brow and frowned. He wasn’t quite sure what a xenomorph was, but from the description it seemed to be some sort of alien. Possibly another pop culture thing.

“Grrr… give that to me you dick!” Yuki reached out and quickly swiped it out of Cell’s hand.

“Now why write a story if you don’t want anyone to read it?” He shook his head and smirked. “ _I concede._ ”

Yuki raised her eyebrow. “…huh? Concede what?”

“If you wish to say I have an exoskeleton rather than biological armor, you can. According to your stories, you obviously know _quite a lot about exoskeletons._ Who am I to argue?” He tossed her a dismissive hand wave and headed down the stairs. “Interesting fetishes, by the way.”

Yuki so desperately wanted to stop him, spin him around, and smack that shit-eating grin off his face. Then maybe say something like ‘Oh yeah? Interesting _dick_ , by the way.’ _The perfect comeback._ But instead she just grumbled and tossed the notebook into a drawer, then stomped downstairs after him. He was going to mess with her head, and he was going to keep doing it as long as she kept responding. Maybe if she just ignored all of it, he’d get bored and STOP. …that was easier said than done, though.

She fell down onto the couch with a sigh and grabbed the remote. Cell was standing near the other end, arms crossed, staring straight at the TV. “You know, Cell… you can sit down. You know how to SIT, right?”

“I prefer to stand.”

“So you’re just going to stand there and hover while I watch my show? You used to sit right _there_.” She pointed to the far end. “And you never seemed to mind.”

“I prefer to stand.”

“Fine. Whatever. My show starts in a half hour, so just go ahead and stand there in silence. Or make smartass comments. I don’t care.” She glared at him. He kept staring at the TV with some blank expression but… it didn’t seem like he was looking at the TV at all. More like, looking past it. Was he deep in thought? Maybe he was waiting for her to say a certain thing? … she really wanted to ask more anatomical questions, but last time that wound up escalating into ‘too much information’ territory. But then there was THAT. If he had reproductive organs, that meant there was a female version of Cell flying around out there somewhere! …or there had been, back in his timeline. _Now that was something she was definitely wanting to ask._

Cell glanced over at Yuki. He was lost in thought, just as she’d assumed. The posters in her bedroom… he was curious about something. He’d been curious about it from day one, but never came around to asking her. Maybe now would be the best time to do so? She was obviously angry about the notebook thing. And now Yuki had that look on her face… the one she used to have when she was just dying to ask him a question but was too afraid to ask. And since he was also curious about something, well…

Yuki’s eyes widened as Cell sat down on the other end of the couch with a frown, his wings hanging lazily over the armrest.

“All right, Yuki. ‘The Hannibal and Clarice thing’.”

“Excuse me?”

“I will answer your question and you will answer mine.”

“What makes you think I have a question for you? …and how do you know about Hannibal and Clarice’s quid pro quo?!”

He rolled his eyes, impatient. “Because I distinctly remember that look on your face from the years before. And I distinctly remember you using the phrase ‘the Hannibal and Clarice thing’ when we exchanged questions. Now ask me your question.”

“Okay, well…” She bit her lip. Did she want to ask? What if it was some kind of sore spot for him? She didn't want to piss him off, but… “Okay. And don’t you dare take this in a weird way! I’m only asking because of… you know… my academic interest, so promise me you won’t take it in a weird way!”

“Fine.”

“Okay… well… _god._ Okay so if you have, you know, _reproductive organs_ , does that mean there’s a female version of you flying around out there somewhere?”

“No.”

She waited for a moment for him to elaborate… but he said nothing. He was going to be a dick and make her ASK. Ugh. She had to word the rest of this _very_ carefully, or the perverted jokes would never fucking end. “Okay, FINE. So Dr. Gero threw this… racism against humans into your genetic design and then… I mean… what the hell are you supposed to… you know… have sex with?!”

“ _Oh._ Is there a particular _reason_ you wish to know that?”

Yuki growled. Apparently she’d failed at her attempt to word that carefully, because now he was staring at her like a damn predator looming over his prey, with that stupid little sly smile of his. “Hey! HEY! You promised you wouldn’t take this in a weird way! You fucking promised!”

He sighed. “…Dr. Gero didn’t throw ‘racism against humans’ into my genetic design. He created me for the sole purpose of killing Goku. He was very _committed_ to his pursuit, if you didn’t already notice. But anything I do is of my own free will. I am no one’s _puppet._ ”

“Oh. Oh that’s great. So all this bullshit you’re doing is all you, then? And here I almost felt SORRY for you because I assumed you were ‘programmed’ that way or something. That’s _awesome._ You could be out saving the day, partying all night and having sex with all the ladies, but _you had to go and choose door number two, didn’t you?!_ ”

“ _Tsk._ I thought that would make you happy. If you knew I had free will in enacting my plans, wouldn’t it be easier to get me to change them?”

She rolled her eyes. “Would you ever?”

“No. But as I said, I thought it would make you happy to know that. You being the optimistic little bundle of joy that you are.”

She was just about to reply when a new thought crossed her mind, and she froze. If he could have sex, that made all that perverted shit he kept saying sound _a lot less innocent._ If any normal man had spoke to her that way, she wouldn’t have been so lenient. With Cell, she’d only put up with it because it was all stupid shit he couldn’t do anyway. _But he could._

“All right, Cell, you know what? FINE. WHATEVER. So you can have sex with humans, huh?”

“Yes, I thought that was implied.”

“Okay FINE. Then you don’t get to make stupid perverted jokes to me anymore! No fucking eagle mating rituals and quips about me saying ‘fuck you’ all the time and remarks about my damn fetishes!”

“Oh? And why is that?”

“Because it sounds less innocent when I know you can actually do stuff like that to people! So now I’m going to say this one more time, and you are NOT going to make any kind of joke on its _sexual nature._ FUCK. YOU.”

The amused grin on Cell’s face immediately told Yuki that he was totally going to say it. “…don’t you fucking say it.”

He leaned in closer to her and smiled. “I’m quite amazed how you can sound so angry towards me and _yet suggest your need to be intimate with me_ at the same time.”

They continued to stare at each other in silence for a few seconds - Yuki absolutely fed up, and Cell radiating delight. It couldn’t be helped, she guessed. “…you think you’re _SOOO_ funny, don’t you?”

“My caustic humor is unparalleled.” He chuckled softly and moved in even closer, whispering into her ear. “And what makes you so sure they’re jokes?”

Without a word, Yuki stood up and walked away, heading for the kitchen. Cell frowned as he watched her leave. So he’d pushed her a little too far and now she’d left… he’d have to save his question for another day. What a pity. But a few minutes later Yuki emerged from the kitchen with a teacup and fell back down onto her side of the couch.

“…I went and got tea. Now ask me your damn question.”

“I didn’t realize you were going to come back.”

“You have _five fucking minutes_ before my show comes on. Ask me your question before I clam up and start ignoring you.” She calmly took a sip of her tea.

Cell cocked his head to the side. Puzzling behavior… but he was wise enough not to push her again. “Tell me Yuki, why are you so obsessed with the concept of superheroes? It appears to be some sort of driving force in your life. You were so quick to allow me into your home those years before based only on some small inkling of belief that I was one. I doubt most people would let themselves be blinded so easily. …I’m quite curious to know why you did what you did.”

Yuki looked down into her teacup. She hadn’t been expecting a question like that. It was a good question, though… “Just stuff from my childhood and all that. Nothing you’d be interested in.”

“Humor me.”

“Okay, well…” She let out a defeated sigh. If he said anything asshole-ish about this, she would never forgive him and he’d be out that door so fast… “My mom and I were never really close, but I was always close to my dad. He was a really great guy, a police officer. One of the best on the force! When I was eight or so, there was this terrorist, Ichiro I think was his name. You remember that big tower in the middle of Gingertown? They rebuilt it. He blew up the original one. But my dad and the rest of the force had him cornered in a building downtown, and I remember watching it on TV, all excited and stuff as they screamed at him to come out with his hands up. Just like some action movie, you know? But then there was a shit ton of gunfire and a lot of the officers died in the crossfire, including my dad. That guy, Ichiro, he was the _worst villain in the world to me_. And I was only eight, so I always sat around watching movies about Superman and Batman and stuff, and in the movies Superman always flies in right when things get too overwhelming for the police and saves the day. Nobody flew in to save my dad and I was too young to understand why, I guess. Then it just sort of… got ingrained into my personality or something. But I also just like them because I like them, if that makes any sense. It just kind of evolved into a nerdy hobby.”

She looked up from her cup at Cell. He was staring at her wordlessly with an expression she couldn’t really read. Was he going to say anything, or was he enjoying the uncomfortable silence? Yuki shifted nervously. He probably thought she was being a wuss and was coming up with the best insult he could possibly muster…

“Do you see me as that sort of villain?”

“E-excuse me?”

“This Ichiro. Do you see me the way you see him?”

She didn’t. She probably should’ve though. He’d killed way more people than that guy ever did, and… he’d destroyed that tower in the middle of Gingertown, too! And it’s not as though Ichiro had been the _only one_ who’d made her feel scared and hopeless at one point… why was Cell different? He wasn’t different. She knew why she FELT he was different, and that’s because of the years she’d spent thinking he was some good guy. It was just psychological conditioning or some other weird bullshit. Even though he made auroras… and took her flying… and felt bad enough to give her a new car… she set down her cup and rubbed her temples. “This is a _really fucking weird_ situation we’re in right now, okay?! Don’t ask me that question!”

“I’m guessing that means no.”

“It means that you’re WORSE. I just… don’t see you as worse for some reason. Even though you did all the same crap Ichiro did, plus way more. So shut up.”

“Well, I never killed any of your family, so I suppose I have _that_ on my side.” He smiled.

“What the hell are you talking about? _You ate my mom._ ”

Cell tensed up, wide-eyed in surprise. ‘You ate my mom’?! Did he absorb her? If so, why had she never brought that fact up before now? How was he supposed to respond to that? There was no _proper response_ for ‘You ate my mom’.

Yuki sighed. Cell looked like he was silently panicking over there… she’d completely forgotten that she’d never told him about that. It was actually kind of sweet that he obviously didn’t want to be responsible for upsetting her like that. “Chill out. She’s dead, okay. Honestly, you just did something I’ve been waiting for the justice system to do _for years_. So don’t think too much on it, because she was an ass… and that’s definitely not something I’m going to go into right now. Let’s just say I’m not _normal_ because of her.”

“Ah, my dear, but if you were normal, _I would’ve destroyed you days ago._ ”

Yuki’s attention left him and shot to the TV as soon as the familiar voice began to speak. “Tonight, a special episode of Ancient Aliens! Cell - the monstrous insect from the stars! The locust of Revelation!”

Cell rolled his eyes. _The biblical thing again._ Yuki had asked him that years ago and all he could do then was boggle in amazement over the sheer idiocy of the idea. And now here it was again… sheer idiocy.

She grinned as the screen cut to ol’ Giorgio. “We know who Cell _is_. We’ve known all along. The bible accurately predicted his coming thousands of years ago, just look at Revelation 9. A scorpion sting that causes people agony? A crown atop his head, a face like a human, a breastplate of iron… it’s been right in front of us the entire time. But how did the ancients know about this? Once again, the evidence is right in front of us - look at all the mythology surrounding insect beings in ancient civilizations! _This isn’t the first time Cell has descended to this planet._ ”

As the show continued, Yuki glanced over at Cell. He looked _miffed_. “Aw, what’s the matter? Can’t handle different opinions?”

“ _Not when they are so incredibly false._ I feel as though I’m getting a visual representation of the inside of your mind.”

“What?”

“You were the one who kept prodding me about your biblical locusts. And now it’s on television. I _do hope_ you had nothing to do with that.”

“Oh yeah, because I totally directed an episode of Ancient Aliens.” She scoffed. “People just like trying to make sense of things! And come on, you’re smart, I’m sure you caught the similarities between you and the locusts.”

“I’ve been listening to you watch this show all day. According to it, mankind is too inept to do anything on its own. Every innovation of the past was done by _aliens_. And while I do agree that mankind is inept, the second point is _a bit of a stretch._ ”

“That’s the point of the show! Everything is aliens!”

“Do you honestly believe th-“

“SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF, YOU DICK.”

“…fine. As long as you don’t actually believe this nonsense, then I suppose I can continue to let you live.”

“Gee, thanks.”

They sat there together and watched, bickering playfully and exchanging light-hearted insults. _’Yuki’s shows were inane and offensive.’ ‘Cell was a massive dick with no sense of humor.’ Etcetera, etcetera…_ Back and forth. _Just like old times._ It made her smile.

And as the hours passed, she eventually fell asleep, leaving Cell alone to contemplate on his current state of affairs. He sat there quietly, staring off at nothing in particular, the only sounds being the ticking of the clock and Yuki’s steady breathing. Eventually he let his gaze wander back to her, and for a few minutes he watched over her as she slept. She seemed very content. _Happy._ Today he had made Yuki happy. By merely sitting on a couch and arguing with her over television shows. Such an unpredictable woman… Not that making someone happy was something he should take any sort of pleasure in. _He most certainly did not._ He continued to stay there, enjoying her silent company for a few more minutes, before finally standing up with a sigh.

When the morning came, Yuki would find herself waking up not on the couch, but in her own bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god, I am _so sorry about this chapter._ My answer for anyone asking when the hell these two were going to get together was _this chapter._ But it didn't happen so... surprise? I tried, but they just wanted to stand around talking about penises apparently.
> 
> Gettin' closer though! He carried her up to the bedroom, so that was sweet :3 (though he'd probably never admit to her he did that!) Can we also talk about _penises_ , is that cool? As a pervert, it's one of my favorite subjects! I know the usual route to go for this guy is some kind of removable codpiece thing, but what fun is that? ( _Like a good scary movie, I prefer my guys surprising and full of freaky things that will keep me up all night. ...and I'm allowed to say that because I marked this rated M._ )
> 
> Cell now seems to be grappling with some cognitive dissonance issues, and the weird tension is mounting! But how much more will our bold little heroine put up with?! Akiko gets back in touch, horrible misunderstandings happen, and Yuki might attempt some perverted jokes of her own! Payback may or may not be a bitch, next time ON DRAGON BALL Z!


	14. Day Five - The Accidental Courtship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter:
> 
> And as the hours passed, she eventually fell asleep, leaving Cell alone to contemplate on his current state of affairs. He sat there quietly, staring off at nothing in particular, the only sounds being the ticking of the clock and Yuki’s steady breathing. Eventually he let his gaze wander back to her, and for a few minutes he watched over her as she slept. She seemed very content. _Happy._ Today he had made Yuki happy. By merely sitting on a couch and arguing with her over television shows. Such an unpredictable woman… Not that making someone happy was something he should take any sort of pleasure in. _He most certainly did not._ He continued to stay there, enjoying her silent company for a few more minutes, before finally standing up with a sigh.
> 
> When the morning came, Yuki would find herself waking up not on the couch, but in her own bed.

The sun rose the next morning towards cloudless, calm skies… but Cell was anything but. He stood, tense and angry, eyes fixed on a clifftop in the distance. _Goku had just been there._ He’d appeared and vanished, not bothering to stay for more than a second. And while Cell didn’t take kindly to the idea of Goku keeping _tabs_ on him… well, that didn’t seem to be the case at all. The Saiyan’s eyes not once settled on him. He’d kept his gaze only on _the house._ He scowled as the possible explanations for Goku’s interest flew through his mind. None of them bode well for him. So Goku wanted to keep tabs on Yuki, did he? Well, in that case he would merely keep tabs on _Goku_. From here on out, Goku’s ki would be the ONLY one he would focus on…

His attention shifted as he heard Yuki stirring in her bedroom. So she was finally awake? He chuckled and a devious smile spread across his face. Judging from the noises she’d made last night, she apparently had some very _interesting_ dreams… If she decided to continue with her anatomy lessons, he at least had THAT tantalizing little fact he could bring up and shut her down with.

Yuki sat up in her bed, looking out the window above the headboard. She did have a very interesting dream, and she was currently turning it over in her mind. _Who was that guy?_ He was definitely someone she recognized, but just couldn’t place him. She wanted to say he was an actor? He played a secret agent… in something… She sighed. That was going to drive her insane, after all, she’d rather know who the hell she’d been having sex with. Not even knowing their name just made the whole thing _creepy_. She stretched, yawning, and headed down the stairs to grab some clothes out of the dryer, stopping for a moment to turn on her music. That load of clothes had been in the dryer for a few days now, but she would get around to hanging them all up. Eventually.

After she changed, she picked up the hairbrush with a big grin on her face and spun around, singing. “ _Oh, my head keeps spinnin’, I go to sleep and keep grinnin’, if this is j-_ “ But then her expression faltered. Cell pretty much told her that her singing sucked. That asshole, now she felt all self-conscious… he totally ruined the hairbrush microphone thing for her.

Her thoughts derailed, shifting to the night before. She’d fallen asleep on the couch. How the hell had she gotten into the bed?! Did Cell seriously do what she thought he did?! Wide eyed, she ran over to the window and peeked out at him. He was out there doing what he did best - absolutely nothing. But did he do it? _Holy crap, he totally did._

She sprinted out the door and up onto the arena. “Hey, you!”

“As I’ve told you before, my name is not _You_. It’s Cell.”

“Did you put me in the bed?”

Cell looked off to the side. It would probably be best if she didn’t know about that. “Put you in the bed?”

“Um, yes? I fell asleep on the couch, I woke up in the bed. So you obviously put me in the bed.”

He laughed. “Oh, I can assure you that I’m just _beside myself with worry_ about how _cozy_ you are while sleeping. Has the thought occurred to you that you merely moved up there yourself sometime during the night?”

“Well… I guess… but you don’t have to be such a dick about it, you know!”

“Then don’t make silly assumptions.” He was about to say something else, but he paused as he noticed Yuki looking him over with a curious expression.

“You seem kinda… tense.”

Cell frowned. The earlier incident still ate away at the back of his mind, but he hadn’t realized it was so readily visible to an outside observer. “Goku popped in for a visit.”

“Oh my god, I TOLD YOU to tell me next time he showed up! Why the hell won’t you let me talk to him?!”

“I wouldn’t say he was in the mood to have a little chat. He showed up quite suddenly over there…” He pointed up at a cliff far out in front of them. “…for less than a second, and then vanished. Rather rude of him not to say hello.”

“Why? That’s kind of weird. Maybe he just wanted to size you up some more? And since when does Goku make you _tense?_ You losing your cool or something?” She grinned.

“Because he wasn’t paying attention to me. He was staring right at our house.”

“Okay… that’s a little freaky. Do you think he’s planning something?” She decided to let the _our_ house thing slide for the moment. That asshole apparently thought they were roomies or something… but Goku’s visit was more important right now.

“One can only speculate.”

“So why even care? If he comes at you before the tournament, you’d just beat him up anyway.”

“That doesn’t concern me.”

“Well, you SEEM like you care about it.”

He narrowed his eyes and frowned. “His interest in YOU is cause for concern.”

“Why would he even be interested in me? It’s not like he’s trying to SAVE me or something, after all, you said he probably thinks I’m on your side now, so what would he want wi-“ A horrible thought crossed her mind and she froze, her hand over her mouth. “ _OH MY GOD!_ ”

“What?”

“What if he kidnaps me?! Like, to get information about you?! He knows you’re tough, but he could be thinking ‘ _That evil henchman of his, she’s weak, I bet we could get her to talk!_ ’ and what am I going to tell them?! I don’t know anything they’d care about! Like they give two shits about how much you hate Ancient Aliens or how you can quote Shakespeare or-“

Cell laughed. “My dear, Goku is a Saiyan. He may wish to save the earth, but he enjoys the thrill of the fight - fighting for fighting’s sake. He would never take such a cowardly route.”

“Then what do you think he’s thinking?! Something about me?!”

“Most likely about you. But as I said, one can only speculate. If he shows up again, you can be assured that he’ll find his escape technique _violently interrupted_. So try not to worry.”

“Hm…” She tapped her finger against her chin. “…so I’m protected by Cell, huh? Well, you might be an insensitive dick, but I guess you can’t ask for better protection than that.”

He smiled. “Now if I was such an ‘insensitive dick’, I wouldn’t bother to ensure your safety in the first place.”

“Uh-huh. I guess I better go take the ADT security system sticker off my window and put one up with your face on it. That’ll scare away any robbers that want to have a go at lifting my ten-year-old TV set.”

“I didn’t notice there was a security system in place.”

“There isn’t. I just have the sticker.” She grinned. “It’s called being an awesome bluffer! Unlike you.”

“Oh? You think I’m bad at bluffing?”

“Why do you think I always call you on all your bluffs?”

“You make silly attempts to call me on EVERYTHING, bluff or not.”

“Whatever.” She sighed and rolled her eyes. As interesting as it was to know that Cell seemed to be oddly protective of her now, she’d have to think about it later. Right now she had to call Akiko. The last time they spoke, she accidentally brought up the idea to go visit Cell… Akiko was probably freaking out. “I’ve got a call to make.”

She started to leave, but remembered one last thing. “By the way, it’s not OUR house, it’s MY house. Don’t go acting like we’re roommates or something!”

“Anything within 500 feet of my arena is mine by default.”

“I’m within 500 feet of your arena! You gonna claim me too, asshole?” The sly little smirk that spread across Cell’s face made her immediately regret saying that. He was taking that in some horrible way and was probably five seconds away from twisting it into some x-rated remark. But she wasn’t about to let him say ANYTHING. She hurriedly went inside, shut the door, and reached for the phone.

Cell looked after her as she left, and as soon as the door closed, his smile fell back into a scowl. That conversation had been a bit TOO illuminating. For her and for him. He hadn’t been tense because he couldn’t figure out Goku’s odd behavior, he was tense at the thought of something happening to _her_. Yes, he was accustomed to her presence, and yes, she was his bothersome little companion, but… that was not enough to cause him this distressing involvement in her well-being. She was still only human. _Destined to die with the others._ He sighed and closed his eyes, focusing the entirety of his attention on Goku, attempting to ignore the other nagging thoughts.

Back inside, Yuki sat on the couch, listening to the phone ring on the other end of the line.

“Hello?”

She bit her lip. “Hi. It’s me.”

“Oh my god, Yuki! I’ve been trying to get ahold of you for _three days._ I thought maybe you really went after him and he ate you or something.”

“No, I’m fine! Not dead at all… obviously.”

“Did you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Go after him.”

“Um… uh… well…” Yuki fidgeted nervously. What the hell was she supposed to say? She was such a crappy liar when it came to this sort of thing. “No?”

“So you did then. Well, you’re not dead, so it must have gone pretty well. Did you get anything out of him?”

“Well, I asked him if he could stand up to a nuke. He can totally stand up to a nuke, by the way.”

“I’m pretty sure everyone figured that out when he took out the entire military. What else?”

“He didn’t really talk much. He just kind of… stands there?”

“So what you’re saying is he told you a nuke wouldn’t hurt him, and other than that, the only thing you still know is that he’s an eight foot arthropod. That’s disappointing.”

“Well, he’s not really eight feet anymore, I’d say around six and a half? Maybe a little more.”

As the two friends talked, Cell couldn’t help but to listen. So Yuki was lying about him and attempting to keep things secret. Not surprising, after all, if word got out about their little ‘companionship’, she would most likely be labeled a traitor. Shunned. _Abandoned._ Cell’s evil henchman. He frowned. He couldn’t afford to be lenient on any more meddlesome reporters. Those miserable humans would tear her limb from limb. Surely she realized this, so why continue to stay?

After her chat with Akiko, Yuki decided to stay inside for a bit. She needed some time to think this morning over… it was weird. Well, weirder than usual. Cell was being protective of her and he just seemed kind of confused in general. _And she damn well knew he put her in that bed._ He could try to cover that up all he wanted, but she wasn’t THAT stupid. She sighed and flipped on the TV. Looks like it would be another day spent watching her shows…

Once the evening rolled around, a big question settled into Yuki’s mind. Completely unrelated to the day’s events, but… _Could Cell eat food?_ She looked down at the cookies she’d been snacking on. Sure, he said that he didn’t eat. But that didn’t mean he COULDN’T eat, right? He had a tongue! Would he eat a cookie? She mulled over the idea of bringing a cookie out there for him, just to see his reaction.

Cell was broken out of his focus by the sound of Yuki shuffling across the stage. He opened his eyes and watched as she came up to him with a big smile on her face. “Can I help you?”

“Here.” She proudly held up a cookie, urging him to take it.

“You’re offering me food? I don’t need to eat. That’s not how I collect energy.”

“But why do you have a tongue then?”

“Are you really asking me that?”

“…yes?”

“ _To speak properly._ Think on your questions a bit harder before you go spouting out half-witted nonsense.”

“Fine, more for me then.” She shot him a vicious glare and stuffed the cookie in her mouth. …which made her glare seem less vicious and more silly, but whatever. It was a damn good cookie and Cell didn’t know what he was missing.

“Maybe I should teach you some table manners…”

“The guy who kills people doesn’t get to talk MANNERS to anyone. Now here, I have a better thought-out question for you. How does your body manage to get all the vitamins and minerals you need? And - unrelated - do you have a circulatory system?”

He growled. So this was never going to end then. She was going to keep asking these things until she could write a manual on him. “I have a question for _you_ , Yuki.”

“Um… sure, okay.” She gulped. He looked pissed off and the air around them immediately felt a little more uncomfortable.

“Did you know that I have a rather incredible sense of hearing? I’m sure you do. But do you know just how good it _really is?_ ”

“Probably good enough that I could stand over on the edge of the stage and whisper, and you could probably hear me? That good?”

He threw his head back and laughed. “What a disappointing answer! Try again.”

“Could you hear me whisper from… hm… behind my house?”

“My dear, I could hear you whisper from the top of that hill I placed you on yesterday.”

Her eyes widened. That was actually pretty amazing… if his hearing was that good, his other senses must be at the same level. If that were the case, he should at least TRY to taste something, he’d probably get a kick out of it.

“You look impressed. But… I also must make a confession. I often find myself taking solace in the mundane things you do as you shuffle around the house in your daily routine.”

She sighed. He’d probably been listening in on her conversation with Akiko. How rude. That’s totally what he was attempting here - to freak her out by telling her that. “Look, I don’t care if you listen to my phone conversations. I don’t care if you listen to my six-hour marathons of ghost hunting shows. _I don’t even care_ if you listen to me singing in the morning and stand out here and laugh about how bad it is. I know you’re just trying to piss me off because you get all annoyed when I ask you anatomical questions.” She crossed her arms and stuck her tongue out at him.

He chuckled and shook his head. “Is that so?”

“Yeah, it is. I really, seriously don’t care. It’s not like I’m whispering secret nuclear launch codes in there or anything.”

With a malicious grin, he leaned in close, whispering in her ear. “The noises you make late at night can get quite loud when you get pulled into _a good enough dream…_ ”

Yuki froze and her heart sank in her chest. He could HEAR HER. He could hear her having _sex dreams!_ How fucking embarrassing! That’s supposed to be private stuff! Why would he even listen in on that?! Was he just a pervert?! Sure, he’d been making a few indecent remarks here and there the last few days, but those were just _jokes!_ …right? It’s not like he was attracted to her or anything… _was he?_ Her breath hitched in her throat. Was he attracted to her, was that what was going on here? Or maybe he didn’t even realize there was any attraction there? All in all, Yuki had no idea _what the fuck was going on in his head._ And going by all his confusion earlier, he probably didn’t either. That had to be it, right? Some kind of subconscious thing? Either that, or he really was just a massive pervert, and… she didn’t really think he was that type. Not counting the stupid jokes, he at least TRIED to be gentlemanly sometimes.

Not that she cared to stand there pondering over it. All she wanted to do now was run back into the house and hide. But… he held her in place with that piercing gaze and that little knowing smile of his. _Goddamnit._ He looked like a damn lion that had its prey backed into a corner. If he would just SAY something, it’d be so much easier for her to just turn tail and RUN. But no, he just STOOD there and stared at her, waiting for her to make a move. And she knew as soon as she turned around, he’d make some fucking smartass comment about it. With every ounce of strength she had, she backed away slowly, her hand over her mouth, her whole body shaking… his eyes followed her as she backed right off the arena.

As soon as her feet hit the dirt, she spun around, prepared to make her speedy retreat… _and there it was._ The smartass comment.

“Your little mewls and sighs are quite intoxicating. Just what was it that you were dreaming of?”

Her first instinct was to sprint back into the house. That was the plan. That was what she wanted to do the moment she’d spun around. But… then he’d stand there smug in the fact that she did exactly what he knew she would do. There was NO WAY in hell she’d let him get away with that. No, she’d shock that condescending look right off his face and leave him speechless…

So he wanted to know what she was dreaming of, did he? Fine, _she could make pervy remarks too._ With her back to him, she quietly answered. “ _…you._ ” She followed it up with a mad dash for the front door, slamming it behind her with a grin. Her only regret was not turning back to see how he’d reacted… it had probably been hilarious!

She looked toward the window thoughtfully… it might _still be_ hilarious. As stealthy as she could possibly be, she peeked through the blinds and saw him standing there. And she was right. _It WAS hilarious._ He looked absolutely rattled. That smug face of his was twisted into one of confusion, and his wide eyes, fixated on the ground at nothing in particular, told her that she’d gotten her intended reaction. _Perfect._ That bastard thought he could have some fun messing with her head, well, she flipped that idea right around and showed HIM. But before she could congratulate herself too much, his gaze suddenly snapped from the ground right into Yuki’s eyes, and she jumped back in surprise. Apparently she hadn’t been as sneaky as she thought. But just before she moved out of his line of sight… those eyes stopped her. It wasn’t what she’d expected. Not angry. Not shocked. But more… _curious._ She took a step back, a bit shaken now, and closed the blinds. Why the hell had he been looking at her like that?

Back out on the stage, Cell was indeed curious. He’d expected to get some sort of amusing reaction out of her, not… well, THAT. He frowned and closed his eyes, evaluating the situation in his mind. So Yuki had been _fantasizing_ about him, and was so bold to admit it to his face. Why? If her goal was to avoid embarrassment, why not just lie, or not say anything? Instead, she’d purposely embarrassed herself just to tell him that. She obviously had some reason behind revealing such a thing to him, but…

He opened his eyes and shifted his gaze to the house. It was barely a whisper, but he could hear her muttering to herself about ‘getting the hell out of here’, as well as the sounds of her shuffling around and packing items into her purse. Leaving?! Now, what kind of sense did that make, especially taking into consideration the fact that she’d shown such an interest in him… and that’s when the realization hit him. _She was showing interest in him._ Was she intending to be his mate? It wasn’t something he’d expected Yuki to admit to, and it didn’t seem to fit her personality to be the initiator in a situation like this, but… attraction was most definitely one of the more unpredictable emotions. Now he knew why she was packing to leave - he hadn’t responded to her strange method of courtship and now she felt rejected.

So Yuki wished to be his mate, did she? _That could be interesting._ After all, the idea had fleetingly crossed him once or twice before… usually settling into the corner of his mind as their back-and-forths crescendoed into the suggestive teasing Yuki disliked so much… Cell licked his lips, smiling in anticipation, as he flew quickly over to the front door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Yuki, it’s not a _joke_ if the other person doesn’t realize you’re kidding. That was such a cringey scene to write. Though I like the idea of Cell using the term ‘mate’, haha :P That seems like it would be his preferred nomenclature, he’d probably think ‘girl/boyfriend’ sounded frivolous and superficial.
> 
> So Yuki is packing to leave and Cell may or may not attempt something stupid! Does the author have anything to add to this preview thing? No, because the author has no fucking clue what’s going to happen next. Nothing is planned out at the moment! We’re winging it now, next time ON DRAGON BALL Z!


	15. Day Five - The Worst Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter:
> 
> So Yuki wished to be his mate, did she? _That could be interesting._ After all, the idea had fleetingly crossed him once or twice before… usually settling into the corner of his mind as their back-and-forths crescendoed into the suggestive teasing Yuki disliked so much… Cell licked his lips, smiling in anticipation, as he flew quickly over to the front door.

Yuki rushed around the house, purse in hand, looking for her capsule case. Where the hell had she put it?! It had the damn car in it, and she needed the car to get the hell away from Cell and his arena. That look on his face just then - the one he’d given her through the window - was _incredibly unsettling._ She’d tried to make some stupid pervy joke to him, and instead of getting annoyed or mad, he just gave her that LOOK. Like he hadn’t realized it was a joke at all. Or maybe he did, but he was the kind of guy who could dish out jokes but couldn’t take them. Either way, that meant something _really fucking bad_ for her. Like him kicking her ass bad. Or tossing her into the sun. Or whatever the hell else he would do to someone who slighted him. So she had to get out now before he stopped looking confused and came to his senses. Maybe come back in a few hours after he calmed down.

With a sigh of relief, she noticed the case hiding behind her laptop, and placed it quickly in her purse. She spun around to head for the door… and there he was. Standing in the open doorway with a devilish grin on his face. She gulped. So this was it. _This was how she would die._

“Well Yuki, I must say… you caught me off guard with that aggressive move of yours. _I’m impressed._ You should be proud.”

“I… um… wh…” Yuki took a few steps back as he slowly walked towards her. What the hell was he talking about? With every one of those mechanical sounding steps he took, the tension in the air grew, and the more likely she felt that she wouldn’t leave that front door alive. She’d stupidly backed herself up against the wall now, there was nowhere else for her to escape.

“ _Words_ , Yuki. Use them.” He stopped right in front of her. “Or don’t say anything. That’s fine, too.”

She couldn’t say anything. He was looking down at her, scrutinizing her. It made her feel really, really small, and now she really DID feel like an ant under a magnifying glass.

“No need to look so nervous, my dear…” With a small chuckle, he placed his hands on the wall on either side of her and leaned down close, his voice lowered to a whisper. “ _I accept your proposition._ ”

“W… what are y-“ Before she could respond, Cell grabbed the back of her head and pulled her up toward him, cutting her off with a rough kiss. And as her eyed widened, his eyes closed.

A kiss. _He was kissing her._

He held her closer, pressing harder against her until she could hardly breathe. She tried to protest, but the only sound that came out was a pitiful little squeak. As soon as she realized that he was _not letting go_ , the panic began to set in. She struggled against his grip, desperately trying to pull away, but it was like being caught in a vice. The more she fought, the stronger the panic inside of her grew, until she finally reached a point of all-out terror. _He wasn’t listening to her. SHE COULDN’T FUCKING BREATHE._ The horrifying thought of him forcing her against her will to go any further shot her into a near-hysteric frenzy, but all she could manage were muffled squeaks and a few ineffective punches in the chest.

Cell sighed and pulled away. _She was hitting him._ “There’s no need to be so reactionary. If you want, I can…“ His voice trailed off as he looked down at her. She was shaking all over, and she looked… terrified. “Are you all r-”

The fear on her face twisted into anger, and she shot him a look that would destroy a lesser man. “GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!”

“Excuse m-“

“ _GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!_ ” With a fearlessness Yuki didn’t even realize she had, she pushed him across the room towards the open door. She shoved him outside, ignoring the wide-eyed look he gave her, and slammed the door in his face. She knew full well the only way she could ever shove him even a centimeter was if he let her… Her assumption was that he’d just stand there unmoving and glare at her, but she was too pissed off to think too much on it.

Cell stood on the other side of the door, completely stunned, trying to figure out what just happened. He’d _kissed_ her, and she didn’t reciprocate. Why? She would never have admitted to dreaming about him in that way unless she had some kind of desire to be his mate. That isn’t exactly a topic one brings up for _casual conversation._ He sighed, irritated, and crossed his arms. Apparently he’d fallen victim to her unpredictable anger _yet again,_ and now she was going to deny him. Well… he would not set his mind to something and then fall SHORT of it… that just wouldn’t do. He was Cell, he didn’t FAIL at anything.

He could hear her still standing on the other side of the door. “Yuki?”

“Go away!”

With an angry scowl, he reached forward, prepared to rip the door from its hinges… but then paused. This was not a situation to be won through brute force. Scare tactics didn’t work on Yuki. With a sigh, he resigned himself to knocking politely. “Open the door.”

“Why don’t you just tear it down and force yourself in?! You’re good at that!”

Again, it was a very inviting idea for him, but would only serve to make matters worse. “I’m not going to destroy the house.”

Yuki sighed and leaned against the door. She stared down at the carpet, lost in thought. So Cell had kissed her. Not only that, but he’d practically _forced_ himself on her and held her in place so she couldn’t move… Now he was out there acting like he had no idea what he did was even _wrong!_ Sure, he was a dick and she just wanted to leave for a little while, but if she had to be truly honest with herself, well… she still liked him. As a friend. Maybe something more? She actually _cared_ about him. She thought he was starting to care about her, even just a little, but then he went and did THAT. If she felt anything now, it was nothing but betrayal. A deep, horrible betrayal. And how was she even supposed to rectify this stupid situation with him if he didn’t even think he was at fault here? It was just too damn much… She placed her hands over her face and broke down into sobs, bitter tears running down her cheeks.

Cell immediately picked up on the sound of her crying. What the HELL did he do now?! The confusion he’d originally felt twisted up into a strange mix of anger and distress. It was the thought of not knowing something, of being completely in the dark… Not something he enjoyed feeling, and it was quite disconcerting. Why couldn’t she be more direct about things? _Or at least a little more easier to read._ This time his pleading was much more tense. More urgent. “Yuki, open this door! _NOW!_ ”

She debated if she should even respond at all… “No, I won’t.”

“ _WHAT?!_ WHY YOU-” He growled, gritting his teeth. He had to calm himself. After all, if he continued to yell it would only make her mood that much worse. “Fine. Will you at the very least tell me just what it was that I did?”

“What you did?!” Her sadness immediately switched back to anger and she ripped open the door, shooting him a look of absolute fury. “Are you fucking kidding me?! You forced yourself on me! I couldn’t get away from you even if I wanted to because you were forcing me to stay put! _Do you have any idea how terrifying that is?!_ No, of COURSE you don’t, because you can just do whatever the fuck you want and get away with it!”

He looked off to the side. So that was it then. He’d been too aggressive and _frightened her._ How demeaning. “…that was not my intention.”

“No? Forcing yourself on me wasn’t your intention? Then what the hell would YOU call that shit you just pulled?!”

“I was merely trying to KISS you. There was no ill will behind it, nor did I realize you thought I was being too rough.” He frowned.

“BULL SHIT! I didn’t _think_ you were too rough, I _know_ you were! I’ve cried over enough douchebag men to know exactly what it was you were trying to do, and I am DONE with that! I am so done with douchebags, so just don’t even try.”

Cell’s frown grew wider. “That is unfair to assume that my motives fall in line with any of your previous mates. And if they were anything like that _last idiot_ , it’s also quite insulting towards me. I’m not trying to make you cry.”

“Stop… just stop. I’m not your mate! Plus after all the crap you’ve thrown at me, I have a hard time believing your bullshit about not wanting me to cry! And you know what? I wasn’t dreaming about you earlier, that was a JOKE! I was dreaming about… I don’t know, some sexy actor or something. There is NO WAY IN HELL I’m going to go through this again, not with you, not with anybody! I’m not going to deal with your shit, I have way more self-respect than that! I’m… I’m _way out of your league!_ ”

He faltered for a moment, clearly affronted, before regaining his composure. That had been a JOKE?! Had she really just insulted him like that? He’d attempted to fix the situation the best he could, so why was she still trying to belittle him?! He’d had quite enough of her charade. After all, it had been a _joke._ Which meant that if there was nothing here for him to fail at, there was nothing here for him to win either. “Oh… is that so, _human_?” His previous frown contorted into an arrogant smirk. “It is _I_ that am out of YOUR league.”

She rolled her eyes at him. Who was he kidding? What a pompous dick. “Yeah, okay, because all the women are falling over themselves to get with a _seven foot tall bugman._ ”

“It’s not my problem that you flawed humans cannot appreciate perfection.”

The look Cell gave her after that statement was so massively condescending that she wanted to slap it off his face. “Oh yeah?! I might not know perfection, but I know it doesn’t involve green exoskeletons and weird retractable penises, you jackass!” She punctuated her last insult by slamming the door in his face once again.

There was an odd silence after that. Cell said nothing else. No insult, no insistence on his perfection… just the silence and the occasional chirping of a cicada or two. Yuki fell down on the couch and played the argument over and over again in her mind, and the more she thought about it, the more she regretted a few of the things she said. Making fun of his appearance probably wasn’t the best way to go, after all, he wasn’t THAT bad looking. When she first saw him on the news, she thought he was sexy as hell before he’d opened his mouth and let out all that psychotic rambling. Which took him down a few notches on the ‘hot or not’ meter. _God, she had the weirdest taste in men._ Well, inhuman beings, villainous bugmen, or whatever. UGH. But after what he did, he totally deserved those insults! …maybe. Probably? She sighed and buried her face into the couch cushion. Of COURSE he didn’t deserve that. Nobody deserved stupid petty insults like that, no matter how evil they were. Was he brooding over it? Did she hurt his feelings? Well… she probably didn’t hurt his feelings, he wasn’t that sort of guy. But he might have been brooding. Curiously, she stood up and walked over to the window, peeking through the blinds. Cell was back out in the middle of the arena, but it was too dark to make out any kind of expression on his face.

She slid down the wall and plopped onto the ground, groaning in irritation. Why did he always have to make everything so difficult?! If he’d been nicer about it, he could’ve kissed her, but _noooo_ he had to go and be Mr. Dominate-Everything-And-Sort-It-Out-Later. That asshole. She sighed, absentmindedly picking at a loose thread in the carpet. He was an asshole and yet she just mentally admitted to herself that she would’ve _let him kiss her._ That made her an asshole by proxy… or something. Did that also make her a villain by proxy? Hell-bound by proxy? It’s not like she could sink any further, so why not? Here at the bottom, she had nowhere to go but up. She got to her feet and took a deep breath. This was totally going to kill her pride… and he was going to get all bigheaded over the ego boost that was sure to follow.

Cell stood there on the arena, eyes closed, trying unsuccessfully not to dwell on what had just happened. So Yuki had called him an _unattractive joke_. Not only that, but she _dared_ to insinuate that he was imperfect. What a fool. The one human he was even remotely concerned for was a complete idiot. He should have never let her stay here. When she had shown up with that damned house in tow, he should have thrown it into orbit and forced her to leave. And now look what happened. After all he’d gone through in dealing with her, he wound up developing some _vested interest_ in her welfare. He was annoyed. Annoyed at the bruise to his ego, annoyed at getting shot down, annoyed at Yuki’s refusal to accept the most logical explanation for her baseless assumptions… But fine. If she wanted to play this game, then it was HIS turn. He would destroy something that SHE had a vested interest in. Maybe her hometown? Maybe that friend of hers, Akiko? Or he could destroy the network that played those repulsive shows she loved so much. He was mulling over his options when he heard Yuki’s footsteps walking across the arena towards him, stopping just a few feet behind him. He supposed she wasn’t done insulting him yet.

“Hey, Cell… um, look, about all of that…” She walked around until they were face to face. Cell still had his eyes shut and stood still as a statue, but Yuki was going to assume he was listening, at least. “I mean, maybe you didn’t mean it. But… I really _was_ scared, okay? So maybe I overreacted a bit, I’ll admit that, and you probably don’t understand why because you obviously don’t have a reason to be scared of ANYTHING, but that’s just what people DO when they’re scared, so… I just hope you understand that. So yeah, okay, I should’ve believed you when you said you didn’t mean it, since it was a really stupid thing for me to go and joke about. But in my defense you never actually apologized, you know…”

He continued to stand there, but Yuki could swear she saw one of his eyes twitch for a second… definitely a tell that he was listening to her. “…okay, I probably don’t deserve an apology, that’s fine. I know it was a shitty thing to do to compare you to Haru… and the other dicks… and, um…” She bit her lip and shifted nervously. “I definitely shouldn’t have thrown out childish insults about your appearance like that. I didn’t mean any of that. You’re actually pretty attractive, okay?”

Cell’s eyes shot open and his glare pierced straight into Yuki’s heart, his voice low and threatening. “I would rather you not patronize me with trivial compliments that you only say out of pity. I suppose you think you’ve ‘hurt my feelings’, but I assure you that is NOT the case. So I have no need for your _worthless pity_.”

Yuki growled in annoyance. “I am not saying stuff out of pity! I was trying to be serious!”

“I apologize to you for what I did, but _do not patronize me_.”

“I’m not!” She paused for a second. “…I’ll prove it to you.”

He cocked his head to the side curiously. She was staring straight at him with a look that he couldn’t quite place. She’d piqued his interest now. “And just how is it that one can prove something like that?”

“Kiss me.”

His eyed widened, and he immediately knew what that look on her face meant. She was giving him another chance. And this time, _he knew what she wanted._ This woman, the one who survived, the one whose welfare he’d somehow found some personal stake in… she was beckoning him closer now. There was no chance of failure. This time he would _win._

Yuki was frozen in place as he moved closer to her. He was going to do it, _he was going to kiss her._ Why the hell had she said that?! After getting angry and pushing him away the first time, here she was inviting him over. Cell was a _bad guy_. You weren’t supposed to kiss the bad guy, that’s not how movies ended! But… right now she couldn’t really see him as a villain. No, right now she only saw him as a strange, confused guy sorting out the concept of romance and trying hard not to fail miserably at it. Not that he would even see it that way. And he’d probably hurl her into the moon if he knew she thought that… But still, it was kind of… sweet. And as he stood only inches from her with that half-lidded gaze that just seemed to radiate desire, she actually found herself looking forward to it.

With a sly smile, he placed his hand on her cheek, brought his face down close to hers… and kissed her. This time, she didn’t push him away. Instead she closed her eyes, standing on her toes to reach him better, and leaned up into the kiss, trying to let go of all that built-up anger and stress, if only for that moment. She gingerly lifted up her arms and wrapped them around his neck, letting out a soft sigh as he ran his fingers through her hair. Every touch he gave her left a wonderful sensation that lingered on her skin, an incredible feeling that spurred on those little sighs and moans even though she tried to suppress them.

Just knowing that he was responsible for all that arousing noise coming from Yuki… Cell wanted to go just a bit further. It may have been a risk, but he was enjoying himself. Her arms around him, finally returning his kiss… he wanted to feel more. He slid one hand slowly up the back of her shirt, taking delight in the way her skin shuddered against his touch… and then snaked his other arm around her waist and pulled her up against him, reveling in the feeling of her body pressed firmly against his. She responded by tightening her grip on him. His kisses grew more and more fervent until he was running his tongue over hers, indulging in the addictive taste of Yuki - _his new mate._

After a few heated minutes mingled together, they finally managed to pull apart. Yuki looked absolutely disheveled, and felt the same way inside. That was actually… a _really friggin awesome_ kiss. It shouldn’t have been, but it was. And now Cell was throwing her a victorious grin, like he’d just won the world championship or something. Knowing him, he probably DID see it as some kind of victory. That smug bastard, thinking he could go and take her breath away like that.

She turned to the sky, trying to process what just happened, and the ramifications of what she just did. _She’d kissed him._ The number of people he’d killed probably outweighed the number of stars visible in this night sky, and she’d kissed him. What the hell did that say about her? _What the hell would everyone else say about her?!_ She shifted her gaze back down to him. He was looking her over curiously, probably waiting for her to say something. It was actually kind of cute.

“So…” She sighed wistfully. “That just happened.”

“It did.”

“I guess that means we’re more than friends now?”

“I would say so. Though we were never _friends._ ”

“Ugh… TV watching buddies then, or something! So what? …so I’m some kind of horrible traitor to humanity now? _Awesome._ ” She frowned as Cell retreated into that blank stare of his that told her he was turning over the question in his mind.

And he was, off lost in thought. After all, the answer wasn’t exactly a clear-cut yes or no. There was no black and white here, only a strange grey area they both seemed to exist in for the time being. Yes, she was mentally conflicted, but the feeling was obviously mutual. He tried to word his response carefully. “…I wouldn’t call you a traitor, but I would say that you’re probably experiencing an abnormally high level of cognitive dissonance.”

“Oh? I’M the one with cognitive dissonance?” She rolled her eyes and smiled playfully. “Says the guy who hates humanity yet just kissed a human. _Hmm._ ”

“Says the woman who loves humanity yet just kissed _its downfall._ ”

“Gee, way to bring the mood down.”

“It seemed like the proper response to your comment.”

“Yeah, I guess I walked right into that one.” She turned and looked towards the house. A lot of crazy shit just happened, and she was nowhere near the point of being able to process it all regardless of how hard she tried. Right now she just needed to sit down on the couch and think about all this. About what it meant for her, what it could mean in five more days, what it could mean if he won his tournament… or if he lost… 

“What is it?”

“I was just thinking… I’m going to go inside and sit down.” Yuki glanced over at him, but judging from his negative reaction, he seemed to be taking that in a bad way. “I don’t mean anything _bad_ by it! It’s just, you know, this is obviously a unique situation and I need to sit down and sort it out.”

Cell stayed silent. He turned around, arms crossed. Yuki sighed. _He was going back into that damn default off position of his._ But before he could get TOO comfortable… She ran around to face him with a big grin, stood up on her toes, and gave him a quick kiss.

He looked down at her with wide eyes. “So I see.”

“Good!”

He watched after her as she went back inside. She was right. This was quite the unique situation they’d found themselves in. But it promised to be interesting. _And fun._ Hopefully she could come to some sort of mental reconciliation as she sat there mulling over things. Either that, or she would _completely derail and watch more ludicrous shows._ Most likely the latter.

And it was the latter. Yuki laid on the couch, yawning, as some bearded man discussed the territorial nature of the Sasquatch. In her defense, she’d TRIED to think about it, but the further she delved into the problem, the more confusing and complex it became. So obviously the best course of action for now was to just let things be and then sort them out later.

After a few hours, Cell came inside and Yuki was fast asleep. He looked at her, then the television, and then back to her. ‘Sorting the situation out’ in her mind… _right._ He quietly sat down next to her and realized, with only a small bit of dismay, that he was starting to prefer it over his usual position in the center of his arena.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And boom goes the dynamite? Sorry if this chapter didn't come out so well. I gave it my best shot, really I did!
> 
> In most fanfics Cell seems to be pretty knowledgable in the relationship department, but I guess I just don't see him that way, really. Like I've mentioned to a few people, he may have the knowledge and the intellect, but there's just no way in hell he could properly apply that knowledge without experience. Relationships between two people are experiential - trying to apply untested objective logic to them is just asking for trouble. So... I'm sorry if my silly little portrayal of Cell bothers anyone :P
> 
> So Cell and Yuki are now a _thing._ What strange and interesting events will happen on their first day as a couple? Will they go on a happy date? Will they sit on the bed and discuss their deepest, darkest secrets? Will they take up knitting together?! _Matching tattoos and outfits?!_ The answer is probably none of those! Find out the answer, next time ON DRAGON BALL Z!


	16. Day Six - It's Dangerous to Go Alone!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter:
> 
> After a few hours, Cell came inside and Yuki was fast asleep. He looked at her, then the television, and then back to her. ‘Sorting the situation out’ in her mind… _right_. He quietly sat down next to her and realized, with only a small bit of dismay, that he was starting to prefer it over his usual position in the center of his arena.

Yuki stretched and let out a yawn as she woke up, glancing over at Cell with bleary eyes. Apparently he hadn’t hauled her up into the bedroom this time, but… She froze mid-stretch. _Cell was sitting there on her couch._ She pulled back in shock.

He opened his eyes and smirked. “Well now, that was quite a delayed reaction.”

“Were you just sitting there all night?! Do you know how creepy that is?!”

“I’ve simply moved my usual activities indoors.” He shrugged. As much as he hated to admit it, last night he’d been correct in his realization that he favored her company. Which made it rather difficult to concentrate on the state of his opponents, but it wasn’t too bothersome a trade-off. The only one who concerned him at the moment was Goku, and his concern was for reasons unrelated to the tournament.

“You were ‘default off positioning’ on my couch all night, weren’t you? I’m not really sure if that’s creepy or not.”

“Default off positioning? I’m not sure what you mean.”

“You know, that whole thing you do where you stand out in the middle of the arena like a statue? With your arms crossed and your eyes closed? That.”

“You have a _term_ for that? That seems rather rude.”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t stand out there doing nothing all the time, then it wouldn’t be weird enough to warrant its own term. _Oh…_ ” She smiled as an idea hit her. This was the perfect opportunity to get the truth out of him about taking her up to the bedroom the other night! “So I noticed I’m still on the couch. I guess you didn’t feel the need to carry me up to the bed this time, huh?”

“I suppose not.”

“HA!” She pointed at him with a grin. “I KNEW you took me up to the bedroom that last time! You just admitted it!”

Cell said nothing, but his silence told her everything she needed to know. So he did do it. _She knew it._ Which meant that he actually _cared_ about her and last night hadn’t been him just running after some physical attraction. Which also meant that he had the capacity to be a nice guy after all. But… one of them had to bring THAT up, or else it would hang there like the elephant in the room.

“So… um…”

He looked her over, scrutinizing her. She was shifting nervously, as though she wanted to ask him something yet was reluctant to do so. …most likely related to the night before. Probably still struggling to fully grasp the situation. In which case, he would be doing her a favor by relaxing the atmosphere a bit. “You must have a lot on your mind. After all, no human on this planet, save for you, could boast of such an accomplishment.”

She sighed and rolled her eyes. “Yeah you’re right, nobody else but me is dating a bugman. I’m guessing _that’s what you mean by that_ , because if you’re trying to say what I THINK you’re trying to say, I’m going to kick your ass.”

“Oh? Are you saying you wouldn’t consider me the perfect mate? If that were the case, I’m afraid I must respectfully disagree with you.”

“Well, if you were the ‘perfect mate’, you’d understand that you aren’t the one who gets to make that decision.”

“So you need to make that determination?” He looked off to the side, tapping his finger on his chin. “…fine. How would you judge me, then?”

“Yes, _I’m_ the one who gets to decide that! And don’t ask me that anyway, you can’t figure that out based on ONE kiss!”

“I see.” With a devilish grin, he grabbed her wrists and pushed her into the couch, looming over her. “So you’re saying you need to see _more_ to make that determination?”

“N-no! This is SO not what I meant and y-“ Before she could finish her sentence, he pulled in closer and cut her off with a kiss. He had her pinned down, and she attempted to struggle for a moment, but then wound up just giving in. After all, it wasn’t a _bad_ thing, right? She wouldn’t say they were ‘dating’, because that sounded kind of weird, but they were definitely at a ‘more than friends’ point. Cell must’ve felt her relax, because he loosened his grip on her wrists. She wrapped her arms around him tightly, inviting him to go further.

And he did. He deepened the kiss, taking it in, savoring her as he slowly ran his hand down her neck… He smiled to himself, surprised that she would even let him go this far. _How fun._ He continued down, over her chest, down to her waist…

Yuki broke the kiss and pulled back away from him with narrowed eyes. _“Don’t even THINK about it, buddy.”_

Cell frowned and reluctantly brought his hand back up. “ _Tsk._ You would dare tease me?”

“Hey, a kiss does not mean… THAT. Don’t make weird assumptions!”

“Is that so?”

“Yes, that _is_ so! Just because a woman lets you kiss her isn’t some open invitation for…” Her protests trailed off as he shot her a sly half-smile, then leaned in and kissed her collar. “…for… um…”

With his arms wrapped tightly around her, he eagerly kissed at her neck, pausing for a moment to whisper in her ear. “ _For what?_ ”

But she didn’t respond. She knew damn well he just wanted her to bring up the topic of sex, and she wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of making some pervy remark the moment she brought it up. No damn way.

“ _Say it._ ” He growled softly and tugged at her earlobe with his teeth.

She froze in his arms and a blush spread across her face. _THAT._ She could not let him know about THAT area, he would totally use that to his advantage! She bit down on her lip, but it wasn’t enough to stop herself from letting out a moan. _Damnit._

Cell pulled back and looked down at her curiously. “Oh? That’s an _interesting area_ for that much sexual stimulation…”

“NO!” She slid out from his grasp and stood up. “No ‘interesting areas’! We are SO not far enough along in this relationship for you to go _hunting for my erogenous zones!_ ”

Cell said nothing. He just sat there smirking at her. What a dick… She knew damn well he was going to remember that later and use it to mess with her head. She spun around and walked away from him towards the dining room, looking around, trying to figure out a way to change the subject. The empty basket that once held her tennis balls caught her eye. Too bad they were still laying around outside. If there was any time that Cell deserved to be pelted with tennis balls, this was definitely that time.

With a sigh, she picked up the basket. The weather forecast mentioned rain today, and she didn’t want those tennis balls getting wet. They’d been a going away present from all her teammates in the tennis club, each one was signed by one of them with a little farewell message on it. So the rain would most likely wash all the words off them…

“Is that your tennis ball basket?”

“Yes, it is.” She turned around and glared at him. “I am going outside to collect my tennis balls so you can have some time to calm your damn libido. Watch some ‘men yelling at air’ shows or something, that’ll turn you off.”

He threw back his head and laughed. “Your tennis balls? Well, have fun with that.”

“I will!” With that, she marched outside, slamming the door behind her.

She sighed and dropped the basket on the ground. There were 19 tennis balls hidden somewhere around the arena, and now she had to find them all, because they certainly weren’t ON the arena. Apparently Cell had knocked them all off, probably annoyed that they were sullying up his _’perfectly pristine stage’_ or something. As she slowly walked the perimeter of the arena, her thoughts trailed from the tennis balls to what happened earlier. It hadn’t been so bad. It was actually kind of _nice._ But she couldn’t just give in to stuff like that, right? He was a really domineering guy, so she couldn’t have him think she was some pushover that he could walk all over. Still… it’s not like he was forcing her to go any further, so maybe she’d been a little too hard on him? Maybe. And she hadn’t stopped him, at least not until the very end there… They were a _thing_ now, after all. She just needed to get used to that kind of stuff. Which brought up another very troubling situation.

_He had some seriously freaking weird anatomical features._

And if they were really going to be a serious _thing_ , then that was going to be a really strange situation she’d wind up getting into some night in the future. Probably in the _near_ future, if the way he’d acted earlier was any indication. She needed to know more about his anatomy, but she wasn’t really sure how to ask him without him thinking she was coming on to him…

She stopped walking and looked around in confusion. That was one side of the arena, and not a single ball in sight. Had he kicked them all off in some other direction? She walked the next side… still nothing. And nothing on the other two sides. What the hell?

Inside, Cell lounged on the couch, eyes closed. It was strange. His mind had felt clouded over and he wasn’t processing the situation logically at all. If he had, he would have never attempted to push her so far. He frowned. Perhaps she was right. Perhaps he had to ‘calm his libido’. It was most likely an effort of mental focus, and that was something he was quite good at.

Yuki opened the door and looked over at Cell. He was on the couch, facing away from her, with his wings hanging over the armrest. With a look of determination, she moved towards him and grabbed one of his wings, yanking it as hard as she could.

He looked back at her with a smile. “You should be careful there, my dear. That might be one of my ‘erogenous zones’.”

“Wait… is it really? WAIT! That’s not the point! Where are my tennis balls?! I know you hid them!”

“Oh, I don’t know. I recall last seeing them a few days ago. They mysteriously hovered above the arena for a few seconds before shooting off towards the stars. They seemed to be in quite a hurry to get somewhere.”

She pursed her lips. “…you threw my tennis balls out into _space_ , didn’t you?”

“ _I’m afraid I’m not sure what you mean_. Perhaps you should take this mystery to one of those _‘ancient alien experts’_.”

“Stop being a sarcastic asshat and go get them!”

He laughed. “Are you honestly asking me to go orbit the earth to collect all your tennis balls?”

“Yeah, I do!”

“And what if I refuse?”

“I’ll… cry?”

“Over something so trivial?”

“…maybe.”

“I refuse.” He turned back away from her. At this point, he couldn’t tell if she was kidding, or if she really expected him to undergo such a monumental undertaking to seek out things she could just as easily go pick up at a store.

“Come on, consider it a request from your ‘mate’.”

He frowned at her over his shoulder. “If it were a more significant request, I would be happy to oblige you.”

Without responding, she trudged over to the other side of the couch and plopped down. Cell obviously didn’t realize they weren’t just regular old tennis balls. But… she didn’t really want to bring it up. She wasn’t sure if it was because he’d feel regret, or if she just couldn’t handle the thought that he might not regret it at all. Maybe both.

“…if the thought of not having a large basket of tennis balls in the house is something that upsets you this much, I will obtain some more for you. Even though it’s silly and I don’t see the point of it.”

She smiled. So he could feel some regret after all… though he still didn’t need to know it was bothering her. “It’s okay. I was just a little weirded out is all. You know, at the fact that you’d throw them into space. That seems kinda overkill. But it’s no biggie, it’s not like they’re something I NEED in the house immediately. I’ll grab some more later on sometime.” Cell was looking her over suspiciously, but seemed satisfied with her explanation.

“While we’re on the topic of strange things kept in the house, there is something I find myself curious about, time and time again.”

“Uh… okay?”

“Why do you keep that ridiculous garland lasso on the closet door? Are you _mocking_ me?”

Yuki burst out laughing. _Cell seriously thought she left that up there to piss him off._ Honestly, she wasn’t sure why it was still there now that he was back. It was just something she’d grown accustomed to. “I kept it there while you were gone as a reminder. You know, you were kind of a weird little guy, so… I was afraid I’d hallucinated the whole thing, and that you were some weird figment of my imagination! The garland on the door was the only tangible thing I had that proved I wasn’t insane. So… yeah. I guess I don’t need it anymore, I just haven’t bothered to take it down.”

“So I see. The mystery solved.” After that reply, he closed his eyes and seemed to go back to ignoring her. Or meditating. Or whatever he default off positioned about…

“OH! WAIT! I have a counter-question!”

“Yes?”

“What do you do when you go into your default off position?”

He narrowed his eyes. “I would prefer it if you _didn’t call it that._ …I mostly focus on the ki of others, I suppose.”

“Ki?”

“Ki is energy. It is the life force of all living beings. Normally it remains latent in those without the training and knowledge to manipulate it. To be a strong fighter, one must be able to draw out their ki. To increase it, and control it.”

“So… you can sit there and sense all the fighters? Like Goku?”

“Yes. With the proper training, one can sense a strong ki from worlds away. Those who can control their ki will have a higher output when drawing out their strength, though their ki will lower when at rest. Unless they happen to be purposely suppressing it, I can get a good understanding of what my opponents are doing at any given moment.”

“So you can close your eyes and listen to the heartbeat of the earth, huh?”

“An eloquent way to put it, yes.”

“Can you see ki, like, physically?”

“Do you remember the Kamehameha wave?”

“Oooooh, okay. I get it. So when you’re in your default off position, you’re not really doing nothing, you’re cheating by keeping tabs on all your enemies.” She grinned.

He shot her a look of disgust. “ _Cheating?_ If that’s how you feel about it, perhaps I’ll stop paying attention to Goku. Maybe he’ll show up and whisk you away for interrogation. I don’t imagine that would be a very pleasant experience.”

“ _…what?!_ I thought you said Goku was a Saiyan and Saiyans don’t take hostages! Were you just trying to make me feel better?! _Am I seriously in danger?!_ ”

“I was joking. Now… I would appreciate it if you didn’t refer to my actions as a ‘default off position’. Consider it a request from your mate.”

“I knew you were going to turn that back around on me.” She rolled her eyes and stood up. “Fine. I need to eat. Have fun in your defaul… uh, your _ki watching_.”

As he zoned out on the couch, Yuki dug through the kitchen, trying to find enough food to scrap together some kind of breakfast. It had been a week or so since she’d last been grocery shopping, and her food supply was running low. Super low. Low as in… her breakfast was apparently going to be oyster crackers. And what the hell was she supposed to do? The nearest city had been destroyed by her _dear mate_ over there, probably enjoying the fact that he didn’t need to _eat_. She sighed and grabbed the bag of crackers. Time to be passive-aggressive!

With a loud, forced sigh, she sat back down on the couch, opening the bag as noisily as she could. Cell opened his eyes and frowned at her.

“Hey Cell, check out my breakfast!” With a grin, she pulled out a handful of crackers and stuffed them in her mouth. “Yummy yummy!”

“I will leave and return to my arena.”

“But then you’ll miss out on all these delicious oyster crackers that I’m having for breakfast even though they’re meant for soup!” She took one and threw it at him with a little _pew_. It hit him in the face and bounced off onto the floor. “Besides, don’t you want to sit here and watch me die of malnutrition?”

“So this is your roundabout way of informing me of your lack of food.”

“Well, you know, someone destroyed the nearest city. Not sure who THAT was, but now it’s in ruins, not to mention the fact that it’s a _massive graveyard_ so… I guess whoever wrecked that place probably deserves to be fucked with in a roundabout way.” With another _pew_ , she threw a second cracker at him. That one landed on top of his head. _Perfect shot!_

“Just because the city is currently uninhabited does not mean the remaining stores are magically out of stock. There is food to be had.”

She took the next cracker she’d planned on throwing and dropped it back in the bag. “…yeah… you’re right. I guess I didn’t think of that. Still, I wouldn’t feel right looting things in a dead city. Plus I can’t go there alone! Other people will be there looting, too! And not for food, but the creepy unsavory types of people that wander around and steal TVs. I guess you’re coming with me, huh?”

He looked off to the side. So Yuki wanted to go into the city. The city he’d ravaged and devoured. He was attempting to be kind enough to lessen the mental struggle she obviously felt over their new ‘situation’… if she were exposed to a sight like that, it would only serve to make things worse. “…you can’t go into the city.”

“That’s why I want you to come with me, idiot.”

“No.”

“You’re not going to come with me? Are you serious?! What if I get raped or something, you ass!”

“No, you are not going into the city at all.”

“ _Excuse me?!_ You can’t tell me what to do!”

“It’s for your own good.” He stood up with an irritated sigh. Apparently he would have to go obtain some _food_ for her. Humans were so incredibly inefficient. “Wait here and I will return in a moment.”

“Seriously? You’re going to go get me food instead of just taking me into the city? You don’t even know anything about food, you don’t eat!”

“Is that so?” He shook his head and smiled at her. “In that case, I’ll be sure to get you something _delicious._ ”

Before she could make a comment about how unsettling he’d said the word ‘delicious’, he gave her a little wave and was out the door, taking off into the sky.

When Cell returned, Yuki was in the kitchen, rummaging around and throwing away all the empty boxes she’d accidentally placed back into the cupboards… something she found herself doing pretty often. She turned to look at him just as he dropped the food he’d brought onto the counter.

“You brought me a _bag of beets and some microwavable egg rolls._ ”

“Oh? Is this not your preference?” With a wicked grin, he shoved the food across the counter towards her. “A well-rounded meal!”

“Raw beets and rubbery egg rolls… You went all the way to the grocery store, and out of EVERYTHING THERE, you grabbed beets and egg rolls, seriously?”

“I didn’t go into the city. Why bother when I can just find the nearest empty house and grab whatever was on their counter?”

“Yeah, I was wondering why these egg rolls are room temperature. Instead of, you know, FROZEN. But that’s cool, I’ll just get food poisoning. No biggie.” She eyed him curiously. Why the hell was he grinning like that? It’s like he thought it was FUNNY that he was bringing her barely edible stuff, like he knew… _he knew exactly what he was doing._ “You did this on purpose, didn’t you?! You’re messing with my head again!”

“I have no idea what you mean, after all, the culinary world is quite a _terrifying enigma_ for me.”

“I’m sorry, all right?! I figured since you can’t eat, that computer you were hooked up to didn’t bother to give you any information on food since it would be totally useless. Sorry for being logical.”

“Enjoy your beets and egg rolls.”

“Oh fuck you! That’s such a dick move and you know it.”

“You know…” He reached out across the counter, grazing his fingers lightly across her cheek. “…now that you’re _mine_ , you should be mindful of the careless way you throw out such offers.”

“It’s not an offer. You know I don’t mean it like that!”

“Do I?”

“YES! Quit pretending to take everything I say so literally! What if I told you to go suck a big bag of dicks, huh?”

“I’ve never heard that one before. _How lewd._ ” He frowned.

“I don’t… I guess, yeah. But the insult isn’t the point! The point is that not only are you FORCING me to stay here, but you won’t let me get actual food either!”

“I’m not forcing you to stay here. You can go anywhere you wish. Just not the city. As you said, it would be dangerous to go into the city alone, correct?”

“Okay, then you’re indirectly not letting me get food because you don’t want to inconvenience yourself by taking me into the city.”

“It is not an ‘inconvenience’ for me.”

“Then what?! What is it?! You don’t get to turn into a domineering asshole just because we’re in a relationship now! I told you before, I’m not going to deal with guys like that again!” She knew exactly what was going on here. She’d been with a few guys in the past who seemed nice enough but then did a complete 180 the moment they became a _thing_. No way in hell was she going to let herself be dominated by some guy with a superiority complex. With a wave of her middle finger, she stomped up the stairs.

Cell sighed, irritated, as he stood in the kitchen alone. How unreasonable. First she’d insulted his intelligence, and now apparently she thought he was some sort of male chauvinist. He’d wanted to keep her out of the city in an effort to keep her from regretting her decision to be his mate, and instead he’d made her regret it anyway.

In the bedroom, Yuki unburied her face from the pillow and looked up to see Cell standing over her, looking annoyed. “What’s wrong? Upset that someone called you out on your bullshit? Leave me alone and go back to your arena.” …but he didn’t leave. Instead he sat down on the corner of the bed and eyed her cautiously. She sighed. “Say whatever it is you came up here to say and then leave.”

“Yuki, do you really want to go into that city?”

“YES! That was the whole point of the argu-“

“ _Think about the answer to that question carefully._ Do you really want to go into _that_ city?”

She furrowed her brow and looked him over, curious. He looked incredibly uncomfortable. What was he even talking about? He was acting like he wanted to completely avoid the city himself because something there _scared_ him or something. Like maybe he was being a wuss and didn’t want to look back at all the damage he’d caused. That couldn’t be it though, after all, if anyone should want to avoid seeing all the damage he’d caused, it’d be HER, not HIM… She shot him a wide-eyed look and sat up. Was that the reason?! Was he just looking out for her well-being or something this entire time?!

“Do you… do you not want me to go because you don’t want me to get upset about all the things you did there?”

Cell remained silent, but continued to eye her.

“Hey! Talk to me! Is that the reason?!”

“I don’t think the reason really matters now, does it?”

“Are you serious? The _reason_ is literally the most important thing that matters in this discussion!”

He tsked and looked up at the ceiling. “Going there would agitate your cognitive dissonance.”

“So… you were just looking out for me, then.” She sighed and slid closer to him, resting her head against his shoulder. His delivery was pretty shitty, but he was right in his reasoning. She probably would’ve gotten pretty upset over the horrible things she’d have to see on the way to the store. Things HE did. _Horrible_ things HE did. And here she was, cuddling up against him like a weirdo. That figured. No point in going into the city for a big helping of cognitive dissonance, when she could get plenty right here. “Look, why didn’t you say that in the first place, instead of making me think you were just being an asshole? I swear to god you’re the most impossible guy to get a reading on.”

He once again stayed silent, still looking up toward the ceiling.

“I’m taking your silence to mean ‘ _Yuki, you’re totally right, I just didn’t want to tell you because I’m some badass powerful dude and I don’t stoop to these girly levels of talking about feelings_.’ Am I right? Say absolutely nothing if I’m right.”

“If it makes you feel better to make ridiculous assumptions, then by all means, make as many as you desire.”

“Okay, how about this one - ‘ _Yuki, when everyone’s asleep at night, I like to sneak into the animal shelter and make cooing noises at all the cute kittens._ ’. OH! Or maybe ‘ _Yuki, I once watched Steel Magnolias and by the end of the movie, tears were flowing out of my eyes like a river._ ’ Want me to keep going? Because I can sit here and come up with dozens of them.” She grinned.

His eyes snapped from the ceiling to her. “I have one for you - ‘ _Cell, here we sit next to each other, on a bed in a darkened room. Would you like to discover what other areas of my body are sexually stimulating?_ ’ How about that one?”

“You’re right, that IS a ridiculous assumption.”

“It may be an assumption, but I wouldn’t call it ridiculous.”

“I’d say ‘in your dreams’, but you don’t sleep, so-” She stopped mid-sentence as Cell quickly jumped off the bed with a growl and flew out of the room so fast she never even saw him leave. “HEY WAIT!”

She sprinted down the stairs, towards the open front door. Something outside had drawn his attention instantly, and the only thing she could think of that could do that was _Goku._ But as she ran outside after him, there was no Goku. Only an irate Cell, standing there with his fists clenched tightly, tensely staring off into the distance.

“Was Goku there and gone again?”

Cell ignored her, muttering to himself. “I promised this time I wouldn’t be so lenient on those meddlesome reporters…”

“W-wait.” She froze. There was nothing in the distance, but Cell could obviously see much farther than she could. Who knew how many people were headed their way? “Reporters? Like the media?! Are they coming here?!”

“My, you’re the _astute_ one. But no need to fret over such impudent little rats.” He held up his arm and smirked. “They won’t be coming any closer.”

“WAIT STOP!” Without thinking, Yuki lunged at Cell and grabbed ahold of his arm. “DON’T!”

“This is not the time nor place for naive acts of mercy. I doubt you understand the seriousness of the situation.” He shook his arm from her grip and scowled. “If I were you, _I would get back_. You don’t want to see what I’m going to do to them.”

Yuki couldn’t see them off in the distance yet, which meant she had a little bit of time. Cell seemed dead set on killing them, and she knew damn well why. He was being protective of her. But…there was no way in hell she was going to let them die. _Not because of her._ That wasn’t something she needed hanging over her head right now. “Just wait… give me one minute! Let me go inside and find out what they’re doing, they might not even be out here to bother us! Just one minute, please?”

With a sigh of resignation, he replied in a tense, sharp tone. “You know exactly what they mean to do. But fine. I’m giving you one minute to go satisfy your curiosity and come to terms with their inevitable fate. Now _hurry up._ ”

She tore her eyes away from his and sprinted back into the house. There would have to be something on TV about this, right? After all, they didn’t have much luck with that ‘interview’ last time, so now they must’ve had some new idea they were rolling with. She fumbled nervously through the channels until the screen landed on the news.

A jittery man sat behind a desk, clutching a piece of paper nervously. He cleared his throat a few times. “We apologize for the wait. Once our field team arrives, they will set up the cameras and broadcast live. They are taking every available precaution before risking their lives to bring us this story. so please bear with us…”

The man continued to sit there and wait anxiously. He was obviously talking about the guys heading her way, but apparently he didn’t want to give any kind of recap on what the hell was going on. She sighed and flipped to another station.

One female reporter stood against a green screen backdrop, chatting with some important looking military officer. “…spurred on by reports of a _house_ in the area. Can you tell us what you believe it is?”

The officer mumbled and scratched his chin. “Difficult to say. Our high-altitude drone caught the image a few hours before the bulk of our military force moved out. It didn’t appear to be there once the army had arrived. Could be some kind of weapons storage.”

“So you’re saying Mister Satan could be right in assuming that Cell was only using tricks and explosives?”

“It would seem so, yes.”

Yuki was pulled away from the TV by the sound of an explosion and a scream. They were here already?! _No, no, NO!_ So not good! She flew out of the house in a panic and came to a halt behind Cell. He still stood with his arm outstretched, and a van lay on its side fifty or so yards in front of him. The van wasn’t in as many pieces as her car had been after he’d finished with it, but going by the damage and the billowing smoke, whoever had been in that van was probably not in the world of the living anymore.

“What did you do?! I told you to wait!”

“And I did. I even gave you three minutes instead of one.” He smiled.

“Oh my god! I have to see if they’re still okay!” Before she could take off running towards the van, Cell grabbed her by the waist and pulled her back roughly.

“There are two dead in the vehicle, and one cowering in fear behind it, crying like a small child.” He turned his attention to the van and raised his voice loud enough for anyone in that direction to hear. “I know you’re hiding there! Why not come out and face your death with honor, or would you rather die in shame? Either way is fine by me!”

Slowly, a brown-haired man in a suit crawled out from behind the wreckage with his hands held in the air. “P-please… just let me go… I swear on my life I won’t tell anyone about your house there! Or your lady friend! I swear… please…”

Cell frowned. ‘Lady friend’? He looked down at Yuki, who was currently too stunned to do anything but watch the situation play out. He still had his arm wrapped around her waist… the man most likely picked up on that. “I see. Fearing for your life, yet still so observant… you must be quite the journalist.”

“Does… that mean you’ll let me go…?”

“No, but I’ll be kind enough to give you a head start.” He grinned wickedly. “ _Now run._ ”

With a whimper, the man broke out into a frantic run, tripping over everything in his path during his useless attempt to escape. Cell aimed his hand right at him, chuckling quietly to himself…

“NO!”

His eyes shot down to Yuki. She was looking up at him with an expression of pure misery. Her lower lip quivered and her dark blue eyes were brimming with tears. Cell sighed. _This was exactly why he’d wanted her to stay inside._ “Do you want him to escape?”

“I don’t want anyone to die because of me.”

He wavered a bit, but still kept his arm outstretched. “If he gets away, the world will know of our little ‘co-habitation’. You will be shunned by society for the rest of your life. Now, tell me again, do you want him to escape?”

She hesitated and looked down. That was something she’d never thought about… if she were to stay with him, the rest of society really WOULD shun her. And forget not being able to shop in a city, she wouldn’t even be able to go grocery shopping ANYWHERE. Not without getting jeered at, abused, and eventually shot in the head. That man running away had the information needed to destroy her life.

“Ah, you hesitated.” Without another word, he casually threw out a beam of energy at the retreating figure in the distance. And when the smoke cleared, the man was down.

She wretched herself from his grip and took a step forward. “ _WHAT DID YOU DO?!_ ”

“I saved you from being outcast by your own species. It was the right call to make.”

“Oh my god! Is he dead?!”

Cell rolled his eyes. “Oh he’s fine, I’m sure the doctors can reattach his head.”

“Three people just DIED on our doorstep, and you’re going to be a smartass about it?! Are you kidding me?!”

“I’d look concerned for them, but I don’t think I could bear the hypocrisy.” With a dismissive wave of his hand, he walked out toward the arena. But before he could get too far, Yuki ran around to face him, blocking his path.

“You do NOT get to walk away from this, you asshole!”

“Oh, I believe I DO. I will not have you constantly belittling me because you can’t wrap your mind around your own shortcomings.”

“My shortcomings?! You’re making this about me? You killing people is about ME now?! I did nothing wrong here!”

“I asked you if you wanted me to _kill another human being._ Instead of immediately telling me not to, you hesitated. I would say from a human perspective, that would be ‘wrong’.”

She slinked back. “Yeah… but…”

“We’re ending this charade _now,_ Yuki. No mental conflicts. No cognitive dissonance.” He grabbed her by the arm before she could back away any further. “I never forced you to become my mate. You _chose_ to seek me out last night. You already knew at that point exactly who I was and what I’ve done. And what I will do in the future. _I kept nothing from you._ And yet you still came to me. Why? Is it some naive little hope that I’ll change my ways and join our good friend Goku in his quest to save the planet?”

“N-no! I just…”

“If that’s not the case, then the only logical conclusion is that you’re _fine with what I am._ You merely pretend not to be, in some silly effort to make yourself feel like a good person. If you don’t see it happening, you can smile and pretend it doesn’t exist. Is that it? You can’t throw yourself into a rage because I took out a journalist or two, yet be completely at ease with the fact that they were only three… _out of the millions that have already perished before them._ Make your choice.” He let go of her arm, frowning, waiting impatiently for her response.

“I… I…” Yuki bit her lip and gazed at the ground. Cell was right. She couldn’t really have it both ways. Was she really a bad person? All those people died, and when she’d first heard about it, she hadn’t even cried. …and then four days later she was making out with the guy who killed them. She liked humanity, obviously, she was a part of it after all… she had friends, people she cared about… But she also liked Cell. Not the ‘killing the planet’ thing, but everything else about him. He could be nice when he wanted to be, and they had lots of fun together, she’d thought. But if he wanted her to choose between him and _her own species_ , how was she supposed to respond to that?! Was this relationship over before it really even began?

“Well?”

“I don’t know, okay?! I don’t know what to say! What do you want me to say?!”

“I’d rather you not patronize me by saying whatever it is you think I want to hear.”

“You’re asking me to choose between you and THE WORLD. It’s like you’re doing that because you want to get rid of me! What kind of choice is that to make?! What’s next, are you going to make me choose between oxygen and food, huh?!”

He grinned. “Oxygen and food, is that so? I didn’t realize you found me so _essential_.”

“It was a hypothetical, asshole.”

“I’m not asking you to make that choice. I’m asking you to choose between your truth and your lie. Constantly switching between the two only serves to upset you and to irritate me.”

“I don’t know. I mean… it doesn’t even feel like all those people really died, okay? Like all the people in all those cities are simultaneously alive and dead in my mind until I actually see it for myself.”

“Hm… Schrödinger's city. Sounds like fun.”

“Yeah, _sooooo_ much fun. Look, can’t you give me more than a DAY to figure shit out? I know you’ve got that super efficient brain of yours and you can figure things out in a few minutes, but I’m a pitiful inefficient human so have some mercy on me, huh? Don’t throw ultimatums at me saying you’re going to hate me or whatever if I don’t chill out!”

“Hate you?” He frowned.

“Not hate. But, I mean… you know…” She shifted nervously. Hate was probably a bit strong… he was looking down at her with an incredibly offended expression, like he’d just gotten a score of 9.9 for an Olympic routine he thought he was perfect at. Nothing less than a 10 would do for that ego of his. …and she certainly didn’t have any responses for him that were anywhere near a score of 10. But before she could come up with any, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her up against him.

“ _Do not doubt me._ ”

She opened her mouth to reply, but then decided against it. What would be the point? She wasn’t doubting him at all. Instead she curled up against his chest with a sigh and placed her arms around him, enjoying the embrace. He was hugging her. And he wasn’t even attempting to make things pervy. _The guy was just full of surprises._

He held her close, resting his head atop hers, and smiled. As he ran his fingers over the back of her head, the familiar light scent of plumeria floated up around him. This was as it should be. Yuki was not an _opponent._ He took no pleasure in fighting with her. No… the type of pleasure she offered was much different, but _just as challenging._ Perhaps once he finished with this tournament, and this planet, he could take her along as he went elsewhere, and she could continue to challenge him. A mate for life.

“Um… hey, Cell?”

“Yes?”

She pulled back and looked up at him. “Look, I can’t say I’m fine with all the stuff you do, because obviously I’m not. But I’m fine with you. I mean, I don’t think there are any relationships out there where couples agree 100% with everything the other one does. And I guess this is kind of an _extreme_ case of that, but the basis is the same… maybe. But I’m going to request one thing of you for now.”

“And what might this one thing be?”

“Can you not kill anyone else until the tournament? You promised Goku, you know. And I know that probably doesn’t mean shit to you, since it’s Goku, but maybe if you promised it to me you’d be more apt to take it seriously…”

“Fine. I suppose I can refrain from stomping out all those unwanted pests for a few days. For you. But don’t complain if they begin to proliferate.”

“Good. And by the way… you said I shouldn’t doubt you, but I was totally not doubting you.” She bit her lip. “…I misspoke, that’s all.”

“I see.” He crossed his arms over his chest and looked up at the sky. “ _’Doubt thou the stars are fire; Doubt that the sun doth move…’_ ”

“What is that, Shakespeare? Some Beatrice and Benedick insult again? I don’t really know what that means, but it sounds like you’re saying I’m too dumb to know what stars are made out of.”

He threw back his head and laughed. “It physically pains me how uncultured you are. One of these days we’ll have to work on that.”

She grinned. “I would LOVE to go watch some Shakespeare plays with you. It’d be funny as hell to see you sitting there all dapper at an upscale theater. With maybe a cane and a monocle.”

“Is that your strange little idea of ‘culture’?”

She was just about to make a joke, but suddenly reality hit her like a ton of bricks. “Um… hey…”

“What is it?”

“I just enjoyed some time with you while we were within fifty yards of three dead bodies. That you killed.”

He sighed. That went south rather quickly. “I’ll clean up the area.”

“Wait, can I make another request? I know I only said the one, but…”

“If it is significant enough, I’ll consider it.”

She looked him in the eyes, a determined expression set on her face. “I want to see it.”

“What?”

“Earlier, you said I act like I don’t care about all the bad shit that went down in the city because I didn’t have to see it. So I want to see it.”

Cell said nothing. But he was looking her over and appeared to be considering it.

“Please? I want to go into the city. And not just for food… though I do need food… but I hate what you said and I want to prove to myself that it’s not true. That it really would affect me if I have to go there and actually experience the end result of it all, you know? And I know you’re all antsy about it because you don’t want me to get mad at you again, but you’re not _stupid_ so I know you can see my point.”

As much as it annoyed him to admit, she had a point. He could not continue to deny her the opportunity for closure, when he was the one who caused her need for closure in the first place. Saying no would only agitate her further. “Is that really what you want? A situation you aren’t prepared to handle?”

“I can handle _you_ , can’t I?” She poked him in the chest with her pointer finger. “If I can tame the mighty Cell, I can handle whatever shit the world throws at me. So let’s go.”

“ _’And though she be but little, she is fierce…’_ ” He chuckled softly and shook his head. “In that case, how could I say no? But don’t say I didn’t warn you…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, this one took a bit more time to write, sorry. I was trying to so hard to get them to go out and do stuff, but it just didn't seem right. The more I thought about it, the more it seemed like... well... _Yuki just kissed a friggin super villain._ She wasn't really going to be in the mood to go running out on a date the next morning or something. If anything, she'd wanna just stand around and sort it out.
> 
> So I saved all my ideas for later and gave them free range to stand around and sort it out. Hopefully nobody hates me too much for this chapter that is basically nothing but relationship development.
> 
> So Cell has reluctantly agreed to take Yuki into the desolate ruins of the nearby city, in search of food and closure! What misadventures await our intrepid couple as they wander the empty streets? _Can Yuki handle that shit?!_ Her 'girl power' level has remained pretty high so far... let's see if it stays that way, next time ON DRAGON BALL Z!


	17. Day Six - Tennis Balls and Candy Bars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter:
> 
> As much as it annoyed him to admit, she had a point. He could not continue to deny her the opportunity for closure, when he was the one who caused her need for closure in the first place. Saying no would only agitate her further. “Is that really what you want? A situation you aren’t prepared to handle?”
> 
> “I can handle _you_ , can’t I?” She poked him in the chest with her pointer finger. “If I can tame the mighty Cell, I can handle whatever shit the world throws at me. So let’s go.”
> 
> “ _’And though she be but little, she is fierce…’_ ” He chuckled softly and shook his head. “In that case, how could I say no? But don’t say I didn’t warn you…”

Inside the house, Yuki stood at her desk, clutching her capsule case nervously. Cell had been prepared to take her out to the city immediately, but she’d used the excuse of ‘gathering some supplies’ as a reason to come back inside to mentally prepare herself. She drew in a deep breath and closed her eyes. Could she handle the ruins of Gingertown? It _was_ a familiar place to her - after all, she’d gone to college there - but would she even recognize any of it now? With a sigh, she placed the case in her pocket and went back outside to the arena where Cell stood waiting.

“You were certainly quite _still_ for someone who was busy gathering supplies.”

Yuki rolled her eyes. “You know, if you could just NOT use your damn super hearing powers to spy on me, that would be awesome.”

“You can always back out of this.” He frowned, looking her over. “Consider this your final warning. Your last chance.”

“I’m not backing out! Don’t try to talk me out of it!”

“I’m not. I’m only informing you of your options.”

“Hey…” She looked around at her surroundings. The stage was pristine, and the ground between it and the house was cleaned up. No overturned van. No dead bodies. No crushed cameras. Apparently Cell had cleared the area like he said he would, but who knew what he did with the wreckage? “You cleared up the… stuff. Where did you put them?”

“Now, why does that even matter?”

“Because you’re not supposed to desecrate dead bodies.”

“They’re being put to good use.” He smirked. “I sent them searching for your tennis balls.”

“You know…” She closed her eyes and placed her fingers on her temples, pouring as much willpower as she possibly could into keeping herself from a futile attempt to rip his head off. “Sometimes you can be _soooo_ nice, and then sometimes you’re just a _massive dick!_ I can never tell which way you’re gonna go. It drives me NUTS.”

“Then I suppose that makes two of us.”

“W… what is THAT supposed to mean?!”

Cell smiled at her with a mischievous gleam in his eye, but said nothing to elaborate further. Apparently, she didn’t realize just how irregular her own moods were. “Go retrieve the house and let’s get this over with.”

“The house? It’s fine, I locked the doors. Why?”

“If any of those defiant little cockroaches come skittering to our door while we’re away, I doubt a lock would be enough to keep them at bay.”

“ _Fine._ ” Yuki quickly capsuled the house and put it away in the case. She turned back to face Cell and suddenly found herself hovering a few feet in the air next to him. The abrupt change made her stomach lurch and caused her to gasp in surprise. _She was hovering again!_ This was the third time now, and somehow it was still impossible to get used to. How Cell was able to handle doing it with so much disinterest was beyond her.

In an instant, they were both shooting up into the afternoon sky. Yuki laughed with her arms spread wide, enjoying the wind blowing through her hair and the beautiful sights below her. Cell, on the other hand, was staring straight ahead of them, his expression serious and sullen. Unlike Yuki, there was no thrill in flying for him, so he had nothing to preoccupy himself from the unsettling situation that was threatening to break down between them. A situation that he was _willingly_ leading them both into. He knew exactly how the rest of this day would go - Yuki’s inability to process her conflicting emotional states would lead her into some hopeless depression, followed up by a bout of extreme anger. She would come up with some ‘unique’ insults, shut herself inside, and leave him out on the arena alone to curse his inability to say _no_ to that _expression_ of hers. This weak little woman was making his life exceedingly more difficult than it had to be, and yet he continued to invite the chaos in, time and time again. …he wasn’t an idiot, of course, he knew _exactly_ where his thoughts were in conflict with one another. Not even an hour ago, he’d been holding her in his arms, _reveling_ in the idea that she was a challenge of immeasurable difficulty for him. And a pleasurable one, at that…

He sighed in irritation and looked over at her. She was currently swinging her arms around in a strange manner, singing something about a ‘friendly neighborhood spiderman’. It couldn’t be helped, he supposed… he’d just have to give her her closure and deal with the consequences later.

“Hey, Cell!”

“Yes?”

“You know, you can’t go calling news reporters ‘defiant little cockroaches’ when you’re a giant bugman yourself. That’s called being a hypocrite.”

“That’s a rather _delayed_ response.” He narrowed his eyes at her. “And now you get your flight privileges revoked.”

“What do you mean, rev-“ Before she could finish the question, she was roughly pulled backwards, falling down into Cell’s arms. He continued to fly forward carrying her, like nothing ever happened. “Hey, I was having FUN.”

“And I was being insulted. Now, if you still want to fly, I’ll be happy to oblige… _I’ll even give you full control._ ”

“NO! No.” She laughed nervously. “No no, I’m fine right here! No need to, um, do that.”

The broken skyline of Gingertown came into view as they shot through the sky. Hazy at first, only jagged, haphazard edges jutting out of the ground in the distance. But as they came closer, Yuki could make out all the terrible details. Skyscrapers that once dominated the landscape were either broken in two, or slanted over so far that they threatened to topple. The city was overall a dull grey color, giving the broken skyscrapers the appearance of tombstones. Looking down from above, she couldn’t recognize a single landmark.

They touched down on a road in the middle of the city, but Yuki couldn’t recognize it either as she jumped out of his arms and looked around. When her feet hit the pavement, it kicked up a swirl of dust… the roads were broken, cracked, and misshapen, the dust must’ve been from all the smashed concrete. It covered everything in the area in a thin grey layer. Cars were everywhere, but all abandoned. All of them facing out of the city. She gulped. _They’d all been trying to escape._ The shattered road stretched behind and in front of her, and on either side were abandoned stores with broken windows and fallen signs. And the most terrifying sight - the clothes. Hundreds and hundreds of sets of clothes, all going down the sidewalks. In the cars. On the roads. Hanging off buildings… everywhere. Each set told her a little bit about who that person was and what they’d been doing when Cell _killed_ them. She recognized some of the signs on the storefronts, which meant this was a road she at least knew a little of. _And she didn’t recognize it at all._

The only thing she could hear was her own breathing. Weird… to be in a huge city you know, and hear absolutely nothing. To see absolutely no one. She bit her lip and backed away, shaking, the unsettling fear causing her to instinctively reach out and grab hold of Cell’s arm. He was the one who did this. She should be afraid of HIM.

Cell sighed. Yuki was whimpering and hiding behind his arm. He wouldn’t exactly call this _closure_. “Do you wish to leave?”

“No… I just… I have to get my bearings, that’s all.” She took a deep breath, let go of him, and stepped forward. “You did all this, and I’m just feeling… I don’t know. I guess you were right about the cognitive dissonance thing.”

“You came here hoping it would affect you in some specific way. Has it?”

“I’m not sure.” She continued to look around. It felt like a scene from a post-apocalyptic movie. The layer of dust made her think of nuclear fallout. None of it seemed real… it was all so alien and she just felt detached from it all. She needed to make it more personal. “I should go to certain places, but I can’t figure out the layout of the city anymore…”

“I flew through this entire city, and my memory is flawless. I know every street and building. Is there a specific landmark you’d like to see?”

“The tower.”

Cell crossed his arms over his chest and looked off to the side. _The tower?_ An interesting choice. It undoubtedly had something to do with that terrorist she spoke of, Ichiro. The one who’d killed her father. But the connection between that event and her current plight was not readily apparent. “May I ask why?”

“No.”

“ _How impolite._ But fine. It’s 813.7 meters south of us.”

“Man, am I glad you remembered that extra .7 meters, I would’ve _totally gotten lost_ without your anal retentive attention to detail.”

“You’re welcome.”

Yuki spun around in a huff and walked down the broken road towards the south. She had a vague idea of what she wanted to do now, and her determination chased away the original fear she’d felt, but… it was still creepy. The echoes her footsteps made as she walked forward sent shivers down her spine. She took extra care not to step on any of the clothing, but she wasn’t sure if it was due to disgust, or just some ingrained respect for the dead. Cell was probably stepping all over them though. Then she paused. _She didn’t hear his footsteps._ Eyes wide with panic, she looked all around her… _nothing._ Where the hell was he?!

“I’m up here. I assume you want to deal with your issues without my interference.”

She looked up, and there he was, perched on a rooftop. He had his arms crossed and was just standing there looking down at her with a watchful expression. He seemed to be on guard. “Oh… okay. Don’t let anything happen to me, please! You know, looters and stuff!”

“The probability of anything happening to you under my watch is so low that I doubt your mind could handle the number of zeroes to the right of that decimal point.”

“So you’re saying there’s a chance. And here I thought you were _perfect_.”

He scowled. “Be quiet and go.”

Yuki continued maneuvering through the jagged streets, avoiding clothes, until she reached an area that she recognized. It still had an eerie unfamiliarity to it, but it was definitely where the tower had been. There was nothing left standing of it now, only a huge square area next to the park covered in rubble. Pieces of that tower lay scattered on the roads around her.

She walked up to the wreckage and looked it over. The last time she’d been to this spot was during the reopening after it had been rebuilt. The city invited her and all the families of the police officers who’d died to come participate in a ceremony. …she wound up breaking down in tears halfway through and ran away crying. She could never bring herself to come out here after that, fearing that she’d just start crying again. But… not this time. She frowned. _She was supposed to cry._ That was the whole POINT. The tower was her damn baseline - things were either _more_ depressing than a visit to the tower, or _less_ depressing. …Maybe Cell was right. Maybe she really just pretended to care in some stupid effort to be a good person. But in reality she was just a really shitty person.

“ASSHOLE! GET DOWN HERE!” With a frustrated growl, she picked up a rock and hurled it at Cell, who was currently standing on top of the building across the street. The rock got about a quarter of the way there before landing on the road with an echoed thud.

Cell watched curiously as Yuki panicked to herself, surrounded by the debris of her ravaged tower. Apparently she’d hit some realization and it angered her enough to _sling rocks at him._ He’d planned on staying in the background, allowing her to vent out her frustration on things that weren’t _him_ , but she seemed to want to involve him anyway. With a sigh, he jumped off the roof and landed in front of her.

“I got my damn closure, let’s get the hell out of here.”

“You mulled over a pile of rubble for two minutes and proceeded to throw a rock at me.”

“And?”

“One doesn’t need a vast knowledge of psychology to realize that the idea of closure isn’t _screaming obscenities and throwing things._ ”

“Look, I came out here to see if any of this would affect me, and it’s not. I’m a shitty person, just like you said I was, so you should be happy to know that you’re right. AGAIN.” She sat down on the edge of the sidewalk with her face buried in her hands.

“I never called you a ‘shitty person’. Do not put words in my mouth.”

“You said I was pretending to care to force myself to be a good person! That’s like the same damn thing!”

“I never meant for you to take it in _that way._ ” He walked around her until he was standing in front of her. Letting her deal with it on her own was a mistake - she was far too stubborn for that. Now it was his turn. “Watching you wallow around in misery is getting on my nerves. Stand up.”

She looked up at him in anger. “Don’t tell me what to do! You’re supposed to be supportive to the person you’re dating, you dick!”

“If you want me to speak to you as an equal, then _stand up and face me_ as an equal. I won’t loom over you while you sprawl out on the sidewalk.”

Yuki said nothing, but stood up anyway.

“Now, working out _emotional difficulties_ with an irate female isn’t exactly my forte, so I’ll just be blunt. _You’re being an idiot._ And if you decide to continue on with this little farce, you’ll be wasting both my time and yours.”

“Excuse me?!”

“I brought you out here because you wanted to, and I quote, ‘figure shit out’. How do you plan on interpreting how this predicament of yours affects you emotionally, if you _refuse to acknowledge how you feel about it in the first place?_ ”

“But-“

“No.” He narrowed his eyes. “If you feel nothing, then deal with it. If that’s how this affects you, then so be it. Go take a walk and ‘figure shit out’.”

“How the hell am I supposed to interpret not feeling anything?!”

“For the sake of hurrying this process along, I’ll give you a hint. What you’re experiencing is called dissociation. It’s a common coping mechanism among humans. Your mind is so emotionally traumatized by the situation that it, for all intents and purposes, ‘detaches’ itself from the entire experience. An analogy - You’ve locked yourself in the bedroom to escape a deadly animal that somehow made its way into the living room. You’re safe for the time being, after all, the animal is out of sight in the other room, but it’s still _in the house._ And it will remain in the house until you find a way to face it and cast it out. Do you understand this? Because I honestly can’t think of a more to-the-point way of explaining it.”

Yuki looked off to the side. Dissociation? Did he just make that up to make her feel better? Maybe… but psychology was never one of her strong suits. After all, insects never got mental disorders.

“Well?” He frowned.

“Dissociation, huh? Is that a real thing or are you just trying to psychoanalyze me or something?”

“I can assure you it’s a _thing._ I have a working knowledge of human psychology. I know many things.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know you know many things.” She pursed her lips and looked off into the distance. If he was right, it meant that she felt so much that her brain couldn’t handle it. Which made her feel a little less like an asshole, but it still freaked her out. But… there WAS a deadly animal in her house she wanted to face. “Hey, there’s a place I want to go, but I don’t know where it is because I’ve never been there. Would you be able to figure out where it is?”

“I would.”

“Okay then… um… it’s kind of embarrassing… there’s a place called Cherry. It’s a, you know…” Her voice fell to a whisper. “Gentleman’s club.” She blushed. Cell was currently looking at her like she’d grown a second head. So friggin’ embarrassing, who knew what he was thinking about her at this point?

“May I ask why, or are you going to tell me no again?”

“My mom works there. _Worked_ there, whatever… so yeah.” Thankfully, he didn’t ask her for an explanation. Instead he silently lifted her up and they took off toward the red light district.

Cell set her down in front of the club. It was in ruins, just like everything else, and the sign was shattered on the ground. There were no windows… for obvious reasons.

He glanced around at the various buildings, the broken neon lights, the windows of clothing shops displaying lewd outfits… “An entire district dedicated to debauchery. Disgusting.”

Yuki grinned. “Really? And here I thought you were all about debauchery, you know, with the way you were all over me this morning.”

“You’re my mate. That’s different.”

“Okay.” She rolled her eyes. “Whatever you say, buddy. Plus you were here EATING PEOPLE, so you probably don’t think they’re too disgusting.”

Cell tsked, but refused to respond. Yuki passed through the unhinged doors, as he followed grudgingly behind her. The lights inside were dim, and the chairs were covered in clothes, unfinished beer still sitting on the tables. But it wasn’t the front of the house she was concerned about. She left Cell standing impatiently on the stage, next to the pole - a hilarious image - and went through the curtains to the back of the house. The lights here were brighter, illuminating the huge mirrors of the vanities which were covered in different kinds of make-up and body decorations. Each vanity was different, and each one belonged to a different woman. She walked past each one until her eyes settled on the one she was looking for. _Her mom’s purse._ Apparently she’d been working that day.

Without a word, she sat down and stared blankly at it. Inside would be her mom’s house keys and other things, but the keys were the most important thing… as she continued to sit there, the anger welled up inside of her until her entire body tensed up, jaw clenched, hands balled into fists… _That bitch._

“I see you’ve found something that affects you.”

Yuki felt herself start to relax as Cell walked up behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Cosmetics and a handbag. A curious thing to get upset over. But I’m assuming they belong to your mother.”

“I just came to get her house keys. I want to get all my stuff back. She took a bunch of my shit when I moved away and wouldn’t give it back, so she’s got boxes of my old photos and insects and stuff. Plus she’s got a bunch of my dad’s things, so I want to get those too.”

“Is that our next stop?”

“No… I just wanted the key. I’ll do it later. A trip to an abandoned city is enough stress for one day.”

As she headed for the front doors, she paused for a moment, turning around to look at him with a smile she tried unsuccessfully to hide. “You know, you ate every stripper in the city. And every prostitute. That’s kind of gross, I’m surprised you don’t have like a hundred STDs.”

He scowled. “I’ll admit I was a bit _uncouth_ about the way I went about things, but in my defense I was still in an imperfect form and my mind wasn’t as refined as it is now. You could say I was running on instinct.”

“So totally uncouth. Who even uses the word uncouth?” She grinned. “You could be in the most uncultured setting and you’d still talk in that high and mighty tone of yours. Like, you’d be here at this strip club or something, and say _’Oh my, this lady appears to be grinding her genitalia up against me in a vigorous manner! Quite the conundrum, it seems!’_ ”

“I do NOT speak like that. And certainly not in THAT situation.”

“You do talk like that! What do you think you'd say in an uncultured situation then, huh?”

“If a woman were ‘grinding her genitalia up against me in a vigorous manner’?”

“Uh, yeah, sure.”

“Oh I don’t know…” She shot her that amused look that told her he was about to make some perverted remark. “Maybe _’Well Yuki, this is a nice surprise. What’s got you in such an EAGER mood tonight?’_ …but that’s just my best guess. You could try it and find out for certain if you wish.”

Yuki sighed. They were in the middle of a city he ATE, and he still had the gall to stand there and come on to her like that. _Time to mess with his head._ She looked up at him with a sly smile, her voice lowered to a seductive purr. “I guess I am a little curious to see what you’d say… I bet it would be something cute. You’d give me that look like you want to ravage me, and then you'd try to find some way to take it further…” She ran her hands slowly up his chest. “And then maybe I’d _let_ you take it further…”

He looked down at her with wide eyes, stammering, trying to determine if she was being serious or not. “I-is this a joke? You’re not _teasing_ me again, are you? Because if you are, I’m… I’m…” His voice trailed off and he sighed. “You are. I don’t know what I did to deserve this kind of torture.”

“Sure you do! You ate a city, you dick. Multiple cities.” She pushed past him in a huff and headed out the door, but before she could get far, she felt herself pulled back roughly as Cell grabbed her and held her against him. She couldn’t see his facial expression behind her, but judging from the way he was growling in her ear, it was safe to assume he was pissed off and turned on.

“My dear Yuki, didn’t I tell you _not to tease me?_ ” Before she could protest, he pulled in closer, kissing her neck. She let out a gasp as he slid his hands under the front of her shirt, enjoying the feel of her skin… but she wasn’t attempting to pull away. _A good sign._

“Y-you know I’m allowed to tease you, it’s my prerogative!”

“Is that so? In that case, it’s my prerogative to tease YOU.”

“No. _NO._ I don’t think so!” She bit her lip and attempted to lean forward away from him. “Don’t you _dare_ do it!”

“Do what? I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean.” He chuckled and, remembering that morning, grabbed her earlobe with his teeth.

A heated blush spread across her face and she let out a soft moan. _That asshole._ She knew he would use that to his advantage later. What a low, rotten thing to do… She closed her eyes and leaned back against him as he continued nibbling at her, eliciting more little moans. Part of her wanted him to keep going, but another part of her wanted to kick his ass.

“Shall we head home? I know of a few things that might ease your stress…”

The part of her that wanted to kick his ass won out, and she pulled away, spinning around to shoot him a venomous glare. “No! You know why? Because first of all, you’re trying to turn me on in an empty _strip club_ and I have way more respect for myself than THAT. And second of all…” She stormed out the front doors and angrily grabbed an outfit on the ground, holding it up for him to see. “This obviously belongs to a _little kid!_ You psychopath!”

He sighed. Their little moment had come to a screeching halt rather quickly. That had to be a new record time for Yuki’s unstable mood swings. “…Well this is a strange area for a child to be wandering around in.”

“That’s not the point! Oh my god! Not even Hannibal Lector ate children!”

“I don’t know who that is, but I’ve already admitted that my methods were a bit uncouth.”

“No! NO UNCOUTH!” She threw the clothing to the ground and stomped up to him, shoving her pointer finger in his face. “You will NOT try to justify absorbing children!”

He frowned. “Did you expect me to finish off the adults and merely leave all their offspring lying around to die on their own?”

“Are you serious?!” She stared at him incredulously. “Oh my GOD, I’m not going to stand here while you list out the benefits of _absorbing people_. YOU WERE BASICALLY EATING CHILDREN. This isn’t a fucking potato famine and you aren’t Jonathan fucking Swift!”

“What’s wrong? You don’t like my-“

“ _Don’t you fucking say it._ ”

Cell grinned despite himself. “ _’Modest Proposal’_?”

“FUCKING HELL!” Yuki threw up her arms, middle fingers facing him, and stormed off in a huff without another word. If he was going to be like that, then she would just ignore him and get her mind off the issue by going grocery shopping.

A few blocks up the road, she came across a decent-looking grocery store. Just like the others, the windows were shattered and the roof looked like it would collapse at any moment. But whatever. She was pissed off at Cell, but he wouldn’t let her get crushed to death by a roof… probably. The interior seemed okay. A little dusty and food was scattered all over the floor, but there were still lots of things she could get. She was just about to grab a shopping cart when Cell stopped her. So she guessed she couldn’t just ignore him after all.

“Just take what you need and toss it to me. It will make this chore quicker.”

“Oh yeah?! In that case I’m going to get a _shit ton_ of stuff, just to laugh at you trying to carry it all!” She pulled a box of rice off the shelf and angrily threw it at him. Instead of reaching to catch it, he stood there still with a bored look on his face, the rice box hovering beside him. “W-whoa… I wish I had something like you for all the times I went shopping in the past. That’s kind of convenient.”

She walked up and down each aisle, picking out everything she wanted. Each item she threw at Cell, and soon he had dozens of food items hovering around him as he walked along after her, still looking bored as hell. Apparently he was going to be the sun to a solar system of orbiting food. She snickered at the thought. She was still pissed off, but… he looked so hilarious that it was impossible not to laugh. _And he was probably doing it on purpose too._

And he was doing it on purpose. But it seemed to be working. He smiled to himself as she continued to throw things at him, getting some sort of mental kick out of it every time. But now she was standing at the checkout line with a frown on her face. “Don’t tell me you’re upset because you can’t _pay_ for your food. I doubt anyone is going to miss it, and it would all go to waste anyway.”

“No… well, yeah I’m kind of annoyed about that, but I’m just looking for a Ritter Sport bar. I get one every time I go grocery shopping, but they seem to be sold out. Boo.”

He shrugged.

“You know, Cell, you’d probably like a chocolate bar. I know you don’t need to eat, but you should try tasting something sometime. I bet you’d enjoy it.”

“Oh I highly doubt that. Now can we return to the arena?”

“Yeah, I guess…” Yuki took a step outside, back onto the empty streets. She sighed as she looked around at the rubble. Gingertown would never be the same again… not only that, but it would probably never be rebuilt. Anyone who escaped would’ve already gone elsewhere, and this place would remain in shambles, forever avoided like it WAS covered in nuclear fallout. A bitter grey reminder on the map that would just sit there and depress everyone. She hadn’t seen a single looter - everyone was too afraid to come near.

As she mused over the future of Gingertown’s ruins, she once again felt herself hovering in the air, and they shot off into the sky together… food trailing behind them like a delicious comet.

“WAIT STOP!”

Cell brought them to a halt. “What is it?”

“Was there anyone left alive in the city? I mean, I know with your super hearing and all, you could probably tell, right?”

“There was no one.”

“I think… you should destroy it.”

“I’m not sure what to make of that request.”

“Gingertown was the only city you really ruined, right? The others you just kinda… did your thing and left the cities themselves alone. I remember you said it was related to your fight with Piccolo or something… but this shouldn’t be here anymore. It’s horrible and it will never be the same. It’ll probably just stay like this. I don’t think it’s fair to everyone to have this big monument to death hanging on the landscape.”

“A noble request. Misguided, but noble. Fine.” They continued their flight away from the city, and as soon as they were far enough away, Cell casually threw back his wrist and tossed a ki blast at the ruins. It landed somewhere in the middle and expanded outwards with a roar until the entire city was surrounded by a circle of light. Once it cleared, the city was gone. All that remained was a huge barren crater.

Yuki watched it all unfold in horror, but Cell hadn’t even bothered to look back. She turned her eyes toward him… still that bored expression plastered on his face like wiping out a hundred square miles was no big deal. She sighed. The city was gone, taking a huge chunk of her past with it. No more reminders, not for her, not for anyone else. Was this closure? If it was, what kind of fucked up closure was this? She was just pulling the wool over her own eyes again… turning her back on humanity. Was she? _Maybe not._ Cell had definitely changed a bit since he’d last been out here, after all, he admitted that what he did was ‘uncouth’, which was _something_ at least. And he was definitely a lot nicer to her than he’d been at the beginning. If she could change him for the better, would it make up for all the horrible things she’d contributed to? Could Cell ever _really_ change? Maybe not… he didn’t seem to have any regret over the state of the city, and he didn’t even care enough to look back when he finished it off. He didn’t care about what he did, he only cared about the fact that she was _bothered_ by what he did. She wasn’t even sure what to think about that.

When they arrived back at the arena, it was already evening. Yuki tossed the house from its capsule and went inside, Cell and the floating food walking in after her. As she put away the groceries, she looked over at him thoughtfully. He was back on the couch with his eyes closed, concentrating on something or other.

“You don’t have to do it, you know.”

He opened his eyes and frowned. “Excuse me?”

“If you beat Goku. You don’t have to ‘raze the population’. I don’t even understand your reasoning for that.”

“I won’t discuss this.”

“Well, it’s sort of the elephant in the room, isn’t it?!”

But he said nothing.

“Cell, I’m serious! You said you were stronger than Goku. You seem to KNOW for a fact that you are, so what’s even the point?! Why can’t you just… spare the world for now and fight him later? Kick his ass now, spare the world, and let him train and maybe hold a second tournament next year or something. You’d get more of a challenge out of him that way. I know you like a challenge.”

“No.”

“Ugh, you can be so immature sometimes!” Before she could say another word, he stood up and walked out of the house, probably going back to the center of the arena. No way in hell was he going to get away with THAT. She stormed out the front door and grabbed his arm before he could get too far.

He ripped himself from Yuki’s grasp and glared at her, eyes narrow and brimming with anger. “Yuki I am warning you, _stay out of this._ My fight with Goku has nothing to do with you. Do NOT interfere.”

“What the hell are you talking about?! It has plenty to do with me!”

“It has noth-“

“So what are you gonna do with me then?! Do you just plan on having fun with me for these next few days and then wind up tossing me out with the trash once your stupid game is over? Is that it? Am I getting close?”

His angry expression immediately dropped. So that’s what was bothering her. That’s what all of this boiled down to. In that case, her questions were valid and had nothing to do with Goku in the least. “…I’m taking you with me.”

She stared at him in wide-eyed surprise, trying to comprehend what he’d just admitted to. He wanted her to stay with him. _He wanted a future together._ Which, in any other situation, would’ve made her so happy she could cry, but… his idea of the future was destroying the planet. And then probably traveling around the universe destroying other planets. But she had no idea how to respond to that. So she just stood there. And stared.

“Have you nothing to say to that?”

“I… um…”

“Well?”

“I’m not going to leave the planet. I’m going down with the ship.”

He smiled. “Once again, noble yet misguided. My dear, you’ll change your tune very quickly once zero hour approaches.”

“I won’t.”

“I have a hard time believing that, considering how rapidly your mind and emotions change, and how easily you seem to get over things.”

“Hey! What the hell is that supposed to mean?!”

“It means there’s no point worrying about it until we reach that point in time. Your moods are too unpredictable to make any real determination either way. You spent a total of _five minutes_ wallowing in anger over the fact that I absorbed people before you began amusing yourself in the grocery store.”

“S-so what are you saying? I’m an uncaring asshole? You think I’m just as bad as you are? I’m not going to stand here while you act like a dick and insult me! I’m going inside, and you’re not allowed in! You’re _in the doghouse_ , bitch!”

He growled. She was jumping to strange conclusions. Nothing he’d just said had anything to do with being ‘just as bad as him’. And he didn’t know for certain what it meant to be ‘in the doghouse’, but an idiom like that wasn’t too hard to figure out.

Before Yuki could go back inside, Cell appeared in front of her, cutting her off. She hadn’t even seen him land there. “Go away.”

“I promise you I didn’t mean what you thought I meant. Now, I apologize for upsetting you, but I honestly don’t understand your line of reasoning. I expected my offer to make you _happy_.”

She paused. Cell did want to take her with him, which meant he didn’t want her to die. Or get hurt. He was probably going to win the tournament, after all, nobody could stand up to that kind of power, and he wasn’t going to show any mercy on those fighters either. It seemed like the only person in the world he refused to hurt was HER. _And that’s when the idea hit her._ Could she use that to her advantage and enter the tournament herself? She didn’t really know the rules since she’d been too busy having all her dreams crushed when he was on TV going over them, but… to win, he’d have to beat her up, right? HE TOTALLY COULDN’T DO THAT.

“You know what… I’m going to fight in the tournament.”

Cell scoffed. “Is that so?”

“Yeah, I am. And I’m going to WIN.”

“What makes you so sure? You’ve seen my powers.”

“You can’t _kill_ me. You can’t _hurt_ me. All I have to do is beat on you enough for you to get tired and give up.”

He laughed. “My dear, yours is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

“Quit insulting me with Shakespeare, you dick!” She smirked. So he wasn’t taking this seriously, well, she would up the ante a little then. “Let’s make a bet then. If I beat you during the tournament, you have to immediately concede to me AND not destroy the earth AND never go around killing innocent people ever again.”

“Wouldn’t you expect that to be the result of me losing the tournament regardless? That’s hardly a bet.”

“Nope. You didn’t say ANYTHING on TV about what you’d do if you lost. You only said what you’d do if you _won._ And knowing you, you’re probably a sore loser.”

He smiled, eyes narrow. “My, you’re _astute._ So is this a side bet, then? What do I get if I win against you?”

Yuki faltered. Was she sure she could win? …pretty sure. At least, if she had no hope of even hurting him, she could just sit stubbornly on the stage until he got irritated and gave up. “If you win against me, I’ll go with you.”

Cell’s eyes went wide. Did she not realize he could merely lift her up and place her off the edge of the ring? Did she not understand the rules of the tournament? This was still an opportunity that he couldn’t just pass up, after all, the thought of her dying stubbornly alongside the rest was unacceptable. “Really now? You do realize there are many ways to defeat someone without resorting to physical violence.”

“Exactly.”

“Then I accept your wager.”

“Good.” She smiled. “Now go away, I’m gonna go eat.”

“Oh? Am I still an uninvited guest?” He placed his hand on her cheek. “I believe this is the part where we kiss and make up.”

“We aren’t made up, I’m still pissed at you and you’re not allowed in. I told you you’re in the doghouse, and if you’re gonna keep treating everyone but me like shit, then you’re gonna be in the doghouse _a lot_. So deal with it.”

“ _Tsk._ Kicked out of my own home. How demeaning.”

“Hey! It’s not YOUR home, it’s MINE. Yours is over there.” She pointed off toward the arena. “On that square thing.”

Before he could reply, she slammed the door in his face. He frowned. She was obviously not going to let him in willingly… he needed some sort of peace offering to gain entrance without protest. _But what?_ A smile came to his face as an idea began taking shape in his mind. _Perfect._ “Yuki! I know you can hear me in there. I will return in thirty minutes.” And with that, he flew off into the evening sky.

Yuki dropped the box of rice she’d been holding and looked toward the door with wide eyes. He was leaving? Like, actually going somewhere on his own other than the house and the arena? _Had hell frozen over?_ She ran over and threw open the door, looking around. He really was gone. HOLY CRAP. With a bit of hesitation, she took a few steps outside, examining the cliffs in the distance to make sure he was really gone and wasn’t just hiding somewhere. Nothing.

She grinned. So… Cell thought she got over things easy and didn’t care about him _killing people_ , well, she’d show him. But she only had half an hour. She dashed inside and grabbed a few things before heading out to his precious arena. “That guy only cares about his ego, his arena, and me. And probably in that order.”

After a little under half an hour, Cell touched down at the edge of the arena, peace offering floating in tow behind him. He crossed his arms over his chest with a sigh and looked out at the stone floor of his once-pristine stage. _She’d been rather busy while he was gone._

His arena was currently covered in _beets_ , with the phrase ‘Goku’s gonna _beet_ you!!!’ crudely spray painted across the middle. Not to mention a copious number of swastikas and a shabby stick figure image of himself wearing a dress and donning a square mustache. He rolled his eyes. _She must think herself so hilarious._ With a wave of his hand, he whipped up dirt and sand in the area, causing it to swirl around him, before sending it toward the stage at impossible speeds. It only took a few seconds for the offending graffiti to be sanded down, leaving his stage as pristine as it had been before.

Ignoring her earlier warning, he went inside and found her sitting on the bed, moping, facing away from him. He cleared his throat to get her attention. “I’d prefer it if you didn’t use my tournament stage as a means to display your angry social commentary.”

“I’m just telling it like it is.” She shrugged and eyed him over her shoulder. “Throwing out your true colors for everyone to see.”

“A letter to the editor would be less _immature._ Though I’d recommend leaving out the gratuitous Hitler references, after all, argumentum ad passiones is considered a logical fallacy.”

“Hey! Shut up with your intellectual bullshit! There aren’t any logical fallacies! You are _literally_ this generation’s Hitler! If the earth survives this, people are going to start using Cell as an insult instead of Hitler, they’ll be holding up signs comparing politicians to YOU. Godwin’s Law will have to be completely rewritten!”

“Hm. Just for the record, Hitler was a racist. My tournament is an equal opportunity affair. I welcome all comers.”

“ _Oh yeah_ , that makes me feel MUCH better.”

“…wait right here.”

Yuki listened curiously as he went downstairs for a moment, then came back up. He sat down next to her, dropping the tennis ball basket in front of her. She looked down at it in shock. _He went out and got her some more tennis balls._ “You… went out to get me this just now?”

“Consider it a peace offering. Not as extravagant as the aurora, but it seemed to be fitting. I also found this.” He held out a candy bar and dropped it into her hands. “I don’t particularly enjoy the status of ‘uninvited guest’.”

“Oh my god, you got me a _Ritter Sport bar._ ” Her lower lip quivered and she looked over at him with misty eyes. No way could she cry over this… but… he was being nice. Really nice. Earlier she was so sure he could never change, that he would just keep being a dick forever, but now here they were. He had changed, just a little, but she still noticed it. The Cell she first walked up to on the arena would’ve _never_ gone out of his way for something like tennis balls and chocolate bars. He would’ve laughed and called it a waste of time. If there was something nice in him worth looking for, then maybe she could afford to stop getting so angry over the things he’d done before.

“So have I regained access to the couch, then?”

“…yeah.” She blushed and shifted nervously. “Thanks. You know, you can be really nice to me when you want to.”

“As I’ve said, I’d rather you be happy. It’s much easier to deal with.”

“Well, if you can be nice to me, why can’t you be nice to other people?”

“ _’Other people’_ aren’t you.”

She sighed. “That’s got nothing to do with it.”

“Oh, it does. You’re my mate, I obviously wish to keep you safe and relatively content. Why do you think I didn’t want to take you into the city?”

“So… why are you so nice to me then? Why do you want to keep me ‘safe and relatively content’? Is it some kind of subconscious thing, like an instinctual drive? I mean, after all, I doubt you would’ve gotten a willing ‘mate’ if you treated them the way you treated everyone else.”

Cell looked up at the ceiling, considering her question. “Instinctual drive… that is an interesting hypothesis. But I don’t have an answer for that.”

“Well, I’m sure you know about the scientific method.” She grinned.

“Oh? Are you going to test your hypothesis?”

“If it’s an ingrained instinct, then you wouldn’t go razing the population if you knew it would depress the shit out of me.”

He threw back his head and laughed. “My dear, I think that would be a little _late in the game_ to test your hypothesis.”

“Or it would be the perfect time to test it.” She winked at him.

He chuckled and shook his head, but said nothing.

“And by the way, you can’t keep calling us ‘mates’, this isn’t the Discovery Channel. And, I mean, it’s not like we’ve done any ‘mating’ anyway. If anything, I’d call you my… boyfriend.” A blush spread across her face. Using the word boyfriend to describe him felt strange. Maybe she’d already gotten a little too used to him calling them mates.

Cell tsked. “Humans and all their little _stages_. Friend, boyfriend, fiancé, husband… how silly and pointlessly specific. Why not use a single, simple term?”

“Because when you say that, you’re basically saying we’re _married_ and I’m five seconds away from kicking your ass.”

“That would be quite a feat, but you’re certainly welcome to try. Besides…” He leaned in with a sly smile and ran his fingers through her hair. “A skirmish on the bed sounds _fun_.”

“Boy, you never give up, do you? You regained access to the couch, I never said anything about accessing my bed.” She stood up and sighed wistfully. “Look… I’m sorry for everything earlier. You should be pissed at me, not giving me peace offerings and flirting with me. I don’t deserve it, you know.”

“What do you mean?”

Instead of explaining herself, she silently left the room, trudged down the stairs, and went outside. The first thing she noticed was the clean stage. It looked like her artsy stuff had never even been there. _That figured._ Of course he’d have some weird magical arena-buffing power.

Cell left the house to find Yuki laying in the grass, staring up at the night sky. He stood over her, arms crossed, head tilted curiously.

She shifted her gaze to him for a moment, before looking back up at the sky. It was a cloudy night, so really there was nothing to look at, but she felt like absolute shit for the way she’d been treating him lately and couldn’t handle looking at him right now for too long. “Too bad you can’t see any stars tonight, the clouds are covering all of them up.”

Without a word, Cell looked up at the sky, and the clouds began to swirl and break apart. They became smaller and smaller until they disappeared completely. A clear night sky.

“That’s a cool power. Much better than your arena-buffing power.”

He continued to stare, but it was obvious to Yuki that he was just waiting patiently for her to explain herself. She sighed and sat up. “Look, I really am sorry about today. All you were doing was trying to help me and I kept finding excuses to get in your face. I don’t mean to be such an asshole, you know. You’re nice to me, and I just… I don’t know. It’s hard not to get mad over the shit you do to everything else BUT me. And yeah, you’re right about my moods. I guess I’m not very emotionally stable, but…” She smiled. “I don’t think an emotionally stable person would date a villainous ‘bio-android’, so you can’t get TOO annoyed about my moods.”

“Point taken.”

It was getting late now, and she was growing tired. Tomorrow they’d have to do something more relaxing. Maybe an actual date? No… Cell would never agree to that. He’d changed, but he hadn’t changed _that_ much. But still, she could think of something better than today. Which was a stupid idea. Why the hell had she thought that ‘chasing emotional demons in an abandoned city’ was a good activity to do on their first day as an actual couple?

“Hey, with that super hearing of yours, can you hear pretty much everything in a forest?”

“Yes.”

“I have a neat idea for tomorrow. Wanna hear it?”

“I’ll consider it.”

“We could go to Droman Forest. You know, it’s farther north of here. Like a date!”

“To a forest?”

“That’s where they say Sasquatch lives. We should go Bigfoot hunting! With your hearing we can find out the truth!” She grinned.

He shot her a look of disgust. “…is that a joke?”

“No. They call it ‘going squatchin’, on TV.”

She waited for a response, but got nothing but that disgusted look of his. “Aren’t you gonna say anything?”

“ _I will not justify such absurdity with a serious response._ ”

She laughed and fell backwards onto the grass. It had been a stressful day, but… it ended pretty good. Their unusual relationship somehow made it through the turbulent waters of the first day and came out unscathed. Maybe, if she was lucky, it could be smooth sailing from here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, my cat thought it was funny to sit on my keyboard and turn my laptop off, erasing like half of the story. Remember kids, always save your work and keep your laptop closed!
> 
> So this is the 'Yuki deals with her mental issues' chapter. I was dreading writing it since there's not much humor. I hope it came out sounding realistic, because I don't know too much about dissociation.
> 
> With a surprising amount of help from Cell, Yuki seems to have conquered the "deadly animal in her living room", and they've made it through their first day together! What fun things await our couple on day seven? Will Yuki get to go squatchin'?! Will she give in to Cell's advances?! Find out next time ON DRAGON BALL Z!


	18. Day Seven - World's Greatest Squatcher

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter:
> 
> “That’s where they say Sasquatch lives. We should go Bigfoot hunting! With your hearing we can find out the truth!” She grinned.
> 
> He shot her a look of disgust. “…is that a joke?”
> 
> “No. They call it ‘going squatchin’, on TV.”
> 
> She waited for a response, but got nothing but that disgusted look of his. “Aren’t you gonna say anything?”
> 
> “ _I will not justify such absurdity with a serious response_.”
> 
> She laughed and fell backwards onto the grass. It had been a stressful day, but… it ended pretty good. Their unusual relationship somehow made it through the turbulent waters of the first day and came out unscathed. Maybe, if she was lucky, it could be smooth sailing from here?

Yuki lay in bed that morning, looking over through the window. She’d forgotten to close the blinds last night and could see the arena from her bed, but Cell was currently not out there. Which meant he was hanging out downstairs on the couch. She’d woken up half an hour ago in a great mood, eager to start the day and figure out something nice for them to do together, but… she had no idea what. And if she went downstairs with no plan, they might wind up in some sarcasm war again, which wouldn’t be the best way to start the day. After all, the morning exchange always set the mood for the rest of the day! …maybe. She bit her lip and shifted her gaze to the bedroom door. Cell had to know that she was already awake. Probably over some weird thing like he heard a change in her breathing patterns or something. _That guy was such a creeper sometimes._

With a sigh, she pulled herself out of bed. It’d probably be best to go say good morning to him before she changed out of her pajamas and got ready for the day… he’d think it was rude or something if she wandered around upstairs for a while without even bothering to say hello.

Cell _was_ hanging out on the couch, but the last thing on his mind was whether or not Yuki was being rude. He sat there, eyes closed, arms crossed, mulling over the suggestion she’d made the night before. At first, he’d been annoyed over the ridiculousness of the idea and wrote it off as a joke. At least, he was going to _assume_ she’d been joking. No reasonable person would consider THAT a rational option for a date. But… the more he thought about it, the more he realized the wonderful opportunities that were presenting themselves.

If he took her out there and confirmed for her that this mysterious cryptid did NOT exist, it could easily cause a chain reaction of doubt in her mind. Soon there would be no more ghosts, pyramid-building aliens, and whatever a ‘jersey devil’ was. He would prove that this creature of hers was merely a misidentified common animal or a trick of the mind… after all, if he were staying here with her now, he didn’t need those silly shows as constant background noise.

Yuki stood over him, grinning. He looked like he was really focused. Maybe on ki stuff again? “Hey, what’s up?”

No response. He didn’t even open his eyes.

“Hey!”

She waved a hand in front of his face. Nothing. Not even a twitch… whatever he was thinking about must’ve been something he was thinking really hard on. She snickered to herself. He obviously knew she was there, but _how easy would it be to un-focus him?_

“HEY!” Without an ounce of hesitation, she jumped on top of him. She placed her legs on either side, straddling him, with a sly smile on her face. Not even a second later, his eyes shot open, giving her a look that just screamed ‘I have no friggin clue what to make of this situation’. “I _said_ what’s up?”

“I… hm. I recall telling you _not to tease me_.” He hissed at her.

“I’m not teasing you, I’m just sitting on you. What, am I not allowed or something? Couples hang out close together and stuff, you know. But _fiiiiine_ , whatever.”

She moved to get away, but he grabbed her legs and pulled her back down. “I apologize. I won’t object to your… choice of seating.” He grinned. “I’m glad you’re feeling well.”

“What? Why, did I look like I was sick or something?”

“No, but you stayed in bed a while after waking. I assumed you weren’t feeling well.”

She rolled her eyes. _She totally knew it._ She’d called that before she even got out of bed. “Could you BE more of a creeper? You know, you could just NOT spy on me when I’m in another room, that would be nice. Just stop listening in on me for maybe five seconds?”

“…I can’t exactly turn my hearing off.”

“Well, you could focus on something else.”

“Focusing on something else isn’t going to filter out other noise. My sense of hearing is perfect, after all.” He smiled.

“Okay, Mr. Perfect, how about this? If you don’t stop listening in on me, I’m going to start calling you _pet names._ ”

“Pet names?” He cocked his head to the side curiously.

“Yep.” She ran her arms up his chest and around his neck, lifting up her head until they were only centimeters apart. “ _Celly-welly._ ”

He scowled. There was no way he would allow her to refer to him with such an offensive title. “ _You will NOT call me Celly-welly._ If I were you, I wouldn’t dare say such a thing again.”

So… she finally found something that really got under his skin. Even more than her TV shows! She’d totally remember this for later. “Okay. … _honey bunch._ ”

Cell had no idea what to do in this situation. On one hand, leaving her hovering on the ceiling seemed a fitting punishment. But on the other hand… she was currently wrapped around him, straddling him… it wasn’t exactly a position he wanted to change.

“Yooooou seem like you don’t know what to do. Lemme guess, you want to kick my ass for saying cutesy stuff about you, but you can’t bring yourself to push me off because you like the ‘seating arrangement’, am I right?” Judging from the way he growled and looked away, she’d guessed correctly. So pet names really freaked him out… _that was so adorable._ She pressed herself against him further until he REALLY looked tense and conflicted.

“How about these? Sugar pie, sweetie, love muffin, num nums, snickerdoodle, sweetheart, dearie, fluffer-nutter, buttercup, love bug… OH MY GOD LOVE BUG. That is hilarious as hell! That’s what I’m going with! But… there’s also baby cakes, angel eyes, pookie bear, boo-boo, kis-”

“ _How many of these names do you know?!_ ” He gritted his teeth and shot her the most venomous glare he possibly could… not that it would have any effect on her, but it didn’t hurt to try. Now she was doubled over with laughter, since apparently _demeaning him_ was an immense source of amusement now. “You will NOT call me ‘love bug’. If you think I’ll answer to anything other than ‘Cell’, then you’re going to be very disappointed.”

“Aww come on. It’s just a joke, love bug! Or maybe now you’ll stop listening in on me?”

“If you want to play this game, then fine.” A knowing smile spread across his face. “In that case, you’ve ruined my mood and now I’m calling this day off. I’m no longer taking you on the little trip I had planned.”

She looked at him with disbelief. “Did you… have a DATE planned?”

“Perhaps I did. And now, perhaps I don’t.”

Cell was smiling at her, so he probably didn’t mean it when he said she’d ruined his mood. He probably didn’t mean it when he said he was calling the day off either. Earlier she’d kept herself in bed longer than she had to, because she couldn’t think of something nice to do with him today… but he’d already had something planned the whole time. “Can… we still go?”

“I don’t know.”

“I’m… sorry?”

“That sounded more like a question than an apology.”

She leaned forward and kissed him, running her fingers along his jawline. With a seductive gaze, she placed her forehead against his, their noses touching. “Can we still go?”

“…it’s incredibly difficult to say no to you sometimes. _Disconcerting._ ” He tsked. “I don’t like having a _weakness_.”

“Right, because giving in when your mate wants to go somewhere is totally going to affect your fighting abilities.” She rolled her eyes. “So… what’d you have planned?”

“Droman Forest.”

She gasped. No way was he being serious… He was just trying to mess with her because of the pet names. On her list of things she wanted but would never ever happen, ‘Cell going squatchin’ was probably second only to ‘government laboratories creating xenomorphs’. …though if a laboratory could engineer Cell, a xenomorph couldn’t be too hard… so actually ‘Cell going squatchin’ hit the number one spot.

“You seem frozen in shock.”

“You’re not teasing me, are you? You told me not to tease you, but you’re teasing me!”

“While I do realize you only said that last night as a _joke_ , I also realize it’s something you want to do. As much as I hate to admit it, I haven’t exactly been the ‘perfect mate’ I intended to be. You could say I’m making amends.” It was true. They’d only been together for a little over a day, and he’d already managed to get kicked out of the house once. But he didn’t fail at anything, and he _certainly_ wouldn’t fail at this. He also didn’t want to watch those shows anymore, but he could conveniently leave that part out, given the fact that it wasn’t relevant to the conversation.

“…wow. I don’t know what to say. I mean, yeah, you’ve said some pretty hurtful shit but… I’m glad you understand me.” She smiled, a light blush spreading across her face. “…thank you.”

He watched after her as she headed upstairs to get ready. As soon as she disappeared from view, he sighed in irritation and closed his eyes. _Why had he said those things?_ He was not above admitting when he was wrong, since it was such a rare thing to happen, but he didn’t need to _elaborate_ like that. He was not a bad mate, that was a foolish thing for him to say. The only reason he was taking her out there was to get rid of the ridiculous background noise, but… Apparently he had underlying reasons for the things he did that even he himself did not notice. She really was a weakness. And he had no idea why he was so perfectly fine with that.

As he continued to over-analyze their conversation, Yuki finished getting dressed and bounded down the stairs, so excited that she felt like she was going to burst. Cell was still on the couch, waiting. This was going to be _amazing._ It was the perfect opportunity to prove to him that this was all real! Then he’d stop getting so pissed off over the stuff she watched… “Hey, are you ready to go squatchin’ because I AM SO READY TO GO SQUATCHIN’!”

He narrowed his eyes at her. “We’re going to debunk your hominid cryptid. Let’s not use your embarrassing little slang term. And… what are you wearing? What is _that?_ ”

Yuki grinned. She was totally decked out in squatchin’ gear and she looked awesome. Cell obviously couldn’t appreciate the beautiful efficiency of it. “Well, these are cargo shorts, they’re kinda baggy so I can fit gear in there. See, I’ve got binoculars, one of those ear things that amplifies sound, a camera, my phone, and some bags to take hair samples and stuff. Oh!” She pointed proudly to her shirt, that had a screen printed image of the Patterson Bigfoot on it along with the word ‘BELIEVE’. “I got this online!”

“…I see.”

“I also got this!” She pulled out a baseball cap emblazoned with the phrase _‘I’d rather be squatchin’_ and put it on. “Also online!”

He chuckled and shook his head. He had no idea just how far down the rabbit hole she’d fallen, but he supposed it was his duty to pull her back out. “I don’t see why you need ‘gear’ when I can tell you of everything in that forest after a quick circle around it.”

“Because! When you find him, I just want you to tell me the general area you found him in so I can hunt him myself.” She crossed her arms and leaned back against the wall, feeling pretty damn cocky and sure of herself. Kind of a rare thing for her, but it was pretty awesome.

“Oh? Are you going to mount his head on the wall? That seems to fit your odd sense of decor.”

Yuki looked appalled. “No! You don’t kill Bigfoot! He’s rare and majestic! Don’t you dare hurt him!”

“All right, if I find any _supernatural apes_ , I’ll be sure to leave them alone and let them roam free. …our Saiyan friends being an exception to the rule, of course.”

“Good!”

“You know…” He stood up with a smile and walked over to her, placing his hands on either side of the wall behind her, closing the distance between them. “If you’re so certain that your ridiculous little shows are correct, then I have a proposition. _Let’s make a bet._ ”

“I AM certain! I’ll take on any bet you’ve got!”

“If there is no ‘Bigfoot’ in this forest of yours, you’ll have to do any one thing I request of you.”

Yuki frowned. “You know, it’s really fucking rude and ungentlemanly to take advantage of a bet to get SEX, you dick.”

Cell rolled his eyes. “Please. I would never lower myself to that level of desperation. After all, you’ll give in to me on your own soon enough. You continue to pretend that you don’t want me, but you can only keep lying to yourself for so long.”

Yuki stared at him in silence for a moment. She couldn’t tell if he was messing around or if he was being serious… he looked pretty serious about it. _Oh my god he was completely serious._ She burst out into laughter. “You are so full of yourself! You seriously think it’s taking me some kind of MENTAL EFFORT to stop myself from dragging you into the bedroom?!”

“Do I think you could be serious about saying no to perfection? My dear…” He lightly grazed his fingers across her cheek. “…do you really need to ask that?”

“You’ve only been in your ‘perfect’ form here for like a week. So not only are you a virgin, but you’ve only spent ONE WEEK in a body you’re going to use for SEX. Which means you’re gonna be totally awkward and confused about what to do.”

Cell pulled back suddenly, looking either horrified or offended. Yuki couldn’t tell which. Maybe a mix of both? “ _I know what to do!_ Don’t assume my lack of experience is in any way related to a lack of knowledge!”

“The fact that you think knowing about sex is going to help you actually HAVE sex means I’m totally right. Like a teenage virgin that watches lots of porn and assumes he’s ready to make his first time _perfect._ ”

“I assure you, it WILL be perfect.” He smiled. “I settle for nothing less.”

“Well, I’m sure THAT’S gonna be strange and interesting. Like a train wreck you can’t look away from.”

“…’Strange and interesting’? Well, if that’s what you desire, I DO know the entirety of the Kamasutra. Fun positions included.” He grinned wickedly. “Though quite honestly, I don’t need anything like that to come up with hundreds on my own. All you need is an extensive knowledge of the human nervous system and your mate’s personal level of flexibility…”

She pursed her lips. That smug air of assurance sprung up around him again. There was no trace of horror or offense left in him. Hundreds of positions… _what a stupid bluff._ Talk about trying to overcompensate. “…there are not hundreds of sex positions, you are such a liar.”

“Am I?”

“…and even if there were, I’m sure like half of them don’t count because of all your weird parts! Your wings would get in the way of a lot of stuff and you’d probably poke my eye out with that stinger of yours! And why the hell would you know the KAMASUTRA anyway?! What the fuck was wrong with that Dr. Gero guy?!”

“It’s considered an influential religious text. Just as I know the Sami beliefs about auroras, so too do I know about most religious and cultural customs.”

“So Dr. Gero gave you this beautiful gift of all the knowledge of all the cultures and religions in the world… and all you use it for is to make sexual advances at me, and to come up with peace offerings when you piss me off?”

“I am the perfect weapon, with vast amounts of knowledge that will never be of any use to me in a fight. What better way to put said knowledge to use than to keep you satisfied, my dear Yuki?” With a smile, he lifted up her hand and kissed it lightly.

She blushed. “Y… you’re pretty good at flirting when you want to be, you know.”

“Of course I am. I’m good at everything.”

“Um… uh…” Her blush grew until her face started to feel hot, and she shifted nervously. This was not a good situation she found herself in. She wanted to change subjects, but… she never was one to go for REALLY kinky stuff, which she guessed was kind of weird given her abilities to write niche erotic fanfiction and her attraction to villainous bugmen… She didn’t want him getting the wrong idea, so she couldn’t just let him think that was the kind of thing she went for. “Look… I, um, don’t really like weird sex positions and kinky stuff, okay? It’s not my thing… I mean, you know, just for future reference and stuff.”

She bit her lip and looked away. Cell was looking her over curiously, probably trying to read some kind of meaning into what she’d said.

“I’ll keep that in mind. For, as you say, ‘future reference and stuff’.”

“…good…”

An awkward silence settled between them. Awkward for Yuki, anyway. Cell was looming over her, looking her up and down with that contemplative ‘I’m analyzing the shit out of this situation’ look on his face, and she was just standing there… letting him analyze… not saying anything…

She took a deep breath and clasped her hands together. “Oooookay! Let’s get back to the bet! So, um, if there IS a Bigfoot, then I get to make YOU do one thing!”

He chuckled. “Fine.”

“Aren’t you afraid of what that one thing might be?”

“No.”

“Why not? It might be something crazy! Like something you’d hate.”

“Because there is no ‘Bigfoot’. There are no ghosts. There are no humanoid mole beings mulling about in a hollow earth. _These things do not exist_ and your constant insistence of them is driving me INSANE.”

“Well, I guess we’ll find out then!” With a huff, she marched around him and headed for the door.

“I guess we will.” He smiled.

Outside, Yuki scanned the sky. It was a pretty cloudy morning, and it looked like it might get stormy later. Hopefully not until they got back… _a Bigfoot would seek shelter in a storm and would be harder to find._ But hopefully it would rain later on. The area was currently stuck in a drought and it’d be nice to have some rain for once. Especially after the failed weather prediction yesterday.

“Are you ready? I won’t wait around all day.”

“I’m ready for lift-off, love bug!” She closed her eyes, grinning, and spread her arms out wide. She waited for the hovering, but… nothing happened. With a frown she opened one eye.

Cell was floating a few feet off the ground, wings stretched out. He looked pretty miffed.

“Oh, come ON, can’t you take a joke? What if I got all pissy every time you made a perverted joke?”

He growled in annoyance and said nothing, but she soon found herself in hover-mode, shooting off into the sky next to him.

She looked off into the distance, but Droman Forest was nowhere in sight. It was hundreds of miles away… how long would it take for them to fly there? And how fast were they even going, for that matter? She was surprised he agreed to take her that far, but it was probably nothing more than a quick stroll for him. _Lucky bastard._ She’d seen him move much faster though. This was probably his idea of going slow, you know, so her skin wouldn’t rip away from her bones or something else equally as terrifying. She glanced over at him and frowned. He looked SUPER PISSED.

He shifted his gaze to meet hers for a moment before refocusing on the landscape in front of him. He was still irritated over the idea of her being a weakness, and over the fact that he couldn’t seem to keep his _mouth shut_ around her about things she had no business knowing… what was the phrase? ‘Putting one’s foot in one’s mouth’. It was something he found himself doing a little TOO much.

“Um, hey are you okay?”

“I’m keeping my mouth shut.”

“Okay? I can see that. And why?”

“I’m not a bad mate. I misspoke. Don’t assume I was admitting to anything.”

Yuki snickered. “You’re brooding over that?”

“ _I’m not brooding!_ ”

Cell was glaring daggers at her, probably attempting to scare her silent. Well, he could be livid all he wanted. She wasn’t scared of his little hissy fits. “You’re brooding and you know it! God, you’re not a ‘bad mate’, okay?! You don’t lose _mate points_ or something just because you say a few mean things, this isn’t a game. Not everything in life has to be some strategy game you need to declare VICTORY over. ‘The Mating Game’… geez, that’s such a _you_ thing to think. I’m seriously going to get pissed off if you don’t stop with that shit.”

“Fine.” He smiled.

“Fine? All I had to do was say you were a good mate, and that’s it and you’re okay again?”

“Yesterday you mentioned I couldn’t judge whether or not I was your perfect mate. That it was your prerogative to make such a decision. Now that you’ve decided, I must say, I’m honored.”

She growled. _This guy…_ seriously. She never said anything about perfection, and now he was back to looking all pompous with that arrogant smirk of his. But he was happy, so… whatever. She knew when to let things slide.

Besides, he was cute when he looked all happy like that.

“Hey, Cell, check this out! When we get there, I can take a photo of you next to Bigfoot, and I’ll call the photo _’Bugman vs Apeman’_ and then I’ll mess around with it in Photoshop and give it a cool comic book feel!”

“You have a lot of nerve insulting me mid-flight. AGAIN.”

“You gonna revoke my flight privileges?” She shot him a sly smile.

“I’m not going to give you what you want when you insult me.”

“You did it yesterday. Why would I WANT my flight privileges revoked?”

“You’ve gotten some sort of satisfaction out of improving my mood and now you want me to hold you. You can be surprisingly easy to read at times.”

“UGH. And you can be surprisingly a dick at times.” Before she could pout on it too much, he grabbed her and pulled her back into his arms. “Oh noooooo, I didn’t want this at all, _how horrible._ ” She smiled and nuzzled against him. He was always so warm… it was nice. And he still smelled like cucumbers and potting soil. She really wouldn’t mind so much if it took them longer to get to the forest.

“We’ve arrived. I’m assuming this is the place. Is there a specific area or does this creature wander around aimlessly?”

“Oh, uh…” She looked out over the forest. It was much bigger than it looked on TV. They said it was 500 square miles, but saying it and actually seeing it were two different experiences. Plus they never showed it from the air so she honestly wasn’t sure what area they were supposed to go to. “I’m not really sure… but look at this place! This whole place is totally squatchy! It could have multiple Bigfoot areas!”

“I wouldn’t say this is the type of forest capable of harboring a large population of apes. But what do I know? I’m sure the shows you’ve watched are _credible and littered with scientific facts._ ”

“If you go into this with that kinda attitude, you’re gonna be REALLY disappointed, you know.” They touched down in the middle of the forest and Yuki jumped out of Cell’s arms, looking around curiously. It looked… forest-y. Not much different than the forest outside Gingertown she called home. But somehow this forest was squatchy-er than the one she lived in. She frowned, and realized she didn’t actually KNOW what made a place squatchy. Those guys on TV just always said _’Whoa, this place is so squatchy!’_ but they never said exactly what a forest needed to give it that description.

“You seem confused.”

“I, uh… I don’t actually know what squatchy means. This forest is squatchy though. The forest around my house is not. So, um… what’s the difference between this forest and the one I live in? It’s the same type of ecosystem.”

“Well, I would say you’re on the verge of a groundbreaking discovery here.” He grinned.

“…the forests are the same.”

“And…?”

“ _The forest around my home could harbor a Bigfoot._ ”

He growled. That wasn’t the conclusion he’d expected her to make. It was amazing how she could be so academically inclined towards the biological sciences and yet still buy in to this pitiful pseudoscience. “Fine. You’ve determined a proper ecosystem. Now what is step two?”

“Step two is my ultimate squatchin’ tool! You!” She pointed at him. “Find the area and we’ll get started!”

“Fine.”

Yuki waited for him to do something, but he just stood there with his arms crossed, looking incredibly bored. “Um… well?”

“I don’t exactly know what a ‘Bigfoot’ is supposed to sound like. You’re the _expert_.”

“Well, um, they walk on two legs. So something that shuffles around on two legs? And they grunt a lot, and make a lot of noise with sticks. Sometimes they scream.”

“Humans do these things as well. I can hear at least three within a hundred miles of here.”

“Bigfoot is supposed to weigh between 400 and 1000 pounds. Also really tall, between six to ten feet tall.”

He sighed and rolled his eyes. “How incredibly _specific_. Thank you, that helps immensely.”

“Well, it should! If they’re heavier, their footsteps should sound different. Don’t get all stubborn and sarcastic.”

“Fine. Allow me to go circle 500 miles of terrain for you while listening for heavy footfalls. I’m overjoyed! You may want to slow down, I don’t think I can handle _this much fun._ ” He grinned.

“Stubborn and sarcastic! Hey I’m in a good mood, you know. Maybe later I’ll let you pin me to a tree and we can make out.” She winked.

His grin grew wider. “I’m holding you to that, my dear.” And with that, Yuki watched eagerly and he took off into the sky.

The forest was alive with noise as Cell circled the terrain from high above. _The lengths he’d go to for that woman…_ It was pathetic. He could quite honestly say that if he had to choose between hunting down imaginary things, and watching paint dry… the latter seemed very enticing right now. The only humanoid creatures he’d heard so far had been _humans._ A few hikers, a couple camping… there was a man walking along in no specific direction, lamenting over how nobody would ever find him. Cell chuckled to himself as he flew past. Judging by how far away the man was from any sign of civilization, he was probably right.

As he shot farther across the landscape, a strange noise caught his attention, slowing him down. As soon as he realized he couldn’t place it, he stopped completely, looking off into the distance. It was obviously not _a ‘Bigfoot’_ , but it was still categorized as an unknown in his mind, and he never enjoyed uncertainty. Now it had piqued his interest… he swooped in closer towards the unidentified sound…

Then reeled back in horror.

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!” His aura flared out around him and he growled angrily. _He would never live this down._ Never. NEVER. He spun around and, with a furious shout, threw out a ki blast at the nearest mountain. It was obliterated on contact. _How therapeutic._ If only he hadn’t promised not to kill anyone, he could think of much better ways to relieve the stress of this situation. He turned back to look down at the strange creature, jaw clenched, hands balled into fists… trying his hardest not to kill it and pretend this whole thing never happened.

Of all the ridiculous things he could possibly be wrong about, _it had to be this._

He dropped down and grabbed the thing by its arm before it had the chance to escape, and looked it over. There was no denying it. This was the same creature emblazoned on that asinine shirt of hers.

“I am _incredibly_ disappointed with you.” He was absolutely seething now, his terrible demeanor enough to frighten off even the toughest Saiyan, but the creature was too dense to realize this and continued to howl and attempt to pull away. The only knowledge he’d been given on this subject pointed to a silly theory made up by people who merely misidentified a bear. His plan had been to drop Yuki near a bear and allow her to figure it out for herself, but… This creature belonged to some ape species that clearly had no business being in this forest. There were no apes here, nor was it an ideal habitat for them, and yet _here it was._

_”THIS IS RIDICULOUS!”_ He jumped into the air, still holding the creature by its arm. As soon as it realized it was off the ground, it struggled even more to escape his grasp. “Stop this insanity! I have to take you to Yuki now because I promised to be a good mate, so I hope you’re happy. You’d be _dead_ otherwise.”

With that, he took to the sky, hurrying back to Yuki. Apparently she wanted to go ‘hunt’ the thing herself, but he wasn’t about to wander along next to her for the next hour while she belittled him about being _wrong._ The quicker he got this over with, the quicker he could get past the ‘I told you so’s and whatever other demeaning quips she had lined up for him. …though he supposed he couldn’t blame her. He’d been looking forward to doing the same thing to her, had he been right. What a pity.

Yuki watched in wide-eyed amazement as an angry Cell landed in front of her… _with an equally angry Bigfoot in tow._ She took a shaky step forward. “I… uh… that’s… THAT!” She pointed wildly at _Bigfoot_ , stuttering, not even sure how to handle the situation. “THAT IS… you know?! OH MY GOD!”

“My, you’re eloquent. An orator to rival even Marcus Antonius.” He dropped the creature to the ground with a resigned sigh, and pinned it down with his foot. “Now what?”

Yuki continued to stare. So it was all true. _It was Bigfoot._ And they’d caught him. RIGHT THERE. Trying to hold back her excitement, she inched closer… Bigfoot didn’t look so happy. He looked pretty pissed, actually. “Cell… you caught him. Do you know what that means?”

“I wouldn’t know.”

“ _You’re the world’s greatest squatcher._ ”

“If we’re using the idiots I’ve seen on your television shows as a baseline, I can’t say I’m surprised. Unfortunately, I must decline the title. I don’t need that sort of thing sullying my name.”

She shuffled a little closer, leaned down, and reached out her hand… Bigfoot let out an angry scream and she jumped back in shock. “Hey, you shouldn’t be mean to Bigfoot, you know…”

“It is NOT ‘Bigfoot’. It’s merely… a previously unknown species of ape.” He shrugged.

Yuki stood up straight. She placed her hands on her hips and bored holes into his head with her eyes. She knew exactly what that condescending dick was going to attempt. He was trying to spin the situation so he wouldn’t have to come out and say he was wrong. “ _THAT’S WHAT BIGFOOT IS!_ ”

“There are many animal species that have yet to be discovered. As a student of biology, you should realize this!” He hissed.

“I KNOW THAT!”

“Just because this creature happens to be a… tall bipedal ape, does NOT mean it’s some mysterious supernatural ‘Bigfoot’.”

“Oh my GOD whatever, you’re just trying to convince yourself you didn’t lose the bet! Now quit STANDING on him and let me get a photo of you two!”

“As if anyone you showed it to would believe that a photo of _Cell holding a ‘Bigfoot’_ was genuine and not doctored in any way.”

“Well, I’m not going to show it to anyone! It’s for personal keepings! Hold onto him, I’m gonna get in the picture too.”

“You _do_ realize how degrading this is.”

“Is it?” She fiddled with the camera, setting it to ten seconds. She balanced it on a tree branch and ran over to stand next to Cell. He wasn’t exactly cooperating, but whatever. They’d still be in the picture together.

After the flash, she ran back and grabbed the camera… and laughed. It was an amazing photo. Cell stood in the middle, looking up at the sky with an angry, constipated expression. With his right arm, he held the Bigfoot high in the air, who had its head thrown back howling in fury. Yuki stood on his left side smiling, holding up a peace sign. She looked up and saw Cell still standing there… Bigfoot was gone. “Hey, what’d you do with him?”

“I let go of it.”

“Aw, what? I wanted to get hair samples and stuff! Nobody’s going to believe me without proof, and I can’t exactly show them a photo of me and you together!”

“That’s unfortunate. Do you want me to go retrieve him? That could be your ‘one request’.” He grinned.

“Oooh, so you’re admitting I won the bet.”

He laughed. “Of course not. I’m just nice enough to give you your one request anyway. You should be grateful - this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.”

Yuki looked off to the side, tapping her chin. _One thing…_ Obviously he wouldn’t go for ‘don’t destroy the world’ or ‘call off the tournament’, and he’d already promised not to kill anyone, so… she needed to come up with something silly and fun then!

“There’s a time limit of one minute. If you can’t come up with anything, then I’ll rescind the offer.”

“WAIT I HAVE ONE! Okay, so check this out… during the tournament…”

Yuki giggled to herself. Cell’s eyes got really wide, he probably wasn’t expecting anything related to the games.

“…you have to say _’Everything’s coming up Milhouse!’_ at least once during your fight with Goku.”

He frowned. “And that means what, exactly?”

“It’s a pop culture thing! It means that everything’s going your way.” She smiled. “Like if you punched Goku so hard, he went flying backwards through a mountain screaming in pain, you’d say ‘Looks like everything’s coming up Milhouse!’ and that would be the proper way to use it.”

“My tournament is not a _joke._ ”

“Come on, please? You said one thing, that’s my one thing!”

“…I’ll think about it.”

“You won’t think about it. You’re just saying that to appease me and hoping that I’ll forget. That’s a dick move.”

“You won’t forget. You didn’t forget to look up ‘pulchritude’. Do you remember that? Three days ago?” He moved in closer to her.

Yuki gulped. He had that sparkle of mischief in his eyes, the one that suggested not-so-innocent things. That whole ‘I want to eat you alive’ look could be sexy sometimes, but given his _history_ with _people_ , it made the look a little more disturbing. She wouldn’t be swayed by him, though. “Do I remember when you were too much of a wuss to tell me I was beautiful, so you used that old obscure word? And then blew up an entire army and I got pissed and told you I hated you and ran inside? Yeah, I remember three days ago.”

Cell tsked. “In that case, do you remember half an hour ago? Something about pinning you to a tree and having my way with you?”

“Hey! I NEVER said anything about having your way w-“

“ _Quiet._ ” He growled and shoved her up against the tree, cutting her off with a rough kiss. She let out a moan as he grabbed her waist and pulled her up against him… it was a feeling he found himself constantly wanting more of. _Always teasing him even when she didn’t realize it._ He smiled to himself as he felt her hands make their way around his neck, grabbing him, pulling him in closer… she didn’t seem to be protesting this time. Apparently she’d meant what she said. He deepened the kiss, forcing her mouth open, enjoying that intoxicating taste of hers…

There was a much more inviting air about her, and he knew not to squander the opportunity. As much as he enjoyed that sort of kiss, he had to move further. She gave a little sigh of disappointment as he pulled away from her lips, but he was delighted as it was quickly replaced by louder, much more enjoyable sighs as he nipped at her ear. _So convenient for him that she had such an easy ‘on’ button._ He closed his eyes and hummed in pleasure as she continued her sighs, digging her fingernails against the back of his neck. She was being _very_ responsive to the things he was doing, and it was quite alluring. Everything about her was alluring, especially the way she felt… he growled softly and found his way under her shirt, reveling in the feeling as she arched her back against his touch.

Yuki’s breath hitched as his movements became more fervent and needy. She was miffed, and turned on. And a bunch of other conflicting emotions as he kept kissing her and sliding his hands up her shirt like he was trying to memorize her curves or something. And the ear thing. Taking advantage of that again. She sighed and leaned against him as he kissed at her collar. Not that it was BAD… it felt really good actually. And he wasn’t being a pervert about it, he wasn’t grabbing at her breasts and sticking his hands down her pants or anything like that. He was just… _enjoying her_. He liked to say perverted things and make advances but he wasn’t an idiot, he would never actually attempt go further without permission. He was proving it right now. She smiled and nuzzled her face against his neck. …she was enjoying him too.

“Hey, um, can I ask you something?”

He pulled back and looked her over curiously, but said nothing.

“Um… well, you know the thing with my ears about me, and that’s not really fair that I don’t know about your… you know…”

“Are you asking me if I have any erogenous zones?” He chuckled.

“N-no! I wasn’t asking that!” Her face turned red. “…uh… actually… yes. I was asking that…”

“Hm.” He looked off to the side and thought it over. He didn’t really have one, but that probably wasn’t what she wanted to hear. She wanted to know that she had a way to tease him the way he teased her. “I don’t have any specific spots, no. Unless you count the obvious, most obscene choice. But… you seem to tease me to the point of torture regardless of where you might be _messing_ with me. Now…” He smiled slyly. “If you want to try to FIND one, I certainly won’t stop you.”

“So… your whole body is one big erogenous zone then?”

“For you, _yes._ ”

Before she could respond, he lifted her up into his arms and took to the sky. She gasped in shock at the sudden change and attempted to calm the lurching feeling in her stomach. He seriously had to stop doing that without some kind of warning… she was gonna wind up puking one of these days and it would be _so damn embarrassing_.

“So, Yuki. Since I won the bet, I have an idea.”

“Oh my GOD, I WON THE BET! You have to do the Milhouse thing! Don’t give me that ‘unknown species of ape’ bullshit!” She glared at him.

“It came to me when I saw you marveling over that photo you took.”

“…didn’t you hear me? I said I WON THE BET.”

“I’m going to do you a favor, since you lack the sophistication to do this on your own.”

“ _I WON THE BET._ ”

A few minutes later, they’d landed back at the house. Yuki growled and stomped inside. The entire trip home had been the same - Cell kept going on about his idea without actually saying what the idea was, and then completely ignored her when she kept telling him that she’d won the damn bet. He still had to do the Milhouse thing and if he didn’t, she was going to kick his ass so hard that he was going to WISH Goku had beaten him first.

She looked over at Cell as she stood in the kitchen, eating a bagel. He was wandering around the house with his hand on his chin, looking over everything thoughtfully, and he still wouldn’t tell her what the hell was going on in his head. Whatever it was, it couldn’t be anything good.

Halfway through her bagel, Cell walked up to her with a frown and crossed his arms over his chest.

“…don’t stare at me like that when I’m trying to eat. Can I HELP you?”

“I still find your lack of culture disturbing.”

“Okay, well, I find your lack of SUBculture disturbing, how about that? You read up on the Justice League, and I’ll promise to go to the symphony orchestra with you.” She rolled her eyes.

“Yes. _Very amusing._ But beside the point entirely. Don’t you want to make this place a bit more civilized?”

“A - You’re not civilized if you KILL PEOPLE. B - There’s nothing wrong with my home decor. C - It will be a cold day in hell before you put in a billion dusty bookcases and a big globe filled with fancy alcohol and a table with a tobacco pipe on it.”

“I’m not quite sure what to make of point C.”

“It’s a stereotype or something, I don’t know. Old rich CEOs decorate their houses like that.”

“I have an arena worthy of me, why not have a home worthy of me as well?”

She growled. He was smirking at her like that had been the most obvious conclusion in the world regarding his decision to stay here. No way in hell was she going to live in some replica art museum lobby. “It’s MY house, not YOURS, so I get to do whatever I want with it!”

Cell said nothing. From the way she was speaking, she apparently thought he was trying to turn the house into a giant library room. As though he would do anything so _drastic._ With a sigh, he looked up at the ceiling and pointed.

Yuki followed his gaze. He was pointing to the big crack on the ceiling that was surrounded by water damage and currently had a bunch of duct tape over it. “Okay… yeah… I was planning on fixing that. Someday soonish.”

Still silent, he pointed at the ceiling in the living room. Another big crack.

“Um… yeah that one too. I didn’t put any duct tape on it because I was afraid if I touched it, it might break open and… you know… the tub would fall on me.” She shifted nervously. _How embarrassing._ And he still wasn’t saying anything, he just kept POINTING at things with that bored look on his face. The warped stair railing, the cabinets that wouldn’t close properly, the big tear in the carpet by the door…

She threw up her arms in defeat. “Okay! Fine! I guess since technically you don’t have a house, and we’re a _thing_ and all, we can… share. You can do some stuff if you want.”

“I’m glad you see it my way.”

“SOME stuff! You’re not taking my posters and my insects off the walls!”

He tsked. “A pity.”

She watched as he moved back into the living room and settled down on the couch. Ki watching mode, default off position, whatever the heck he wanted to call it… probably trying to change around his fancy decorating techniques to fit her awesome wall stuff. They’d call the combined style ‘Badassery and Class’. She grinned and tapped him on the head. “Hey.”

“Yes?”

“You know what’s creepy as hell? Even though you don’t really seem to give two shits about the death and destruction you cause, I can still see you as the kind of guy who would… like… have a giant library room with classical paintings all over the wall, and old dusty philosophical books on the shelves that I wouldn’t be able to understand in a million years. And you’d sit there on a comfy chair in front of a fireplace with your tobacco pipe and think about the current state of the world.”

“That’s a strangely specific mental image you keep of me.”

“Because you’re literally Hannibal Lector.”

“That’s the third time you’ve mentioned that man. I’m assuming it has to do with the phrase ‘the Hannibal and Clarice thing’ you like to use when we exchange questions.”

“Yes! Hannibal’s the kind of person who would kidnap some guy and eat him while listening to some relaxing Mozart, and then go out later to enjoy an opera followed by an evening stroll through Venice.”

“I’d rather not do any of those things. Your mental image of me is _incredibly skewed._ ”

“Oh my god, you and I are going to watch ‘Silence of the Lambs’ and ‘Hannibal’ really really soon.”

He stood up and walked to the door. “Let’s go.”

“Go? Go where?”

He frowned. “Supplies. Do you want the tub to fall on you or not? Besides, I’m tired of listening to the sweeping generalizations you make about me. _Let’s go._ ”

“Damnit!” She ran after him as he left the house. No way could she let him go himself, he’d get weird stuff! Like some fancy rug that wouldn’t tie the room together at all. Or a leather couch… ugh, she hated nothing more than leather furniture, it was so uncomfortable.

As they took to the air, Cell looked over at Yuki with a smile. She glared and turned away. Probably upset over the sudden change of plans. He knew she’d won the bet, but fixing the house was something he’d intended to do regardless. It was broken and worn-down, and would most likely not last very long once they left the planet behind. After all, if Yuki had the comfort of a stable home to bring along, she would be _much_ more willing to rethink his offer once the tournament ended. The thought of leaving her behind was unacceptable… he had to take every precaution to make sure she’d come _willingly._

“So what are you planning on getting, huh? Are we going to look over cabinet styles together at Home Depot or something?”

“If my plans are correct, and they _always are_ , the only things we’d bother getting at a store are paint and carpeting.”

“That’s um… minimalistic. I guess.” She looked off into the distance as a city came into view. The tall dome courthouse at the center was immediately recognizable. _Nicky Town._ Another city Cell had hit, but this one he left intact… thank god. She doubted she could handle another landscape in ruins. “So what colors were you thinking for the paint and stuff then?”

“I would say that’s your call.”

“Wait, what? I thought you wanted to make everything all posh and fancy.”

He furrowed his brow and frowned. “I merely said I wanted to make the place look civilized. Anything other than that was conjured up by your own mind, probably based on your ridiculous image of me _smoking a tobacco pipe and drinking wine out of a globe._ ”

“Well, what about taking down all my posters and adding some classical art?”

“I’ll admit the idea is incredibly tempting.” They landed by the doors of the hardware store and walked inside. “If you wound up deciding to take them down or move them upstairs, I wouldn’t say _no_. In all honesty, it would make me _very happy_ , but… they’re your decorations.” He shrugged.

She bit her lip. That had to be some psychological trick he was pulling there… she didn’t know what it was, but it was totally working. _What an ass._ “Fine, okay? I’ll put them in the bedroom. But I’m not moving the insects, you can just deal and hang up your fancy artwork around them or something.”

Yuki looked around at the interior of the store as they moved through the aisles. It was completely empty, apparently everyone was already trying to get out of the city. They’d had advance warning after all… which was good. She wouldn’t have to deal with all the clothes littering the ground now, making her feel guilty and self-conscious… while she pondered over home renovations with the guy who’d killed them… _No, she couldn’t think about all that._ She closed her eyes and shook her head. She’d promised herself not to dwell on the stuff he’d done already. Right now would be a good time to just FOCUS.

And apparently she’d been focused enough to run right into Cell, falling backwards onto the floor like an idiot. “Ow…”

“See what happens when you don’t pay attention? Focus on the task at hand and quit dwelling on it.”

“I’m not dwelling on anything!” She stood up and dusted herself off. Her butt was a little sore, but nothing was broken, so… yay.

“I know exactly what you’re dwelling on. And you’ll fall right back into that cycle again if you don’t _pay attention._ Now how’s this for attention?” He stood before her with a smile, his arms spread out wide. Hundreds of carpet samples hung from the huge wall behind him. “You have TEN SECONDS to pick out the one you want before I choose one at random.”

“A-are you serious?”

“TEN.”

“Whoa hey! Okay! Um um…”

“NINE.”

She jumped up and down nervously looking over all the different selections. Maybe a nice off-white?

“EIGHT.”

_An off-white with some blue!_ Maybe a forest green?

“SEVEN.”

“Oh my god QUIT IT! You’re freaking me out!”

He grinned. “FOUR.”

“Hey dick, you skipped like three seconds!” Her eyes shot to the grays. There was a darker gray one with a blue tint that was nice. It could probably work well with her white couch. And white walls. A nice greyscale with a hint of blue! Yes!

“ONE.”

“YOU SKIPPED THREE MORE SECONDS YOU ASSFUCK!” She pointed wildly to the nice gray one she’d just seen. “THAT ONE! And if you grab something at random I’m going to kill you!”

“How feisty.” His laughter echoed eerily throughout the empty store. “See how easy it is when you focus?”

She growled as she watched the roll of carpeting float off the rack and hover beside him. Creepy and hilarious at the same time. “You only gave me six seconds you know. You owe me four seconds! For… something.”

“Fine, you have four seconds to decide on a paint color.”

“A paint color for what? The walls? The cabinets?”

“FOUR.”

“OH MY GOD SERIOUSLY?! AGAIN?!”

“THREE.”

“I don’t know! I don’t know the colors they have! Um… um…”

“TWO.”

What the hell went with grey-blue carpeting? White? Maybe some muted light blue? Maybe light gray? Maybe she should just say all of them and it would confuse him long enough to figure one out?!

“ONE.”

“Light gray, white, and some kind of muted blue!”

He frowned.

“Don’t frown at me, you didn’t tell me what the paint was for! I was just covering all my bases.”

“Fine, you get light gray, white, and ‘some kind of muted blue’.”

He shot out his hand and three buckets of paint zipped up through the next aisle over and came to a stop next to him. Apparently he wasn’t even going to let her browse through the different shades… definitely not a shopper. He wasn’t a typical male but he sure _acted_ like one sometimes.

_And he was walking out the door now._

“Hey!” She fell in beside him. “You were serious? Just paint and carpet?”

“Are you questioning my abilities?”

“I’m questioning your interior design skills.”

“Well don’t.” He narrowed his eyes. “I need steel.”

_Steel?_ She kept her mouth shut. She had no idea what the hell was going on anymore so it’d be better to just go along with it and get pissed off later if he screwed everything up. She watched him walk casually up to a car and rip the driver side door off. He looked it over.

“This will do.”

She raised an eyebrow, but… _nope._ Still not saying a damn word.

And when he flew down into the forest and ripped up six trees - discarding two because they didn’t seem to pass whatever ‘inspection’ he was giving them - she still said nothing. When they stopped by the marble quarry and he broke off a giant piece of marble with nothing but a bored knock… it was tempting, but she kept her mouth shut.

But now that they were standing in front of the house with Cell glaring daggers at her, she was having a really REALLY hard time staying quiet.

With a small wave, all the items around him fell onto the ground. “You’re giving me the silent treatment. Why?”

“…I’m holding my tongue.”

“Why?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because you’re standing there with four trees, a car door, a giant hunk of rock, a roll of carpet, and three cans of paint. And this is all apparently _going in my damn house._ ”

“Yes.” He lifted up his arms, and the trees, door, and marble flew up above him. “Now listen to me carefully. Normally I’d do this one at a time, but the storm on the way will bring along high humidity, and I’d rather not work with wood in humid conditions. So instead I’ll just do it all at once and save time. Go sit on the arena and stay still. And quiet.”

“Why can’t I just hang out here?”

He sighed. “The amount of concentration this requires is so vast your little mind couldn’t possibly fathom it. _So sit down and stay quiet until I tell you otherwise._ ”

She let the insult slide and did what he asked. He seemed pretty serious about it, after all. As she sat there on the edge of the stage, she watched his movements with interest… for a few minutes, he only stood there with his eyes closed, but then all the random things above him started to glow. His eyes shot open and in an instant he was making strange complex movements with his hands, so fast that all she could see was a blur. When he finally stopped only a minute later, everything fell back down on the ground around him. She gasped, eyes wide in amazement. There were piles of lumber and marble slabs, in all shapes and sizes, as well as a smaller pile of various nails, fittings, and pipes. _He’d made everything from scratch!_

She was just about to jump up and run over to him so she could flip out over his awesome real-life Minecraft powers, but… he still seemed to be concentrating on something so she kept her distance. He threw his hand forward, and the door to the house flew open, and when he pulled his arm back, _all of her old crap went flying out of the house._ The wobbly desk, the broken entertainment center, the dining table that was missing a leg, the shitty carpet, random chunks of the kitchen… all of it came flying out, disappearing in the distance towards god knows what. With another wave, all the bits and pieces he’d made zipped inside, and he flew in after it. The door slammed shut, and Yuki had no clue what was happening. Was she still supposed to sit there? He said he’d tell her otherwise… The suspense was killing her! He was in there renovating the house with weird telekinetic Minecraft-powers, how could she NOT want to see that?!

After what had to be the longest few minutes of her life, Cell emerged from the house and called her over. Just in time, too. The rain was starting.

“I’d say it came out rather well.”

She stepped inside. _It was fucking amazing._ The new carpet was down, and she was right. It definitely fit well with her couch and the newly painted shade of white on the walls. All of the new furniture was either white or gray, some with a slight blue undertone. But all of it matched perfectly. He was nice enough to leave her insects up, but he took down the posters. Probably threw them in the bedroom somewhere… all in all, it looked like thousand dollar furniture out of a damn Pottery Barn ad, but he’d put it all together from scratch in a couple minutes.

“Judging from the look on your face, I’d say you were impressed.”

“Y-yes… _Oh my god._ It’s so different, but it’s still the same layout and… it’s just amazing! I don’t even know what to say right now!” She moved across the carpet, reaching out to touch the desk. The paint was already completely dry somehow.

“Of course it’s amazing. No need to reiterate things I already know.” He sat back down on the couch like nothing had even happened.

Yuki continued through the house, lingering over every new thing in shock. Marble countertops, cabinets that actually closed… even the cracks in the ceiling were sealed up. She looked over at Cell. He was watching her out of the corner of his eyes, with a little smirk on his face. Probably getting a kick out of how excited she was. _Big ol’ ego boost for him._

She sat down on the couch next to him and smiled. “You know, you did all this because you didn't want to hang out in a crappy house, but still… thanks. It really means a lot to me.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say it was only for my own benefit. After all, if you didn’t like the design, I’d have to deal with you moping and complaining until I fixed it. So you could say I had your best interests in mind.”

She rolled her eyes. “ _Gee, thanks._ …hey, I noticed you didn’t get a better couch.”

“I’ve grown accustomed to this one.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed…” She was interrupted by the sound of thunder right outside the house.

“Come here.” He grabbed her by the arm and pulled her up against him.

“Clingy little bitch.” She stuck her tongue out at him, but he only laughed and said nothing. “Hey, can I ask you a question? And this is a serious question, so no sarcasm please.”

“…fine.”

“Why do you spend so much time with me? I’m guessing you’d rather be out terrorizing people or taking over countries or whatever it is you get a kick out of.”

“A silly question, but fine. No sarcasm. There is no _’rather’_. I’ve given these days before my tournament to you.”

“Why?”

He looked off to the side, considering the question. “Hm. I gave those fools ten days to prepare. I enjoyed the bit of peace I got out of it, as boring as it could be at times, as well as the fun I got out of your little visits. You could say that now I find myself getting a more enjoyable peace in your presence. …does that answer satisfy your curiosity?”

“Well… I don’t think I’m a very peaceful person to be around.”

“A _tense_ enjoyable peace.”

“How about instead we try something… fun and chaotic?” She shot him a sly smile.

He sighed. Surely she was _joking_. He’d already sought out her ‘Bigfoot’ and renovated the house, and she still had enough energy to come up with more plans. “Any strange ideas that might be floating around in that head of yours can wait until tomorrow.”

She slid off him, stood up, and… couldn’t help but to bust out laughing. “Oh wow, THAT just happened. _That literally just happened._ You’re never living this down. EVER. I’m going to rub this in your face and giggle over it until the day I die.”

He was glaring at her, clearly offended. “Are you going to _elaborate_ , or are you just having a _psychotic break?_ ”

“No to both of those! Anyway, if you decide you want anything ‘fun and chaotic’, you know where to find me.” She laughed to herself as she headed upstairs into the bedroom. Cell wasn’t an idiot, he’d figure it out in a few minutes. _Probably._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god, that stupid photo Yuki took... it's times like this I wish I could draw.
> 
> Fun fact: I wasn't planning on sending them squatchin'. Just the home renovation thing. It was just meant as a meaningless little back-and-forth at the end of last chapter, but then I got a few reviews and PMs mentioning how Cell would _totally do that_ just to end Yuki's bullshit... and I decided it would be fun as hell to write. AND IT WAS. Which is why this chapter is so damn long.
> 
> So Yuki has a newly renovated home courtesy of Cell, who still believes he can convince her to leave the planet with him! Will Cell eventually give in and agree to make the Milhouse reference? Will he come to his senses and realize Yuki was totally coming on to him? Stay tuned for the awkwardly cringey devirginizing, next time ON DRAGON BALL Z!


	19. Day Seven - Stranger Than You Dreamt It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here, have a sex chapter. Honestly, I'm not calling this a 'lemon', it's more a lime really, or I can just call it what it is - a horribly awkward devirginizing. But it's still a bit explicit at parts, so you can skip this chapter if you want. All you need to know is they had sex.
> 
> Hopefully this makes you feel just as awkward as our two lovebirds feel :3

Yuki sat on the bed, looking out the window as the rain poured down. The arena would flash brightly with each lightning strike, giving off eerie glimpses of its true nature rather than the fun little front yard she’d come to regard it as. Cell would use it to determine the fate of the world, and make it the graveyard of plenty of good heroes in the process… She sighed. How the hell could he determine the fate of the world if that idiot couldn’t even determine _whether or not she’d been coming on to him?_

As the minutes ticked past, she shifted her gaze down to her own body and frowned. When she came upstairs, she’d put on ‘nicer’ clothes, since her squatchin’ gear was probably not conductive to… _things_ , and she thought she was at least a little bit more attractive at the moment. Her dark blue bra and panties were a matching set, and they were cute and lacy and what the hell was even the POINT of wearing them if there was nobody around to see them? She also had on a loose fitting spaghetti-strap top and nothing else. All in all, it was a halfway decent attempt to appear sexy. For a guy who was downstairs ignoring her. With an irritated sigh, she reached over and plucked the candy bar Cell had gotten her off the nightstand, and took a big bite. _Chocolate solved everything._

It had taken her a lot - a WHOLE lot - of nerve to finally come on to him like that. Ever since that moment in the forest earlier, when she realized she enjoyed the things he did to her a lot more than she originally thought, the idea kept digging around in the back of her mind… leading up to this. She took another bite of chocolate and looked off to the side. That guy had a damn exoskeleton and wings and whatever strange thing was wiggling around underneath that friggin _magical shiny dick crystal_ of his. Obviously throwing out an offer of sex took a lot of nerve, more than she knew she had. But she did.

She sighed. If she’d been bold enough to hint at it, she might as well be bold enough to clarify. Because why not? Cell could hear her from down there, so she spoke in little more than a whisper. “Listen you dumb ass, when I said ‘something fun and chaotic’, I was coming on to you. Now in one second I’m going to turn around and if you’re not standing there next to the bed, I’m going to be seriously pissed off.”

As soon as the last word left her mouth, she turned her head to look… and jumped back slightly. He was standing by the bed with his arms crossed and an unreadable expression on his face. Yuki could practically feel his eyes boring into her as his gaze drifted slowly across her body.

“Well… this is an unexpected development.” He smirked.

“Or it’s an expected development and you’re just really dense.” She took a piece of chocolate and threw it at him with a little _pew_. It bounced off his head and onto the floor. “You know… I don’t think I’m in the mood anymore. Maybe I feel spurned now. MAYBE I’m just going to sit here on the bed pouting and eat chocolate.”

“Oh, there is something I’m interested in trying _far more_ than chocolate. Though just as sweet, I’m sure.” He grinned wickedly. “ _Wrapped up so nice for me._ ”

“Y-yeah?” A light blush spread across her face and she straightened up into a more suggestive pose. She looked him over as he continued to stand there, but the way he looked back at her… like he was using every ounce of willpower he had to keep from swooping in and taking her right then and there. “You like it?”

He chuckled. _A silly question._ Her current ‘outfit’ didn’t leave much to the imagination, and considering she hadn’t been wearing anything like that earlier, she’d obviously put it on just for _him._ And now she sat there curled up on the bed, her hair cascading down over her curves, her body language beckoning him closer… So yes, he did ‘like it’. “My dear, you’re a beautiful temptation.” With a sly smile, he lifted up her hand and kissed it. “So much so, in fact, that if you wind up teasing me again… I may, in my infinite frustration, destroy the planet by mistake.”

“Well, in THAT case, I guess I _have_ to forgive you for being dense…”

He watched as she crawled back a bit, inviting him to join her on the bed. Her movements were seductive, but… she had yet to voice what it was she truly wanted. Was she inviting him in for sex, or was she only looking to continue the fun they’d had in the forest? Of course he preferred the former, but the last thing he needed was to make her uncomfortable and chase her away after getting this far. He sat down on the edge of the bed and eyed her, analyzing the situation, considering his next move…

Yuki sighed. “You’re totally scrutinizing me, I know that look on your face! You’re trying to figure out the ‘proper’ thing to do, aren’t you? Quit digging through your mental files on relationships and just do _whatever._ You don’t have to be proper, this isn’t the Victorian age.”

“…are you giving me permission to do whatever I desire?”

“Well… I mean, you can try what you want to try. If I don’t like it, I’ll tell you. I’m not gonna kick you out or anyth-” With a low growl, Cell pinned her down on the bed, cutting off her words as he kissed her.

…but then he pulled back. His eyes narrowed. “You’re tense.”

She bit her lip and looked away. “I… um… it’s just, you know…”

“I doubt this will be a pleasant experience for either of us if you continue to keep things to yourself. If you’re uncomfortable, I would prefer that you _say so._ ”

“I’m not uncomfortable. I mean, I am, but… it’s not a _‘I don’t want this but I’m going to pretend like I do’_ situation here, okay? Obviously, I’m not really used to this kind of thing, it’s just different. With the wings and the… this.” She lifted up her hand and knocked a few times on his chest. He frowned. “I’ve probably spent a lot of time _touching_ you, but I guess I never really spent the time getting accustomed to it. Plus you’re pretty big, you’re not gonna accidentally crush me with your weight or anything weird like that, are you?”

“I am incredibly lightweight. 253.3 pounds, to be exact. A perfect marriage of strength and agility.”

Yuki almost laughed at how proud he looked while telling her that. “Well, that’s not bad at all. That’s one fear put to rest.”

“You’re impressed.” He grinned.

“If it makes you feel good to think that, then sure. You’re perfect in every way and I’m totally in awe.” She rolled her eyes. “And look! You even have leg rests!” She wrapped her legs around his waist and winked at him.

“Leg rests?” His eyes widened at the sudden feeling of her pressing against him down there… she was being a bit silly, but it seemed to lessen her discomfort.

“These little, um, bits jutting out from the top of your thighs. Leg rests. It’s very convenient.”

“Well I must admit, with you wrapped up around me like this, you’re making it very difficult to hold back. But… I am patient. If the time to accustom yourself to my body is what you desire, then I can wait for you to make the first move.”

“O-okay…” She took a deep breath and placed her hands on his shoulders, looking him over. He was currently looming over her, watching her movements curiously. Apparently he really was going to stay there patiently and wait for her. She smiled. _How gentlemanly._ But this would definitely be different than anything she’d ever experienced before. His body was much more… _unique_ than any normal human’s, and she was venturing into uncharted territory now. She ran her hands down across his chest, taking in every contour. Here his skin was hard and firm, completely unyielding to her touch. But as she continued downwards, it became less rigid, not as smooth as what she’d just felt, but more coarse and gave way just slightly against the pressure of her touch. And though it was all so new to her, there were still things about him that felt familiar and human - the heat radiating from his body, the rise and fall of his chest, that needy look he continued to give her… it gave her a sense of comfort as she lay there beneath him, caught up in his embrace.

She continued to ‘figure him out’, sliding her fingers slowly up his arms, over his jawline, up along the side of his head… she stopped and curiously placed her hand against… well, she wasn’t quite sure what to call it. His crown, maybe? She opened her mouth to ask him, but paused when she noticed the expression on his face. It was that same frustrated look he gave her when he realized she was _teasing_ him, co-mingled with an expression of pleasure. Just how much of her touch could he feel? She thought it was only mild, after all, he had an _exoskeleton_. Most things that had one could feel, obviously, but never to the same level as nerve endings in exposed skin. She didn’t want him to feel like she was teasing him this entire time.

“Um, I’m not teasing you, am I? I swear I’m not trying to! I mean, what are you feeling? Is it too much? Since you don’t have… skin. I mean, mostly don’t have skin. Is it mechanoreceptors?”

Cell sighed. Such a strange thing to ask given the current situation. Typical of her, though. “No less than you, I’m sure. You assume I work under the same mechanics as a human. It wouldn’t be very convenient to be completely _numb_. Feeling out the conditions of my external body is vitally important in a fight, wouldn’t you agree?”

“So, asking you not to move while I’m touching you is-“

“ _Both stimulating and agonizing._ Now please…” He leaned in closer, desperately wanting to reciprocate. He allowed her the first move, but he didn’t know how much longer he could wait. His mental focus was starting to crumble down around him… a focus that had never threatened to falter before tonight.

She couldn’t say she was completely ‘accustomed’ to him, but she still wanted to go forward. With the way he was starting to act, she needed to at this point. He was practically _begging_. One part of her mind desperately wanted to make that first move, and that part was starting to win out. Their faces were only inches apart now, and Yuki wrapped her arms around him, her eyes urging him to move in closer. Her fingers brushed against the sleek coldness of his wings - another new feeling, but not enough to cause any more distress, as she moved her head to rest against his neck. Without even realizing it, her caresses became less motivated by curiosity and more intimate and needy, as she eagerly trailed her lips down his neck, feeling her mind become more and more clouded over with every kiss she gave. Yes, it WAS all strange and unfamiliar, but honestly that only seemed to contribute to her exhilaration now. Did that make her some kind of weirdo? _Probably._ Apparently she was kinkier than she thought? But… she really wanted him now, more than anything, and regardless of how different he felt, it still felt right… and so _very_ good.

Cell had waited as patiently as he could, he’d attempted to keep his lust in check as Yuki spent her time slowly running her hands over his body, ‘getting accustomed’ to it. _It had been torturous._ He knew it was quite a different situation than what she had known in the past with previous lovers. As earlier, the last thing he wanted was to scare her away after getting this far, so he lay there with her, aching over every inquisitive touch she gave him. But now… her movements had become much more wanting and much more passionate. And when Yuki began to kiss his neck, he knew she had accepted him. He pushed her down into the bed and, pressing his body against her own, brought his lips down to hers and indulged himself in a deep kiss. He needed her. He _craved_ her, and yet… he was still uncertain how she would react if he attempted to take things further than their current ‘fun’. Not that something as silly as uncertainty would stop him from TRYING, of course - _he was not a coward._ Not in battle, and certainly not here.

He reluctantly pulled away from the kiss and broke the silence between them. “Yuki, may I ask you something?”

She looked up at him, puzzled. “Well… sure…”

Cell paused for a moment, wondering how to word such a request without making her feel uncomfortable should she say no. This wasn’t something he had any experience in, and she’d been right in her earlier assumptions. All the knowledge he had on this subject was proving to be of absolutely no help to him. If anything, it seemed to be hindering him. It appeared he had no choice but to improvise.

Yuki sighed. Cell was off analyzing the situation in his mind. AGAIN. She’d know that blank look anywhere. “I’m not going to bite your head off or anything. Just ask and quit overanalyzing everything, you’re going to wind up ruining the mood.”

He frowned. _She was getting impatient._ He could attempt a romantic approach, but in this case a direct approach might be best. She was obviously not going to appreciate him dragging this out. It was the most logical way to go. With a smile, he gently placed his hand on her cheek, stroking her softly. “I want to take you.”

She raised an eyebrow. That was… unexpected. Sex was definitely on the agenda, but she didn’t want him to go treating this like some _formality_ to get out of the way as quickly as possible. What the hell was he thinking? “You do realize that was the most unromantic way that you could possibly ask for sex. Also, it wasn’t a question.”

Cell’s eyes went wide. He looked completely mortified. Or confused. Maybe both? She swore she saw a little bit of embarrassment in there, too. She reached up and placed her hand over the one he’d kept on her cheek, holding it in place so he wouldn’t pull away. “But… I didn’t say no.”

She smiled, and in an instant the look of humiliation on his face transformed back into his usual narrow-eyed smirk. “Oh? So you want me, then.”

“Maybe. But only if you ask me like you mean it.”

Cell considered this. “What would you have me say?”

“Well, something like ‘My dear Yuki I need you, will you be my lover?’ or ‘You’re the only one I want, will you make love to me?’ You know, romantic things.” She grinned and winked at him. “I know you can do it, you’re good at flirting, all you gotta do is take that up a notch. Or are you gonna pretend to be too much of a badass for that kind of thing?”

Again, he found himself mulling over the situation. He was not one for ornately worded displays of deep romance. In those cases, he preferred to quote the classical masters - Keats, Shakespeare, Byron, and the countless others - but it was plain to him that that wasn’t what she was asking for. She was aiming for something more along the lines of a _love confession._ She would most likely poke fun at him for it later, but his libido and his desire to satisfy his mate beneath him won out. With his intellect, he could easily come up with the perfect words to suit her. Possibly. He carefully worded a proper statement in his mind.

With a sly smile, he leaned in and kissed her neck. “Yuki my love, I need you. And as I lay here over you, there is nothing I yearn for more than to enjoy every inch of you, if you’ll graciously allow me the pleasure. I know I seem to be a bit careless at times, and we may throw around insults constantly, but I do hope you understand the lengths that I would go to in order to keep what we have relatively perfect. And here in this bed, I only wish to give you all the love and respect you deserve. _I will treat you like a queen._ ”

He pulled back and gazed into her eyes, waiting for her reaction. She blushed, and stuttered as though she wanted to say something but couldn’t find the right words. Cell could feel her breathing become more erratic and her heart began to race. _Perfect._ He smiled triumphantly. Of course he could cause that sort of reaction - _and he dared to doubt himself._

She finally pulled herself out of the initial shock and looked him over. He was smiling like he’d just won some kind of award. Apparently he saw that as a challenge and was probably giving his ego a hug and gloating over how ‘victorious’ he was. But… he still said those things. It still mattered. She grinned. “You know, you must be REALLY horny to let yourself give in and say all that.”

“More than you can possibly fathom.”

She laughed. “You know…” She lifted her hand and traced along his jawline with her fingers, down his neck, across his collar… “If you’d given in and said something like that at the beginning, we’d be in the middle of having sex right now.”

“Oh, is that so?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Then I don’t believe I was thinking properly. I assumed you’d prefer the direct, blunt approach.”

“No, I definitely prefer the romantic approach. But don’t worry about it, I don’t think any male thinks properly when he has sex on the brain.”

He smiled at her, and moved back down as though he would whisper more romances again. But instead of a whisper, Yuki felt a warm sensation as his mouth pressed against her. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling.

He nibbled softly at her ear, tracing its shape with his tongue, eliciting a low moan from Yuki as she shuddered beneath him. He relished the sensation, and moved on to her neck, running kisses all the way down to the top of that revealing little shirt she was wearing. She would have to lose those clothes soon… The mental images flew through his mind - Yuki gasping, calling out his name, writhing in ecstasy - and it spurred him further. He continued kissing at her collar as he ran his hands under her shirt, tracing her curves all along her abdomen and up to her chest… he paused and looked up, his eyes meeting hers, searching for permission to proceed.

Yuki’s breathing was fast and heavy, and her eyes urged him to press further. “Don’t you _dare_ stop now.” She slid her hands over him, her fingers like an electric shock coursing through his body, and let them come to rest upon his shoulders. She looked toward him with half-lidded eyes that seemed to radiate desire, wanting him as much as he wanted her.

“In that case…” He continued upwards, pulling her shirt up over her head, and tossed it somewhere across the room. Now would come the bra. …he stared at it with a frown on his face. There didn’t seem to be any way to remove it from the front. _How incredibly inconvenient._ Why make such a thing to be ‘sexy’ if it wasn’t easily removable? It was most definitely a confusing article of clothing, but no matter. He would not be _defeated_ by an annoying bit of cotton.

Yuki grinned as she watched him glaring daggers at her bra. “Cell… do you not know how to take off a bra? I can show you h-“ Before she could finish her sentence, he’d grabbed both sides of it and snapped it apart as easily as a bit of thread. Her grin turned into a frown as he shot her a victorious look and dropped the two halves onto the floor. “…and you just destroyed my bra. My _one_ super sexy bra.”

“I needed it off, and it would’ve been inconvenient to flip you over to remove it.”

She sighed. “Well… that was actually kind of sexy, but remind me to be pissed at you about it after this is finished.”

“And now for the rest.”

“Well, can you NOT destroy the panties? They were a matching set, but they were still kind of expensive.”

He said nothing, but slipped his hand into her panties and pulled them down her legs and off onto the floor. Now she lay there completely naked beneath him, and he looked her up and down, taking in every bit of her.

Yuki blushed as Cell looked her over with ravenous eyes. It reminded her of a predator staring intently at some prey it planned to attack. His wings were twitching slightly, but she really had no idea what that meant. “Hey… you look like you’re about to grab me and just go to town.”

He grinned. “As much as I would LOVE to do that, I’m enjoying the buildup.”

“Oh yeah? Trying to get me all hot and bothered?”

“Exactly.”

She smiled coyly. “You’re doing a good job at it.”

“That’s good to know.” He moved down and, starting at her navel, slowly trailed kisses up her body, sliding his hands over her hips, up her waist… He would occasionally stop and run his tongue over her skin, relishing in the taste. Her breath quickened and low moans escaped her lips. That was definitely a good response. He looked up and smiled at her. “You are so _very_ delicious…”

A strange look came to her face. Cell couldn’t quite place it, but it was most definitely negative. “Saying that I’m delicious is kind of a turn off, cause, you know… you _literally eat people._ ”

He frowned. That was definitely NOT a good response. “The correct term is ‘ate’. Past tense. Though if it makes you feel any better, it would be more proper to say I ‘absorbed’ them.”

She closed her eyes, putting all her focus into keeping any terrifying mental images at bay. What the hell kind of reply was that?! That was supposed to make her feel ‘better’? If she didn’t see him as a hopelessly confused virgin, she would’ve been less lenient with him, but… it couldn’t be helped, she guessed. She would just pretend that never happened. She placed her hand on his head, pressing him back down to her body, silently urging him to keep going.

He continued kissing and licking, enjoying every inch of her. His hands drifted further upwards, over her breasts, and he caressed them softly. Yuki gasped and tightened her grip on him. _Yet another good response._ His eyes widened and a delighted look spread across his face. “So you like this, do you?”

“Ah, yes…” She gazed down at him with lust-darkened eyes, and that was all Cell needed to keep going. Yuki lay there, panting, enjoying every minute as he continued to caress her. Massaging her breasts, grazing her nipples with his fingers… it sent a wonderful chill down her spine. Soon he pulled in closer and started gliding his tongue over her breast, biting lightly at her nipple. His hand continued working at the other one. She threw her head back into the pillow and gasped as stars filled her vision. “I want you…”

Cell smirked. “I’m not done playing yet. I’m quite enjoying having you at my mercy.”

Yuki started to reply but paused for a moment. She did want to go further, but there was a _terrifying hurdle_ between where they currently were and where they would be if they went further. She knew what she had to say, but she was a bit apprehensive. Scared as hell, actually, but ‘a bit apprehensive’ sounded nicer. After all, it would be another thing she had no experience in and she wasn’t sure how she’d react. Well… you never know until you try. “Um… maybe… take it out?”

He shot her a look of confusion. “Take what out?”

“Y-you know…” She hesitantly slid her hand down between his legs. _She couldn’t believe she was doing this._ Or asking this, for that matter.

“Oh. Oh my.” Those ravenous eyes from earlier came back to his face. “So you want to know about THAT.”

She blushed and looked off to the side at nothing in particular. “W-well… I remember you saying it was… ‘retractable’, right? S-so… you have to take it out? Before we can do anything.”

Cell considered the situation. He’d come to a bit of a dilemma. On one hand, Yuki most assuredly wanted to have sex with him, or else she would’ve never had the nerve to ask this of him. On the other hand, she was obviously distressed at his anatomical structure and wasn’t sure what to do. He would have to approach this very carefully. “So, this makes you nervous.”

“Y-yeah…”

“Would it give you any relief if I told you this won’t be as ‘weird’ as the strange things you’re conjuring in your mind?” He smiled at her reassuringly.

“Um. _Retractable penises_ are pretty high up on my list of things that are weird. I mean, I’m not against it or anything… I really want to do this. I’m just, you know, not sure what I’m in for here? I guess. Plus I’m afraid I’m going to just freak the fuck out and you’re going to get pissed off and the whole night will be ruined.”

He laughed. “Oh, I doubt I’d get ‘pissed off’. I can be very patient when I need to be. Now… think of it this way. There is no one else like me. I have no mate I was designed to be compatible with. So the fact that my creator would even give me reproductive organs would suggest that I’m most likely made to be compatible with human beings. I’m sure it won’t be too different for you.”

Yuki stopped avoiding his gaze and her eyes immediately locked on to his. “What do you mean _most likely?!_ You’re not 100% sure?!” Five million nightmare scenarios flew through her mind at lightning speed. Most of them involving her death and Cell uttering the phrase ‘Oops’.

He tsked. “I’m well aware of my own anatomy, my dear. I’m _100% sure_ I’m compatible with you. I merely meant that I was unsure of my creator’s motives in allowing me the choice of sexual reproduction.”

“Oh. Uh… so no ‘oops’, then?”

Cell frowned. “Oops?”

“It’s… never mind. I’m still weirded out, okay? This is a weird thing to attempt.”

He leaned in and lightly kissed her. “But alas, _’What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?’_ ”

“Are you seriously going to lay here and quote Shakespeare to me to make me feel better about your _dick_?”

“It’s not Shakespeare, it’s Van Gogh.”

“Even weirder! That’s…” Her voice trailed off as his expression turned serious, and he placed his hand against her cheek.

“Do you want me?”

“Well, yes…”

“And you realize you’ve never had anyone quite like me, correct?”

“Obviously, but…”

“And because of this, you’ll find yourself doing things you’ve never done?”

“I guess…”

“There is no ‘I guess’. Things you’ve never had, and things you’ve never done, go hand in hand. So I ask you again, _do you want me?_ ”

She looked up at him, silent. This was it. The moment of truth. If she said yes, they were going to keep moving forward. She reached up and kissed him. “…yes. But please be patient with me though! I’ve been patient with you, so it’s only fair.”

He smiled. “That I can promise.”

He kept his eyes on her as he moved one hand down over his crotch, studying her face for any signs of uneasiness. Yuki, on the other hand, watched what he was doing down there with probably the most intense curiosity she’d ever had in her life. She should’ve been terrified, but it seemed like in any situation, her curiosity always won out. Definitely an advantage in this particular situation. She saw him move his fingers slightly, and the black… thing? Covering? She wasn’t quite sure the proper term for it. She needed to remember to ask him later, he could call it a damn _penis door_ for all she knew. But whatever it was, it seemed to open and slip backwards as his cock unsheathed out into his hand. Yuki’s jaw dropped and she reeled backwards.

“W-WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!”

As soon as the words left her, her eyes went wide and her hands immediately went over her mouth. _She’d totally just said that._ That wasn’t exactly the most polite thing to say about someone’s _dick,_ no matter how inhuman it looked. Cell was probably five seconds away from tossing her out the window and flying off in some offended rage. She slowly brought her gaze up to look him in the eyes… but there didn’t seem to be any offense in him. Instead he was still looking her over, studying her reactions. Apparently he’d been serious about his promise to be patient.

Her eyes shifted back down and settled on _it,_ and she looked it over. It was obviously not human. Judging from the shape, she wouldn’t say it was _incompatible_ , so he was right about that at least. But… there really wasn’t any discernible difference between the head and the shaft, and the lack of veins made it seem very alien. Definitely not something you’d see in most any creature, much less a humanoid being… and it was ribbed? The old condom commercials with the catchphrase ‘ribbed for her pleasure’ came to mind. So that had to be a plus, right? It was also quite a bit bigger than your average human’s, so that was also a plus. _She could totally be optimistic about this._ She hesitantly reached down and touched it, hoping Cell wouldn’t throw her from the bed for doing so… it felt pretty inflexible. It might hurt if he decided to be too rough. That was probably a minus.

Cell sighed and looked off to the side. He was trying to be patient, but she wasn’t saying anything. _She was just staring and poking at it._ This felt more like one of her ‘field studies’ than a serious attempt at mating. He’d been hoping all the earlier fun would’ve been enough to keep her reassured… and _wanting._ Now she was obviously uncomfortable, and they were most likely back to square one. He was certainly not going to take her against her will. He growled. “If you’re distressed, it would be polite for you to kindly SAY SO rather than to silently PROD at me.”

“N-no!” She looked up, locking eyes with his. “I wasn’t distressed! I was just curious… I mean… you can’t expect me not to have a look, you know. I’m your mate! Having a look is my prerogative!”

“Oh, is that so?” He narrowed his eyes. “You’re distressed. You cannot fool me.”

“Okay, yeah, fine. I’m a little distressed. So what? I’m not running away, am I? Try looking at it from my perspective! I’ve never seen… _that_ before, so it’s obviously a weird unique experience I’m having over here! It couldn’t be any more ‘unique’ unless it started wiggling on its own or something.”

Cell gave her a serious look. He seemed to be mulling something over. “Well, I suppose that depends on what you’d prefer.”

“Wait, what?! What does that mean?!”

He frowned. “If you’d prefer it to remain stationary or not.”

She stared at him incredulously. “Are you… _I swear to god if I feel anything down there WIGGLE I’m going to be out of this room so fast that it’ll make your super-speed seem like a turtle’s crawl in comparison._ ”

“…Noted.”

She sighed. His expression was starting to fall with each moment that passed. Like he was growing _unhappy_. Like the whole situation was slowly ripping him to bits. It was pulling desperately at her heart. She reached up and placed her forehead against his. “H-hey, you still want me right? I haven’t run away, have I? You’re supposed to be all arrogant and full of yourself, you wouldn’t give up just because I freaked out a little. You should keep going… please…” She smiled coyly, a light blush forming across her face.

Cell remained silent for a moment, but soon that little smirk of his appeared. “Is that desire in your eyes? I’m going to assume that means you’ve finally found me to your liking. _And now with that out of the way…_ ”

“I’m-“ Before she could finish, Cell quickly cut her off with a rough kiss, forcing her mouth open, eagerly enjoying the taste of her. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her body tightly against his, and she gasped. She could feel him pressing up against her down there, as though he were asking for her to return all the pleasure he’d given to her so far. She could help him with that… Her heart raced as she slid her hand downwards, running her finger lightly along the length of his cock.

“ _Mmm…_ no need to be so timid. You can give me so much more than that.”

“O-okay…” She gingerly wrapped her hand around it and started to slowly stroke him.

“Now, my dear…” He grinned wickedly, eyes wide. “That’s just teasing. _You need to do more than THAT._ ”

Yuki responded by tightening her grip and stroking him faster. It was actually a bit satisfying to hear him beg, however subtle he was trying to make it sound.

Reveling in the sudden pleasure, he let out a low growl and nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck. “ _Oh yes…_ Now, I wouldn’t say this is very fair to you, though.” He nipped at her collar and, placing his hand between her legs, began to rub her clit with his thumb.

“Ah…!” She pressed her head back into the pillow, and her breathing became heavy and uneven. She hadn’t expected him to go and do THAT. She kept stroking him in rhythm with the strokes she was getting in return. The feeling was overwhelming, and if he kept this up she’d wind up having an orgasm before they even started the main event.

He wanted to go further before taking her, just a little bit… Not enough to push her over the edge, of course, but enough to make her _beg_ for him. The mental image of it was intoxicating. He continued to work at her clit, and slid two fingers inside of her. The new sensation elicited a surprised gasp from Yuki, and she bucked her hips against his hand. He smiled. He could tell she was just yearning for him now, silently begging him to take her. She was so wet down there, so ready for him…

Cell stopped stroking her and spread her legs out wide. “This foreplay ends now.”

“Oh yeah?” Yuki shot him a wry half-smile. “And you’re the one who gets to decide that, huh?”

“Of course.” He rubbed up against her, teasing her. “Do you want me? Hm?”

“D-don’t play dumb! Put it in already!”

And oh, did Cell want to. It took every ounce of strength he had to keep himself from just thrusting himself into her and taking her as fast as he could. But that wasn’t what he wanted, and it was definitely not what Yuki wanted. He had to concentrate now…

“…Cell? Are you okay?”

He left his thoughts to see Yuki looking up at him with concern. “Yes. I was just assessing my options.”

“…okay, option one is you make love to me right now, and option two is I somehow push you over, get on top of you, and force myself on you.”

“I must say both of those options are incredibly inviting.” He grinned.

He positioned himself over her and slid himself in. Just a little bit at first, taking note of her reaction. She groaned at the sudden intrusion, but there was no pain in her voice. _Good._ He closed his eyes and relished in the feeling of heat and the way she spread out around him as he pushed in further… it was a bit snug, but not enough to deny him entrance. Just enough to heighten his pleasure, and hopefully hers.

Yuki gasped as she felt it stretch her slightly. It didn’t hurt… but it was enough to take her breath away. She moaned and gripped him tight, arching her back against his touch as he pressed himself all the way in, enjoying the waves of euphoria that washed over her. She could feel every detail, every bit of his cock… _ribbed for her pleasure, indeed._ Weird or not, it was still unlike anything she’d had before. She was already feeling the buzz, and they hadn’t even fully started yet. She lay still for a moment, nuzzling up against his neck, as she savored the feeling of him deep inside her. She couldn’t remember anymore why she’d been afraid of doing this in the first place.

He savored in the moment as well, smug in the fact that she was completely his now. The warmth, the tightness… _it was an amazing experience._ He so desperately wanted to experience more of her. He looked down at her, searching her face for any sign of discomfort, but saw nothing but desire in her eyes. “Does it hurt, or are you enjoying it?” He smiled. He already knew the answer, but he wanted to hear her _say it._

“You know full well that I’m enjoying it, now shut the hell up and take me.” She pulled her legs around him tighter in an attempt to draw him in closer, and moved her hips against him, pushing herself further onto his cock. Her movements begged him to do the same.

“Oh…” His smile grew wider. “That is exactly what I wanted to hear.”

Cell pulled back and thrust himself into her, more forceful than before. He soon picked up a rhythm, moving faster and harder, his hands steady around her holding her firmly in place. Every gasp, every sigh of his name that escaped her lips, felt as though it was taking him higher and driving him crazy. _It was exhilarating._ Everything about her that screamed out just how turned on he was making her… nothing could possibly compare.

Though Yuki tried to hide it, she couldn’t keep herself from being louder than she wanted. Every time she would moan or call out his name, he would hum with pleasure and increase his momentum. Soon her small gasps turned into louder cries as he pushed harder, and deeper. He was being rougher with her now, but she had expected that from the beginning. After all, he wasn’t exactly the gentle type. But it felt amazing, and she wanted _more._ She dug her fingernails into the back of his neck and pulled herself up, crushing her lips against his own, grinding her hips against him to match his pace… then she heard him groan and call _her_ name. A smile came to her face, and the sound of her name, coming from him with such longing, only further increased the pleasure she felt. No wonder Cell seemed to enjoy it so much when she did it.

He returned her kiss, much deeper this time, and ran his tongue over her own, taking in her taste as well as her body… then his breathing and his movements became more erratic, and his enjoyment became much more ‘vocal’. Not that he minded, since Yuki seemed to savor it. He was so close now, but unsure if she was just as close. The idea of him reaching that point without taking her with him was completely unacceptable, and he would not justify her little ‘virgin’ comments, but… he couldn’t hold back any longer.

But Yuki was so very close, just a little more… she knew Cell was almost there as well. Everything about his body language was screaming for release. She lifted up her legs onto his shoulders, inviting him to go deeper… she gasped as felt him tense, gripping onto her harder. His eyes closed tightly and his wings spread further apart as he let out a cry, pressing himself as deep as he could, filling her with a strange sense of warmth. Seeing him lose control pushed Yuki over the edge. As the feeling spread through her body, all she could do was call out to him over and over, writing beneath him, rocking her hips to take in his cock as she rode out the throes of orgasm.

Cell smiled and gave a few more thrusts to help her along. Watching her lose herself was quite the magnificent sight. As he continued to enjoy the steady hum of pleasure shooting through him, he wondered if Yuki would allow this to become a regular thing…

Yuki sighed in contentment as she came down from her orgasm, panting heavily as she slowly regained all her senses. The first thing she noticed was the fact that her mattress had been ripped to shreds in a few spots. Apparently in the heat of the moment, Cell liked to tear up anything he grabbed at that wasn’t _her_. He’d be getting her a LOT of new mattresses if he kept that up.

She was about to say something about it, but then she saw that Cell seemed to still be in some kind of pleasure state. His wings were twitching like crazy now, and he was eagerly kissing all along her throat, reaching down to caress her breasts. She smiled. “H-hey… if you want to go again, you need to give me a little bit of time to recover. I don’t have your ‘perfect’ body, after all.” She tried to pull away, but… her smile quickly fell into a frown. “C-Cell, I think you’re _stuck._ Or I’m stuck. We’re both stuck! What the hell do we do?!”

He said nothing, but continued to enjoy her.

“…wait a minute. Are we knotted together? We’re _knotted together_ , aren’t we?”

“Mm-hmm.”

She sighed. That figured. _Of course they were._ After all the strange things she’d just overcame, might as well throw THAT into the mix, too. Not that there was really anything she could do about it, so… she closed her eyes and smiled, letting him savor her.

It was weird… she’d just been with a guy who was literally ‘ribbed for her pleasure’, who then proceeded to tear into her mattress when he lost control, and now was currently nuzzling up against her with his wings twitching for _god knows what reason_ while she lay there stuck to him due to _dick swelling._ Weird wasn’t even the right word to BEGIN to describe it all. But… it’s not like she hadn’t enjoyed herself. With a smile, she ran her hands up the back of his neck as he nipped at her collarbone. She wasn’t sure exactly how his anatomy went about things, but he was still obviously experiencing a lot of pleasure from whatever was going on down there.

A few minutes later, Cell pulled apart from her, eyeing her warily. “Thoughts? Opinions?”

She lay back against the pillow, looking up at him in confusion. “Huh?”

“Did you like it? Was it satisfying enough for you?”

She sighed and rolled her eyes. That was really the first thing he was going to say? He really _was_ obsessed with being perfect at everything… “Yeah, it was awesome, but-“

He cut her off with the most arrogant, pompous smirk she’d ever seen. “ _Of course it was._ ”

…what an egotistical ass. “Hey come on, don’t be so full of yourself! What about treating me like a queen, huh?”

He said nothing. She half expected him to get up and strut out of the room with his chest all puffed up with pride, but instead… he rolled over onto his side next to her and pulled her up against him.

“Haha wow. I didn’t really take you for a _cuddler._ I figured you were more the type to stand up and leave after a big declaration of victory.”

He chuckled. “Oh, I’ll leave and bask in my victory once you fall asleep. It’s considered impolite to walk away from your mate after taking her.”

She smiled and laid her head against his chest as she closed her eyes. “Well I do prefer polite gentleman Cell to perfectionist douchebag Cell. You won’t have to wait too long, I fall asleep pretty quick after sex.”

As the rain continued to fall, he watched over her carefully in the darkened room. She hadn’t been exaggerating. Not even five minutes had passed before she was fast asleep against him. Her words from the other day came to his mind - _’You can’t keep calling us ‘mates’. We haven’t done any mating!’_ He laughed to himself. There could be no more protest from her about it now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be lenient with me, please! Or not, I don't know, I'm pretty thick-skinned. I think it's _semi okay_ for a first attempt at sex in a first attempt at fanfiction. It was fun to write though!
> 
> So Cell and Yuki have now jumped over the next hurdle in their unique little relationship! What could possibly happen on day eight? Something crazy maybe?! The tournament is looming ever closer now, and Yuki's giving herself quite a lot to lose in the process. Stay tuned for more silliness (or maybe something more dramatic?) next time ON DRAGON BALL Z!


	20. Day Eight - Stealing the Prized Venus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter:
> 
> She smiled and laid her head against his chest as she closed her eyes. “Well I do prefer polite gentleman Cell to perfectionist douchebag Cell. You won’t have to wait too long, I fall asleep pretty quick after sex.”
> 
> As the rain continued to fall, he watched over her carefully in the darkened room. She hadn’t been exaggerating. Not even five minutes had passed before she was fast asleep against him. Her words from the other day came to his mind - _’You can’t keep calling us ‘mates’. We haven’t done any mating!’_ He laughed to himself. There could be no more protest from her about it now.

“Yuki.”

Yuki yawned and stretched out a bit. Someone was calling her name from somewhere behind her, but she was currently too out of it to tell whether or not she was still dreaming.

” _Yuki!_ ” The voice snapped at her louder this time. “As much as I enjoy standing around watching you snore the day away, I’m starting to get _impatient_.”

“Mmm?” She opened one bleary eye and looked at the clock. It was currently 10am. Way later than she usually slept, but there was no reason for Cell to get all antsy over it. She let out another yawn. “I’m waking up, okay? Geez… if it makes you feel better, just say last night was _sooo_ amazing that you just drained all the energy out of me and now I have to sleep late. How about that?”

Cell laughed. “A satisfactory answer! Though I admit I’m pleasantly surprised at your use of dark humor.”

Yuki’s eyes went wide and a chill ran down her spine. She’d worded that last statement really, REALLY poorly. “Don’t think I meant it like that. I wouldn’t joke about something like that, you ass.” She sat up and rubbed her eyes, and noticed she was still naked from the night before. Also in desperate need of a bath. _Cell was probably ogling her._ With a sigh, she turned around to face him… only to be greeted by the ghostly white face of an armless woman.

“ _THEY’RE HERE OH MY GOD!”_ She yelped and jolted back in horror, nearly tumbling from the bed.

“Oh? Well now you’ve piqued my curiosity. Who are ‘they’?”

As she recovered from the near heart attack, her mind finally wrapped itself around the current ‘situation’. Cell was there next to the bed with a smug look on his face, standing next to a _marble statue._ A statue that was a LOT bigger in real life than it looked in photographs, almost as tall as Cell… She gaped at it in shock. “Is that… that’s the armless woman statue! Why is there a multi-million dollar statue looming over my bed?!”

Cell smiled. He’d picked up a few ‘things’ last night. Mostly for himself, but he was generous enough to pick up some things for her as well. After all, it was only polite. Pulling this sort of reaction out of her was just an added bonus.

But… as much as she tried to hide it, it was clear that she was still troubled. At Nicky Town yesterday she’d almost fallen back into that cycle of hers again, but he had the good fortune of his impeccable instincts and was able to divert her attention quickly. Unfortunately for him, it was still something that would decrease her willingness to leave the planet with him in the near future, and that would not do. Now… she didn’t seem to understand the symbolic nature of his gift, which was a bit disheartening. But no matter.

“Science is rife with mankind’s attempts at achieving a perfection that can be measured _objectively_. But men use art to find their own personal perfection - a completely _subjective_ experience.”

“Yeah okay… that’s true and all…” Yuki looked him and the statue over for a moment. He seemed to going somewhere with this, but she wasn’t sure where yet. “But WHY is there a multi-million dollar statue looming over my bed?!”

“In the hardware store, you said, and I quote your exact words, ‘I’m not moving the insects, you can just deal and hang up your fancy artwork around them or something’.”

“You and your damn memory… so what, if I go downstairs, is there going to be Van Gogh and stuff all over my walls?”

“ _Our_ walls.” He grinned.

“…so one more time, why is there a multi-million dollar statue LOOMING OVER MY BED?!”

“I was kind enough to choose a few pieces for you. This ‘armless woman statue’ is the Venus de Milo, the Greek goddess of beauty and love.” He crossed his arms over his chest, feeling rather pleased with himself as a blush spread across Yuki’s face. “You’re a very proud woman. If you were meek, I would hardly enjoy you as much as I do. But you do seem to enjoy beating yourself up over your own shortcomings. Apologetically holding out any piece of yourself you consider ‘flawed’ for all to see, to use as some _ridiculous excuse to belittle yourself._ It’s incredibly tiring to witness.”

“I…” She averted her gaze. She never really thought about it in that way, but she couldn’t deny he was right. After the visit to Gingertown, she assumed she’d just get over it, but that little feeling of guilt still hung around in the back of her mind. She had no idea how Cell even KNEW about that though. “I’m working on it, okay? I don’t know how that relates to a giant stolen statue.”

“An interesting legend, though never proven to be true. In the early 1800s, when she was first discovered at Melos, a French ambassador became rather enamored by her and purchased her from the original owners. He sent a navy vessel to retrieve her from Greece. As the sailors hauled her across the shore towards the safety of the boat, they were ambushed by Greek brigands. During the resulting scuffle she lost her arms as the terrified sailors yanked her roughly across the rocky shore in their attempts to escape unscathed. But the ambassador found he still desired her, and angrily seized the statue once it was discovered the original owners cancelled the sale over the prospects of a more profitable one.”

“I… think I see where you’re going with this…”

“Would you know who she was if she still had her arms? If she hadn’t lost part of herself in some chance battle she was unwittingly pulled into?”

“No, everyone likes her for the missing arm thing.”

“Hm. A woman made better by her imperfections…” He tapped his chin and looked off to the side, as though he were mulling over some important thing. “In certain areas perfection is relative. As I’ve said, art is one of those areas. I assumed the idea behind the Venus de Milo and relative perfection would give you peace of mind whenever you see her.”

Yuki stared at him in shock, her blush growing hotter. “Are you saying I’m perfect? C-come on, don’t go saying stuff like that!”

“I would say you are in some aspects, yes. A flawless being like me would not choose a mate who was subpar.”

“Oh yeah? In what way then?”

“Well, you do seem to be perfect at knowing how to irritate me.” He smirked and sat down next to her.

“Gee, way to ruin the moment.” She shifted and pulled up her blanket a bit. If he hadn’t been ogling her before, he definitely was now.

“Hm. Well, if it makes you feel any better, I find you perfectly beautiful.” Before she had a chance to protest, he had her pinned down on the bed. “ _…and so very tempting._ ”

She shot him the most deadpan expression she possibly could. “I just woke up and I need a _bath_. If you think I’m up for round two, you’re gonna be seriously disappointed, buddy. …and I told you to stop saying that stuff about me being perfect. I’m pretty average you know, it’s not like I get guys eyeballing me when I walk down the sidewalk.”

“Like I said, in certain areas perfection is relative.” He leaned forward and kissed her neck. “You are _my_ Venus de Milo.”

Yuki blushed as he kissed her. How was she supposed to respond to that? She didn’t know any artsy things! “Well… um… then you’re my Mona Lisa.”

Cell looked down at her with a gleam of amusement in his eyes and chuckled.

“Hey don’t laugh! She totally has that same little smirk you always wear!”

“Or perhaps that’s the only portrait you know of?”

“No, I know of some other ones! Like that one of the guy with his ear cut off. Besides, I seriously doubt you wanna be throwing any assholeish remarks my way right now.”

“And why is that?” He tilted his head curiously.

“Because you wouldn’t say anything mean while I’m laying here naked in bed giving you seductive glances.”

“You aren’t giving me seductive…”

With the absolute most sensual gaze she could possibly muster, she smiled coyly and winked at him.

“…a bold assumption, but you’re correct. Well played.” He stole another kiss before standing up, Venus hovering weightlessly next to him. With a dismissive wave of his hand, he headed out the bedroom door with Venus floating after him. “Come downstairs when you want. You can see our _new collection._ ”

Yuki yelled after him. “By the way, you owe me a new mattress! Since you like ripping them up during sex and all! And a bra!”

She huffed. Apparently he wasn’t going to say anything back. But now she definitely needed a bath, and it’d probably be smart to take one before she had to go face whatever insanity Cell had whipped up in the living room while she was asleep. She couldn’t believe he STOLE that stuff. Art wasn’t something she really got into, but famous pieces like that were supposed to be in museums for everyone to enjoy. Cell probably thought he was the only one ‘worthy’ of them or something… She yawned and hopped out of bed, enjoying a stretch before heading into the bathroom.

As she popped in one of her old swing albums and settled down in a nice warm bath with a contented sigh, her mind started wandering. Yesterday she got to see an actual _Bigfoot_. That ACTUALLY HAPPENED. And Cell had been totally wrong, and she still hadn’t rubbed it in his face yet so that was definitely on the agenda for today. Especially since she only got to see Bigfoot for a few minutes before Cell got impatient and let him go. And _especially_ after he woke her up by shoving a statue in her face that she thought was a ghost. But he didn’t need to know about the ghost thing. He’d make some stupid joke about that time he grabbed her through the window and scared the shit out of her. Even though it was terrifying at the time… she could look back at it now and smile. ‘Boo! I’m a ghost!’ is what he’d said… _what a dumbass._

And then there was last night. She blushed. She couldn’t deny it had been nice. _Really_ nice. Nice as in, _she would gladly have some more of that later._ But no way in hell she’d tell HIM that. He didn’t need to know that either, given his tendency to be a dick and use everything she said to his advantage.

Cell turned to look as Yuki came trudging down the stairs, curious to see her reaction. She was moving slowly, obviously dreading whatever silly thing she’d conjured up in her mind _this_ time.

“All right, I’m coming… I can’t wait to see how totally pretentious the living room…” Her voice trailed off as she stepped off the stairs. There was ART on the walls. Well, _obviously_ … but it didn’t look as bad as she thought it would be. She was expecting like 30-ish paintings stuffed onto the wall like some rich person’s library room, but there was only about ten or so, spread out nicely and - surprisingly enough - worked pretty well with the overall look of the room. The strangest thing was that she didn’t recognize _any of them._ Except for the Venus de Milo which was now sitting next to the entertainment center. Art was not something she knew much about, but she at least knew all the big famous pieces, and none of them were here. Which was what she thought Cell meant by ‘classical art’. A few of the pieces looked a little familiar in style, maybe Da Vinci? She wasn’t really sure…

“You don’t seem as angry as you thought you would be. Am I correct in that assumption?”

“It’s not what I thought it would be, it actually looks pretty good. …I still prefer the Marvel posters though.” A small smile came to her face. “You got really busy after I fell asleep. Ridin’ out that post-orgasm high or something, huh?”

Cell laughed. “Once you fell asleep, I took a little trip to some rather well-known museums. The humans were _kind enough_ to leave the buildings in a hurry, giving me all the time I needed to take my leisure in studying the pieces that caught my eye - though I admit they were pieces I already had a good amount of knowledge of. So you could I say I had a ‘shopping list’.”

She frowned at the idea of him chasing everyone out of the museum so he could have it all to himself, but pushed the image out of her mind as she wandered around looking at the things he’d put up. It was a weird array of stuff. She wasn’t sure what it was about them he liked so much. “I probably shouldn’t ask this because I know you’re gonna call me stupid for it and I _swear to god_ if you call me stupid I’m gonna kick your ass. Why don’t you have any art I’ve actually heard of?”

“Oh, I selected a few for you as well. Since you’re an _emotional creature_ who wouldn’t enjoy these specific pieces in the same way I do.” He motioned to the dining room.

She decided to ignore the disgusted way he said ‘emotional creature’ and turned around to look. 

_There they were._ Stuff she knew!

Cell had STOLEN them, but she couldn’t help but feel in awe over all the things she’d only seen in photos. Some of them she didn’t know the names of, but they were all tucked away in her mind somewhere… Mona Lisa, The Scream, that thing with the melty clocks, and the painting right over the dining table…

He watched her expressions carefully, noting how particularly enraptured she was over that specific piece. An interesting but expected response. “The Starry Night. As one of the most well-known paintings, I assumed you might take pleasure in having it.” He chuckled. She was biting her lip, trying to keep herself from smiling. Most likely torn between excitement and the silly moral dilemma of theft. “It’s not a piece I would ever bother with, but… for you.”

This was a strange situation Yuki found herself in. Cell was being nicer than usual, and more talkative than usual as well. And she had _no idea_ why. Maybe he was just seriously into this kinda stuff? A murderous man of culture… _and he dared to say her mental image of him as Hannibal Lector was skewed._ But if he was going to be nice and talkative, she was definitely not going to throw away an opportunity like THAT.

“So, um, what’s the difference between these and the ones you put in the living room for yourself?”

“For some, not much. She would fit in nicely with the others.” He gestured to Mona Lisa, and then moved back into the living room to stand beside one of the art-covered walls. Yuki fell in beside him. “Most of these pieces are not meant to merely evoke _emotional responses._ There is a complex mathematical underlying to them. That is something I can appreciate.”

“You said art was a subjective experience and science was an objective one. So if you’re saying you like art because of something as objective as MATH, then you’re totally contradicting yourself.”

He shot her a look of dismay. “My SUBJECTIVE opinion on perfection in an artistic sense is the logical underpinning of it. Which makes my opinions both subjectively and objectively PERFECT. Would you expect any less of a being like me?”

“Oh here we go again…” She rolled her eyes.

“I look for things such as proper application of geometry. And I would say that any piece of art worth bothering with would be painted by an artist with a clear understanding of the Golden Ratio.”

“Oh yeah? Then what about the Venus de Milo and all that stuff you said about my flaws? You know, my ‘relative perfection’? You didn’t say anything about geometry and Golden Ratios there.”

“As I’ve said, art is subjective. If I wish to make one exception to the rule, then I’m allowed. You should feel _honored_ that I would make such an exception for you.”

“Yeah yeah, you’re just trying to cover your ass because you contradicted yourself.” She grinned. Now was the perfect time to bring _it_ up. “…like how you were trying to cover your ass when you were wrong about Bigfoot.”

Cell scowled and his expression immediately fell as soon as she mentioned the offending creature. Apparently she wasn’t planning to let him live it down after all.

“What? Not gonna say anything? Are you pissed off because you couldn’t save face? I bet you are. _You totally are._ ”

Without a word, he took his spot on the couch, crossed his arms, and closed his eyes. He would NOT indulge her in her silly desire to belittle him.

Yuki leaned over the back of the couch, smiling. He wasn’t going to say anything, but _she was._ She was going to say the one phrase that every male hated to hear. Cell might be a weird bugman, but she doubted even HE could deal with it. She leaned closer to his face and spoke in a sing-song voice. “I toooooold you so!”

His eyes shot open. “You would do well to keep such things to _yourself_.”

So he could be a typical male after all. Her smile grew wider. “I…”

His eyes narrowed in warning.

“…told…”

“Not the brightest of the bunch, are we?”

“…you…”

He continued to sit there, unmoving, boring holes into her with that glare of his. It was a little unnerving, but now she was just curious to see what the hell he planned to do to her. “…SO.”

As soon as the word left her mouth, she found herself pinned to the ceiling by some unseen force. Cell stood beneath her smirking. “It’s very _bad-mannered_ to insult me after I was gracious enough to give you so much pleasure.”

“You are SO FULL OF YOURSELF! I was the one who came on to you! If anyone should be saying that, it should be ME, you ass!” She struggled a little against the force, but it was absolutely pointless.

“Is that so?”

“I was the one ‘gracious enough to give you so much pleasure’, and if you don’t let me down, the only pleasure you’ll ever get again will be from YOURSELF.”

“How _lewd._ I would do no such thing.”

“Then you’re the only guy in the world that doesn’t! Now LET ME DOWN!”

“…doing so would imply desperation. I don’t get _desperate._ And I’m not letting you down. Why not relax and enjoy your surroundings? To take pleasure in such fine things in the comfort of your own home… a home worthy of _me._ Who but you could boast of such an achievement?” He grinned.

“Quit it with your ego crap! I swear to god, you’re just doing it to mess with me now!”

“Am I?”

“Hey maybe, just MAYBE I’d ‘take pleasure in such fine things’ if it was something other than BILLIONS OF DOLLARS worth of STOLEN ART in my living room. Though…” She sighed and slumped over a little. As much as she could slump while being pinned to a ceiling anyway. “…if I still can’t find a job by the time I run out of money, I can just sell one on the black market or something.”

Cell laughed. He was _incredibly_ surprised that she was still planning for her future here. So blindly optimistic… and he knew she would probably keep believing it until the last moment. But the situation was a lot less amusing now that her hasty decisions threatened to have negative effects against him as well. 

“In a few days there will be no one left to appreciate these pieces anyway. Doesn’t it seem rather pointless to worry over that?”

Yuki remained silent, refusing to look him in the eyes. She wanted to scream at him. Try to find some way to FORCE him to call off this whole stupid tournament, but he was utterly obsessed with it. Plus the last time she brought it up, he was so mean about it that she pulled out the ‘in the doghouse’ card. She suddenly felt herself floating downwards, until she was finally sitting on the ground.

“Why so silent? Are you still holding on the delusional hope that I’ll change my mind?”

No response. She shot him an angry glare but quickly looked back down at nothing in particular.

He chuckled and shook his head. “How unfortunate. You’re in for quite a rude awakening, my dear.”

After a few more seconds of silence, she pushed herself up off the ground and stood to face him with a growing sense of determination. No way was she was going to let him get away with saying those things AGAIN. If he got pissed off again and yelled at her for bringing up shit that he deemed as ‘none of her business’, then whatever. So be it. “You know what, Cell? I might not be strong, physically, but I’m not stupid, and I know I have at least a little bit of influence over you. So don’t think for one damn second that I’m going to sit back and let you do whatever you want and be your partner-in-crime. I have literally NO PROBLEM playing dirty and using that influence against you. So you’d better be ready for me!”

Cell’s eyes sparkled in delight at the prospect of this new challenge. “In that case, I look forward to whatever _fun_ thing you want to try against me. After all, I seem to have quite a bit of influence over YOU as well. Psychological battle against an opponent like _me_ is a dangerous game that you would be wise not to get involved in. Consider that a warning.”

“Yeah well, I’ll give you a warning, too! When couples fight, the woman ALWAYS wins!”

“I take no pleasure in _fighting_ with you, but I do love a good challenge. Now…” With a sly smile, he lifted up her chin and kissed her. “If you have no problem playing dirty and using your influence against me, I can think of much more _enjoyable_ ways to put that skill to good use.”

But Yuki wasn’t fazed. “I AM going to put it to good use - when I kick your ass at the tournament, remember?!”

“Ah right.” He tsked and let go of her. “Though I’m not sure why you wish to embarrass yourself live on television like that.”

“YOU’LL be embarrassed! If I can’t win by playing dirty, then I’ll just stand on the sidelines and cheer for Goku, how about that?!” As soon as the words left her mouth, she regretted saying them. Cell’s expression immediately dropped and was growing angrier by the second. It was unsettling as hell, and was enough to send chills down her spine.

Without a moment’s hesitation, he grabbed Yuki roughly by the collar and yanked her up until their noses were nearly touching. He spoke in a low, tense tone. “You’ve lost your mind if you think for one second I would allow you to be there during a fight like that. I’ve told you this once before, so let me _reiterate_ \- YOU WILL NOT INTERFERE. Do you understand that? I would rather not use physical force to keep you away, but _I will if I must.”_

As he stood there over her, a little whimper escaped her lips. Cell was giving her a look of pure rage that she’d never seen on him before. Not even on that second day, when she purposely pissed him off so much he’d practically strangled her. Her heart leapt in her throat as the fury in his eyes continued to grow, and she swore she saw that aura of his glowing faintly. _She pushed him way too far this time and she knew it would happen._ But she hadn’t realized just how angry he was going to get.

But no way, no way in HELL would she back down from him, even if that look made her want to run and hide somewhere. They were a _thing_ , and Cell was so incredibly hung up on his need to be the ‘perfect mate’ that he wouldn’t dare physically hurt her. She had NOTHING to fear and she could call his stupid bluff. She ripped herself from his grip and stuck her pointer finger right in his face, matching his narrow-eyed glare with one of her own. “Like HELL you will! You can’t tell me what to do, you ass! Why the hell are you so freaked out at the thought of me ‘interfering’ anyway?! I can look out for myself you know, it’s not like I’m going to run into the middle of you and Goku’s fight! When he showed up at the arena and you two had your stupid little stare-down, that was enough to scare the hell out of me! I can’t even IMAGINE what it would be like to see you two duking it out!”

Cell straightened up. The look of fury on his face vanished and was replaced by an eerie calm. “…my warning still stands.”

Yuki watched after him as he turned to leave the house, probably planning to go brood in that default off position of his… but halfway to the door he stopped, frozen in place. She waited for him to say something, but he continued to just stand there, unmoving. After about a minute, her impatience got the best of her and she spoke up. “Why are you being a statue?”

“I’m focusing.”

“On what?”

“Goku.” He moved to the window and crossed his arms, looking off into the distance.

“What?! Is he out there again?!” She ran up next to him, but couldn’t see anyone out there. “I don’t see him.”

“He’s not within visual range. His ki seems to be at resting levels, though he’s unusually close by.”

“He’s _chilling out_ near the arena? What?” She frowned. “How nearby is he?”

“142.4 miles in that direction.”

She sighed and rolled her eyes. “How is that ‘close by’? God, could you BE more paranoid? He’s probably just going about his day to day life or something.”

“Any spot within a 10 second flight window is considered _close by._ And if you consider _justifiable worry_ a type of paranoia, then fine.”

“Well you don’t have to worry, I’m right here next to you, what’s he gonna do to me? Besides, I thought you were pissed at me, why do you even care?”

“I would say he’d do absolutely nothing to you, after all, I have a good knowledge of the way his mind works. But I never rule out any possibility, however minuscule it may be. To dismiss things because they seem _unlikely_ is foolish.” His eyes left the window and settled on her. “…I’m incredibly annoyed with you but you’re still my mate, so yes, I _do_ care. Don’t mistake my annoyance for hatred.”

She smiled. “Well, I doubt anyone would dare to come in the house with you standing in the window looking all pissed. I’m telling you, you’re the perfect home security system.”

She left Cell to his Buckingham Palace guard impression and threw some waffles in the toaster. She had no idea why he was so uppity about Goku being over a hundred miles away. After all, the guy didn’t seem so bad. On her first day out at the arena, he even tried to ‘save’ her. Not only that, but from the stories Cell told her about his ‘rise to perfection’, Goku seemed to be a pretty nice and honorable guy, going in to save his friends and all.

Plate in hand, she plopped down on the couch and switched on the TV to some 60s-era Batman. Everyone said it was the worst superhero show ever, but she _could not get enough of it._ As she sat there, she imagined Goku and Cell fighting each other in the same corny way Batman fought the villains. It was horrible and wrong in every way, but at the same time… it was an _amazing_ thought. A huge grin spread across her face as she glanced over at Cell. He was still looking out the window, eyes locked on some spot far in the distance. It couldn’t be helped, she guessed. He was going to stand there, and he would continue to stand there until Goku moved on from whatever thing he was out doing. Probably taking a nice stroll through the woods or something… Apparently Yuki’s day would involve nothing but sitting on the couch.

After about an hour of silence and Batman marathoning, Cell finally spoke up. Barely, but it was enough for Yuki to hear. “I meant no offense. I apologize for assaulting you.”

She laughed. “What? You didn’t assault me, you just shook me and bitched a lot.”

“Fine, then I apologize for ‘grabbing you roughly in a non-sexual manner’. How about that?” He looked over his shoulder at her and smiled.

“See, now that sounds more accurate. I accept your apology then… I’m sure it was just your dramatic over-the-top way of telling me you’re afraid I’ll get hurt.”

“…I’d rather not limit myself by keeping ki blasts away from your general area. It would be hard to keep my full focus on the fight.”

“Uh-huh, suuuuure. I bet you just couldn’t focus cause I’d be tempting you with my come-hither looks, right?” She winked.

“You do that regardless.” He turned back toward the window. “By the way, if that _drivel_ on the television is what you consider a real fight, then I may have to give you a little demonstration of true skill later.”

“Watching you maneuver around like some karate master? That’d probably be a sexy thing to see.”

“Then I _most definitely_ have to give you a little demonstration of true skill later.”

“Hey, speaking of later… is Goku still out there? I kinda had some plans for later.”

“He is. What sort of plans?”

She wandered into the kitchen and dropped the plate in the sink. “So I was thinking today I could go out to my mom’s place and pick up all my old stuff. Remember, back in Gingertown when I got the keys out of her purse?”

“Asking me if I ‘remember’ something is unnecessary. Just assume I can recall anything that’s ever been said or done in my presence.”

With a sigh, she leaned against the counter. “A NORMAL girl would have problems with her boyfriend never listening to what she says. But I get the one that can creepily quote me verbatim.”

He frowned. “Normal? Is this neglect a widespread problem?”

Yuki frowned back. Cell looked really, REALLY confused. Present-day stereotypes probably went right over his head, lumped into the same category as pop culture references. “Um, yeah, I guess. There’s a reason that guys never paying attention to their girlfriends is a stereotype.”

He tsked and turned back to the window. Did she know that from experience? It made him much happier in his decision to go out of his way to kill that last idiot she’d been with. Not that it hadn’t made him happy regardless. He’d have to remember later to hunt down her other past lovers. Perhaps present their heads to her on a silver platter? Or make it a fun little ‘couple’s outing’. The possibilities brought a smile to his face.

“It’s a wonder humans manage to stay together at all.”

“Well… the divorce rate is pretty high these days.”

He chuckled. “And yet you’re lucky enough to have me. You would do well to remember that.”

“Yeah, OKAY.” She rolled her eyes. “Cocky, much?”

“Well, I-“ He paused and his smile fell as he let his focus snap back to the Saiyan problem. “…strange.”

“What’s strange? What’s he doing?” Expecting to see absolutely nothing again, she ran over to the window. This time the sky was a little darker, and far off in the distance she could see a halo of light. It reminded her of the glow of Gingertown she could see every night from her little nook in the forest. But there was no city in that direction… “Whoa. Is HE doing that?! Is that like you making an aurora?”

“He’s expending an enormous amount of ki. There’s no reason for him to bring himself to this level of power so rapidly, and not _this close to my arena._ Not yet, anyway.”

Yuki tore her eyes away from the strange sight and faced Cell. He looked like he was on high alert, but more curious than anything. “Is… it a power higher than yours?”

He laughed. “Not even close. A bit disappointing… I hope he has more than THAT hidden away, or else this tournament is going to get very boring.”

She gulped. If Goku could give off that kind of power from a hundred miles away, it was terrifying to think of what it looked like up close. And if Cell was stronger, it was even more terrifying to think of what he could do. Maybe his warning about not hanging around during the fights was a good idea after all… “Well… maybe it’s a coincidence he’s so nearby? Maybe he’s shooting up his power or whatever because he’s training. I mean, you DID want him to.”

“In battle, it’s foolish to play a strong hand so quickly. A fight is not merely about raw power. Without strategy, pace, and focus, even the strongest can fall to a subpar opponent. These are the things an experienced fighter concentrates on while training, and Goku is no amateur. It’s no _coincidence_ he’s nearby, but… I can’t ascertain the reasoning behind his actions.”

“You look kinda freaked out. Is not knowing what he’s doing bugging you that much?”

“I couldn’t possibly care less about how Goku chooses to spend his free time. But I’d rather he not spend so much of it near _my arena._ ”

She looked out at the halo curiously. Cell was obviously talking about all the times that guy popped in and out to see what was going on, but… that’s all it really seemed to be. Just a curious superhero having a couple looks to make sure everything was on the up and up. Cell didn’t really seem to care at all about Goku himself, except for the fact that he was worried about HER. Was he still worried?

“Hey… at least he’s not hanging out right next to us taking some weird interest in me again, right? You shouldn’t worry so much!”

With a cold, hardened expression set on his face, he moved for the door and threw it open. “I think I’ll go have a little CHAT with our good friend there. Perhaps politely inform him of the fine line he’s close to crossing.”

Yuki’s eyes went wide and she ran over to the door. “What if he doesn’t listen?”

“…then I’ll _violently_ inform him of it.” And with that last chilling statement, Cell took to the sky, heading straight for the offending Saiyan.

As Cell disappeared into the distance, Yuki sighed and shut the door. _What the hell was wrong with that Goku guy?_ Didn’t he realize how pissed off he was making Cell? Why would a hero willingly want to rile up a villain like that? But he was a good guy, so he had to have some kind of good motives. Though she wasn’t sure what kind of good motives followed ‘powering up in the middle of nowhere’. With another, more dejected sigh, she fell down onto the couch. She kept forgetting that Cell was the bad guy, and that even if Goku’s motives were good, they weren’t good for Cell. And if he really saw her as Cell’s partner-in-crime, they weren’t good for her either. After all the years she spent idolizing superheroes, now she had to FEAR their attempts at saving the day. How the hell had she gotten to this point…?

“Sorry it took so long!”

Yuki screamed and jumped up in a panic, knocking over the coffee table in the process. _Goku was standing in her fucking living room._

He threw his hands up. “Ah n-no, it’s Instant Transmission! It’s like teleportation, it’s fine, really!”

She backed away, shaking, until she stupidly backed herself right into a corner. The strange yellow-haired man was standing right next to her now, smiling. He was… happy? _Probably because he finally had his damn chance to kidnap her and try to pry information about Cell out of her._ And Cell had been a FUCKING LIAR, saying he ‘knew Goku’s mind’. He didn’t know shit!

“OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD…”

“W-why are you… Hey, do you remember me?”

Yuki’s mouth fell open, but she couldn’t speak. She was frozen in place. She didn’t know ANYTHING about Cell’s weaknesses! What the hell was she supposed to tell them once he whisked her away back to the Hall of Justice?! Would they even believe her?! Horrible mental images of torture and interrogation rooms flew through her mind. “D-don’t… please…”

Goku looked a little confused. “You don’t really understand the situation, do you? What has he been doing to you? Is there something you know about him?”

She’d been right. It was information about Cell they wanted… She looked toward the front door and tried to pull herself together. No way was she going down without a fight, she was gonna make a break for it. “L-look out behind you!”

“Huh?” Goku spun around to look.

Yuki ran for the door, a faint glimmer of hope shooting across her mind. She couldn’t believe that worked! _He actually fell for it!_ If that was Cell’s greatest enemy, the world was totally fucked.

“We don’t have time for this, Cell’s on his way back, he’ll be here any second!”

And just as she reached for the door handle, she felt Goku’s hand grab her by the arm, and the entire world _faded away around her._

Cell had been less than a second away from reaching Goku’s location and giving him a possibly-violent piece of his mind when the Saiyan’s ki signature suddenly vanished… only to reappear again _at his arena._ He spun around mid-flight, eyes wide with surprise. “W-wha…”

_It had been a diversion._

Without a moment’s hesitation, he picked up speed and headed back as quickly as he could. He growled. He would have Goku’s head on a PLATTER for this. And if he was foolish enough to do anything to his arena, or his home, or Yuki… Goku would have much more than his own head to worry about. _Yuki…_ the idea of anything happening to her was enough to claw ribbons into his self-control… and his sanity. Her distressing ability to be his _weakness_ was rearing its ugly head, but now there was absolutely nothing he could do about it.

As soon as he reached the house, he shot through the front door, ripping it off its hinges.

_No Yuki._

There was an overturned coffee table… possibly signs of a struggle? Everything he knew about Goku told him that he would never attempt such a thing, and yet… he did.

He stepped outside onto the arena, shaking, trying as hard as he could to expand what little focus he had left on locating Goku or any of his bothersome friends. _Nothing._ They were ALL suppressing their ki, HIDING from him. Holding his mate HOSTAGE. But Goku could possibly still be nearby. With a voice loud enough to echo for miles around, he called him out. “ _GOKU! RETURN HER NOW OR I WILL KILL EVERYONE YOU KNOW AND LOVE!”_

There was no reply.

For the first time, a strange fear began to take hold of him in the silence. And as he stood there running through every possible option he had, it slowly wrapped itself around his mind before finally breaking down in pieces. With a terrifying scream, his aura flared out around him, growing brighter and brighter as his composure crumbled away. Soon the ground itself was shaking and tearing apart, and his screams peaked into a primal roar that echoed into the distance, striking fear into anyone unfortunate enough to be in the area.

With a murderous gleam in his eyes, he spread his wings and raised himself into the air, slicing through the sky in a deadly fury. His target was a familiar one - the best way he knew to reach Goku and the others. _The news station._

If Goku wanted to play a game, then _so be it._ He would match that half-wit’s game with one of his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the center of all sitcoms is the _horrible misunderstanding._
> 
> Since I had some filler before the 'Great Abduction', I finally got to throw in artsy Cell :D 'Slightly cultured Cell enjoying the finer things' has been my headcanon for years and it is beautiful in every way. If he won the tournament, he would've totally capsuled the Louvre and taken it with him as a souvenir, and nothing anyone can do or say will convince me otherwise. I'm glad I got to use it.
> 
> Yuki's been kidnapped/saved by our dense hero Goku, and Cell is now on the verge of absolutely losing his shit (if he hasn't already, anyway) What things will Yuki experience on her trip away from the Dark Side, and what will Cell be doing back at the news station? Find out next tiiiiime, ON DRAGON BALL Z!


	21. Day Eight - A Hostage and a Hissy Fit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter:
> 
> With a murderous gleam in his eyes, he spread his wings and raised himself into the air, slicing through the sky in a deadly fury. His target was a familiar one - the best way he knew to reach Goku and the others. _The news station._
> 
> If Goku wanted to play a game, then _so be it_. He would match that half-wit’s game with one of his own.

As soon as she felt Goku’s hand leave her arm, Yuki timidly opened one eye. _She was in the Hall of Justice._ Her other eye shot open and she reeled back in horror, hyperventilating.

“Ah hey, I know that method of travel feels a little weird at first, but… um…” Goku’s voice trailed off and he blinked at her in confusion.

She pressed herself against the wall and whimpered, trying desperately to just melt into the wall itself and away from this fucked up situation she currently found herself in. She _recognized_ these people. Not that she knew them in person, but Cell’s descriptions of them were spot on. The three standing around her were Goku, Trunks, and Krillin. Trunks was the purple-haired man from the future, and Krillin was the little bald guy who, as Cell had put it, had been ‘the first to get a taste of my true power’. None of them looked very threatening… they looked _tough_ , yes, but their expressions were more curious than anything. Maybe they were hoping she’d give up information on Cell willingly? If she played along with that, maybe she’d survive unscathed?

Her breathing slowed back down as she calmed herself enough to take stock of her surroundings. She looked past the three at the rest of the room. It wasn’t much of a Hall of Justice - wooden floors, a small black table on a white rug, and a red backrest facing a small TV. Through the window she could see the ocean. Some kind of beach house? But the most terrifying thing about it were the people _in_ the room. Sitting right in front of the TV was the one she knew for sure was Piccolo. He seemed to be completely ignoring her and off in some kind of meditation. The one leaning against the far wall freaked her out the most… _Vegeta._ He was ignoring her as well, but he just radiated this horrible aura of ‘Come near me and you’re dead’. He was a _good guy?_ A shiver ran down her spine. There were others around the table, most of whom she didn’t know, though she had a feeling the blonde-haired boy was probably Goku’s son Gohan. And… an old man who was obviously undressing her with his eyes. _Ugh._ She frowned.

“This is Kame House.” Goku grinned. “I’m Goku, and this is Trunks, and Krillin.” He motioned towards each.

“I’m… Yuki.” Yuki cleared her throat and straightened up. So they weren’t going to be threatening as long as she played along? Well, that was fine. She could just make shit up until Cell came to save her. No problem, right? “I don’t want any trouble, okay? If you promise not to hurt me, I’ll tell you what you want to know.”

The three looked at each other. Were they confused? Or maybe silently considering her offer? She wasn’t quite sure at this point. But before any of them could open their mouths, an angry-sounding woman pushed them back. “Will you guys stop hovering around her?! After a week with Cell, she’s probably traumatized! Give her some space and let her calm down, you idiots!” She sighed and turned towards Yuki. “Sorry about them. Sit down wherever and take some time.”

Yuki gasped. “T-thank you…” The woman in front of her was _Bulma Briefs!_ Her and her father were titans in the scientific community! If not for the fact she was being held hostage in these guys’ secret lair, she would totally be nerding out right now.

She took a seat at the bottom of the staircase, as far away as she could get from the group of fighters hanging around the other side of the room, and that weird perverted old man. Bulma offered her tea and then left for the kitchen, leaving Yuki sitting on the stairs alone. She sighed and leaned over. What the hell was going on? They were being pretty decent to her… hell, most of them were IGNORING her. Even Goku was standing over near Gohan chatting about unrelated things. The only ones paying her any mind were Trunks and Krillin, both of whom just looked confused as hell. What kind of people kidnapped someone and then just _left them alone to their own devices?_ It had to be some kind of psychological interrogation tactic, like ‘good cop bad cop’.

“Here you go.”

Yuki was broken out of her train of thought by Bulma handing her a cup of tea. “Oh, thank you.”

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m… fine.”

“Good!” Bulma grinned and gave her a thumbs up.

She turned her attention back to Trunks and Krillin. They weren’t even looking at her anymore. So apparently EVERYONE was ignoring her. _What the hell?_ …but that’s when she noticed it. The window outside… the ocean waves were raging and the sky had grown dark, and far off in the distance was a halo of light. One that was hundreds of times larger and brighter than the one Goku had given off. All the fighters in the room, not counting the ever-meditating Piccolo, were looking in that direction with somber expressions.

Goku took a step towards the window. “Cell…”

Krillin fell in beside Goku, though he looked more shaken than the Saiyan. “T-that much power… that’s _insane._ ”

“And it’s still rising.” Trunks frowned. “Goku, what happened while you were out there?”

“Nothing. I lured him away, got her, and left.”

Vegeta scoffed, finally speaking up. “Afraid of a little display of power? I’m sure he’s just angry because an _idiot_ like Kakarot managed to outsmart him.” He chuckled and shook his head.

Yuki frowned. Vegeta kind of reminded her of Cell. They both looked pissed off all the time and they both liked making smartass remarks when the situation didn’t call for it. Now Cell was obviously pissed off, especially if that little light display was HIS. On one hand, it gave her some comfort to know he would be hunting her down and keeping these guys on alert, and the less attention they paid to HER the better. But on the other hand… if Cell was THAT riled up, who knew what he would do to any innocent bystanders that just happened to be wandering along his hunting trail? He PROMISED her that he wouldn’t kill anyone though, so she took comfort in that at least. She sighed and took a sip of her tea as they continued focusing on Cell’s ki.

“Goku, you don’t think he’d attempt anything uh, _drastic_ , do you? He’s probably just letting off some steam, right?” Krillin laughed nervously.

“I don’t know. And I don’t like what Cell’s idea of ‘letting off some steam’ probably is. Whether or not he tries anything anywhere else, we still have the dragon balls now. But…” Goku turned and looked straight at Yuki, but said nothing to her. He just seemed to be… _studying_ her. Trunks was doing the same. It was incredibly unnerving. So much for them not paying attention to her…

She jerked back in shock as Trunks sat down next to her, with Goku standing a little bit away. “I know you’ve been through a lot, Yuki. But Cell might be about to put countless others through a lot as well, unless you can tell us what it is about you that has him this enraged.”

Yuki gulped. What kind of a question was that? They KNEW she and Cell were on friendly terms, so what else did they think would piss him off? She glanced up at Trunks and Goku before looking out over the other fighters. Not counting Krillin and Gohan, most of the others were either ignoring her outright or still looking out the window. It made the situation a LOT easier, after all, the thought of every eye in the room on her was just a _whole lot of nope._ “I-it’s just for the obvious reason, I swear it. There’s no secret meaning behind it or anything.”

Trunks frowned and glanced over at Goku before looking back at her. “The obvious reason? Are you saying he’d really get that upset just because we freed you? So you have something he doesn’t want getting out then?”

Yuki’s eyes widened. _Freed her?_ Oh god… OH GOD. They still thought she was being held HOSTAGE. This whole thing was a giant _misunderstanding!_ Without thinking, she smiled and let out of a sigh of relief.

But as her eyes shot from Trunks to Goku, her smile fell back into a frown. They’d been nice to her this whole time because they thought she’d been Cell’s _hostage_. If she told them the truth, that friendliness of theirs would probably transform into the terrible mental images she’d had of the place earlier.

Which meant she had to lie. And _lie convincingly._ All she had to do was pretend to be Cell’s hostage until he found her! The perfect plan, and it would be a win-win. She would escape unscathed, and Cell wouldn’t flip out and blow up the whole world because the good guys tortured her! She took another sip of tea as she pondered over what to say. She knew stuff about Cell, most of it pointless stuff about his likes and dislikes, but… these guys were cunning. She had no idea what kind of information she held that they could actually use AGAINST him… like what if knowing how anal retentive he was about measuring distances somehow revealed some weakness in him that the untrained eye wouldn’t see?

“Anything at all you can tell us would be helpful. Even if it’s hard for you to say, at least try? People’s lives may depend on it.” Trunks gave her a kind smile.

Yuki looked him over curiously. He was a nice guy. Goku was nice, but seemed a bit thick-headed. Krillin and Gohan both seemed like pretty decent people too, but… as much as she wanted to help them, she couldn’t reveal the truth. Sometimes the nicest of people could turn into the cruelest in the face of an enemy.

She had to say SOMETHING. If she refused to say anything about Cell, they’d most likely get suspicious. But she couldn’t give them any USEFUL information. Not that she really had any anyway. Maybe she could give them information that she knew for a fact was useless? Yes! _That would work!_ She could just pretend to be clueless! “Um, well…”

Goku, Trunks, and Krillin were all hovering around her, looking at her intently now.

“…Cell doesn’t believe in ghosts, even though he believes in Bigfoot now, so… maybe if you had a ghost you could freak him out long enough to beat him up.”

Trunks opened his mouth to say something, but instead sat there thinking. Krillin, on the other hand, was snickering. “Wait, Cell believes in _Bigfoot_? Haha, WOW!”

“ _Krillin!_ ” Trunks snapped at him.

“S-sorry!”

Yuki noticed some movement coming from Piccolo’s direction. He was looking at her out of the corner of his eyes with a laser sharp focus. He seemed… _curious._ Perfect. Yet another thing to unnerve her.

“Yuki.” Trunks was a little more impatient this time but he was holding his composure nicely. “Maybe something more relevant?”

“…He likes artwork that ‘makes proper use of the Golden Ratio’, so maybe if you tore up some Da Vinci paintings in front of him, you could make him cry?” She shrugged and shifted nervously.

They were frowning now, and Piccolo _was still focused on her._ But she couldn’t stop now. She just had to keep stalling for time with stupid things about Cell until he found her. …hopefully, he would find her. He could hone in on these guys’ ki ratings or whatever the hell he called them. He knew how far away Goku was earlier, so why not?

“Uh… w-well, I think if he had the option to kill only one human in the world, he’d probably choose Giorgio Tsoukalos. So maybe you guys could use that guy to bargain with him?”

Vegeta scoffed and finally turned his attention to them. “I don’t know who this idiotic woman is, but it’s pathetic to watch you fools try to get information about Cell’s weaknesses from anyone. I will take him head-on - _no tricks._ ”

Goku frowned. “I’m not trying to figure out Cell’s weaknesses, I just want to know why he was keeping her there.”

Yuki growled. _That guy did NOT just call her an idiot._ It was HIS fault Cell had that kind of power and yet he DARED to stand there on that high horse of his and make fun of everyone like that. It was like listening to Cell, except Cell actually _had_ the power to back up his words. She stood up suddenly and glared at him. “Hey! I don’t care how scary you look, Vegeta! Have some fucking MANNERS! Maybe don’t call people _you don’t even know_ ‘idiotic’?! Besides, it’s YOUR FUCKING FAULT Cell hit his perfect form anyway, so who’s the idiot now?!”

She stood her ground, glaring daggers at the pissed off Saiyan. _Everyone was staring at her now._ Including Vegeta, who looked like he was about to throttle her neck. The whole atmosphere would’ve been more terrifying if not for Bulma standing near the doorway, doubled over in laughter.

But as Vegeta’s expression grew worse, she found it harder to stand her ground, and soon regretted blowing up like that… who knew what this guy would do to her?! She was just so used to not being afraid of Cell and his pissy glares that Vegeta’s didn’t really affect her either.

Luckily, Trunks broke the tension. “Why would Cell tell you about that? Why… why would Cell tell you _any_ of this?”

Yuki gulped. Her useless information idea was backfiring. _Shit._

Not only that, but Piccolo’s eyes widened and he was looking right at her now. She gasped and took a step back. He KNEW. _He figured it out._ In a desperate attempt to keep him quiet, she silently shook her head at him, a pleading look in her eyes. But no fucking dice.

Piccolo stood up, voice raised. “GOKU! Where exactly did you find Cell’s ‘hostage’ here?!”

Goku turned to look at him. “He had her locked up in a capsule house. She was on the couch when I found her.”

“ _ARE YOU REALLY SO DENSE?!_ Return her NOW before-“

Piccolo was interrupted by a loud explosion coming from the TV, followed by screaming. All eyes in the room immediately shot to the screen.

_Cell._

An eerie sense of deja-vu settled across the room as Cell stared out at them from the news station cameras, just as he had eight days ago. The hole in the wall behind him still sat in the background as a reminder of his last TV appearance.

But unlike earlier, his calm, collected demeanor had been transformed into a fury they’d not yet seen in him before. His aura flared out around him brightly and his entire body seemed to shake with rage. His eyes were narrowed and brimming with hate, and his usual smirk had been replaced by a scowl and gritted teeth. It was a countenance that chilled every fighter in the room down to the bone - even Yuki couldn’t deny feeling a sense of unease. Cell was, for lack of a stronger term, _incredibly pissed off._

When he opened his mouth to speak, his words were just as angry as his appearance. “ _GOKU, YOU SNIVELING, DISHONORABLE CUR!_ Are you truly so afraid of me that you would stoop to the level of _hiding behind a hostage?!_ I know it was you, and I know that you have her!”

Cell paused for a moment to collect himself, annoyed that he allowed his fury to overtake him in such a way. Goku and his little friends would easily pick up on the emotional distress in his voice, and he could not allow them to believe they had the upper hand. In an instant, he’d gathered his composure, an arrogant smirk spread across his face.

“All right, Goku. Here’s how this situation will play out. If Yuki is not returned to me in half an hour, I will start wiping cities off the map at a rate of _one every five minutes._ If after one hour she is STILL not returned to me, I’ll be forced to turn entire countries into steaming craters, and their blood will be entirely on _your hands._ So there’s your choice - you will return my mate, or you will sit back and let millions die. …the timer starts NOW.”

Cell raised his hand, aiming it right at the camera, and the signal cut out just as the screams began. The fighters sat speechless, staring at the television static in shock.

Yuki, on the other hand, stood staring at THEM in shock. She gulped. _So much for being incognito._ If she was smart, she’d make a break for it while they were frozen but… Cell had just threatened to blow up COUNTRIES because of her. The quickest way to get home was via Goku’s teleport, and who knew how long it would take her to get back on her own? She didn’t even know where she was! She only had thirty minutes, and she didn’t want anyone to die because of her… and she _certainly_ didn’t want Cell to be so worried about her that he’d have to resort to that kind of thing.

As Yuki pondered her options, Vegeta finally broke the silence. “A HOSTAGE?! Is that who this woman is?! _Is this a JOKE, Kakarot?!_ Is that why you _implored_ us to suppress our power, so you could get away with this? Have you no pride at all?!”

“If you had been paying attention earlier, you would know what was going on, Vegeta.” Piccolo sneered and sat back down in his meditative pose. “Goku, it’s on you to fix your mess.”

“Oh MAN…” Goku grinned at Yuki and laughed nervously. “I’m really sorry about this! You probably thought I was kidnapping you!”

“Y-yes?” Yuki took a step back. “Um, are you… you’re not going to torture me, are you? Please say no…”

Goku blinked. “Is that why you looked so terrified? You thought that?”

“Maybe?”

Before Goku could reply, Krillin jumped in with a look that just screamed ‘my mind is boggled’. “Cell has a girlfriend? You’re Cell’s _girlfriend?!_ He doesn’t even seem like the kinda guy that w-“

One of the fighters Yuki didn’t know the name of interrupted him with a taunting laugh, a black-haired man with a scar on his face. “Hey Krillin, even CELL can keep a girlfriend, what does that say about you?”

The poor guy groaned and backed away, slightly embarrassed.

Yuki couldn’t believe it. _They were okay with it._ What the hell was with these guys? They didn’t seem to respond to any situation in a way any normal person would. But… only a few of them were actually human, so who knew what was ‘normal’ for these guys?

“So, you and Cell. Hmmm…” Yuki turned away from watching Krillin and the scar-faced man throw insults at each other, and looked down at the old man she’d dubbed Pervy McPervpants. He was standing right next to her, adjusting his sunglasses and _looking at her crotch._

“Now how does that work…?” Pervy McPervpants scratched his beard while apparently contemplating her nether regions. “You must have some strange parts going on underneath those shorts. Hmmm…”

Yuki gasped and, without a moment’s hesitation, wheeled back her arm and slapped him across the face as hard as she could. “ _HOW DARE YOU!_ ” Pervy McPervpants fell backward with a laugh. He was probably used to getting slapped by women. That figured. It was _incredibly_ tempting to let Cell know about Pervy, and then just turn a blind eye to whatever punishment he decided to give the guy.

“Master Roshi… not the sharpest crayon in the box, are you?” Yuki looked back up to see Krillin standing next to her. “You know, Yuki, you don’t really seem… well… _evil._ ” He laughed nervously.

“I’m not! I’m so not! I don’t want Cell to destroy the world either, I SWEAR!”

Krillin seemed to be contemplating something. “Well, we DO have half an hour, maybe if you want to talk to us…”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you, WEAKLING? Defeating a fighter by pulling information out of his woman.” Vegeta tsked. “A _Saiyan_ would never sacrifice his honor in such a cheap, pathetic way.”

“He IS right, we don’t have any reason to keep her here.” Goku held out his hand to Yuki. “Here, I’m taking you home.”

“WAIT.” Trunks grabbed his arm.

Yuki sighed and sat back down on the step. Of course they wouldn’t just _take her home._ Someone had to object to SOMETHING.

“Think about it, Goku. If you just drop her off at the arena, when Cell returns he’s going to assume he was right - that we actually _kidnapped_ her. You saw how angry he was. Who knows how he’ll react? If he’ll even bother waiting until the tournament and just kill people in revenge?”

Goku frowned. “Yuki, do you know him good enough to know the answer to that?”

She bit her lip. Trunks did have a point. Cell would probably rain screaming fury down on them whether it was an accident or not… “Cell’s a pretty protective guy, you know? I mean, he’s killed a few people in one of his attempts to ‘protect’ me before, but I made him promise me not to kill anyone else until the tournament. He’s stuck to his promise so far, but… the way he looked on TV just now. I’ve never seen him look so _pissed off_ before.”

“You know this was all a misunderstanding, right?”

“Yeah.”

Goku looked at her thoughtfully. “Would he believe you if you told him this was all a misunderstanding?”

Yuki’s eyes widened. That was actually a really good question… Goku seemed kinda air-headed, after all, he fell for the ‘look out behind you’ trick, but he did have some pretty good instincts when it came to knowing his enemies. “Um, I don’t know… he’s been pretty weird and mistrustful of you guys… He _might_ believe me, but knowing him, he’ll probably just think you guys manipulated me into thinking that and he’d come kick your asses anyway.” She pursed her lips and looked down at the floor. “Sorry… that’s probably not the answer you want to hear.”

Goku and Trunks exchanged glances.

“Goku, you know where he is right now. And what he’s doing. He’s using too much ki for him to be doing anything else.”

“Yeah…”

She frowned. What the hell were they talking about? “Where is he? What’s he doing? Don’t leave me in the dark, he told me all about that ki stuff!”

Trunks crossed his arms and looked towards the window. “He’s still in the city that broadcast came from. And his power isn’t exactly at ‘resting levels’.”

“He’s throwing a hissy fit, isn’t he?!” Yuki growled and stood up. “That ASSHOLE! He promised me he wouldn’t kill anyone! I swear to god I’m going to _rip his head off_ if there’s anyone DEAD in that news station! Take me there and I’ll deal with him!”

“Can I leave you here for a minute and go see him myself?”

“…what? Why?! We’re not even sure he’s going to believe ME if I tell him it was a misunderstanding, there’s no way he’ll believe YOU. Especially if you show up alone without me.”

“I don’t want to take you into an unknown situation if I don’t have to. Just because we know where he is and how much power he’s using, doesn’t mean we know exactly what he’s doing or how dangerous he’s made the area. I’d like to go in on my own first, just to try. If it doesn’t work, at least we’ll know what we’re dealing with.”

Yuki reluctantly nodded in agreement. After all, if she teleported in in the middle of some massive city-wide blast like the one Cell used to turn Gingertown into a crater… well… she wouldn’t live to talk about it. Or crazy amounts of radiation. Or buildings falling from the sky. She shuddered at the thought of another city in ruins.

With a little wave and a smile, Goku placed his fingers to his forehead and disappeared.

As soon as Goku left, things in the room started getting more uncomfortable. Or maybe they had been earlier, but she’d just been too focused on Goku to notice. Vegeta and Piccolo were eyeing her suspiciously, and Pervy McPervpants was still looking at every part of her body EXCEPT her eyes. Without a word, she walked right out the front door. Luckily nobody attempted to stop her.

Outside, Yuki quickly realized that all her thoughts of escaping earlier were completely pointless. _They were on a damn island._ Not just any island either, but one so small that it couldn’t have been even twice the size of the little house. She scanned the horizon. No land in sight. Who would live so far out in the middle of nowhere like this? You’d need to take a plane just to get to the grocery store! …or a Saiyan with teleportation powers. She sighed and sat down on the beach, looking out over the waves.

“Um, Miss Yuki?”

She looked up to see Goku’s blonde-haired son standing next to her. He looked a little inquisitive. He was just a kid though… he probably thought she was some horrible monster for being with someone like Cell. “Listen kid, if you want to make fun of me and call me evil, go ahead.”

“N-no! I wasn’t! I promise!”

Yuki laughed. The poor kid looked so alarmed… it was kind of adorable. “All right, all right… Gohan is your name, right?”

“Y-yes…” He seemed to calm down a little as he sat next to her. “I’m sorry if I looked like I was going to say something bad.”

“Well, it’d be the normal response, I guess. So what’d you wanna ask?” Yuki watched him as he sat there thinking. He looked like he knew what he wanted to say but was having a hard time coming up with a way to say it.

“Um… is Cell nice to you?”

“What?” She raised an eyebrow.

“I haven’t seen him in person yet, but… all my friends, the ones who fought him already… he was pretty merciless and cruel to them. It’s hard to imagine him being nice. Or anyone liking him.” His eyes went wide. “I mean, um! I didn’t mean that the way it sounded!”

As Gohan panicked over his imagined slight, Yuki laughed. “It’s fine! Being a normal curious kid isn’t _offensive_ , dummy. You’re really polite though, your mom must be proud.”

Gohan smiled. “T-thanks…”

“Wanna hear some fun stuff about Cell’s personal life? Just to satisfy your curiosity.” She grinned.

He said nothing, but the way he sat and looked at her, like he was ready to hear an interesting story, told her his answer. “Yesterday he took me Bigfoot hunting and then he helped me remodel the house.”

“W-what?!”

“I swear on my life he did. The best part was, he only took me out to look for Bigfoot because he was _soooo sure_ Bigfoot didn’t exist and he wanted to prove me wrong. And guess what happened?”

“You found Bigfoot?”

“YES! Wait… how did you know?”

Gohan laughed. “I’ve met him before! He’s really nice. I spend a lot of time in the woods, so I’ve made a lot of friends there.”

Yuki’s jaw dropped. “You’re _friends_ with Bigfoot?”

“Yep.”

“Whoa… I’m surprised you even do that kind of thing. I just assumed all you fighters hung out in gyms all day.”

“Well, I’m not really a fighter. I mean… I want to be strong to fight for my friends and my family, you know? I don’t like fighting just to fight, like my dad does. I’d rather work things out without resorting to that…”

“I guess that makes us kindred spirits then, huh?” She smiled and patted him on the head. “Because it’ll be a cold day in hell before I let Cell ruin this planet. He can keep thinking he’s got the upper hand all he wants, but I’d like to see him TRY to stand up to the wrath of an angry girlfriend.”

“It would be nice for this to end without anyone else getting hurt…”

“Hey! Maybe you guys will be like Bulma and Vegeta, huh?” The voice of Krillin came from behind her. She turned around to look. “It’d be nice to have that guy on our side.”

Yuki scoffed as Krillin sat down on the other side of her. “Even if Cell spared the planet, he’d never join the ‘good side’. He’d probably just bitch a lot and hang out in some neutral gray area.”

“I was… kinda listening to you guys from the window. Sorry.” Krillin blushed. “But, um… nobody in that house thinks you’re evil. I don’t know how much Cell’s told you about us, but you wouldn’t happen to know anything about Vegeta, would you?”

Yuki mulled over it for a moment. She didn’t remember too much… she knew Cell told her more those years earlier, but most of it was stuff she couldn’t recall. “I don’t really, just that he’s a Saiyan and the stupid shit he did to help Cell.”

“Vegeta came to earth to kill Goku, take the dragon balls, and kill off everyone on the planet. Man, you should’ve seen the fight between him and Goku! There were a lot of moments I thought Goku was done for.”

“So what happened?” Yuki tilted her head curiously. That was the second time someone mentioned ‘dragon balls’, but she’d have to figure that out later. Apparently Vegeta had more in common with Cell than just the pissy looks and smartass comments.

“Well, long story short, Goku and Gohan barely survived, but Vegeta wound up in pretty bad shape himself. That sleazy coward crawled back to his ship on his hands and knees to escape, and I was _this close_ to driving a sword right through that guy’s back. But right before I did… Goku tells me to just _let him go!_ At the time I thought he’d lost his mind, but… hey, Vegeta’s in there backing us up, so Goku did something right.”

“I don’t think Cell would ever back you guys up, whether he spared the planet or not. I mean, he can be a decent guy when he wants to be, but he’s not a GOOD guy.”

“I… wouldn’t say Vegeta’s a good guy, but he’ll come around when we have common enemies, you know? Vegeta lost to Goku, and now he’s hellbent on training until he’s strong enough to beat him. He just sticks around so he can get his ‘victory’ one day, but between you, me, and Gohan…” He leaned in closer and lowered his voice. “…there is no way Vegeta will ever get stronger than Goku.”

Gohan laughed.

“But…” Yuki looked up at the sky and tapped her chin. They might be on to something here. “If Vegeta wants to kill Goku so bad, why not just blow up the planet? That’d kill Goku.”

“Nah, he’s too proud to beat him that way. Plus he married Bulma, so I doubt he’d get away with anything before Bulma, um… threw him in the doghouse. She can be pretty scary sometimes.” Krillin shivered. “But the point is, what I MEAN to say is, nobody in there thinks you’re evil. If anything, they’re just hoping you’re Cell’s Bulma. I know those Saiyans are looking forward to the fights, but… none of us want this to end badly, you know?”

Yuki smiled to herself. That was pretty funny he brought up the doghouse thing, especially after putting Cell in one the other day. ’Cell’s Bulma’… The more she tried to change Cell’s mind about the whole thing, the more hopeless she felt. He was resistant, obsessed, and completely focused on coming out on top as the strongest fighter on the planet. But… if Goku _beat him_ , would he want to stick around in hopes that he’ll someday win in a rematch? COULD anyone beat him? Regardless of the answer, it was still a small ray of hope, and it gave her a little bit of comfort at least.

“Hey, Krillin?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry that yours was the first ass my boyfriend kicked after he digivolved.”

“Uh… thanks? ‘Digivolved’?”

She sighed. “That was a _Digimon reference!_ God, all you fighters need to get out more, I swear pop culture references are lost on all of you! What do you guys _do_ all day besides fighting?”

“I study.” Gohan smiled.

“Oh yeah? What do you study?”

“Everything. I’m the best at math though. Mom says I have natural talent.”

“Oh, I’ve always sucked at math. I’m an entomology major.”

Gohan’s eyes lit up. “I guess Cell is the most interesting bug you’ve gotten to study, right?”

“You tell him that and he’ll kick your butt.” Yuki winked. “But _he totally is._ ”

All three of them spun around at the sound of Goku’s voice. “Well, that was a fun talk!”

“What did he say?!” She got to her feet and looked Goku over. He didn’t look _hurt_ , so apparently Cell didn’t immediately start beating the shit out of him the moment he made eye contact like she thought he would… but he did look incredibly stressed out and concerned.

“He came at me in a rage… it was kind of surprising. I put everything I had into dodging him, I thought maybe he’d calm down if he realized I wasn’t trying be hostile, but he, um… got pretty upset over that.” Goku laughed nervously. “I tried explaining the whole thing to him, but he wouldn’t listen.”

“He didn’t even LISTEN to you?!”

“He didn’t speak much either. But it did seem like calling it a misunderstanding just provoked him even more. He had some really creative insults for me.” Goku frowned. “…and there was a few things in there about defending your honor, but… then he started powering up. If he was that hard to reason with in a physical fight, I wasn’t about to agitate him to the point of throwing ki blasts, so I left. Most of the city was still intact except that single area, and I won’t engage him in the middle of a populated city. Especially when he’s in that state of mind.”

“ _Defend my honor?!_ He said that?! Are you kidding me?! Ugh…”

“I’d… rather not bring you into a dangerous area like that, but the only option we have now is to take you there and hope he’ll believe you.”

“Okay.” Yuki stood up straight and took a deep breath. The thought of dealing with another ruined city was terrifying, but with Goku saying the destruction was confined to a small area, maybe there wouldn’t be any casualties… she could only hope. “Let’s do this.”

Gohan and Krillin gave her a few words of encouragement, and soon the world melted away around her as she got her second nauseating taste of teleportation travel.

Cell floated high above the decimated news station, absolutely seething. He’d given those fools half an hour, and they only had ten minutes left before the rest of this city started resembling the pile of rubble he was currently flying over. _That idiot Goku…_ coming here thinking he would fall for a LIE like that. He growled and tossed another ki blast at the rubble. _A misunderstanding?_ He knew exactly what Goku was attempting - he and his little friends thought they would get away with it. That he wouldn’t care enough to strike back. They didn’t expect him to threaten planet-wide destruction, and now they were trying to backtrack and pretend the whole thing never happened.

If he were a lesser man, he would toss their wives into the middle of the ocean somewhere.

As soon as he felt Goku’s ki return, his eyes shot to a spot off to the left of the rubble. The idiot stood staring up at him, and next to him… _Yuki._

Yuki gasped and scanned over the damage in the area. Goku was right - the city was still intact. The only thing in ruins was the news station, which was currently a giant pile of rubble laid out in front of them. Her stomach lurched at the thought of how many people might have been in there when Cell blew it up… There was nobody around now though. Everyone else was smart enough to get far, far away. She looked up at him as he floated silently down from the sky, eyes locked firmly on Goku. He came to a stop a few feet above the ground and hovered there, his expression emotionless and threatening. He glanced over at Yuki for only a second before continuing his stare-down with the other fighter… Yuki gulped. Hopefully it wouldn’t be another one of those ground-shaking staring contests like last time…

Eyes still locked on the Saiyan, Cell reached out his arm and silently gestured Yuki over. She hesitated for a second, after all, Cell’s demeanor was kind of _terrifying_ , but the focus of his anger was Goku so she’d probably be all right. Hopefully. She cautiously moved away from him and over to Cell. _It felt like she was in some kind of prisoner exchange._ As soon as she was within reach of him, he landed on the ground and pulled her back defensively, holding her between his arm and his wing.

Only after Yuki was safely next to him, did he bother speaking to Goku. “You know Goku… as a fitting punishment for your pitiful little lie, I may just wipe out this city anyway.” He smirked.

“Hey!” Yuki growled. “Don’t you dare! This whole thing was a misunderstanding, just _let it go_.”

Cell laughed. “Oh? He has you believing that ridiculous line? They’re deceiving you, my dear. They weren’t expecting me to threaten a counterattack this extensive… and now they’re attempting to protect themselves from it. A rather cowardly route to take, and I will not let such an insult to my intelligence slide.” He gently pushed her aside and pointed a little ways in the distance. “Go sit over there and let me deal with him.”

She stood there, wide-eyed. _He did not just say that to her._

Cell took a step towards Goku threateningly. “It seems you’re eager to start the tournament early.”

Goku took a step towards Cell in return. Their auras were both glowing now, both of them waiting for the other to make a move. “Cell, we don’t need to do this now. And not here.”

“Oh, but we _do_ need to do this now. Come with me to the arena and I will spare the rest of this city.”

Yuki’s anger grew as she watched Cell threaten to _kill more people._ Her anger grew even more thinking about how he basically told her to shut up and let him handle everything, like she was too dumb to know what was going on. And as he continued to threaten Goku, she finally just fucking SNAPPED.

“HEY! _FUCK YOU!_ ” She screamed in absolute rage, apparently throwing both Cell and Goku off-guard. They both paused, and Cell spun around to stare at her, eyes wide in shock.

“How DARE you! Telling me I’m being _manipulated?!_ I’m not a fucking IDIOT, Cell! You’re calling me stupid right now! If anyone should defend my honor, I should be defending my OWN honor against YOU! I am not fucking stupid, and I sure as hell am not sitting in the background while you parade around all chivalrous thinking you’re _taking care of me_ or something! I’m not some princess in distress, you asshole! I am… I am _THE GOD DAMN QUEEN BEE!_ ”

Cell blinked and straightened up, looking her over warily. “Excuse me?”

“NO! NO FUCKING EXCUSE! You promised me you wouldn’t kill anyone else until the tournament! And now look! How many people do you think died in the rubble here while you _flew around bitching?!_ I swear to fucking god if you throw another HISSY FIT and more people in this city die because you’re gonna act like a TODDLER over a stupid situation that was totally an _accident_ … UGH.” She shot him an expression of pure outrage.

The outraged look Cell gave her in return would stop a lesser man dead in their tracks. “HOW DARE Y-“

“DON’T GIVE ME THAT LOOK! I can stand up for myself! And right now I’m standing up for myself _against you!_ You promised me! YOU PROMISED ME, that nobody else would die until then, and you know damn well if you and Goku started wailing on each other, people would die! I’m putting my god damn foot down!” She stomped on the ground for added effect. “ _STOP MEASURING EACH OTHER’S DICKS AND TAKE ME HOME!_ ”

Silence fell across the area as Cell stood there, wide-eyed, jaw dropped. Goku wore the same expression.

Yuki shifted nervously. She couldn’t believe she just said all that to him. She _blew her own mind_ with that one. But she couldn’t falter now, the rest of the city that wasn’t already ruined depended on her. “ _WELL?!_ ”

Cell was shocked. She would _dare_ to speak to him in that way?! He had promised her that, yes, but… Now he quite honestly had no idea what to do. He’d been completely unprepared for a reaction like that. Hundreds of proper responses to a human speaking to him in that tone of voice flew through his head, but none of them were anything he’d even dream of attempting on her. He looked her over uneasily. He wouldn’t say Yuki’s tone was _terrifying_ in any way whatsoever, but it did make him feel slightly uncomfortable. And the very fact that it made him slightly uncomfortable was rather uncomfortable in and of itself. His eyes shot from Yuki to Goku, considering his next move.

He scowled at the surprised Saiyan. “…you have less than 48 hours left. I _do_ hope you’re ready.”

A twinge of excitement ran through Yuki’s body as she and Cell hovered a few feet off the ground for a moment before taking off toward the arena. _That actually worked._ And he didn’t kill her! She nervously looked over at him as they flew through the sky. He was frowning, and his gaze was fixed on the landscape ahead of them. He didn’t seem to be in any mood to look at her, much less talk to her…

His frown grew as they continued forward. His mind was currently cycling between feeling offended and impressed at the fact that she was sure enough of herself to call him out in such a manner. As much as he hated to admit it, the latter was starting to win out. He finally broke the silence. “…color me impressed. But don’t assume I’ll always be ready to forgive such an insolent tone towards me in the future. I would never speak to _you_ in that manner, and I would insist the same respect to be given in return.”

“Oh yeah? Then why’d you forgive it this time?”

“Because you caught me off-guard. If not for the strange gratification I get out of your ‘unexpected challenges’, you’d be nothing more than a crater on the earth after that little charade you pulled.”

“I bet if it wasn’t gratifying, you still wouldn’t throw me into the earth. I’ve pissed you off _way_ too many times to know you wouldn’t do that.” She grinned.

“I can’t imagine you would be a very competent poker player.” He chuckled. “You seem to think everything is a bluff.”

When they landed at the front door, the first thing Yuki noticed was, well, _there was no front door._ Or there was, but it was about fifty meters away. “Hey, how many meters exactly is that door located from where it’s supposed to be?”

“54.7”

“So now you not only owe me a mattress, but also a door.”

“The hinges are still intact.” With a dismissive wave, the door popped back in place as he went inside, Yuki following in after him. “As for the mattress… I suppose I could go pick some up in bulk.”

Yuki rolled her eyes as she pulled a soda out of the fridge. “Bulk, huh? _Someone’s_ sure of himself.”

“Undeniably so.” He smirked and leaned against the back of the couch, arms crossed. “Tell me, did they treat you well?”

“They actually treated me very nicely. And I’m incredibly pissed at you for kicking Krillin’s ass, he and Gohan were the nicest people there. Now I have a question for YOU.”

“And that would be…?” He watched her curiously as she sat down on the back of the couch next to him.

“You were so fine with just fighting Goku then and there, like you didn’t even CARE about the tournament. You’re not really interested in a tournament at all, are you? You’re just in it to beat the shit out of Goku. The tournament is just some way for you to get all your enemies in one place so you can pick them off one by one easier once Goku’s out of the way. I’m right, aren’t I?”

“Not in the slightest. This tournament is going to be very amusing for me. I’m looking forward to it.” Cell laughed. “But I won’t deny that picking off those idiots one by one will be a lot of _fun._ ”

“Okay, Mr. U. N. Owen.”

“And here I assumed you couldn’t make references to anything but comic books and television.”

“Hey, I’ve read actual books before! When I had to. …for college. Hey, um…” She shifted nervously and looked him over. There was something else eating away at her mind. The ‘dragon balls’ those guys kept mentioning. She wanted to ask Cell what they were, but at the same time, they might be some secret weapon Goku was going to use against Cell. Her curiosity was definitely winning out, though. “What are dragon balls?”

Cell’s disinterested look over the subject told her they probably weren’t the secret weapon she feared they might be. “There are seven orbs scattered across the earth. When all seven are brought together, the dragon Shenron appears to grant the summoner any wish… though there are limitations. But with Piccolo fused with Kami, the dragon balls are no longer in play. Why do you ask?”

“Goku mentioned them. They were afraid you were gonna kill more people, and Goku said that at least they had the dragon balls now.”

“So they found a new Kami, did they? Hm.” Cell seemed to be musing to himself at this point. “They must be planning to reverse everything I’ve done…”

As Cell continued mulling over the implications of what Yuki was starting to regret telling him, she wandered over to the phone she heard ringing. _Ten missed calls?!_ All from her grandmother and Akiko. What the hell was that about? She hesitantly picked up the phone. “Hello?”

The voice of Akiko snapped back at her. “Yuki, are you kidding me right now?!”

“What? About what?”

“About your really bad call of judgement, maybe? I understood why you harbored him in the first place, since he played you for a fool, but you’re not crazy enough to realize that letting him take advantage of you like THIS is way too much.”

“W-what are you talking about?”

“Oh, I don’t know, the whole ‘mate’ thing?”

Yuki froze and placed her hand over her mouth. _Akiko knew._ She looked over at Cell, who was observing her actions curiously. He could obviously hear everything on the other end of the line. “How… do you know about that?”

“It’s all over the news!”

“H-he’s not taking advantage of me! I’m sorry, okay?! I don’t know what to say! It’s not like I’m cheering him on in the tournament!”

“You might as well be.” With that, Akiko hung up.

Yuki stood there in silence, staring down at the phone. She started to shake uncontrollably. _Everyone knew._ Akiko knew. Her grandmother knew… This was it. She could never go out in public ever again. She always knew this might happen, but she tried so hard to take steps against it, but now… She gasped and dropped the phone, making a lunge for the TV remote, but it was gone. Cell was holding it away from her. “GIVE ME THAT!”

“Do you honestly think I would allow you to torture yourself with needless information?”

“It’s not needless! The news is SAYING SHIT ABOUT ME. How is that fucking NEEDLESS?!”

“It’s apparent everyone knows. Everything else is just pointless details and conjecture.”

“ _I WANT TO SEE IT!_ ”

Cell sighed and tossed her the remote. What would be the point? She would find some way to get the information anyway. “Fine.”

Her heart beat a million miles an hour as she sat on the floor, flipping on the TV. Akiko had been right - _she was all over the news._ Apparently someone had taken a photo of her and Cell leaving the area, and they put two and two together. Every theory about her, every insult, every question over her sanity… each word was like a knife in her heart. The religious types were even calling her _the whore of Babylon._ And when it became too much to take, she flipped off the TV, curled up on the floor, and cried.

He sat down on the couch and looked down at her, frowning. Quite honestly, this should be a good thing. After all, there was no doubt in his mind that she would willingly leave the planet with him now that she’d been ostracized by her own species. But he’d rather it didn’t involve her _weeping in the fetal position._ She was crying because he’d lost his composure and, as a consequence, outed her on national television. Being the reason for her current state was painfully taxing. He debated what he could possibly say to elevate her mood, but she chose to speak first.

“This isn’t supposed to happen, this isn’t fair.” She choked out her words between sobs. “Things weren’t supposed to wind up like this…”

“I said this to you on the first day you came out here, and I will say it again. Life doesn’t do ‘fair’, not then, not now, not ever. There was never truly what ‘should be’, there is only what is, and that’s it. The concept of what ‘should have been’ is something you humans invented to torture yourselves with.”

“It’s easy to say that when YOU’RE the one that caused my ‘should have been’!” She pulled herself up off the ground. “You told everyone on TV who I was! You had NO FUCKING RIGHT to do that! And I bet you did it on purpose, with your stupid idea that I’m going to go travel the universe with you, you just want everyone to HATE ME so I’ll have no choice but to go! YOU’RE A FUCKING MONSTER!”

He growled and stepped closer to her. And to think he’d felt _sorry_ for what he did… only to be treated like THIS. “You would accuse me and call me a _monster?_ What does that say about you?”

“NOTHING! I’m not evil! Just because you’re evil doesn’t mean I am! I’m going to kick your ass in the tournament, I’ll show everyone I’m not on your side!”

“The media would beg to differ.”

As soon as the last word left his mouth, Yuki pulled back her arm and slapped him across the face. But unlike last time, he actually gave way to it, and she didn’t get the painful sting in her hand she got the last time she’d slapped him. He probably just didn’t want her to get hurt, but she was way too pissed off to think too much on it.

With a condescending smirk, he turned back to face her. “They say _he who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster._ ” He grabbed her chin and pulled her up until their noses were touching, staring deep into her eyes. “ _And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you_.”

She jerked back out of his grasp. “Fuck you and your stupid Shakespeare insults!”

He tsked and walked towards the front door, pushing it open. “Not everything I say is _Shakespeare._ That was Nietzsche. Now come over here and stand on the other side of this door. I want to demonstrate something for you.”

“FINE.” She let out an irritated sigh and stomped out onto the front step. She spun around to face him, arms crossed impatiently. “Well?”

With a sly half-smile, Cell slammed the door in her face. His words hit her like a ton of bricks from the other side of the door. “ _You’re in the doghouse._ ”

She stood there in shock, staring at the closed door. _The doghouse?!_ Was he kidding?! It became painfully clear that he wasn’t kidding when she realized the door was locked. Or held shut by ki powers or whatever. “CELL! You can’t put me in the doghouse! The doghouse is a men’s only club, you ass!”

No response.

“…and SCREW YOU and your Nietzsche quotes! That’s probably not even what he meant by that, you know! It was probably supposed to be symbolic of something! LET ME IN!” She banged frantically on the door. Still no response. What the hell was he doing in there?!

She looked through the window. Cell was sitting on the couch in his stupid default off position. Definitely ignoring her… apparently she wasn’t getting in any time soon. With a sigh, she sat down on the front steps, head in her hands. Minutes turned into hours as she stared off into the distance, thinking over her current situation and whatever her future could possibly hold. And Cell… Cell didn’t deserve her calling him a monster. She was just pissed over what happened and took it out on him. He’d only said all those things on the news because he was _worried about her_. He was concerned for her safety, and she’d just gotten in his face for it. She turned and looked back at the door. What he did was horrible, he’d KILLED people, but… _she cared about him._ The thought of him sitting in there brooding because she’d yelled at him for CARING… it was a little heartbreaking.

Would he let her in with a peace offering? That always worked on her… “Hey Cell?” She knocked. “Open up, I have a peace offering.”

For a moment she thought he wouldn’t respond, but then the door opened to reveal Cell standing there with his arms crossed, a bored expression on his face.

She laughed nervously. “Um… so…”

“I’m only doing this because you’ve piqued my curiosity. I can’t possibly fathom what kind of ‘peace offering’ you would give to _me_.”

She inched closer to him and grabbed his arms, lifting herself up to give him a kiss. The tension seemed to leave him as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in closer. She sighed happily as she felt his hands sliding up her back. _Maybe they could go upstairs and she could give him a proper peace offering…_ With a sly grin, she snaked her arms around his neck. “Have you ever heard of the phrase ‘make-up sex’?”

Cell smirked, and for a moment she thought he was about to drag her up the stairs, but then he let go of her. “I don’t think that would be very feasible, considering the fact that you aren’t allowed in the house. Perhaps another time.”

_And then he closed the door._ She stood there, completely blown away. He’d _turned down sex._ That actually just happened… he really WAS pissed. “Come on, Cell! It’s getting late, where am I supposed to sleep?!”

Once again, no response.

A few minutes passed as she pounded on the door, begging him to let her in… but it wasn’t happening. She took her capsule case out of her pocket, tossed out her car, and climbed in the backseat. She lay there in a sour mood, trying to wrap her mind over what she was being forced to do. _She couldn’t believe it._ Girls were not supposed to sleep in cars! Girls were supposed to kick guys out and make THEM sleep in cars! Stupid Cell… And he had the nerve to say he was a gentleman. Though, she DID say she didn’t want him acting all chivalrous, so this was probably his mean little way of making her eat her words.

“I’m surprised you gave up so easily. I thought you were, as you so succinctly put it, ‘the _god damn queen bee’._ ”

Cell’s voice floated in through the car window, but she continued to lay there, pouting and facing away from him. “Yeah, well, the queen is sleepy and is too tired to argue with the king anymore. So the king can _go away._ ”

She heard the car door open. “Come inside.”

Yuki said nothing. She just scoffed and refused to face him.

“I did not out you on purpose. …I’m not proud of what I did, Yuki.”

“What, you’re saying you’re ASHAMED that you killed people? Yeah right, forgive me for not believing you.”

“Obviously not. I’m not proud of the fact that I lost my composure. And made myself out to be a liar because of it. As I’ve said in the past, I prefer to be a man of my word.”

“Well I don’t care how proud or ashamed you are about anything, I’m NOT sorry for the things I said out there. You killed people, you deserve much worse than being pussy whipped in front of Goku! You destroyed an entire news station full of people after you promised me you wouldn’t kill anyone!”

Half a minute passed in silence before Cell finally spoke again. “Come inside.”

She sighed and sat up, ready to just tell him off and resign herself to sleeping in the car, but as soon as she caught the expression on his face… _he looked absolutely miserable._ There was no way in hell she could tell him off when he was looking at her like THAT. He NEVER looked like that. “Oh, god DAMNIT Cell… look I’m sorry about earlier but I’m not sorry about earlier earlier. That is ALL you’re getting out of me.” With a huff, she stood up and marched past him back into the house.

Just as she was about to head upstairs to change and pass out on the bed, Cell placed his hand on her shoulder. “Does your offer of make-up sex still stand?”

She spun around to face him… _he was grinning._ That gut-wrenching face of misery earlier was completely gone. That figured. “I told you I’m tired. If you weren’t so stubborn earlier you would’ve already gotten laid tonight.”

He tsked. “A pity.”

“You snooze you lose, buddy.” She stopped halfway up the stairs and looked back at him. “You know… we’ve only been a real couple for three days, but I swear to god it feels like it’s been years because of all this crazy shit we’ve been going through. Stop having such weird effects on me.”

“As Keats would say, _’Three such days with you I could fill with more delight than fifty common years could ever contain’._ ”

“That is a super specific quote.” She grinned.

“I have, oh… 51 things in my memory that one would consider ‘super specific’ to this situation.”

Cell took his usual place as Yuki went upstairs, but after a few minutes she returned and fell down on the couch next to him. “I changed my mind about the bed thing. I’m sleeping down here. So deal with it.” She leaned against him and fell asleep, it was the only way she knew to push the thoughts out of her mind of what the future held for either one of them in 36 hour’s time.

Cell, on the other hand, found himself unable to think of anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't even imagine the conversations going on at Kame House after Goku went back there and told them what happened. To be a fly on that wall...
> 
> So Yuki and Cell's relationship has been revealed on national TV, and the Z Fighters were given a really... _unique_... perspective on their opponent's personal life! Yuki's pissed off - and rightly so - as her 'dear mate' walks a thin line attempting to convince her to leave with him. Will Gohan and Krillin come over for a best friends sleepover with Yuki? Will Cell find out about Pervy McPervpants? MAKE UP SEX?! The clock winds down on Day Nine, next time ON DRAGON BALL Z!


	22. Day Nine - Jonesy Always Survives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter:
> 
> Cell took his usual place as Yuki went upstairs, but after a few minutes she returned and fell down on the couch next to him. “I changed my mind about the bed thing. I’m sleeping down here. So deal with it.” She leaned against him and fell asleep, it was the only way she knew to push the thoughts out of her mind of what the future held for either one of them in 36 hour’s time.
> 
> Cell, on the other hand, found himself unable to think of anything else.

The shrill ring of a phone pulled Yuki from her dreaming. She yawned and rubbed her eyes, sitting up on the couch. No, not the phone… a different kind of ringing. It was an incoming video call from her laptop.

“Are you going to answer that, or are you fearfully avoiding human contact?”

“Mmm…” She stretched and looked over at Cell. Her back was _sore as hell._ Passing out last night next to him was a horrible idea, after all, he wasn’t exactly the most comfortable thing to fall asleep on. “You know, when I fell over on top of you while I was sleeping, you could’ve been nice and put a pillow between us or something.”

“Oh? Am I not _cuddly_ enough for you? I’m insulted.” He grinned.

“Shut up, it’s too early for your sarcasm. There’s no such thing as a Tempur-Pedic exoskeleton.” She stood up and rubbed her sore neck, then wandered over to her laptop. “…it’s my grandmother.”

Cell’s expression dropped. Yuki getting disowned by her remaining family over his outburst on television yesterday wouldn’t be the best way to start the day. He didn’t want a continuation of last night’s _unpleasantries._ “Are you certain you want to answer that?”

“If I don’t, she’s just going to keep calling. Move out of the line of sight, I have no friggin idea how she’s going to react. She’s kind of… senile.”

He didn’t agree with her decision to answer the call, but moved into the dining room anyway, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. How _fun_ for Yuki. More rejection because of him. He’d have his second taste of ‘the doghouse’ in a few minutes. He scowled to himself as she sat down at the desk and answered the call.

Yuki gulped. “Um… h-hi, grandma…”

As soon as her grandmother saw her, her eyes lit up. “Yuki! You’ll never guess what I saw the other day! I’m so happy!”

“Uh, what?” She blinked. Did her grandmother not watch the news? Maybe she did, but she was just confused again?

“I saw you on the television set, flying through the sky with that strange albino man I keep seeing on the news. Once you left that computer boy, I thought you’d be alone forever! But look at you now!” Her grandmother paused for a moment and scratched at her chin. “What does this man of yours do again? Some kind of cage fighter? No wait… it was a game announcer…”

Yuki sighed and rolled her eyes. She could hear Cell chuckling in the dining room. Might as well tell her the truth, it’s not like she’d _get it_ anyway. “He’s the destroyer of the human race, grandma.”

“A military man, is he? Must be Air Force with that snazzy black jet pack of his. You know, your grandpa was in the army back in the day. They didn’t have such sophisticated body armor back then. But I bet he looks like a nice family man once you get him in regular clothes.”

“Oh god…” Her head hit the desk.

“Well, are you going to let me meet the boy? Is he there?”

“G-grandma…” Yuki’s eyes widened and immediately shot to Cell. No way was he going to take that as an invitation to come over. _…he was._ That big shit-eating grin on his face told her all she needed to know. She silently mouthed the word NO at him, but no dice. He casually strode right up to the camera.

“Well. You must be my _grandmother in law._ A pleasure to make your acquaintance.” He smiled and bowed politely. Yuki almost fainted. Grandmother in law?! _He actually fucking said that._

“Oh, hello! I’ve seen you on the news. Doing… something. Announcing baseball games, I think. Aren’t you a polite one!” She smiled and turned her attention back to Yuki. “Married already? My! Why didn’t you tell me? I’ll send you a nice wedding present.”

“NO. GRANDMA WE’RE NOT MAR-“

But Yuki was interrupted. “Hush now! A toaster, right? I remember you saying you needed a new toaster…”

“We do apologize for not informing you of our intent to wed earlier.” Cell smiled and placed his hands on Yuki’s shoulders. “But all my attention has been so focused on my _dear beloved_ that quite a few things have slipped my mind.”

Yuki gritted her teeth and held her composure as much as she could. She was going to punch Cell as soon as this call was over. Right in the face. She didn’t care how much it hurt her in the process… then she was going to _strangle him with a garland lasso._

“Oh!” Her grandmother put her hand over her mouth and giggled. “Well you’re a keeper! I…” Her voice trailed off as she looked towards something off-screen. “Yuki, I’d better be going, your grandpa needs his medicine. You two have fun, okay?”

“Yeah grandma, we have a really FUN morning planned.” Yuki shot Cell a venomous glare.

As soon as her grandmother hung up, she jumped out of her chair and spun around, murderous rage radiating from every part of her body. _”YOU ARE SO DEAD!”_

Cell laughed and crossed his arms over his chest. He was completely unfazed by her outburst. “Well that was entertaining.”

With a growl, she reached her hands up and grabbed those two _things_ above his head - whatever the hell he wanted to call them - and pulled him down close until their noses were touching. She spoke in a low, threatening tone. _”I. Will. END. You.”_

“I look forward to your attempts. A physical scuffle with you could only end in _pleasure_.”

“DAMNIT CELL!” She sighed and let go of him. “Now I’m going to get ANOTHER toaster. As if getting two a year wasn’t enough.”

“Is there a particular reason you need multiples of kitchen appliances?”

“No, and that’s the POINT. I told her one year that my toaster broke so she gave me one for my birthday. …then she gave me _another one_ for Christmas with a card saying ‘I remember you saying you needed a new toaster’. She constantly forgets and sends me two friggin toasters a year with the same note.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “But hey, we’re MARRIED now, so I can get THREE toasters a year since apparently we now have a _wedding anniversary_. You dick.”

“…shall we consummate the marriage?”

“You know, if those are the kinds of things you’re gonna say in an effort to get laid, I can promise you I’ll be receiving more toasters annually than you’ll be receiving sex annually.”

“ _Feisty._ ” He grinned.

Yuki paused for a moment, looking him over. Her grandmother’s words came back to her mind, as well as the mental image of Cell attempting to put on ‘nice clothes’ in an effort to be some kind of family man. She couldn’t help but to laugh at the thought.

“And just what is it you’re finding so amusing?”

“Oh nothing. Just your snazzy black jet pack and sophisticated body armor.”

‘Well, it was an interesting theory… I wonder if it’s a common belief that my armor is removable.”

“No clue. I prefer the exoskeleton though. It’s… sexy.” She smiled and patted him on the chest. “I guess I’m just a weirdo like that.”

“ _Lucky me.”_

“Yeah well… you might get even more lucky tonight. Who knows?” With a wink, she turned away and headed for the kitchen. If her grandmother was going to wake her up this early, she might as well make a proper breakfast. Something other than the bagels and cereal she’d been throwing together lately. Maybe bacon and eggs? She tossed some chives on the cutting board, but before she could get started, she felt Cell’s arms wrap around her waist as he shoved her up against the counter.

“How about I get lucky now?”

“Nope, later.”

He leaned in closer, trailing kisses down her neck. “ _Now…”_

“H-hey!” She swatted his hand away just as he slid it down between her legs. “I’m totally serious, Cell. You have to wait.”

“Fine.” He sighed in irritation but kept his arms around her. “Though I do hope you have a good reason for teasing me again.”

“I’m not teasing you! Telling you I’ll probably give you sex later is like the opposite of teasing, you dumbass.” She grabbed the knife and started chopping up the chives. Cell was still holding on to her, but she didn’t mind. It was actually kind of nice… “I, um, still have to go to my mom’s house today. Since Goku interrupted my plans yesterday. And I’m kinda nervous about it. So that’s my reason.” As soon as Yuki mentioned Goku, Cell let go of her and moved to the window, staring out in the distance with his arms crossed. She pouted to herself… she’d been hoping he’d stay there clinging to her. Now he was probably checking to see where Goku was and what he was up to… even though it was all a misunderstanding, she doubted Cell trusted those guys at all after that. Keeping tabs on their locations was probably high on his list of priorities.

“Hm. ‘Later’ is no guarantee you’ll be _wanting_ tonight, but I suppose your reasoning is sound.”

“Hey, I’ll be wanting tonight! Don’t make assumptions!” She tossed the chives in the pan with the eggs. “You’re not the only one who has needs and desires, you know.” As soon as that left her mouth, she _immediately regretted saying that._ Cell’s eyes shot right to her, with an expression like he’d just won the damn lottery.

“I didn’t realize how much you craved me.”

“Yeah, well, right now I crave bacon and eggs. So wipe that giddy look off your face.”

He smirked, and went back to whatever he was paying attention to as Yuki sat down at the table and wolfed down the most filling breakfast she’d had for… oh… probably a week now. Afterwards, she went upstairs for a quick shower, tossed her capsule case in her purse, and headed for the door. She paused and looked over at Cell. Still ki watching. Or whatever.

“I’m heading out. I mean, I’m guessing you don’t wanna tag along since it’ll be pretty boring. I’m just gonna go get my stuff and then leave.”

Cell considered the situation. He doubted it would be _boring_ , given Yuki’s propensity to remain unpredictable in even the most mundane of circumstances. And with the news of their ‘companionship’ still rippling through the general population… who knew what sort of bounty they had on her head? Or what sort of military organizations would love to get their hands on her? Her driving out in the open and possibly being identified was not an option.

“I have no qualms with coming along. You’ll get there and back faster my way, after all.”

He lifted her in his arms and took off into the sky, heading east towards the Gingertown crater at Yuki’s direction. Her mother’s house was far on the other side of the crater - it would’ve taken her hours to drive there on her own. The flight, however, only took a few minutes. They landed lightly in the front yard of the house, and Yuki hopped out of Cell’s arms. She was getting used to the whole flight thing… at least to the point of not feeling like she wanted to throw up every time they took off, and she didn’t wobble around all disoriented after they landed. She guessed it was like getting your sea legs, only with air. As she walked towards the front door with Cell following behind her, she took in her surroundings. The yard was overgrown with weeds and the house just looked bad in general. Whether it was all from her mother being gone for so long, or from her own neglect, she didn’t know. Probably the latter. She had so many shitty memories of this place…

“Hey, once I get all my stuff, you can blow the place up, okay? It’ll be fun.”

“If you want it wiped off the map, I will gladly oblige.”

She smiled at him and went inside. The inside was just as neglected as the outside. Stained carpets, piled up dishes, full trash bags everywhere like she’d been too lazy to bother taking them out. The whole place smelled like rotten food, though that was probably due to her mother’s absence. But she wasn’t about to stand around guessing at how shitty her mom treated the house, she was here for the boxes of stuff and that was it. She dug through the closets as Cell wandered around the living room with an incredibly obvious look of disgust on his face. In the upstairs closet, she finally found what she was looking for - three boxes, one labeled ‘Hisao’s Stuff’ and two labeled ‘Dumbass 1’s Stuff’. She rolled her eyes at the label her mom had given her. _That figured._ There were a few more boxes labeled ‘Dumbass 2’s Stuff’, but there was nothing of her brother’s she really needed. It would all be art supplies anyway.

Cell roamed through the house as Yuki focused on her various boxes. It was apparent she didn’t need him for anything at the moment. Perhaps he’d have a look around? Yuki was rather vague on her history with her mother, and it would probably be easier to _figure out_ what was going on in that bipolar head of hers if he knew her history a bit better. He easily put together the story of her mother’s life here with nothing but casual observation. Boring, and of no help. His eyes settled on a photo sitting on a shelf. _Strange…_ He furrowed his brow and frowned as he picked it up and mulled over the implications of said photo. The family staring back at him was Yuki’s, that much was obvious. What was less obvious was why Yuki and her brother were scribbled out with a black marker.

“Whatcha looking at? Lemme see.” Yuki came up behind him with a grin and grabbed the picture frame from his hands. As she looked it over, her grin grew wider and she burst into laughter. “Oh my GOD, that’s hilarious! That’s even more passive aggressive than the boxes! I love it! Totally taking this with me.”

He tilted his head curiously as she threw the frame in one of the boxes. One would expect a reaction of distress at such a discovery, but… Yuki seemed to consider the pain of her past a _form of entertainment._

“Are you just going to stand there with that blank ‘I’m analyzing shit’ stare, or are you going to come over here and check this craziness out?” She beckoned him over, showing him the labeling on the boxes. “I’m Dumbass 1 and my brother is Dumbass 2.” She grinned.

Cell opened his mouth to question her reactions, but decided against it. Perhaps she didn’t find this entertaining at all. Perhaps it was just some sort of coping mechanism? Either way, he would easily figure it out on his own in due time. No need to _agitate_ her. A change of subject was in order. “And inside the boxes…?”

“This one is mostly action figures and comics. Worth a lot of money.” She winked. “And this other one is just a bunch of shadow boxes with bugs in them. This last one is my dad’s stuff, it’s the main thing I wanted.”

“Does this mean you’re going to have even MORE insects on the wall?”

“Probably.”

He sighed.

“What, does it make you uncomfortable, seeing all your brethren dead on the walls?”

“I won’t justify that with a proper response.”

“Hey…” She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck, reaching up to give him a quick kiss. “Thank you for taking me out here. It means a lot to me.”

“It’s incredibly distressing how difficult it is for me to deny you your requests. Especially the significant ones.” With a smile, he rested his head atop hers and lightly ran his fingers through her hair. The things he found himself doing may have been distressing, but they definitely had their _perks_.

But the moment was cut short as Yuki reeled back in horror. “OH MY GOD!”

“What?”

“CAT! My mom has a CAT!” She pointed wildly at the empty food and water bowls on the kitchen floor. “Oh Christ, it’s been like a week! Do you… do you smell the kitty? Is it dead? Please say it’s not dead!”

“…are you asking me to sniff out a decaying cat?”

“ _IT’S DECAYING?!”_

“No.” He rolled his eyes. “It’s outside rooting around in the trash cans. It’s fine, so leave it b-” Before he could finish, Yuki made a mad dash out the door. He scowled. Yuki may be unpredictable at times, but he knew EXACTLY what she would attempt to do once she found the cat. And that was one request he had no problem _denying._ Humans and their strange need for pets… it was asinine.

As he left the house to see Yuki standing there holding the cat with a huge smile on her face, it was fairly obvious that he’d been correct in his assumption… “NO.”

“I’m naming him Jonesy because he’s going to survive all your bullshit. Jonesy ALWAYS survives.”

“WHAT?! NO. No CAT!” He spoke through gritted teeth. He ascended into the air a few feet, boxes hovering next to him, ready to take off with her. It was imperative to get her _away from here_ before she grew attached to the disgusting thing.

Yuki growled as she shot up into the air next to Cell. Jonesy floated out of her hands and onto the ground, disoriented but not upset enough to go running off. He was a fearless little kitty. “STOP! STOP RIGHT NOW! I know what you’re trying to do! If you leave Jonesy behind I swear to god I’m kicking you out of the house again and you’re going back to ‘uninvited guest’ status!”

“Are you kidding me?! _PET OWNERSHIP IS A USELESS ABSURD ACTIVITY!_ I will not entertain such pointless demands!” He threw out a ki blast in irritation at the run-down house, leaving nothing but a pile of rubble left over. …it was slightly therapeutic.

“FINE! I don’t need your help anyway! I’m just going to drive home. So go away and I’ll see you in a few hours. _With Jonesy._ ” She stuck her tongue out at him.

He scowled and glared angrily at the cat. The cat was unaffected by the silent death threat and gave him a little mew. This was not a situation he wanted to be in… if he’d taken the time to think ahead, he would’ve done the _smart_ thing and told her the animal was already dead. Even so, it would not be coming home with them. The moment that THING passed through the front door would be the moment he’d lose any control he had left over Yuki, and over their relationship. And the implications of that… no. _NO._

“Cell, I’m serious! I’m not leaving Jonesy! And if you think you can just fly me home against my will, I’m just going to drive out here later and get him!”

“This is RIDICULOUS.” With her last statement, there was nothing more he could do. Her threat was a dangerous one, though she most likely did not realize it. It was too dangerous for her to drive around alone, and he couldn’t _force_ her to stay in the house. He could, of course, but he would not treat his mate as a _prisoner._ If he had to relinquish control… _temporarily_ … to keep her safe, then so be it. But it just HAD to be a CAT. He sighed.

She watched as Jonesy floated back up into the air next to her… hovering upside down. Poor Jonesy seemed incredibly confused and kept attempting to flip himself over, before giving up and just pawing at the air. “Upside down? Seriously? Could you _be_ more passive aggressive?”

“I could.” He took off into the sky, Yuki beside him, and the boxes and cat trailing after him. The cat made pitiful mewling noises as it flew through the air upside down at lightning speed.

Yuki looked back at Jonesy with a frown. “It’s okay Jonesy, you’ll get used to it soon enough.”

“If you think I’m going to haul that THING around long enough for it to ‘get used to it’, you are sorely mistaken. I prefer to be a good mate to you, but even I have my LIMITS.”

“You just hate cats because of the one that attacked you, and then because my ex thought you were one.”

Cell growled, annoyed, but refused to say anything else. The rest of the trip back was silent, save for Jonesy’s confused mewls. As soon as they went through the front door, Cell immediately took his spot on the couch, closed his eyes, and proceeded to ignore everything around him. Yuki sighed. He was probably brooding… Yuki dropped Jonesy on the floor and let him explore the house. She planned on letting him be an outdoor kitty, but she still would rather he know all his surroundings. If she let him out now, he’d probably run off.

Leaving her dear mate and her dear cat to their own devices, she carried the boxes upstairs and dropped them in the bedroom. If Cell was going to be a dick and brood, she might as well sort through the stuff here… at least the one with all the shadow boxes in it. There was definitely some space left on her wall for some of the more awesome shadow boxes she had here.

After ten minutes of sorting, she’d picked out four really good ones she thought would look good up on the living room wall. There was a nice one of an Atlas Moth she really liked. It was one from her high school years. She carried the frames downstairs with a big smile on her face… but then that smile dropped. _Jonesy was on the couch._ He was up on the top, ON CELL’S SIDE OF THE COUCH, laying there like he didn’t have a care in the world. Like Cell the cat-hater wasn’t sitting right below him in his default off position. Apparently she had a suicidal cat.

Yuki fell down on her side of the couch and stared at the two in shock. “I… I’m surprised you aren’t kicking him off.”

Cell opened his eyes. “The _creature_ is so insignificant that I have no reason to even pay attention to it. Kicking it off would be admitting that it _bothered_ me, and I don’t allow insignificant things to bother me.”

“Wow… that’s a level of stubbornness that I never even knew EXISTED.”

“I didn’t want to bring it with us, but now that the animal is an inevitability, I choose to ignore it. Be lucky I don’t send it after your old tennis balls.”

She pursed her lips. “…don’t threaten to throw Jonesy into space. He’s had enough of being in space for one lifetime, dodging xenomorphs and stuff.”

Cell said nothing. He also chose to ignore whatever pop culture thing she was referring to.

As she sat there looking at the two, an idea started to form in her mind. A wonderful, glorious idea! With a big grin, she jumped off the couch and grabbed her camera. “I’m going to take a selfie of us, okay?”

“A what?”

“A selfiieeeee.” She fell into Cell’s lap, leaning her back against his chest. He immediately grabbed her and pulled her up closer, just like she knew he would. Her plan was to get this photo. Not only that, but _she would get Cell to smile in this photo._ But after she said whatever thing she’d say to get him to smile… well, it would be only a few seconds before he regained his composure. Or got horny and started messing with her. One or the other. Either way, she didn’t have a big window of time to work with. “Hey Cell, you know what?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m _really_ looking forward to tonight…” Without an ounce of hesitation, she reached down and _groped him_ , snapping the photo not even a second later. Perfect timing!

She looked down at the screen, and the cutest photo in the entire WORLD looked back at her. She was smiling at the camera, Cell was smiling at her, and Jonesy was in the background chilling. This would definitely be printed out and she would keep it with her _forever._

He moved in closer, whispering into her ear. “It’s very impolite to do something that lewd just to get a photograph. Maybe I should teach you a lesson.”

“A lesson? Phft, whatever, I’m allowed to grab at _places_ if I want to. You know you like it anyway.”

“A lesson on _hypocrisy._ ”

She gasped as he slid his hands up the front of her shirt. “Hey, don’t you DARE.”

“Well, I’m not one to back down from a challenge, now am I?”

A light blush spread across her face as he moved his hands up higher… _He was groping at her chest._ He seriously just did that. She bit her lip, holding back a little moan. Maybe that did make her a little bit of a hypocrite… “F-fine, you can sit there and grab at my boobs all day, see if I care.”

“With that flustered expression on your face, I would say that you DO care.”

“I don’t. Because I’m not a hypocrite. So like I said, feel me up all day, I don’t care.” She grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. Though it was kind of hard to pay attention with Cell fondling her… and nipping at her neck… and making all kinds of pleasurable sounds… She had to stop it before she DID give in to his advances, because it was really starting to get a little tempting. Earlier, she’d planned out a nice romantic night in her mind, and if they _went at it_ now, it would ruin her plans. She looked over her shoulder at him and glared. He had that glimmer of amusement in his eyes, and he wasn’t showing any sign of letting her go.

“Yeah okay, maybe I do care, so let me go.”

He pulled back, smiling. “An admission of your hypocrisy was all I requested. See how simple that was?”

She turned towards the TV with a huff and leaned back against him. The minutes ticked past as he sat there, barely tolerating Yuki’s asinine alien shows. If he didn’t know better, he’d say Yuki only watched these because she enjoying _bothering him._

“To truly believe this ancient alien nonsense… humans must think themselves so important in the universe.” He grinned. “It’s going to be quite a treat to crush their unfounded sense of superiority.”

“Or maybe someone will crush YOUR sense of superiority. Wouldn’t that be fun?”

“Impossible, but it _will_ be fun to watch them try.”

Yuki’s attention turned to Jonesy as he jumped off the couch and started mewing. “Hey Cell, will you Minecraft up a pet door?”

“No.”

“Will you take me to go get some cat food?”

“No.”

“Ugh, fine. Come here Jonesy.” She headed into the kitchen with the kitty bouncing along after her. She should’ve brought back the cat food at her mom’s house, but there was no going back now. What with Cell blowing it up and all. And with the nearest city nothing but a giant crater, the closest place to get anything was Nickytown - a good 80 miles away from said crater. She rummaged through the cupboards, looking for something a cat would like. _…Tuna!_ There were a few cans of it left! Enough to last a day, at least. Jonesy perked up at the smell of delicious fish, and followed Yuki outside as she set the tuna and a bowl of water down onto the porch. Hopefully it would be enough to keep the kitty hanging around outside… she couldn’t exactly keep him inside any more. A - She had no litter box. B - She had no pet door. And C - Cell refused to rectify either of those points.

She sighed and leaned against the house, watching Jonesy mow down the tuna. How could she convince Cell to take her to Nickytown? The obvious idea would be to convince him she needed to go there for something else. Something unrelated to cat food. But he wasn’t an idiot… she knew full well he’d question her and accuse her of trying to trick him to get cat food. _That fucker thought he was so damn smart._ She growled to herself. Not only would he question her, but she was a horrible liar. He’d know the truth pretty much the moment she opened her mouth. So… she had to come up with something that he wouldn’t question.

Her eyes widened as the perfect idea hit her.

_Feminine things!_

She giggled. No guy in the world would EVER question feminine things! Hell, most of them were too terrified to even go down that aisle in the grocery store! IT WAS SO PERFECT.

Jonesy was left on his own as Yuki rushed into the house and leaned down over the back of the couch, a huge grin on her face. The TV was off now, but that wasn’t surprising. “Ceeelllllllllll…”

He frowned. That tone of voice couldn’t possibly mean anything _good._ “What?”

“I need feminine things.”

“And what, exactly, are ‘feminine things’?”

“…you’re a guy, you’re not supposed to question a lady about feminine things! You’re just supposed to comply.” Her optimism over her idea was slowly falling as Cell’s frown grew wider. Apparently he didn’t know what ‘feminine things’ really meant. It wasn’t exactly something she’d taken into account when she came up with her awesome plan. She’d have to take the blunt approach now. “TAMPONS AND STUFF! I need to go get some!”

“No.”

“What?! Why?!” She growled. There was literally _zero_ hint of terror in his voice. What the fuck? “They’re necessities, you dick!”

“You want me to take you into the city so you can acquire CAT FOOD.”

“How do you know I don’t need tampons?! I could!”

“Because you aren’t menstruating.”

“…how the HELL would you know?!”

“The hormone levels you’re giving off aren’t indicating that stage of your cycle.”

Yuki gaped at him in horror as the silence stretched out between them. For a moment, she thought he might be _joking_ , but… he was sitting there staring up at her with the most deadpan expression she’d ever seen. “You… _GOD YOU ARE SUCH A CREEPER!”_

“And just how does a basic understanding of the human endocrine and reproductive systems make me a ‘creeper’?”

“NEVER MIND! QUIT SMELLING MY HORMONES.”

He rolled his eyes. “So not only do you want me to turn my sense of hearing off, but also my sense of smell?” He watched after her as she stomped upstairs in a huff. Another unexpected reaction… One would think an ability like that would be _useful_ in a mate.

Upstairs in the bathroom, Yuki grabbed her plumeria lotion and slathered on more than usual. That guy was NOT going to read her damn hormone levels, that was WAY too freaky.

Cell’s voice came floating in from downstairs. “An extra dose of plumeria isn’t going to change anything.”

“GODDAMNIT!”

Yuki marched downstairs and right up to the couch, glaring daggers at him. “You listen to me and you listen GOOD, buddy. I don’t know what you think you’re getting up to, with your _reproductive hormone reading_ and your _knotting dick_ and whatever other things you might have going on that maximize your chances of _impregnating people_ , but I. AM. WATCHING. YOU. So fuck off.”

He was unfazed by her little outburst. “It’s quite apparent what you’re _insinuating_ , and I assure you I would never do something like THAT to you without your consent. Not that you have to worry at the moment regardless.” He smiled. “You already ovulated six days ago. So given an average length luteal phase, you have nine more days until menstru-“

“DON’T PREDICT MY PERIODS!” She pulled up a couch cushion and threw it in his face as hard as she could. “What the hell is wrong with you?!”

He frowned. “I don’t understand why any of this offends you.”

“Because! You’re not supposed to talk about that crap to anyone but your gynecologist!”

“Not even your mate?”

“ONLY WHEN YOU’RE TRYING TO CONCEIVE! SO NO.”

“I see. So it’s some sort of pointless societal norm, then. If it’s considered impolite to discuss your luteal phase, then I’ll remain quiet on the subject.”

Yuki dropped the cushion back into place and fell down onto the couch. So apparently the ‘feminine things’ idea fell apart… and wound up going off in a really weird direction. It was time to switch gears. “You’re right, fine, I don’t need feminine things. What about a mattress? And a nice matching lingerie set? You destroyed them both and you promised to replace them. Plus I won’t have sex with you on a ripped up mattress and not without something sexy to wear.”

“You seemed rather willing last night before I turned you down.”

“Yeah well, you turned me down, so maaaaaybe now I’m feeling self-conscious, how about that?” She grinned. “Maybe it’ll be hard to get me in the mood unless I’m feeling better about myself, and for that I want to look sexy for you.”

Cell looked her over with narrow eyes. He seemed to be considering it. “…if this is just your way of getting into the city to acquire CAT FOOD, I’m going to be incredibly put-out.”

“Oh _nooo_ , Cell might feel put-out! Fine then, no lingerie or mattresses. I can’t believe you’re resisting letting me get these things that give you a 100% chance of getting laid.”

He continued to stare at her, trying to read through her body language. Though he supposed it didn’t matter. Cat food or not, he did promise to replace those items… and if Yuki needed lacy _things_ to put that seductive gaze on her face she’d given him the other night, well… He chuckled to himself.

Yuki mentally cheered as Cell stood up and strode out of the house wordlessly. She followed after him, looking up at the sky. The afternoon sun beamed brightly down on them, not a cloud in sight. Usually that meant it would be a beautiful day, but today it was just _incredibly hot._ She was looking forward to the windy flight. But her mental cheering immediately dropped as Cell tossed her over his shoulder and took off, proving that he still had a few passive aggressive moves up his sleeve.

“Are you kidding me?! Are we seriously back to the ‘carry me like a potato sack’ thing?!”

“A fitting punishment for your pathetic attempts at manipulating me.”

She sighed, irritated, but said nothing. He was right, after all.

They landed in Nickytown a few minutes later, next to the tall dome courthouse downtown. Cell roughly dropped Yuki onto the lawn. “Oops, my hands must have _slipped._ ” He chuckled.

She stood up, trying to hold on to what little dignity Cell hadn’t taken away from her yet. Which wasn’t much. That asshole was seriously laying it on her today… Her tailbone was a little sore, but instead of pouting over it, she defiantly threw up both her middle fingers right in his face. “OOPS, my hands must have slipped!”

“I do love your _witty little comebacks_.”

“I do love your _sarcastic bullshit_.”

He winked and gave her a little smile, before turning to matters at hand. Nickytown was not a city he knew well. Unlike Gingertown, much of the population had evacuated, and as a result he’d skipped certain areas completely. The most efficient way of getting Yuki’s various things was some sort of shopping mall… He knew of a few spots in Gingertown that would’ve suited her interests, but that option was no longer on the table. So he would have to _search._ He scowled to himself and looked over at Yuki, who was looking around at the streets thoughtfully, most likely trying to remember the stores in the area. A quick search would be easier than waiting for her memory to kick in. …If someone had told him he’d spend a portion of his time before the tournament _hunting for a shopping mall that sold lingerie_ , he would’ve laughed and incinerated them on the spot for suggesting such nonsense. And yet, here he was.

“So when you flew around here _eating_ everyone, did you happen to find any malls or anything like that?”

“No. After the evacuation, there were many areas I had no need to visit. Most of the humans here were lined up on the roads leaving the city. Traffic jams for hundreds of miles. …though I referred to them as incredibly convenient buffet lines.” He grinned wickedly.

“OH MY GOD, FUCK OFF.” She whipped out her cell phone and did a quick search. As soon as she pulled up the map, she shoved it in Cell’s face. “HERE. And don’t you say another damn word unless it involves mattress sizes or lingerie styles.”

The shopping mall she led them to was a pretty generic shopping mall, nothing special. Just indoor stores lined up in a row on either side. No empty clothes lining the area, so Cell had been right about not coming here, just as he hadn’t been to the hardware store the other day. But this place would definitely have what she was looking for.

Yuki grinned as she saw the big Victoria’s Secret sign and went inside, Cell trailing behind her. “Tell me if you see anything you like.” She winked.

“I would rather you get what you like, so we can hurry up and leave.”

She rolled her eyes. “You can be such a stereotypical dude sometimes.” But she didn’t press the matter. If he didn’t care, then he didn’t care. The first thing she needed to do was find something similar to the matching set she’d owned before… she really REALLY liked that one. After that, she could grab a few of the more interesting things.

As Yuki went about her scavenging, Cell stood near the entrance, arms crossed. His eyes wandered around the store, stopping every so often on things that he quite honestly could not figure out a use for. He was reluctant to admit that he found a few of the more revealing outfits _nice._ Though they would be _nicer_ if Yuki elected to wear them around the house rather than for a minute or two on the bed…

“CELL! Come here and give me your opinion!” She called to him from the dressing room.

He walked over to find her standing there holding up two sets that appeared to be identical, though one was blue and the other black.

“Which one of these do you think would look better on me?”

“ _Nothing_ looks good on you.”

A look of horror spread across her face. “EXCUSE ME?!”

“…I only meant that I prefer you wearing nothing. I don’t understand why you care so much about things that get taken off anyway.” He frowned.

“Soooo, are you saying I won’t look sexy in them?”

“Are you purposely twisting my words around like that?”

“Yup. So do you prefer me in _this_ …” She held up the blue set. “…or not?”

“And THAT, my dear, is what we call a ‘loaded question’.”

“How is that a loaded question?!”

“If I say yes, you’ll call me a liar for my previous statement. If I say no, you’ll say I’m calling you unattractive. The proper way to answer a loaded question is to not say anything at all.”

“Ugh, _fine._ I’ll be more specific and just try things on and you can tell me your opinion.” She grabbed a handful of the things she’d picked out and locked herself in the dressing room. “And you can’t make any advances or grab at me! If you do, I’m not gonna show you any of them! I’m just here to pick things out, okay?”

His gaze fell back on the interior of the store. “…would you like me to help you with that?”

There was silence on the other side of the door for a few moments before Yuki finally spoke up. “…really? I thought you didn’t care about the stuff I got.”

“I changed my mind. A few things caught my eye on the way in.”

“Well, go get them, I guess. I’ll give them a try.” Yuki immediately regretted saying that the moment she heard Cell walk away chuckling under his breath. His tastes were probably WAY more perverted than hers. She looked over herself in the mirror, mulling over the blue set. It was definitely the same style as the one she’d owned before, but the black one was nice too. She really could just grab them both, but it already felt like _stealing_ … getting more than she had to would make her feel incredibly guilty.

“I have something you might enjoy.” Cell’s absolutely _delighted_ voice came through from the other side of the door. Yuki frowned. Yep, DEFINITELY regretting letting him do that.

“Fine, but it better not be anything weird, like leather or fishnets or something…” She opened the door and poked out her head curiously. He had something in his hands, but she couldn’t really tell what it was.

“Are you going to let me see what you’re wearing, or are you just going to be modest?”

She hesitantly took a step out. “What do you think? It’s supposed to be like the old one. Do you think so? I don’t know, maybe I should go for the black one?”

“I think…” He smiled and ran his eyes over her body, taking in every inch of it. “You look like a beautiful temptation.”

She blushed and squeaked out a little ‘thank you’ before quickly grabbing whatever Cell was holding and locking herself back in the room. _That was so embarrassing…_ and yet he didn’t even try to grope at her. He was being a sweet gentleman about the whole thing.

But her thoughts of him being a gentleman completely vanished as soon as she unfolded the outfit he’d picked out. Her blush grew hotter until she felt like she was about to faint. “W-WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!”

“Taking into account the fact that we’re currently in a _lingerie store_ , I would safely assume that it’s lingerie.” He smirked.

“DON’T BE A SMARTASS!” She stared at the outfit in her hand incredulously. _She’d never seen anything so see-through in her life._ It was an almost transparent black mesh babydoll that was very _flattering_ in the chest area… as well as a red lacy bra and panty set that was just as, if not MORE, transparent. “With this, I might as well be wearing nothing at all!”

“Exactly.”

She sighed. There was no way in hell he was actually expecting her to put this on… _so she obviously was._ If she was going to be embarrassed, she might as well get some kind of reaction out of him in the process. No point in being modest and shy now. She threw it on and looked herself over in the mirror. Just as she thought… if this were a TV show, she’d have giant censor bars over her. All of her _parts_ were totally friggin visible. And spotlighted. She threw open the door fearlessly. “I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR!”

Cell stood there, wide-eyed and frozen. He hadn’t been expecting her to come out _wearing it_. He’d expected her to throw it at him angrily before finally resigning herself to bring it home regardless… Her stipulation of ‘look but don’t touch’ was completely unfair at the moment.

“What’s the matter, didn’t think I’d actually put it on?” She grinned. “What do you think?”

He said nothing. He just continued to stand there. If not for his wings twitching, Yuki would think he fell into some kind of weird shutdown mode from sensory overload.

“Come oooooon, I asked you a question!” With a sly smile, she pressed herself up against him. “Do you like it? Or not?”

He exhaled sharply and spun around facing away from her, arms crossed. _”Tonight.”_

She giggled. The poor guy was probably having a hard time controlling his libido. She might as well be nice to him and give him a break. “Okay, okay… I’m changing. I’ve got some other stuff I want your opinion on though!”

“…as long as they aren’t _transparent._ ”

She tried on a few more things, and Cell made flattering comments over every single one of them. By the time they’d left the store, Yuki was blushing and feeling pretty damn good about herself.

A few minutes later, the two left the mall. Yuki happily carried her bags of lingerie and, much to Cell’s chagrin, _cat food_. A new mattress hovered alongside them.

“I do hope you’re finished, because I’m not carrying you anywhere else today.”

Yuki gave him a thumbs up and they flew up together into the afternoon sky. Not even a minute passed before another _glorious amazing idea_ ran through her mind. “Cell! Stop for a second!”

They paused, high in the air now, and he frowned at her. “What is it?”

“Can I ride on the mattress?”

“…I’m not sure I understand your request.”

“Do you know what a magic carpet is? I guess you do, with your insane knowledge of cultural beliefs.”

He rolled his eyes. “Fine.” He let her fall onto the mattress and they continued forward.

“Sit on the mattress with me. We’ll play Aladdin.”

“No.”

She shifted until she was sitting cross-legged, grinning at Cell. “Come on, be my Aladdin. I’ll be your Princess Jasmine.”

Cell stayed silent. He probably didn’t get the reference… though she thought the movie was based on some old story, so maybe he did. _He just thought he was too high and mighty to play pretend._

“You know… when they’re on the carpet they sing this really awesome song.”

He shot her a warning glare.

_”I can show you the wooooorld, shining, shimmering, splen-did!”_

“I recall telling you that your singing leaves much to be desired.”

_”Tell me, love bug, now when did you last let your heart deciiiiiiiiide!”_

“And I also recall telling you not to call me LOVE BUG. Or any other ‘pet name’.”

_”I can open your eyeeeeeeees, take you wonder by won-der!”_

He growled in irritation and focused on the landscape ahead of him. It couldn’t be helped, he supposed. They’d be home in a moment anyway.

_”Over, sideways, and under, on a magic mattress ride!”_

When they landed back at the arena, Yuki was relieved to see Jonesy happily lounging on the porch. He didn’t run away after all! The lure of delicious tuna was too much for him, she guessed. He purred and watched curiously as she poured him a bit of cat food before running inside after Cell.

“Hey you!” She frowned. Instead of going back to default off positioning on the couch, he was standing at the window again. Being a butthead to Goku or something. “Why do you hate my voice so much? …and that’s a loaded question but you have to answer it anyway.”

He chuckled. “Hardly a ‘loaded question’. Your call is as sweet as the highest choir of angels. Unfortunately, your song is as tone-deaf as the loudest of stray alley cats.”

“…only YOU could make me both swoon and want to kill you in the span of a few seconds. And you wonder why my moods are so damn bipolar.” She sighed and pulled a soda out of the fridge. “So, what do you wanna do today?”

He shot her a questioning look before returning his focus somewhere in the distance.

“Come on. I got my boxes, I got a cat, I got lingerie and a mattress… I’m sure there’s something _you_ want to do. And don’t say sex.”

“I’ll do what I want to do tomorrow at the tournament. Until then, I have no qualms being swept along by Hurricane Yuki.” He tilted his head curiously. She was shifting around and looked a bit uncomfortable.

“Are you sure? I mean, I thought maybe we could do something you’d like. I figured you’d wanna drag me to the Louvre or something. _N-not that I would mind!_ If you wanted to, I mean…”

“Hm. I appreciate the offer, but I assure you all of my _non-Yuki_ thoughts are focused entirely on tomorrow’s fights.”

“All you really want is to just fight, huh?” She tapped her finger against her chin and thought about it. She wanted to do something HE wanted to do, but… a fight with him probably wouldn’t be smart. Even if he held back most of his strength, she’d still wind up a bloody smear on the tournament stage. Not that Cell would ever agree to fight her, anyway. _But…_ “Hey, remember yesterday?”

“All too well.”

“I meant before THAT. You said you’d give me a demonstration of your skill later. You know, because you thought the Batman fights were ‘drivel’.”

“I did say that.” He smiled.

“So, are you gonna show me? I mean, I’ve seen all your ki blasts and flight maneuvers and whatnot, but you said you were a _fighter_ , so I want to see some actual fighting moves! And also maybe you can explain how your weirder techniques work? So I’ll know what exactly I’m watching during the tournament. …so put your money where your mouth is. Or are you all bark and no bite?” She grinned. That DEFINITELY caught his attention.

“So I can get a little impromptu training session in while you get to marvel over my perfect body? …a win-win. Follow me.”

Yuki rolled her eyes, but chose not to comment on his little ego trip as he led her out onto the center of the arena. It wasn’t as hot outside as it was earlier now that the clouds rolled in, and a light breeze made it feel even better. Cell stood before her, scanning his eyes over the length of the arena.

“All right, let’s have some fun.” He smiled and cracked his neck, flexing his arms. “Any specific styles you have in mind?”

“I literally know nothing about martial arts except how to kick everyone’s ass with Q-Bee in Darkstalkers 3. …and I KNOW that’s a pop culture reference, but I’m sure you get the point.”

“In that case, anything non-specific you have in mind?”

“Hmmm… how about the ‘beat the shit out of your enemies’ style?”

“What a coincidence. _That happens to be my favorite style._ ” He narrowed his eyes and smirked. “Though I really need a sparring partner for that.”

“NOPE. NOPE. THAT IS A WHOOOOOLE LOT OF NOPE.” Yuki took a few steps back. No way in hell was she going to partner up with Cell doing god knows what. Karate chopping apples off the top of her damn head or something.

He laughed. So Yuki thought he wanted to spar with _her?_ Well… she was in for a fun surprise. “No need to fret, my dear. I can spar with myself.”

“How do you…” Her voice trailed off as the ground began to rumble. A blue glow surrounded Cell, getting brighter and brighter, until the blinding light had Yuki covering her eyes. _What the hell was he doing?_ At this point, she really couldn’t think of anything he could do that would surprise her anymore. After all, this guy could do all kinds of weird shit that anyone with a brain would say defied the laws of physics… A few moments later, the earth around her calmed down, and the light faded away. As she uncovered her eyes, she realized just how wrong she was.

Standing before her were _two Cells._

She opened her mouth to speak, but found she couldn’t put together a single sentence. Or a single thought, for that matter. So she just stood there stuttering. And stared.

Both Cells smiled at the same time. _How delightful._ Yuki seemed to be having a hard time understanding the technique, given her inability to do nothing but babble incoherent syllables. …and he had no problem admitting that pulling such comical reactions out of her was an immense source of entertainment for him.

“It’s a split-form technique, inherited from Piccolo’s cells. Quite useful in solo training, but it’s only temporary, of course. My power is distributed evenly between the two forms.”

“There’s two of you.”

“My, aren’t we _observant._ ”

Yuki reeled back in shock, her mind finally wrapping itself around the situation. “W-WHAT THE FUCK?!” She had no idea how that was even possible. Instant temporary cloning?! _That was an actual thing?!_ The two Cells stood there smirking at her. As if one dose of arrogant narcissism wasn’t enough…

One Cell rolled his eyes and the other one sighed. “Didn’t I just explain it to you? I can spar with myself. I couldn’t possibly be any more _literal_ than that. Though there are other uses for it than training. It can come in handy in battle if the situation calls for it.”

She shifted uncomfortably and looked the two Cells over, feeling a little cautious. TWO of Cell? Double the caustic sarcasm. Double the pompous bullshit. Double the condescending smirks… _Double the sex appeal._ She bit her lip and looked away. Nope, NOT going to think of that. Time to get back on topic! “So, uh… um… battle uses and stuff.”

“If you find your opponent far less agile than yourself, yet still able to successfully block single attacks, it can be advantageous to drop single blow attacks in lieu of of a modified human wave attack. A quick amount of damage spread across the entire body can obviously cause more of an impact than a single blocked blow. Or it can be useful in confusing your opponent long enough to get that single blow in…” He tilted his head and looked at her curiously. The other Cell narrowed his eyes. Yuki seemed to be _attempting_ to listen to him, but she also appeared to be silently panicking to herself. “…are you all right?”

“Yeah! I’m fine!” She forced a grin. No way in hell was she going to tell him about the whole double sexiness thing. …though the thought of two Cells getting all puffed up over it and flirting with her sounded kind of fun. “I’m just a little shocked, I mean, you did just split into two dudes.”

“Well, you did say you wanted me to ‘explain my weirder techniques’, which I’m attempting to do. But if you don’t want to pay attention, then fine, I’ll just stand here and be insulted.” He smirked.

“I’m listening, seriously! I don’t want to watch you at the tournament and have no fucking clue what’s going on.”

He seemed to accept her explanation and continued on. “There isn’t much more to the split-form technique for one-on-one fights. Quite honestly, the technique really only shines when a partner is involved. I don’t suppose you’ve heard of double-teaming?”

Yuki gasped and her heart jumped into her throat. _He did NOT just ask that._ And in that absolutely casual tone like it was a totally normal thing! “EXCUSE ME?!”

The two Cells stared at her with deadpan expressions. “I suppose that’s a no.”

“That is a _DEFINITE FUCKING NO!_ I would NEVER do that! GOD. Where the FUCK did you even learn that phrase?!”

“…I’m guessing this is a miscommunication. If there’s a second, more insulting definition of the term, then I apologize.” He frowned.

“I… um… wait, what do YOU think it means?”

“It’s a fighting technique in which two fighters distract an opponent while the third catches him unaware.”

Yuki blinked. _There was an actual attack called that._ There’s no way in hell it was still called that though, they probably changed the name because of the double meaning. Cell probably just didn’t know and was using some antiquated term. Which meant… “You know what? Be sure to use that in the tournament, and specifically call it that loud enough for the cameras to hear you.” She grinned.

“It would be possible if I split into three using the tri-form technique, but not even the most naive of Goku’s little friends would fall for such an obvious move. Besides…” He chuckled, a glimmer of amusement in both sets of eyes. “Why would I say such perverse things on national television? Children might be watching.”

_”YOU JUST SAID YOU DIDN’T KNOW THE DEFINITION!”_

“Your reaction made the sexual connotations of it self-explanatory.”

A heated blush spread across her face as the two Cells surrounded her, huge fucking smirks plastered on their faces. She stood as still as possible… maybe if she didn’t move, they’d think she was dead and leave. _Like grizzly bears._ But no, she wasn’t that lucky.

“Now… if that definition is something you’d like to explore in the future, just know that _I’m always open to that option…_ ”

She pursed her lips and marched right out of the circle of Cells. “I’m going inside.”

“I thought you wanted to see a physical fight.” He called after her.

She paused and looked at him… _them_ … over her shoulder. “I DO. But I need a snack and a chance to calm down so I don’t crush your face into the back of your skull. _Then_ I’ll come back out. So you wait right there.” She smiled sweetly and slammed the front door.

After grabbing a bowl of M&Ms, she plopped down on the couch and flipped on the TV. _A nice calming tennis match._ That dick could just stay out there all day, because she wasn’t planning on going back out any time soon.

She wondered how long it would be before he realized she’d tricked him into putting himself in the doghouse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess... there's really no central plot to this chapter? It's just Yuki and Cell doing silly things and pulling reactions out of each other. But it's the last day before the tournament, so I might as well let them do what they want.
> 
> And yes, there will be semi-explicit sex in the next chapter. It won't be an ENTIRE CHAPTER though (sorry) since Yuki's already passed the awkward confusion stage. But it will be a little bit at the end of the chapter.
> 
> So Cell is once again in the doghouse, though he doesn't realize it yet, and Yuki is now a pet owner! Will Yuki get to see a split-form battle? Will Cell cuddle the kitty? MAGIC MATTRESS RIDES?! Moar stuff happens, next time ON DRAGON BALL Z!


	23. Day Nine - Cell's 'Say Anything' Boombox

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More sex in this chapter, I suppose? Not a crazy epic like last time, just a few paragraphs near the end. So it's not as detailed, but it's still a tad bit explicit, so skip the end if ya want. Anyway.
> 
> Last chapter:
> 
> She paused and looked at him… _them_ … over her shoulder. “I DO. But I need a snack and a chance to calm down so I don’t crush your face into the back of your skull. _Then_ I’ll come back out. So you wait right there.” She smiled sweetly and slammed the front door.
> 
> After grabbing a bowl of M&Ms, she plopped down on the couch and flipped on the TV. _A nice calming tennis match._ That dick could just stay out there all day, because she wasn’t planning on going back out any time soon.
> 
> She wondered how long it would be before he realized she’d tricked him into putting himself in the doghouse.

Cell sighed as he stood alone on the arena. He’d been waiting out there for her to return, but now that the wait had passed the half hour mark, it was becoming painfully apparent that she had no plans of returning. Probably her silly way of ‘punishing’ him for what had obviously been a joke. _Well_ … He chuckled. _Mostly_ a joke.

He opened the front door - somewhat cautiously - and his eyes settled on Yuki, standing in the dining room looking up at The Starry Night. He cleared his throat to get her attention.

“Oh, I already KNOW you’re there, you dick.” Yuki continued to stare at the painting, tapping her finger on her chin thoughtfully. “…you know, the sky in this picture makes me think of auroras and ki balls.” She spun around to face Cell, a wicked grin spread across her face. “ _I dare you to cross through that front door into the house.”_

He glared at her. What that some kind of joke? Surely she wouldn’t attempt to _kick him out_ over something as menial as THAT. And if that was her intention, then she was going to be sorely disappointed. …he met her challenge and took one step forward.

A look of surprise spread across Yuki’s face before falling into an equally challenging glare. “I am WARNING you, buddy. Your arms might be as big around as my HEAD but I promise you if you take another step you won’t be able to hold me back from kicking your ass.”

“Why did you leave me waiting on the arena? It would’ve been polite to inform me of your decision to stay inside.”

“I made you put yourself in the doghouse.”

He shot her a sour look. “I did _nothing_ doghouse-worthy.”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe you suggested having a three-way with you and your temporary clone?”

“…I was only informing you of your options.”

“Yeah, and you were hoping I’d go for it! Like I’m gonna have a THREE-WAY with a guy I’ve only been dating for four days! You pervert!” She stuck her tongue out at him.

“Last night I recall you saying, and I quote, _’We’ve only been a real couple for three days but I swear to god it feels like it’s been years’._ ”

Yuki’s jaw dropped. That asshole’s smirk was so loud that she could practically HEAR it. “Hell NO you are not going to twist my words around like that to justify your three-way suggestion!”

But instead of responding, Cell stubbornly took another step into the house.

She frowned. “Did you seriously just un-doghouse yourself?”

“Your reasons are _hardly_ doghouse-worthy. I dispute your decision and now I’m requesting an appeal.” He grinned.

Try as she might, she couldn’t help but to laugh at that. “…and what if I deny your appeal?”

“A denial would require the approval of an impartial third party.” With that, he nonchalantly walked right up to Yuki, crossed his arms, and smirked. “Go ahead.”

“Go ahead what?”

“Your threat - ‘ _you won’t be able to hold me back from kicking your ass’_. Go ahead.”

She growled. He seriously just un-doghoused himself and now he was taunting her. That probably wasn’t how a conversation like this was supposed to go down… But before she could make good on her threat, he closed the distance between them. With a wicked grin, he reached forward and placed his hand on her hip.

“Cell… if you don’t take that hand off my hip, you will NEVER be able to fire off a ki blast with it ever again.”

“I suppose that’s only fair.” He chuckled and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her up against him. …he’d moved his hand from her hip, after all. “I find myself unable to get enough of that _spirited_ attitude of yours. Maybe I’m a masochist… or maybe I just enjoy the challenge.”

“Yeah well, I KNOW I’m a masochist. I’d have to be to stay on your weird rollercoaster ride.” She let out a surprised gasp as he pushed her up against the wall. That sly little smile of his was back.

“That seems like a rude way to put it. What you call a ‘weird rollercoaster ride’, I call _relationship development._ ”

“Yeah, you woul-“ But Yuki’s words were cut off as he grabbed the back of her head and pulled her forward, bringing her lips up to meet his own. A warm shiver went up her spine as she closed her eyes and leaned into the kiss. She smiled to herself. That was a good enough apology, she guessed.

He held her tighter, trailing kisses down her neck, over her collar… but then the pitiful sound of a mewling kitty _interrupted him._ Well, not so much HIM, as it were. He was just fine with continuing. Yuki was the one who pulled away and rushed over to the stupid cat. He growled, irritated by the sudden turn of events.

“You can’t leave the door open anymore, Jonesy will get into the house.” She frowned and picked up the poor kitty, carrying him out onto the porch and filling up his food bowl. By the time she went back inside, Cell was sitting on the couch. _Radiating_ annoyance. “Hey, come on, don’t be a butt.”

“That disgusting thing does not need to be DOTED on like a small child.”

“Pets are like furry children! You just don’t get it.” She rolled her eyes. With a sigh, she picked up her laptop and fell down onto the couch. It’d probably be a good thing to check and see if her grandmother tried calling again. Or some other family member that may or may not be senile. …hopefully the former, since they’d be easier to deal with.

“No, I don’t ‘get it’, nor do I WANT to ‘get it’.” His eyes narrowed. “So rest assured I’ll have that door closed _at all times._ ”

“Yeah, I bet you will.” She giggled. With laptop in hand, she scooted closer to him and lay back against his chest. The guy may have been uncomfortable to sleep on, but he did make a pretty decent computer chair. Hell, there was even a bit of lumbar support going on there. “You know, I used to have an indoor cat. Years and years ago. She had a really weird habit of sitting outside the bedroom door whenever I had sex. It was creepy as hell. At one point, I just started closing the door, but that dumbass cat would just claw at the carpet under the door and meow over and over. So… yeah. Be lucky Jonesy won’t get the chance to be like THAT, or else we’d be in for a really weird time.”

“Or you should ‘be lucky Jonesy won’t get the chance to be like that’, or else I would kill it.”

“Okay, Dwight. Throw my cat in the freezer then.” She rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to the laptop.

He chose to ignore whatever pop culture thing she was attempting to irritate him with and slid his arms around her, watching over her shoulder with mild interest. It seemed to be something involving her extended family. “…what are you doing?”

“Checking my messages and stuff. Trying to see if anyone else wanted to get in touch with me, but I guess I’m being ignored. That figures.” She sighed. “Oh, and look! Two of my cousins and my uncle removed me from their contacts list. _Awesome._ I bet everyone in the world de-friended me on Facebook. I don’t even want to CHECK that.”

He wanted to take that computer and hurl it out the window. Every dejected little sigh that escaped her lips was just another bitter reminder of how he’d let himself lose his composure in such a pathetic way. Her suffering caused by his one and only _failure._ It was incredibly taxing on his mental faculties… a distressing situation. But he wasn’t sure what was more distressing - the fact that he was distressed over the situation, or the situation itself. But either way, the problem would solve itself soon enough… He smiled and rested his head atop hers. In less than 24 hours, the tournament would begin. The battle would commence, and the earth’s fighters would fall one by one. And then he would take her away from here, and she would have no need to suffer any longer. After all, why fret over something that no longer exists? By now, she was most likely looking forward to leaving now that society had abandoned her. Just one of the countless reasons why this society deserved to burn. And he was going to have a lot of FUN doing it.

As Yuki continued her silent lamenting, Cell closed his eyes and sent his focus outwards. Goku’s little friends had heightened ki levels, getting in their last moments of training before the tournament… not that it would _matter_ regardless. Why would those weaklings even bother? He laughed to himself. _The misguided bravery of fools._ Though speaking of fools… Goku was still at resting levels. That idiot must be so sure of his abilities… well, he was in for quite an unpleasant surprise.

“Oh, are you KIDDING me?!”

Yuki’s exclamation pulled him from his musings. “What is it?”

“Look at this!” She pointed wildly at the screen. “Some fucking douchenozzle hacked my Facebook page!”

“What is this?”

“Like an online profile! See look, they drew horns and a tail on my photo!” She growled. “And they changed my job title to ‘Traitor to Humanity’, my location to HELL, and my nickname to ‘Whore of Babylon’. _Awesome._ Oh and look, they deleted all my friends. And apparently I am now only friends with the fake profiles of Adolf Hitler, Satan, and Jeff the Killer.”

“Well, it’s a good thing you’re leaving this miserable place, isn’t it?”

“GOD, CELL I told you I’m NOT leaving this planet.” She sighed and slammed the laptop shut. “Keep thinking that all you want, but it’s not happening.”

He tsked. “I’m sure with everything I’ve done for you, you’re warming up to the idea of coming along willingly. You have a fully renovated and travel ready home, no attachments to keep you here, and you even have a _cat_ for stress relief. I don’t know what more you could possibly need.”

Her breath hitched in her throat. _“W…what did you just say…?”_

…it wasn’t until she turned around that he realized saying those things had been a _horrible call of judgement._ Every inch of her face just _screamed_ pure misery and heartbreak… the last time he’d seen that look had been the first day she’d come out here. When he hadn’t realized how suicidal she’d been at the time and mistakenly taunted her for it. And that was not a look he’d ever wanted to see again. But there it was.

“Yuki, I assure you that was only _bad phrasing._ I wasn’t suggesting that everything I’ve done had been for THAT reas-“

“Get out. And don’t ever come back.”

His eyes widened. He could no longer see her expression with her face buried in her hands, but it was obvious she was crying. “You can’t possibly th-“

“ _GET OUT!”_ She jumped up in a rage and rushed to the front door, ripping it open. “JUST FUCKING GO!”

Cell stood up, but hesitated.

“Don’t stand there looking at me like you don’t know what the hell I’m upset about! Just get out!” She bit her lip and looked down at the floor, watching as a few tears fell. “I’m not… I’m just not going to deal with this. I THOUGHT you were nice to me because deep down you could just… be a nice guy when you wanted to. I thought we did all these things because we were having fun. But no, this whole fucking time you’ve had an ulterior motive for ALL OF IT. But I promise you, I am not leaving this planet. _I will fight you to the end_. So there’s no reason for you to be nice and do things with me anymore, right? So LEAVE.”

“Yuki-“

“NO! FUCKING LEAVE!”

He growled. “WILL YOU JUST LISTEN TO-“

“God DAMNIT!”

He was at a complete loss for words as she marched over to him and grabbed him by the arm. His newfound inability to speak continued as he was pulled right to the door and shoved out onto the porch. And just what was he supposed to do? Resisting would’ve only incited her more.

“Go back to your stupid arena, and have fun getting your ass kicked! I’m going to grab my capsule case and then I’m taking my house back out to the forest. I can’t… I can’t _believe_ that everything we’ve done together has just been you manipulating me! You really are _pure fucking evil._ I can’t believe I ever gave you the benefit of the doubt. You and I are finished, and I’m not changing my mind, so either go away or kill me. I honestly don’t give a shit either way at this point.” She moved to slam the door in his face, but Cell held it open.

“Wait!” At this point, it felt as though all he could do was _panic._ “You’re not listening to reason!”

“And are YOU supposed to be the voice of reason?! I think you fucking LOST that title, if you ever had it in the first place!”

“You can’t possibly end things between us based on sudden ASSUMPTIONS!”

“They aren’t assump-“

“THEY ARE ASSUMPTIONS, YUKI.” He watched as she started to shift nervously. Perhaps she was reconsidering?

“…you and I are done, but fine. If you want to plead out your case out of some stupid need to feel vindicated, then whatever. Go away and give me some time, and then I’ll come out here and listen to your little sob story and then I’m leaving.”

Cell opened his mouth to say something, but then thought better of it. To speak now would be foolish. Giving her some time to cool off would be in both their best interests. With a sigh, he silently let go of the door and allowed Yuki to slam it in his face.

As soon as he was away from her sight, she sat back down onto the couch. Silent. Staring at nothing in particular. She choked back a sob. _Had Cell really done that?_ Had he only fixed up the house so she’d be more likely to go with him? …and all the other things… Why? And then he had the gall to sit there and say it was ‘bad phrasing’. How the hell could ‘manipulating someone into getting your way’ possibly be phrased in any way BUT bad? She let out a pitiful moan and fell face first into the couch cushion. It was over now. Nothing he could say would EVER justify what he’d done. But if she had to be completely honest with herself… a little part of her really wished that there was. But she should’ve seen this coming. She should’ve seen it ALL coming, right? She’d just been so caught up in her stupid little delusion that he’d change his mind at the last minute and then they’d live happily ever after or something. What a stupid thought. She could see him for what he was now, and it completely destroyed any hope she had of this ending peacefully.

Krillin and his friends might have told her she could be ‘Cell’s Bulma’, but it was painfully apparent now that that was impossible. Cell just wanted some content sex toy he could drag along with him from planet to planet. And it fucking _hurt_. Like having her heart ripped right out of her chest, still beating like some Indiana Jones movie… and she knew damn well why. She’d completely fallen for that stupid guy. Him and his stupid piercing eyes. And those stupid twitchy wings. And that stupid fancy way of speaking. And his stupid miffed looks whenever she called him a pet name. And his stupid… everything. _She fucking loved him._ And then he had to go and do THIS.

As Yuki continued regretting the past week of her life into the couch cushion, Cell stood out on the arena, tensed up and laser focused on Yuki’s every movement. She was currently shifting around on the couch, sobbing and letting out sad little moans. He growled to himself. Why the hell had he said those things?! He’d quite stupidly made the assumption that she’d already been planning on going with him, and look what happened. The nonchalant way he’d brought up the subject had caused her to make illogical assumptions. Now she thought he’d been _manipulating her._ As though he would do something so pathetic. Manipulation was a tactic used to get one’s way when they know they are in the wrong. And HE was not in the wrong in asking her to leave this place. With everyone turned against her, why would she wish to choose exile and death over _coming with him?!_ Why?! He hadn’t even entertained the possibly of her choosing to STAY at this point. 

His eyes widened as Yuki came stomping up onto the arena, eyes red from the earlier tears. “Tell me the truth, don’t you dare fucking lie to me. You were NEVER going to give me a choice, were you? You were just going to take me by force, weren’t you?!”

He thought over his response carefully. After all, it made no sense now for her to wish to remain on earth, so it had not been something he’d thought much on. But… he would not let her DIE, and she knew it. So she knew the answer to this question already. She only wanted to see if he’d _say it_. To see if he would lie to her… and he would not lie. “…you would thank me later, once the realization of what was going on around you finally set in.”

“You’re a BASTARD! You can’t just assume shit about me! What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“It’s hardly a WRONG assumption for-“

“SHUT UP! You want to know a WRONG assumption?! That I ever thought someone like you could ever care about ANYONE! I guess maybe changing your mind on the whole _genocide_ thing is too much to ask, but I thought you at LEAST cared enough about me that you wouldn’t go forcing me into a situation I don’t want to be a part of!”

“ _YOU STUPID GIRL!”_ He grabbed her by the arm and pulled her forward, letting his anger get the best of him. “If I didn’t care about you, I wouldn’t save you at all!”

“Let go of me!” She jerked away from his grip. “You might think you care about me, but I don’t think you even know what that means! Caring about someone doesn’t mean you treat them like some damn OBJECT placed here for your satisfaction, that you can just force them to do whatever the fuck you want just because it makes YOU happy! Relationships are about compromise, you dick!”

“Standing by while your mate dies because she wants to be stubborn… well, that’s a bit out of the realm of your _average compromise_ , wouldn’t you say?!”

“Not when you’re the one killing her, you murderous psycho! You want to know about compromise? You want to know what it means to CARE about someone?!” Yuki bit her lip and took a few steps back, her voice starting to crack. “Everyone turning against me… it might’ve happened then by accident… but don’t think for a SECOND that I didn’t know it would eventually happen anyway! I turned my damn back on the entire human race for you!”

Cell stood in silence as she turned and began walking to the edge of the stage. All this time… She already knew in advance this would happen between her and her species, and embraced it willingly to _be with him._ He had not even entertained that idea. There was no proper response for that.

Right before she stepped off the stage, she spun around. “…mates, HA. What a joke. You’ll never love anything but yourself. You’ll destroy the whole damn universe and then float there alone in some empty void, all satisfied and giddy that existence is nothing but perfect little YOU. Then we’ll see how bored you REALLY get. Maybe you’ll float there forever and regret everything! Maybe then you won’t want to be all alone and you’ll finally realize what it means to care about something other than yourself, but then it’ll be too late, won’t it? Because everything will be GONE. So enjoy stewing in your own bullshit, because I’m not joining you.”

She marched right up to the house and put it safely back into her capsule case. There was not a moment of hesitancy in her movements as she tossed out the car and put the kitty in the backseat. “Come on, Jonesy. Let’s get the fuck out of here.” As soon as she got behind the wheel, she paused… she so desperately wanted to look back, to see the expression on his face, but… if she did, there was always the chance she would lose any resolve she had to leave. So without even a glance back at the place she’d called home for the last week, she started the car and rode off. _Back home._ Back to the place where domineering douchebags couldn’t carry her by force off the planet while they murdered everyone else on it.

Cell stood frozen as she drove away, watching as she shrunk smaller and smaller into the horizon, until she was finally gone. She left. _She actually left._ The silence immediately fell down around him and it was… strange. No more Yuki shuffling around the house going about her day. No more Yuki and her silly shows… or her unexpected questions… or her fun little challenges playing hard-to-get… 

_No more Yuki._

In that moment, it really did feel as though existence was nothing but him. And, unlike her earlier predictions, he did not feel ‘all satisfied and giddy’ at the idea. As he stood there unmoving, hour after hour continued to pass, and a creeping dread began to take hold in his mind. Slowly at first, just enough to where he could push it from his thoughts. But then it started building up… and sometime late in the evening, between the first star and the sunset, it finally exploded violently into an apex and broke down around him, leaving nothing but a new and horrible feeling of panic.

“Damn it all…” He whispered to himself through gritted teeth. The clouds in the sky began to encircle the area from above, and a wind began to pick up around him.

_”DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!”_ His scream echoed across the landscape, only further emphasizing how empty the area truly was… mocking him for his inability to foresee or stop this situation from happening.

He took off. As fast as he could. Cutting through the air towards the forests outside the Gingertown crater. And, if only for a second, he began to grasp at a very basic concept. A concept that shouldn’t have bothered him this much… and yet it did. It made him absolutely furious as he attempted to wrap his mind around it - _He was lonely._

Yuki sat at the dining table, staring down at a photo and tapping her fingers impatiently. At this point, she had _no idea_ what to do. For the first few hours, she’d tried desperately to get her mind off him. Video games, TV shows, chocolate ice cream, silently counting the raised dots on the ceiling… none of it worked. And now here she was, staring at the dumb photo she took earlier. Cell was smiling at her as she held up the camera, and Jonesy was chilling in the background… the picture looked strangely domestic. She smiled. _If only it could’ve stayed that way…_ Granted, the only reason Cell was smiling in the photo was because she’d groped him, but you couldn’t tell that from the picture. It just looked like a silly, happy couple and their lazy cat.

She was pulled out of her Cell-occupied thoughts by the sound of Jonesy hissing upstairs. She’d left him sleeping in the open bedroom window… now something was obviously freaking him out. Probably another bear or something. She sighed and climbed up the staircase, stopping at the bedroom door to see Jonesy looking down in the yard at something as his tail twitched in irritation.

“Aw Jonesy, what’s wrong?” She wandered over to the window… and gasped. There was _Cell_ , standing in her yard and growling angrily at Jonesy. As soon as Yuki placed her hands on the windowsill, the annoyed cat jumped down onto the carpet and left the room, probably miffed over the fact that one of his new owners had just growled at him.

She glared down at him as he stood there looking pretty damn uncomfortable over the whole situation. But whatever. That asshole could stand out there uncomfortable all night, because there was no way she was going to falter and give him any more reasons to drag her off a dying planet with him by force. No way, _fuck that._

“Why the hell did you even come out here?! What are you gonna do, hold up a boombox and play Peter Gabriel’s ‘In Your Eyes’?!”

The hesitant look Cell gave her in return reminded her that he wouldn’t get the movie reference. She rolled her eyes. “…okay, let me back up then. What are you gonna do, start quoting Romeo and Juliet?”

“I… would you like me to?”

“That would be hilarious as hell, but it doesn’t change anything I said to you earlier.”

Cell grinned and crossed his arms, looking a little smug now. ‘Hilarious as hell’ sounded like a good place to start, at least. _”But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Yuki is the sun.”_

She tried her hardest not to laugh. She really, really did, but the laughter came out anyway. After all, she’d be lying to herself by saying it wasn’t a pretty funny sight. “Cute. _Very_ cute.” Her laughter died down and she sighed. “…but go ahead and be cute all you want, you’re still only here because you want to make YOURSELF happy. If you cared about me at all, I’d still be down at the arena and we wouldn’t even be in this situation. I’m NOT going to let you walk all over me and drag me along with whatever YOU want to do. Especially when it involves _planet-wide destruction!”_

“If that were true, you would be right. We wouldn’t be in this situation. I would have never let you leave. I’m not FORCING you to come back, I’m… asking.”

“And if I kept saying no I bet you’d eventually carry me back there anyway! God… you know, I think subconsciously I knew the moment I kissed you that this bullshit would happen. I was just so caught up in my stupid fantasies.” She laughed bitterly. “I just fucking IGNORED it, and now look! I don’t even know what I am anymore! Some kind of villain by proxy, some accidental murderer, and _it’s all YOUR fault!_ I will NEVER be the same person I used to be because of you!”

“Oh?” He frowned. “I wouldn’t say you’ve changed all that much. You’ve gotten quite a bit stronger and bolder since we parted ways those years ago, but those aren’t necessarily _bad_ traits to acquire.”

“Whatever. I sure as hell don’t feel stronger. If anything, I feel WEAKER because I’m letting someone like YOU make me feel like this. That’s not being strong, that’s being stupid as hell. I would’ve been better off staying out here alone.”

“Yuki, I-“

“JUST QUIT IT! You don’t care about me, all right? You might feel something, I don’t know what the hell does on inside your head, maybe you just have some sexual attraction to me and you’re mistaking it for affection or whatever. But you’ve already said YOU HATE HUMANITY. And I don’t care about cognitive dissonance and all that crap, but I’m a HUMAN. Which you HATE. So if you’re going to stand there and tell me you ‘care’ about me, then you’re basically saying I’m not even human. Which is a horrible insult, you ass.”

“Is that so?” He chuckled and shot her a sly smile. _”My only love sprung from my only hate, too early seen unknown and known too late. Prodigious birth of love it is to me, that I must love a loathed enemy.”_

“Oh my god, are you _seriously…_ ” She turned around to face away from the window and cracked a huge smile. That guy was purposely trying to make her laugh! But no way was she falling for any of that. Making funny remarks might have worked in other situations, but this was way more serious than all the playful bickering they usually did.

“I suppose I can stand here and recite the whole play for you, if that’s what you want.”

She spun back around to face him, wearing her best poker face. “No thanks. You know they both DIE at the end, right? Don’t put that kind of jinx on me! …or on you.”

“Will you come back?”

“Wha… NO! You think you can come here and throw nice quotes at me, ask me to come back, and I’ll just melt in your arms and DO IT? You think that proves ANYTHING? They’re not even your words! All that proves is that you have an abnormally good memory!”

“What would you have me do?”

“God, I just… at this point, I don’t care. I don’t even care about the fate of the world! All right? I don’t care! You know why?” She narrowed her eyes. He might kick her ass for saying this, but he totally deserved the ultimate insult and she was going to give it to him. “ _You’re not going to win the tournament!_ Even if you somehow kick my ass and beat me, which I don’t think you’d do, you’re not going to beat Goku! I saw what he did, he moved so fast, he just TELEPORTED. I don’t see you doing that! Plus when I was there at his place, or wherever the hell I was, he seemed pretty damn calm about the whole thing. So you’re going to LOSE. Plus you said Vegeta pretty much blew half your body off, and if Goku is stronger than him, you don’t even stand a chance! Weakling! Loser! Asshole!”

She shifted nervously as she waited for his reaction. His hands were balled into tight fists and he seemed to be shaking, like he was trying to contain his anger. _She’d totally gotten to him._ Good. Now if he was going to kill her, at least she’d die happy in knowing Cell got called a weakling and a loser by his ‘mate’.

And she was right. Cell’s patience was being put to the test, and for a moment he thought he would fail that test, but… _he knew this game._ It was that dangerous game she attempted to play a few times when they’d had their re-meeting - the suicidal ‘piss Cell off until he loses his composure and kills you’ game. But he would obviously not KILL her. Surely she knew that? He sighed, and the tension left him. “…are you quite done insulting me?”

“…YES!” She choked back a sob and slid down the wall, hiding herself underneath the window. Hopefully he would just leave her alone after that, after all, he wasn’t really the type to stand around and let himself be insulted. And so she sat there. Alone. Hugging her knees to her chest. No way was that guy still out there, it was way too quiet.

She sighed and looked up at the ceiling… only to find herself staring into magenta eyes. He was leaning in through the window, looking down at her.

“I wasn’t fighting at full power when he did that, you know. I was still breaking in my new body and I merely made an overly brash decision. He stands no chance against me.”

“Fine, stand there and defend your ‘perfect’ fighting skills, see if I care. That has nothing to do with _us_ , but whatever.”

Cell frowned as he watched her close her eyes and lean back against the wall. Obviously trying to ignore him. As much as he was loathe to admit it, this was not a fight he would win if he continued things like this. Yuki had given him an ultimatum - She would stand against him in the end, no matter what. No matter how much her own kind despised her. No matter how certain it was that they would _kill_ her once she was no longer under his protection. No matter how many times he tried to convince her that staying with him was the logical choice… Her ultimatum was clear. She would be miserable the moment he pulled her away from this planet. Just as miserable as she was currently. Now he found himself in the perfect example of ‘a rock and a hard place’, and the only way out was by doing something he did not want do.

_He had to allow her the choice._ And in the end, if she so chose, he would have to let her go. “…Yuki. Listen to me carefully.”

“Fine. Whatever.”

“I am not mistaking sexual attraction for affection. I’m not an _idiot,_ Yuki. I won’t deny that I enjoyed our little… _indulgence_ , and wouldn’t hesitate to go again, but I would be a fool to say I didn’t care about you. And since you SEEM to think I have no grasp of the concept of emotions, would you like me to tell you how I know that I care about you?”

She opened her eyes and looked up at him curiously. “How?”

Cell stayed silent for a moment, trying to word how he could possibly say this in his mind. This would likely be the most important thing he could ever tell her, and he couldn’t afford to let a single word fall out of place. Any future choices she made depended on it.

Yuki sighed. Cell was doing that blank ‘analyzing the situation’ stare again. She didn’t want him to analyze the situation, she wanted him to just tell her what was on his damn mind already. _“Well…?”_

“I don’t need to ‘float alone in an empty void’ to know that I would miss you. And that, as I stood there alone as the hours passed, the unbearable feeling of wanting you to come back had nothing to do with _sex._ If you want to compromise, then I will compromise. If you want to be left alone at the end, I won’t force you to do anything… though I’m guessing from your _insistence of Goku’s victory_ , that you don’t even see that as the point anymore. The point for you is that you’re afraid I don’t care for you. But I do. I will win this tournament, it is _an inevitability_. But if I really did decide to bring ruin upon this planet, I would respect your wishes and leave you be at the end.”

“Did…” Yuki’s eyes went wide. “Did you just…”

“Hm?”

“The way you… never mind.” She continued to stare up at him in disbelief. _The way he phrased that last sentence._ That wasn’t the same cocky assurance he’d given so many times before. That came out sounding hesitant as hell. And Cell NEVER hesitated when it came to flaunting his sadistic bullshit. The guy she met nine days ago would’ve never used the word ‘if’ when discussing his planet-wide destruction. Not even the guy she knew only a few days ago would’ve done that. It was never ‘if’, it was always ‘when’.

Maybe she was just reading too into things, but he really did seem to be leaving that option pretty open-ended. The whole damn thing was up in the air at this point, and even if it wasn’t, he was still sincere in his promise to let her stay. Maybe Gohan and Krillin were right in their optimism? Maybe there was room for compromise in this fight? After all, if he was willing to compromise with her…

“I guess _‘I’ll be lonely but I’ll still kill you when I blow up the world if you want me to.’_ is about as an original romantic statement as I’m ever going to get out of you, right?”

“Probably… and even this was incredibly uncomfortable and out of character for me. See? I really do care.” He grinned.

“God, I have the weirdest taste in men…”

“No, you just know perfection when you see it.”

“…yeah. Okay.” She tried to smile as she looked up at him, but it was obvious from his uneasy expression that she was failing in actually looking happy. She felt a little better, and she really couldn’t stay pissed at him after that subconscious admission of his, but the whole situation still hurt like hell. It would hurt less if she could just grab some ice cream and have a good cry, but… she didn’t really want him to go away right now. Ice cream and cry, or Cell? _Decisions._

Apparently he made that decision for her as he invited himself inside, and reached out his hand to her, effortlessly pulling her to her feet. She sighed as he leaned down and kissed her, sliding one hand slowly up her back as he pulled her in closer. He let his fingers graze across her cheek and up through her hair… at this point, Yuki was absolutely torn between wanting to keep kissing him and wanting to cry out her stress. She pulled out of the kiss and looked up at him, biting her lip. _The crying was totally going to win out…_ A few sobs came out suddenly and she wrapped her arms around him, letting herself cry into his chest.

He sighed to himself as he held her in his arms, letting his head rest atop hers. He stared out the window into the moonlit yard. Apparently he’d made Yuki cry. _Again._ The assumption he’d made that being a ‘good mate’ would be just as easy as being good at everything else… how wrong he was. It honestly seemed to be the one thing in the universe he failed miserably at.

And yet Yuki continued to stay with him thus far, and he had no idea why.

Nor did he have any idea why she’d want to leave him in the end to stay here.

Or why she even CARED about what happened to this planet.

_Why?!_

The obvious thing to do would be to simply ASK her. He was wary of bringing up the topic again… but he had to know what, exactly, he was dealing with in that head of hers. “Yuki.”

She sniffled. “Yeah?”

“You’re unhappy staying with me.”

She looked up at him, tears still falling down her face. Was that a question? It sounded more like a statement… she wasn’t sure what he was trying to get at. “I’m not unhappy. I mean, sometimes, but…”

“Then why purposely allow yourself to remain in an unhappy situation?”

“Does it matter? Whether we’re a couple or not, you’re still wanting to fuck up the world. It’s not like it’s an unhappy situation I can get away from.”

“Then allow me to rephrase that. Why stay with the one who makes you unhappy?”

She frowned. What was with the sudden line of questioning? He had that look in his eyes… that calm, calculating look… _oh._ She sighed. He was trying to logically work out relationship stuff again. You think by now he’d have realized there was literally NOTHING logical about relationships and they were just crazy chaotic things you had to make shit up for as you went along. Sometimes watching him stumble through whatever crap he had stored away in his mind was cute, but sometimes it could be a little annoying… “That’s not how it works, okay? It’s impossible to be 100% happy with someone, there will always be SOMETHING about them that’s hard to deal with. You’re an _amazing_ guy, Cell. It’s absolutely mind blowing how hard you try to make me happy sometimes. …even if it IS because of your weird little need to be perfect at everything.”

“Trying and succeeding are two completely different things. Surely you _realize_ this.”

“Ugh, no, I… look whenever you TRY to make me happy, you succeed. But doing things with some ulterior motive in mind to get me to leave the planet with you - something I don’t want to do - isn’t TRYING to make me happy.”

“…I can’t fathom leaving you behind. I can’t imagine why death would be preferable to staying with me.”

“Oh my god, it’s not about staying with you! I would LOVE to stay with you. But not if I would have to live knowing that everyone I’ve ever known was dead because of you. That’s no way to live, with that kind of knowledge hanging over my head. I don’t understand how you can be so damn smart about everything but this ONE fucking concept of me not wanting you to fuck over the world just STUMPS YOU. Seriously. I’ve spent days trying to explain it to you but you toss everything I say on the subject in the garbage!”

“Hm.” He continued to stare at her, still calm and calculating, still lost in thought… “You try and succeed at making me happy. More so than I would’ve ever assumed any _human_ would.”

“Well… good. I mean, I don't want you to be unhappy either.” She sighed and leaned up against him, closing her eyes. “You might be absolutely nuts sometimes, but I still love you. If I didn’t, all the crazy things you say wouldn’t affect me so damn much.”

As soon as she’d said that, her eyes widened and a blush spread across her face. She really, honestly, did _not_ want to look up at him at the moment. She’d never said she loved him before. Not out loud, anyway. And even though he’d become a lot nicer over the past week, he still wasn’t exactly the kind of guy to go _’Oh sweetie I love you too!’_ But he didn’t immediately scoff so that was probably a good sign… she slowly lifted up her gaze to meet his. He wasn’t frowning or anything, just staring at her silently. There seemed to be a lot of conflicted emotions shining through his eyes though.

“…a hypothetical question, if you will.”

“O-okay?”

“Had I never threatened the destruction of this planet or its population, would you have agreed to leave with me if I asked?”

She stammered to herself, completely at a loss for words. How the hell was she supposed to answer a hypothetical question like that?! If it was even a hypothetical question in the first place… Maybe he meant it, but he didn’t want her to know he meant it? But he normally wasn’t so cryptic about things, usually he’d just hit her with blunt, get-to-the-point questions. But now he was looking down at her, patiently waiting for an answer, and _she didn’t know what answer to give._ Her two options had been go with Cell and let the world burn, or convince him to stay here and spare the planet. But now a third option just sprang up out of nowhere… And if it really wasn’t a hypothetical, she couldn’t just afford to throw out an answer without thinking more on it, so…

“…I don’t know. That’s kind of a hypothetical I’d have to think a lot on.”

“So I see. Be sure to ‘think a lot’ then.”

Yuki frowned as Cell turned his gaze out the window. She really wished she knew what was going on in his head… but apparently there might be a chance he’d leave in peace if he won. Which raised another question - what would he do if he _lost?_ The conversation she’d had with Krillin the other day ran through her mind… “Hey, can I ask YOU a hypothetical question?”

He continued to stare silently out the window, but nodded.

“If a fighter on this planet were to beat you, and you lost the tournament, would you even want to leave the planet anyway? Or would you stick around until you finally reached a point where you could beat them?”

Cell silently shot her a curious look.

“Well?”

“In the end I want the ultimate challenge to my power. Goku promises to provide a bit of a challenge, but… once he is defeated it’s only logical for me to move on elsewhere until I find it. You’re not an idiot, you _know this_ already.”

“Okay yeah, but then you want to keep mowing your way through the strongest fighters in the universe until you either get defeated or come out on top?”

“A fun way to put it.” He grinned.

“So then… my hypothetical question…”

He rolled his eyes and sighed. There was no chance of him being defeated, but he knew exactly what Yuki was attempting to pull out of him. He’d questioned her to leave this place, and now she was countering it with a question of staying. She was being _stubborn_ again. “Fine. In the unlikely event of Goku’s VICTORY, I would have no reason to seek challenge elsewhere until I defeat him. Isn’t that the obvious conclusion? Not that it’s even in the realm of possibility, but if your impossible little scenario makes you feel better, then think what you want.”

“So if you win, you’re going to kill everything and leave, and if you lose then you’re going to stay?”

“Don’t make me reiterate myself.”

“You do realize in that case I’m going to be praying as hard as I can for you to lose.” She smiled. “Then I can make you all domestic and shit.”

“ _Domestic?”_ He threw back his head and laughed. “Is that what you’re hoping? Pipe dreams, my dear. If I lost - _and I assure you I won’t_ \- my days would be nothing but endless training, solely focused on attaining my victory. But…” He placed his hand under her chin, lifting her to face him, and moved in closer. They were only centimeters apart now. “…my nights would be nothing but you.”

“Fighting all day and loving all night, huh?” She grinned. “In that case, I don’t even know why you’d wanna leave, that sounds like the perfect life for you.”

Cell let out a little hum of agreement as he pulled her in and eagerly nipped at her neck. She blushed and laughed to herself - his mind was obviously elsewhere or he would’ve realized that he just accidentally _agreed_ with her.

“Hey, come on now, it’s getting late, I gotta change.” She quickly pulled out of his arms and walked over to the door. “You… uh, you stay right there.” As she left for the bathroom, she couldn’t help but to laugh over how super annoyed the poor guy looked as she walked away. But he could be super annoyed all he wanted. In a few minutes he’d probably - hopefully - be super thrilled instead.

Instead of voicing a complaint, he let her leave the room uninterrupted. The idiom ‘walking on eggshells’ was one he knew already… and it was proving to be a much more formidable idiom than ‘in the doghouse’ ever was. As he turned back around towards the window, his eyes fell on a photo laying on the carpet. Yuki had probably been clinging to it earlier. He held out his arm as the photo floated up off the ground and into his hand, and he looked it over curiously… it was that photo from before. The ‘Cell, Yuki, and the cat’ family photo she’d groped him over. _How silly._ He chuckled at the absurdity of it all and placed it gently onto the nightstand, before turning his attention back to the window.

He placed his hands on the window ledge and stared off into the distance. He wasn’t looking at anything in particular, really, just… mulling over his current state of affairs. And his current state of affairs was chaotic, convoluted, and quite impossible to sort out. What the hell had Dr. Gero been thinking, giving him the ability to feel like THIS? There was no advantage to such a thing, save for creating offspring… something other than the rudimentary beings he could call children on his own. But even a thing like that didn’t account for the horrifying _weaknesses_ she was causing in him.

Was it extraneous information in his genetic coding that was meant to lay dormant? Or just an inevitable fact of existence that could not be erased in any self-aware biological creature?

Or… It was fairly obvious from the extensive knowledge of human culture given to him that his creator had wanted him to rule over humanity after defeating Goku… foolishly thinking he could USE him as some sort of false king while Dr. Gero ran things behind the scenes. He laughed to himself. As though he cared about such trivial things like _leading people around._ Perhaps the good doctor had expected him to take a queen?

“Hey, whatcha thinking about?” The voice of Yuki behind him pulled him away from his ruminating.

“I’m attempting to decipher how I arrived at this point and why I seem to be so _fine_ with remaining at this point.”

Yuki frowned. She’d hoped Cell would turn around and see her awesome little outfit, but apparently he just wanted to stare out the window and lament about shit that he should’ve just accepted a long time ago. “Is trying to figure shit out logically going to change anything? Is coming to some realization over why something happened going to erase the fact that it happened?”

“Obviously not.”

“Then take a page out of your own advice and don’t fret over it, maybe? There’s literally nothing you can do about what’s already happened so who cares? You should be thinking about your tournament and all the people you want to beat up, not dwelling unhappily over the fact that you CARE about someone.”

“An insightful observation. …and I am not UNHAPPY over you. I’m rather content in your presence. I would just prefer to know why.”

“And knowing why will change things… how?”

“I suppose it won’t.”

Yuki grinned, eager to see his reaction, as he turned around to face her… and there it was! _The perfect reaction!_ He stood frozen before her, his eyes wide as he looked her up and down. For a moment, he looked pretty shocked, and his whole body seemed tense, but… it only took a few seconds for it all to completely vanish, replaced with that narrow-eyed gaze and predatory grin of his. And the twitchy wings were back.

With a low chuckle, he slowly moved towards her. His grin grew wider with every step he took. “Tell me, my dear… do you normally wear such _risqué things_ to bed at night?”

“Sometimes. Depends if I’m getting laid or not.” She winked. “It’s the silly transparent one you picked out, so I hope you like it.”

Cell circled around her, his movements almost shark-like. He very much liked the ‘silly transparent one’. After all, every inch of her was on full display… just begging to be _taken._ “Another offer of make-up sex, I take it?”

Yuki gave no answer as he stopped pacing around her and ran his fingers lightly down the length of the mesh outfit. Apparently his little seal of approval… she smiled as a mischievous glimmer flashed through her eyes. “How flexible are your wings?”

“…what?” He shot her a sour look, dismayed over what seemed like a change of topic.

Her smile grew wider and she placed her hands on his chest, pushing him closer to the bed. “Can you lie down on your back with those things?”

He frowned. What on earth was she getting at… _oh._ His eyes widened as the realization hit him. “Would you like to find out?”

“Yep!” Yuki jumped into his arms and they both fell over onto the bed. She looked down at him as she shifted her body up into a straddling position. So he could lie down pretty easily on his back, which was good for her, because she was about to _dominate the shit out of him._ ‘Punishment’ for being an arrogant little douche earlier. “Now you’re at my mercy!”

“Oh, am I?” He smirked, a little amused and delighted at this turn of events. She looked so… _eager_. It took quite a bit of willpower to keep himself from flipping her over and tearing off that little outfit of hers. Pushing her into the bed as he took her… her cries so much bolder than their hesitant first time… The mental images continued to fly through his mind uncontrollably. With a low chuckle, he placed his hands on her hips and held her firmly in place.

She gave him a coy little nod as she leaned in closer and brought her lips down to meet his own. Just a soft, light kiss at first, but they quickly grew rougher and more fervent as she forced his mouth open and ran her tongue over his… An intoxicating feeling, doing the things to him that he normally did to her… She pressed her body against his, and a wave of pleasure shot up her spine as she heard him let out a muffled little moan.

Cell was stunned at first, over her sudden bravado, but he couldn’t deny seeing such an obvious display of _desire_ from the beauty above him was tempting beyond words. He slid his hands up her back and pulled her tighter against him as she broke away from the kiss and moved on to his neck. The little nips and licks she gave made him hum in pleasure. “…how about we take this lovely outfit of yours off?”

“Nope.” With a grin, she swatted his hands away just as he attempted to lift the thing up over her head. “I’m dominating the shit out of you, you’re not allowed to do anything to me unless you beg me and say please.”

“That is NOT how this works.” He hissed at her. He attempted to move in for the outfit once more, but Yuki just swatted him away again.

“Oh, it is buddy. You might think not, but…” She leaned in towards the side of his head and whispered. “I’ll have you begging soon enough.”

He scowled. “…of that, I have no doubt.” Before he could protest any more, Yuki quickly slipped her hand between his legs. His eyes widened. “…what… what are you attempting?”

“Figuring out this thingy.” Her eyes shot to his before returning to the spot between his legs that was holding her attention.

“ _…thingy?”_ He blinked. Did she think she could just forcibly unsheathe him?! He was a little torn between watching her entertaining yet futile endeavor, and just bringing her back up so they could _continue…_

“Yes, thingy. Sliding penis door or whatever, I don’t know. Just shut up, I’m in control.” She kept groping at him, trying to figure the thing out. Nothing seemed to be working… at first she thought it just slid open, but no. Curiously, she crawled down there to get a closer look. It was obvious Cell was silently freaking out over the fact that she had her head between his legs, but he could just deal. …there didn’t seem to be any kind of button down there anywhere either. She was about to just knock on it and see if it would just _answer_ , but Cell swiftly lifted her up and placed her back in her original straddling position. “HEY, I told you I’m in control!”

“ _Boundaries,_ my dear. Don’t put your face down there unless you’re attempting to initiate oral sex.”

“I wasn’t doing THAT.”

“Then you have no need to have your face down there.”

She sighed. “Fine, then tell me how to open it.”

“You don’t _open it._ I control it just as I would any other part of myself.”

Yuki stared down at him in silence, trying to read his expression. He looked a little annoyed and impatient, but she wouldn’t say he was pissed off… maybe it would be fun to push him a little further? “…I could’ve sworn there was a button or something.”

“Well there ISN’T.” He hissed.

“Wouldn’t that be fun if there was though? What if… what if…” With a burst of mental fortitude she didn’t realize she even possessed, she put on a serious as hell poker face and somehow held back the rolling laughter inside her. “What if, during the fight with Goku, he accidentally kicked your penis button. And then it came out like some perverted jack-in-the-box? That’d be pretty horrible.”

They laid there in silence for a moment. Cell stared up at her with an absolutely mortified expression while Yuki held her completely calm poker face.

“…are awkward situations some sort of FETISH for you?!”

“Maybe. Watching you squirm does give me a buzz though.” She snickered. “I guess you just have to hang out there beneath me and deal with it, huh?”

“I’m afraid you lost your domination privileges the moment you called my genitalia a ‘perverted jack-in-the-box’.”

Before Yuki could reply, Cell pushed her off him and threw her down to her knees at the other end of the bed. Not even bothering to let her get her bearings, he quickly grabbed her from behind, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist. He was growling in her ear now, but with her back to him it was impossible to make out his expression… was he pissed off or just turned on? …hopefully the latter.

“Though I must admit…” With a smile, he nuzzled his face against her neck, letting his other hand linger between her legs. “I quite honestly couldn't care less what silly little phrases you come up with. The way you _beg_ for it already tells me everything I need to know.”

Yuki glared over her shoulder at him with an expression of disbelief. “BEG? Are you kidding me?! I never begged for your dick, you arrogant piece of-“

Her voice trailed off with a quick gasp as he slipped his hand down into her panties, quickly moving his fingers to work at her clit. He smiled. With how wet she was down there already, she may as well have been _begging._ He leaned in closer, pressing against her tightly as he slowly slid his other hand up to her chest… and the way she arched her back against him when he started massaging her breasts just spurred him even further.

Yuki gripped at the bedsheets as the sudden waves of pleasure shot through her, moaning and panting as Cell continued using her body as his own little playground. Her grand idea of dominating him just got thrown out the window, but it didn’t really matter. His idea felt a lot better at the moment. Her breath hitched in her throat as he growled softly and tugged at her earlobe with his teeth.

_”Beg for it.”_ He whispered to her as he stroked her faster.

Her eyes widened at his request. “W-what? No! If you think I’m begging for anything, you’ve-“ Her sentence ended in another moan as he chuckled quietly and slid two fingers inside of her and picked up the pace.

“If you beg for it, I might be gracious enough to give it to you.” He took his hand off her chest and, with one quick swipe, sliced through her lingerie.

She mumbled in protest as the shredded pieces fell down around her, but couldn’t find herself able to focus too much on it as he continued his little quest to make her beg.

He kissed eagerly at her jawline, down her neck, all along the back of her shoulders… reveling in the way her skin shuddered in pleasure at his every touch. A smile came to his face as she seemed to tense up and began bucking her hips against his hand. _So apparently she was going to be stubborn._ With a little tsk, he stopped stroking her and let his hand fall away.

Yuki gave him a whine of protest at the sudden drop in pleasure.

“Beg.” He grinned wickedly.

“Noooooo…” She groaned in annoyance and buried her face in the bedsheets. …maybe she should just beg and get it over with. Since apparently he was going to be an ass and attempt this stupid ‘payback’ for trying to dominate him. But he wanted it too, so… “How about you beg for it.”

Cell laughed, but gave no response.

“What’s so fun-“ She froze as he shifted forward and ran his tongue along the edge of her ear, letting out a little gasp at that sudden feeling of warmth. And at the sudden feeling of his cock pressing up against her down there. “…not fair.”

“Don’t be so _stubborn_ , my dear.” He pushed forward a few times, teasingly rubbing himself against her. “As the saying goes - Ask and you shall receive.”

Yuki growled. _She was definitely going to have to beg_. If she didn’t, he’d just keep messing around with her. And she sure as hell wasn’t going to stay here on her hands and knees waiting all night. “…fine.”

“What was that?”

“I SAID FINE!”

“Come, now. That’s not how you beg.”

“FINE, ASSHAT. Give me a damn orgasm NOW before I go into the bathroom and do it myself! God, you’re such a friggin douchenozzle!” She shot a venomous glare over her shoulder at him. “And wipe that stupid smirk off your face, you arrogant twat!”

“Oh, I _do_ love your pet names. Though that mouth of yours can be quite unladylike at times.” He grinned and set his hand on the back of her head, quickly shoving her face down into the bed. Her muffled protests floated through the air for a few seconds before he let go. But before she could retaliate, he swiftly put his hands on her wrists, pinning her in place as he pressed himself deep inside her with one quick thrust. He groaned as the first wave of pleasure rushed through him. That familiar feeling of heat surrounding him as he entered her… it was an intoxication that he found himself unable to get enough of, and just as intoxicating was Yuki’s reaction to it.

Her eyes went wide as soon as he pushed into her without warning. At first, she thought he would pull back again and just go to town, but instead… he stayed still and seemed to savor the feeling for a moment. He lightly kissed at her neck, before releasing his hold on her wrists and letting his hands rest atop hers. She smiled to herself and closed her eyes.

“Yuki?”

“…yeah?”

“If you ever use silly, childish phrases in reference to my genitalia _again_ , I promise you that your next ‘punishments’ will be much more creative than _forced begging._ ”

Before she had a chance to respond, Cell continued where he left off, with another forceful thrust. He started moving with a steady rhythm, but soon found himself pushing into her harder, and faster, as she picked up her own rhythm, pressing back against his cock with each thrust. Her moans and sighs only further heightened the pleasure clouding over his mind, and his hands left hers as he gripped tightly onto the mattress in front of her, using it as leverage to force himself deeper in. The feeling of wanting more and more… it was _maddening._ And Yuki kept up her torturous little moans, occasionally gasping out his name as she shifted around in an attempt at giving him easier access… as though she was being pulled along by that same maddening feeling.

Yuki clung to the bedsheets in front of her as Cell kept up the rough pace. His arms gripped the bed on either side of her head, looming over her, his pleasure clearly audible by the animalistic growls and groans he made as he took her. It was… _a huge turn-on_. Her fingers curled tighter around the sheets and she cried out louder as a sharp jolt of pleasure flew up her spine. She was so close now… panting and grinding back against him in an effort to reach that point, but before she could, she felt him pull away as he easily lifted her up and threw her down onto her back. With a wicked grin, he quickly shoved himself back inside her and fell into his rhythm as though nothing happened, feverishly running kisses up along her throat. Yuki pressed her head against the pillow, digging her fingernails into the back of his neck as she came once again to that close point he’d forcibly taken her down from. As he quickened his pace even further, his pleasure became more vocal as some of his groans turned into cries of her name. She felt his body tense up as he wrapped his arms around her tight… and she was finally driven over the edge. She screamed out as she gripped onto him, taking in his cock as deep as she could as the throes of orgasm took her over, leaving her only barely cognizant of Cell reaching that point along with her.

Yuki relaxed onto the pillow with a content smile on her face, her breathing ragged as the after-effects of the orgasm slowly wore off. She watched ‘post-sex’ Cell having his fun. He fervently ran his hands up along her body, letting out little hums of pleasure as he happily nuzzled against her neck. His twitchy wings were on overdrive. She laughed to herself as she wrapped her arms around him, holding onto him tight as he just did… whatever.

After he came back from his secondary high, he looked down into her eyes with that analytical gaze of his. “Thoughts? Opinions?”

“Are those seriously going to be the first two words out of your mouth after every single time we have sex?” She rolled her eyes.

“I can’t fine-tune my techniques unless I get proper critiques.”

Yuki sighed. She didn’t know what was worse - the fact that Cell considered this proper post-sex pillow talk, or the fact that she wasn’t even surprised by it. “You know, why don’t you give ME criticism, huh?”

He grinned. “My one criticism would be this. It’s unfair to initiate oral sex without following through.”

“I agree. So it’s a good thing I wasn’t initiating it, you dick.” She stuck her tongue out at him and rolled onto her side, facing away from that smartass little grin of his. But as soon as she did, he reached out and pulled her up against him.

With a sigh, she let her head rest against his chest as she stared off at some random spot in the darkened room. She knew he’d stay until she fell asleep, but… that would probably be a while. All the thoughts in her mind were circling around one horrible reality - _tomorrow was the tournament._ The tenth day… and she didn’t want to face day eleven.

“Um… hey, maybe since you got laid tonight, you’ll be nicer at the tournament tomorrow.”

He chuckled softly, keeping his hold on her. “You can dream, I suppose. But romance has no bearing on battle, nor does battle on romance.”

“Seriously? You gotta know your history better than THAT. _Entire wars_ have been started or ended over people getting or not getting laid.”

He frowned as the air around them fell back into silence. Unlike Yuki, he was absolutely thrilled at the opportunity tomorrow held for him. But like Yuki, and possibly for the same reasons, he found himself unable to speculate on what would happen the day after. And he did not enjoy uncertainty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Geeeeeez this took forever to write. Not because it's the longest chapter I've written, but because these two idiots obviously had a lot of shit to work out before the Cell Games began, so I let them have at it. Writing upsetting, non-funny things is BS and I hate it, but it's impossible for humor to solve everything (how lame!) so this gets to be that part of the romantic comedy movie where things get all SRS BSNS before starting back up with the funsies.
> 
> ...and yes, this chapter is my idea of SRS BSNS. I am not a deep person. Hopefully I make up for that with perverted jack-in-the-box references. *thumbs up!*


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